allen heinberg

Scandal Review: The Last Supper, Episode 408...

ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

What the fuck was that mess? Who the hell wrote this episode? FIRE THEM, FIRE THEM NOW AND NEVER LET THEM LOOSE ON MY SHOW AGAIN!!!!!

Seriously, how did we go from last week’s perfection to the mess that I just watched?

It’s official, too much Jake ruins the show.

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The above was my original reaction to this week’s Scandal, straight after I watched it.

But, I decided to calm down and watch it again, to see if it was as bad as I thought it was.

It wasn’t quite that bad, but honestly, it wasn’t great. There were a few interesting reveals and developments, but yeah, on the whole, it was definitely lacking. The writers were doing so well too. Allen Heinberg, take your ass back to whence you came. You suck.

PSA - The following review is full of cuss words. Sorry. Well, actually I’m not. Sorry that is.

What I Hated 

1. Captain Dullard

My hate for Jake this episode was off the charts. Man, he is one petty motherfucker. I hate him so much I could cry. Shonda, why are you doing this to us? Please for the love of all that is holy, somebody put a bullet in Jake’s head or let him discover a cult somewhere in Europe and check himself into a commune or something. Anything. Please Scott Foley, find another show to ruin with your mediocre self.

1A.   This infernal fucking triangle.

I hate this triangle so freaking much, it does nothing but diminish Olivia, I hate that the writers can’t just let her choose her damned self and ignore the bickering between Fitz and Jake Dullard. Every time we’re forced to watch this triangle, it totally takes away from the show. Shonda girl, stop. You were doing great, just stop.

2. “When you refer to me it’ll be as Captain Ballard, is that understood?”

Who the fuck do you think you are?? You literally have no job, you have no home, and your salty ass is busy air-drying for the world to see. 

3.   Jake’s habit of trying to measure his dick against Fitz’s by constantly kissing and telling. 

3A.   “You and me, we stand in the sun”

You guys know that I love Olivia Pope, however, for the second time since this show began, I found myself wanting to slap some sense into her.

Can we please retire that worn out phrase now? Can we be done with all references in the sun, and standing in it?  Lest we forget, the sun can also give you cancer.

4. The bomb going off in Andrew’s car.

I think he orchestrated that bomb himself. You noticed that there was no confirmation from West Angola of their involvement? Maybe he set it up to get sympathy from The Big Haired One?

All of this drama and action, and yet Andrew stays being the second most boring character on Scandal.

5. Jake is family?

Since when? Liv, he’s the guy who you screw when things get hard with Fitz, this dude is not your family. Huck is your family, Abby is your family, Jake is a freaking human vibrator! Ugh.

6. “I will be here for you long after these boys reveal themselves to be who they really are”

I didn’t hate this quote per se, but I’ve had enough of Rowan’s fucking never-ending monologues in general.  I do think Rowan’s talking about Jake here though. I think that Jake is still very much under his control, no matter how much he blathers on about killing him.

7. Mellie bursting in and showing way too much concern for Andrew while medical staffers were still in the room.

Ladies and gentleman, this is the smartest person in any room, the genius political strategist. 

8. Andrew and Mellie having sex.

Check out Bellamy’s ‘I’m-not-overacting-at-all, honest’ sex face:

Nice Bra Mellie…

Seriously, it was as dull as it was back in season 3. Remember this breast grab that somehow missed its target entirely?

Lololol. 

Anyway, let’s continue…

9. David Rosen being brought in.

You knew things weren’t going to work out when that happened.

10. “When this is over, you and me at Camp David”

Dude, how about expediting that divorce huh? There’s a time and a freaking place Fitz. Sheesh. Of course my exasperation with his bad sense of timing didn’t stop me from rewinding that scene. For reasons.

11.   “Clients are plenty, friends are few.”

Cyrus forgetting how often he shivs Olivia in the back when it suits him. Let him burn Liv.

12. “Do you have a work related request for me?”

Huck, you need to mind your fucking tone.

13. “I have set people up in exactly the same way, I exploited their lust”

Yes Cyrus, and your husband ended up being killed because of your shenanigans.

14. “I’ve compromised my integrity”

Hold up, who the fuck is Cyrus talking about here, because I sure as hell know it ain’t himself! #Deluded.com

15. “You’re getting me out of here right?”

Jake stays feeling insecure that his penis isn’t big enough to make Olivia choose him over Fitz.

16. The borderline rapey Cyrus/Michael sex scene.

I have no words. No words.

17. Huck taking Javi on a stakeout.

Seriously?  Who didn’t know that that situation wasn’t going to end well?

18. The adolescent bickering between Fitz and The Dull One.

If I was Olivia, I’d have left them to it, and gone for a facial or something.

19.  Javi seeing his dad violently kill a man. Ugh.

19.  Rowan winning. Again. Ugh. 

What I liked

1. Olivia and Fitz being on the same side.

I liked that Jake sat alone at the other side of the table in the bunker. Jake deserves to be alone. Alone looks good on him. Being forcibly removed from my show would look good on him too. 

2. Jake being left in Supermax to twist in the wind, while Olivia and Fitz gladiate.

God I hate him so much.

3. Fitz being the bigger man all episode, while Jake spewed childish shit, and threw his toys out of his crib.

Please somebody shoot Jake Dullard in the head.

4. The scene between Olivia and LizzieBear.

There’s something about watching two (mostly) intelligent woman have a conversational dueling battle. There was equal shade being thrown around and I was here for it. (Unlike when the writers get Olivia and The Big Haired One in a room)

By the way, have you noticed that Portia’s abandoned the southern accent? Lmao. Good call, because it was TERRIBLE.

4A.   “I know you don’t like me.”

Hahahahaha! I nearly died laughing when Olivia didn’t bother to politely refute Lizzie’s claim.

5.   Cyrus begging Olivia for help.

I’m always here for Cyrus with his tails between his legs

6.   “Kiss me Olivia, you know you want to.”

I was here for this little bit of power play from Fitz. He doesn’t do it very often with Liv, but I liked it. That smirk at the end of the scene was er…heartwarming. Lol.

7.   “Do not call me unless you’re in the hospital”

I like this Olivia. A lot.

8.   “I’m the president, who the hell are you.

Hahaha! Shaaaade!

9.   The reveal that Andrew’s been and still is schtupping Lizzie.

I couldn’t work out whether he’s actually been playing Mellie, or if he’s playing Lizzie.

I already suspected that Andrew was shadier than we’d been lead to believe (Hey, this is Shondaland people), but I’m not sure what his end game is? Mellie or the presidency? Or both?

People were so willing to believe that he chose the vice presidency over Mellie for her sake, but I think he’s eyeing Fitz’s presidency, and there was never any danger of him giving up shit for Mellie.  Olivia did tell him that Mellie is a "Run with the big dogs kinda gal”.

Although, in true Scandal fashion, it might turn out that he was doing all this for Mellie, and that he has a warped idea that she could be his first lady if he could just get rid of Fitz. That should work out well for him. 

Anyhoo, so does this mean that Andrew is the one having Olivia watched? If so, why, and who for? For himself, or for somebody else? Soo many questions…

10.   “Keeping a discreet distance because I’m having an affair”

Now, did he mean Mellie or Lizzie?

11.   Elizabeth North, Dan Kubiak, Jeremy Wilmslow, Andrew Nichols connection.

This intrigued me, but I’m too tired to try to even figure out where the writers are going with this.

12.   “The pages, they’re all blank”

David stays losing. Sorry bro. Maybe next time.

13.   The music was on point this episode, between Bad Girls and 'You Got Me Working Day And Night’, I literally got my life.

14.   Liv’s White/cream coat. I want. Desperately.

Predictions

1.   “Because you want to be the one holding the trophy at the end of the game”.

I think Jake’s salty ass was childish enough to scupper their plans so that Fitz wouldn’t get any perceived glory.

I think Jake told Rowan. When Rowan talked about “these men revealing who they are to you” I think he was thinking of Jake. Jake was programmed to fall in love with Olivia, so he can be programmed to do just about anything else. Nothing else would make sense. 

Which probably means that Shonda will go the other way and somehow have Fitz be the one who tells Rowan. That would be insane, but this is Scandal, sooo…

“You wanted to stand in the sun, in the bright white light”

Yep, I think Rowan is talking about Jake. Jake is the turncoat, because otherwise, how does Rowan know these things?  How does he know that Jake begged Olivia to save him?

2.   I think Andrew was the one who told LizzieBear to involve Mellie in their shenanigans. I think he’s on board with her actively trying make Fitz’s life difficult, politically.

Anyhoo, this episode really let down all the good work that came before, especially last week’s stellar episode. Let’s hope that Allan whatshisface quietly goes away.  

By the way, where the hell was Abby this week?  

Because it was such a crappy episode, here are some Claire and Jamie and Fitz and Olivia gifs to cheer us all up. Well, those of us who still think that Olitz belong together anyway…

Get it Jamie!!

You too Fitz!

The thirst is real.

Surfbort. Lol