almighty-johnsons

conversation between Dawn and Anders that definitely happened
  • Anders: You might want to be more careful, your cst nearly escaped out the front door!
  • Dawn: He doesn't look familiar to me.
  • Anders: Eh? But this cat is here, in your house.
  • Dawn: He's not my cat.
  • Anders: But he lives here. I've seen the little bowl you have in the kitchen and that scratching post in the hall.
  • Dawn: I don't know what you're talking about.
  • Anders: *picks up the cat* You are Dawn.
  • Dawn: Yes.
  • Anders: And this tag says "Please contact Dawn or Ty if lost"
  • Dawn: It does.
  • Anders: And this tag lives on that cat.
  • Dawn: Yup, it seems to!
  • Anders: Well then this is your cat.
  • Dawn: I don't have a cat.
3

In 1931, a mysterious man of approximately 35-years-old arrived in Fort McPherson, Canada, claiming his name was Albert Johnson. He built a cabin in a remote location near the Rat River and began to make a living as a trapper. Later on in the year, other local trappers began to complain to the authorities that Johnson was sabotaging their traps. The authorities decided they would investigate this report and made their way to the secluded cabin; they weren’t expecting the relentless violence that would follow. 

As the authorities arrived with a search warrant, Johnson shot through the wooden door and an almighty firefight ensued. Johnson kept the authorities at bay and remained inside his cabin for the next nine days, when an RCMP posse arrived to apprehend him on New Year’s Eve. A 15-hour standoff in below-freezing weather then took place. The RCMP used dynamite to blow the cabin up and upon entering to remove what they assumed would be his corpse, they were more than shocked to find Johnson still miraculously alive. He was standing among the wreckage, armed with two guns that he immediately began to fire, before escaping into the woods nearby the cabin. 

On 30 January, 1932, authorities managed to catch up with Johnson, who shot and killed Constable Edgar Millen, before escaping once again. He crossed the Richardson Mountains in the middle of a blizzard and entered Yukon Territory. The news of this extreme manhunt had made it’s way into the media who dubbed him “The Mad Trapper of Rat River.” People were mystified as to how this man could have survived for so long in near 50 below zero weather and two extreme blizzards. It was evident that he wasn’t just your average trapper, that’s for sure. 

On 17 February, the RCMP finally tracked Johnson down at the frozen Eagle River, where he was eventually killed with 9 bullets to the body in a firefight. Bizarrely, following his death it was revealed that Albert Johnson was not his real name. Despite numerous attempts to discover his true identity, he still remains unidentified.

3

Colin: “The thing is, Anders, having made Dawn the face of the city, I’m consumed with the idea that somehow, as I f*ck Dawn, I’ll actually be f*cking the entire city. And you can’t imagine what a turn-on that is, my lord Bragi.”

Anders: “No.

Colin: “A word in her ear. Your sweet powers of persuasion. Just to tip her over the edge.”

Anders: “Never.

Colin: “You hypocrite! You use your powers on her all the time.”

Anders: “Not for this.

~The Almighty Johnsons, 3x08

I feel like Almighty Johnsons is an extremly underrated thing here on tumblr. I mean, we like gods if Thor and Loki are anything to go off of. Especially Norse gods. We like brotherly relationships, judging by Supernatural. We love an attractive, sarcastic bastard, even if we do want to punch him in the face most of the time. We like badass ladies who know how to put a self-absorbed fucker in his place. And I think we could all use a show that isn't constantly trying to rip our hearts out. Just now and then.