almost ashamed to post this

4

this is a thing that’s happening now right

Anything I Can Do

Pairing: Wincest
Rating: M
Tags: ABO, knotting, lying for sex

Dean was an Alpha, the pride of John’s bloodline. He was proud, that it showed. Sam, whom everyone expected to present as an Alpha, continued to disappoint his father. Even when he’d turned 18, the final marker for most, he was still an unimpressive, neutral Beta.

Keep reading

She takes his hand.

So an anon asked me to draw “Eliza by Ham’s aide after the duel“, I’m pretty sure you meant the duel vs Burr but this is more painful.

I need to stop twisting what the requests mean.

well since you all think this is nothing to be ashamed of, I’m going to brag:

I almost did this post in the format of a shoplifting blog and then I thought better of it so. Obviously, all of my books are paid for. Legally. Proudly. I love my books. Take a look!

Starting small: some childhood favorites (except the middle one, which is just by a children’s author I adore)

Some great adventuring and swashbuckling - adding to and finishing up a couple favorite series:

Brian Jacques. Always.

The Invention of Hugo Cabret and Wonder Struck. ^_^

I now own the entire Squire’s Tale series! *squee* If you have never read these books, please don’t let the awful cover art fool you. They. Are. Amazing. I flippin love these Arthurian retellings. (Also, please do not confuse Gerald Morris with Gilbert Morris. Gerald’s writing is better. Just my two cents.)

Christian Fiction of the type that is actually worth reading: The Warden and the Wolf King is a gift for a friend, since I already own the whole series myself. XD I still do have a soft spot for Donita K Paul. And Andrew Klavan is phenomenal. Crazy Dangerous is a little freaky for my tastes, but the ending is excellent.

Aaaaaaaaaand, saving the best for last!

NOT ONE BUT TWO BRANDON SANDERSON NOVELS!!! My sister found Firefight for me, she already owns a copy. ^_^ *squee*

That’s it for the books. I have some other non-book finds too. I’ll brag about them in another post. But here’s the whole haul:

Cost to moi? About $50. The two Brandon Sanderson novels alone would be that much new. Score!

3

I almost didn’t post these pictures because I was ashamed of wearing make up, but today I realized there is nothing wrong with being feminine , there is nothing wrong with wearing make up. So here are a few photos of me wearing make up for the first time in years.
Protect feminine men.

I hesitated posting this so many times. I captured this while in the process of getting dressed after my echocardiogram last week.

My first reaction was shame and disgust at my disabled body. I’m very skinny these days… You can see my ribs up and down. I have no bum left, I’ve lost a lot of muscle definition too. And in all the years I was overweight my stomach never looked like THIS.

When I agreed to a feeding tube last year I was told that it should help with most of my gastrointestinal symptoms. For some reason, I at least expected it to help with swelling and bloating. Sadly, I’ve only had a minor reduction in symptoms; mostly, no longer vomiting all the time. I wake up and my stomach is the flattest it’s ever been (as long as I’m on my back but that’s a whole other issue about my abdominal muscles and how they can’t do their job). The moment I flush my feeding tube with water and start my feeds this is what my stomach turns into. It’s swollen 2-3 times its size, it’s disfigured. It is disabled, just like many other parts of me. I’m not ashamed of those parts for being disabled, why am I ashamed of this? It is obviously deeply tied to self image, vanity. But that in turn is deeply tied to what society deems is attractive and beautiful and what people (we) want to look at.

So, here I am, forcing myself AND you to look at my disabled and disfigured stomach. I hope we learn something new together through this. It was not easy for me to share (it took me 9 days), but it feels more important than almost any image I have posted. I am not ashamed to say this took courage.

{please don’t remove my words}

9

Before and After

I am almost too ashamed of the “before” to post this. But I’m hella proud. I was taking pictures Christmas Eve, and, okay, my room has always been a mess. As a toddler, I’d trash it, Mom and family would clean it. I never really learned how to clean, if that makes sense. “cleaning” was synonymous with “fill trash bags as full as possible”. I have problems with hoarding, and a few times my grandmothers would stop by and just clean my room while I was gone at school, which didn’t help. At all. 

Anyway, Christmas Eve, I see these pics, and realize “Yeah, I got a problem here now.” Still, didn’t know how to fix it. Then my therapist suggested UFYH. 

This was a long, steady project. I wouldn’t do less than 20 minutes, but I also wasn’t allowed to do more than 3 20/10’s a day. There’s still room for improvement, but this has been a blessing to me. On really bad days, physically, my 20 minutes was a game of “what all can I pick up with a grabby stick from my bed?” (Turns out, you CAN pick up a ping-pong ball with a grabby stick if you try hard enough! XD)

So yeah. Hella proud of how this looks now, and disregard the mess of the rat cage, it’s still being set-up. ^_^

These are the first horses I made with watercolors. Actually only a month or two ago since I started with this material, before I drawing just with pencil. But I decided to give a little color to my art! And I think it was a very good decision. I’m in love with watercolors! I think I’ve improved a lot since this portrait to “White Storm” Almost this makes me a little ashamed to post it, I see so many failures! hahaha But anyway, an artist is never satisfied with his work :*)