Right now I feel like I’m in purgatory, nothing is changing or getting any better than it was yesterday. Every day is exactly the same, and every day I contemplate ways to kill myself while acting like nothing is wrong so my girlfriend doesn’t get depressed. She worries about me and takes care of me more than anyone I’ve ever been with, and she honestly believes in my ability to change. She says that she can see who I really am through all of the drugs and that I am capable of almost anything I can imagine. I can imagine her naked, and I can imagine doing some kinky shit with her, and so far I have been very capable. I want to get off of this never ending hamster wheel and escape from this torture. I just did another goofball and it feels just as amazing as the last one I did, and the one before that also. I am listening to Mindless Self Indulgence like I did yesterday and the day before that one also. Will this ever stop? I am losing my mind, and it shows in my inability to write. I love to write and I’m always writing, but lately that isn’t true. She is doing good now, and I’m still in purgatory. Everyone I love goes away and leaves me behind, and I’m glad that they made it out of the trap. I guess this is my fate, and it is one that I deserve.
A while ago my parents were talking about Breaking Bad and how it “glorified drugs” even though they have never watched any of it and probably wouldn’t based on their assumptions about it. That reminded me of antis. Come to think of it, my dad’s general attitude about drugs and drug addicts reminds me of antis. He’ll call literally anyone walking outside a druggie, I get mad at him for talking nasty about strangers like that, and then he bitches to my mom about how I’m defending druggies. Not too long ago, he literally said he wanted all drug addicts to get killed. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. It’s literally the same rhetoric, just slap it into a text post and replace ‘druggies’ with 'pedophiles’. A lot of anti rhetoric would probably be the same as quotes from abusers and generally disgusting people considering the massive amount of overlap there.
The enemy is information. While nothing can ever escape its grasp – this very text is information, exists because of it, makes use of it and creates more of it – challenging its ubiquity and its effects has never been a more urgent and necessary task.
Sure, we need information to understand the world, but the systems we have invented to generate, disperse, translate and consume information have become poisonous. Meant to grease the wheels of freedom, today’s information machines and economies instead have thrown the human mind into a vicious circle of addiction, withdrawal and fleeting satisfaction. Like all drugs, information takes hold of everything, surrounds it, swallows it, clings to it, bludgeons it and spits it back out.
in terms of mental health i havent been very well at all lately and my drug abuse issues are really severe right now so thats why i havent been around much. i will probably remake soon, sorry for any inconvenience
The time has finally come for a FRIENDS reboot, and I propose:
Rachel (Candice Patton): is trying to figure out her life and discovering she is bi as fuck, still looking for a fairy-tale love-story but also decided to work hard as hell, never went to college because she was busy partying and travelling and now she struggles to pay her way through because she’s finally found her passion.
Monica (Jamie Clayton): really hard working, a little mentally ill, certified Mom Friend, she tries out to be in a season of Iron Chef.
Joey (Tyler Posey): terrible actor but a heart of gold, bisexual, stays friends with literally every person he sleeps with, Certified Stoner Friend™.
Ross (Andy Samberg): his fluke romance with Rachel ends up in true friendship, is still BFFs with his ex-wife (played by Brenda Song), really wants to tell you about this cool dinosaur, the Grumpy Dad Friend.
Phoebe (Gina Rodriguez): the weird lesbian friend who has a lot of weird girlfriends through the series, probably ends up with Rachel, will play the ukelele at inappropriate times.
Chandler (John Cho): exactly like the original Chandler, except he’s played by John Cho and everything is good and right.