all-pieces-of-shit

  • Mercy: Alright, alright, I get it. You’re all new, you aren’t sure about your place in the universe, and you all wanna be the healer’s favorite. I can fix this. You two, you sit here, the rest of you you sit here.
  • Team: *change seats*
  • Mercy: Now listen. I know you two are different from each other in a lot of ways, but as far as Gramma Mercy’s concerned, you’re all PIECES OF SHIT! Yeah, *shaking head* I can prove it mathematically. Actually, l-lemme grab my whiteboard. *drags whiteboard in front of team* This has been a long time coming anyway.
  • *later*
  • Mercy: So in conclusion, you’re all equally mercurial, overly-sensitive, CLINGY, hysterical bird-brained homonculi. And I honestly can’t tell the five of you apart half the time because I don’t go by height or age, I go by amount of PAIN IN MY ASS…which makes you all identical!
  • Submitted by dirt-luvs-turts

when you follow a mental illness blog and then they turn their life around and suddenly start reblogging nothing but #recovery and #positivity

like, i came here for memes about my suffering, miss me with that healthy optimism shit

Ambulance abusing drug dealer now gets frequent visit from the cops.

Here’s the back story: I work as a full time Paramedic in a moderately busy service. Recently we have have the pleasure, privilege and honor to be used as a taxi service for an extra special piece of shit, who calls 911 with a variety of fake complaints so he can get a “free” ride from his home 20 miles away to the hospital, where he typically refuses to even go inside and then will simply walk down the street and buy heroin he then takes home and deals to all of his piece of shit friends. Now, I say “free” because an ambulance bill can range anywhere from between $500 - $1000+ dollars depending on the nature of the call, miles driven, etc. One would think this is an expensive taxi ride, and it would be except that this douche nozzle has flat out said to us on multiple occasions that he has no intention of ever paying his bill, and since he has medicaid and has no medically necessary reason for going we won’t even get any money from insurance.

So refuse to take him, right?

Alas if only it were that simple… for those who don’t know, if you call 911 regardless of your complaint (heart attack or toe fungus) we have to transport you if you want to go.

A few weeks ago we went to pick this shit stain up when he called for “chest pain” (he is in his 20’s). We get there and he is standing on his deck, smoking a cigarette and laughing with a very unamused fire fighter. We start talking to him, and when I ask him what he is hoping the ER will do for him today, his response is “uhhhhhhhh… dunno, get evaluated?” Followed by a snarky laugh…

Now, he legitimately does have a history of a recent infection in his heart from using so much heroin himself, however he got booted out of the hospital that was trying to treat him when they caught him sneaking out to buy heroin and then using / deal from his room.

Fast forward back to the present. We (one of my partners and I) took him a couple weeks ago to a different hospital than he usually goes to, after a big long argument with him about his frequent trips and the fact that he has been sometimes refusing to even go inside the ER, telling crews that the nurses are mean to him, he doesn’t feel safe, ect and so forth, before walking out of the ambulance down the street to buy drugs. When I brought this up to him he got super pissy, accusing me of not believing he is sick (which I don’t, because he isn’t) and mistreating him because he is an addict, and blah blah blah.

On a whim I called the hospital he has been using as his designated go to right down the road from his suppliers, and I got a doctor who knew exactly who he was and what his bull shit angle is, and he told us to leave his ass there and not transport him! When he was informed of this he lost his shit, yelling and flipping furniture over and having an all around very amusing temper tantrum before slamming the door to his house.

Now the revenge: my partner I was working with that day told me that, while I was on the phone with the hospital, he went inside his house and came back out stuffing a knife in his pocket. I called our dispatch as well as supervisor and told them about douche canoe, his temper tantrum and knife. They called the Sheriff’s department, who also dispatches the fire department, and they put him on a “House Watch.” What this means is that, from now on, anytime that he calls 911, neither us nor the fire department will come until the police have gone first, regardless of what he is calling for.

Additionally, we talked with our medical director and he is now on a “Call Before You Haul” list, meaning anytime he wants a ride to the hospital we can call a doctor and get permission to refuse to transport him, even if he is requesting (or in his case demanding) transport.

our little family pt.2 | jimin

Pairing: Father! Jimin + Reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst + parent au

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: You were just a pre-school teacher, a simple dream that came true as you always adored children. But what you didn’t know, was how one child and her very special father would change you dream forever.

Parts: 1 2

Warning: Slight cursing 

“Oh come on Y/N! You haven’t been out with us in forever, people are forgetting how you even look!” Your friend whined into the phone as you let out a long sigh, setting your book down unwillingly as you’d been reading it for the last hour.

It had been weeks since your friend, Hani had been begging you to go to the club with her, with you finding a reason to not almost every week.

“But–” you started, an excuse at the tip of your tongue as you had no intention of leaving this book. But she interrupted immediately.

“Nope! Don’t you even start! I’m picking you up in 30 minutes and you’re coming, even if I have to drag you out in your pajamas. So look pretty and get ready to get hooked up babe!”

Before you could protest, Hani ended the call, making you slump against the sofa, a long groan slipping past your lips.

Time to look for a dress tonight.

Keep reading

Look, I know you’re all very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand, as far as im concerned you’re all huge pieces of shit and I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard, this has been a long time coming, anyway and to be honest, I can’t tell you apart most of the time because I don’t go by gender or height, I go about amount of pain in my ass
—  Pidge, who is done with everyone’s shit

honestly tho, imagine how great it’ll be if klance does happen. imagine how mad all these 30 yr old men are going to be. like Yes, dreamworks pls take these two badass main characters that are boys and make them fall in love, make it blatant so they can’t deny it. bonus points if you make them kiss so all these pieces of shit can have a heart attack. IMAGINE if it was a hunk pairing that happens. oh BOY yes, that’d be a big smack in the face for all the fujoshis that stan klance and fetishize the fuck out of their relationship. which is why i propose this: klunk. the ultimate pairing. klunk would save us all.

anonymous asked:

Would you ever talk down on a girl? Or just say positive things about her, even if she broke your heart?

I talk down on girls all the time, lol I’m a piece of shit, but I only do it when given a reason, girls are human, we’re all big pieces of shit, so I’d pretty much talk down on anyone I disapprove of.

omikaul  asked:

Awe man college can be tough. I hope everything works out with your studies your writing and you get plenty of rest and your in good health. Could I please ask for a mini Ravi AU if it's not too troublesome.

thank you!!!

  • designer!ravi
  • designs like haute couture stuff that,,,,,,you probably couldn’t actually wear in real life unless you’re insanely rich and ambitious (think of it as,,,,,,one of ravi’s customers is gdragon)
  • wears some,,,,,interesting outfits of his own but it looks cool no matter what because he’s tall and lean, plus he’s got a full back of tattoos (imagine him with more tattoos yall) 
  • and people might say it doesn’t take a lot of work to design, but ravi literally stays up days working on patterns  and sewing and drawing
  • and he’ll show up to a runway show with red bull and his socks not matching in a complete frenzy because right oh my god today was the show and he forgot um uh did he bring all the pieces??????? of shit he’s missing the shoES HE FORGOT THE SHOES
  • and you’re his secretary, literally trying to keep ravi on schedule for interviews and shows and meeting with customers
  • but also keeping him hydrated and like,,,,,,having tylenol in your back pocket in case a party with any customers gets a Little Much
  • and it’s the first day of one of his shows in seoul and ravi is doing a last minute touch up on model ken when he literally turns to you
  • and you’re like ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ravi,,,,,,,,,,your nose is bleeding
  • and he’s like shit i can’t get it on the pants - oh i got it on the pants ITS RUinED
  • and you run over and you’re like “it’s ok just,,,,,,,cut it out???” and ravi looks at you like you’re out of your mind
  • and you’re like “holes are in style???? designer taehyung is known for them-”
  • and ravi is like “really, you’re amazing and beautiful but that’s not a good idea”
  • and you’re like “im sorr- wait what”
  • and ravi, whose not thinking straight is like, and me the scarf from my bag
  • and you do and he ties it around ken’s thigh where the stain is and you’re also like trying to get a napkin to ravi’s nose
  • and it’s a mess but ken is up and ready to walk the runway
  • and he winks at you like “amazing and beautiful secretary,,,,,,ravi is laying it on thick” and you’re like GO before i kick you
  • and you turn back to ravi and you’re like sit down put your head back because of the blood
  • and as he does ravi reaches out to take your hand and he’s like “thanks for being by my side” and you’re like,,,,,,i,,,,,it’s no problem!!!!!
  • and when he tilts up his head,,,he’s blushing and his deep voice kinda wavers but he’s like “i,,,,meant it,,,,,,you really are,,,,amazing ,,,, to me”
  • you: “and beautiful?”
  • ravi getting even more red “Y-ye,,,yes,,,,,,,oh god im gonna have another nose bleed”
  • you running to get more tissues for your boss,,,,,,,and future boyfriend hehe
Look, I know you’re all very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand, as far as I’m concerned you’re all huge pieces of shit and I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard, this has been a long time coming, anyway and to be honest, I can’t tell you apart most of the time because I don’t go by gender or height, I go about amount of pain in my ass
—  Michaela Pratt
friendly reminder! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

this is NOT a ~safe space~ for l*ttles, dd*lg/c*gl blogs, or supporters so pls do me a favor and fuck off!! i think u are all disgusting pieces of shit. u think u will slip under my radar if u follow me but u won’t so stop trying. ur all trash. have a gr8 day!!!

Look, I know you’re all very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand, as far as im concerned you’re all huge pieces of shit and I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard, this has been a long time coming, anyway and to be honest, I can’t tell you apart most of the time because I don’t go by gender or height, I go about amount of pain in my ass.
—  Shuuhei, to C3
Look, I know you’re all very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand, as far as im concerned you’re all huge pieces of shit and I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard, this has been a long time coming, anyway and to be honest, I can’t tell you apart most of the time because I don’t go by gender or height, I go about amount of pain in my ass.
—  Gardienne at some point, probably
A Night In - Elijah Mikaelson

Request: Can you do a sorta fluffy one shot of Elijah from the originals? Can it be that you’re really having a terrible day and when you get outta work Elijah is waiting there to pick you up to bring you back to the compound where he surprises you with a nice quiet evening in? ((Anon))

Warnings: None? Emotional commitment? a bad day at work?

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x reader

Originally posted by elijah-daily

—–

“Hey, I need these processes by Wednesday.” Your boss places another file full of paperwork on your desk. You suppress the desire to punch him.

“Okay.” He walks out, shutting the door behind him.

“Fuck you asshole, process your own paperwork you lazy fuck.” You curse him out from behind the door as you sign yet another document.

Today was just not your day. First, the hot water heater in the compound is broken so you had a cold shower, then your hair just wouldn’t go how you wanted it to, and finally, your boss had decided that today he was going to receive the award for biggest asshole ever.

So yeah, it was not going well. You were desperately waiting down the clock, ready to punch out as soon as the clock hit 4:00. You tear out of the building so fast you barely get time to say goodbye to Luke, the front desk man, before you’re out the door.

You tap your fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as you sit in after-work traffic. The radio was playing quietly and the sun was setting behind your car. You relax back into your seat, the warmth of your car made you feel better. That is until, someone in the car behind you beeps their horn.

“Jesus fuck-!” You curse as you sit straight up again and look around you. The traffic still wasn’t moving.

“Hey asshole! Fuck you!” You beep your horn at him and throw your hand out the window, whipping him off.

“We’re all waiting you piece of shit!"  Road rage, just what you needed.

"Fuck that guy.” You sigh and put the window back up, closing your eyes and trying to relax again. Your phone starts ringing and you dig around in your purse to find it.

“Hello?” You mutter angrily into the phone.

“Well hello to you too, beautiful.” You sigh when you hear Elijah’s voice.

“Hi, sorry, I haven’t been having a good day.” You can hear him walking up the stairs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Elijah asks. You sigh.

“Not really, just keep the house warm for me, yeah?” He hums.

“Of course.” You smile. Traffic starts to move.

“I love you. I’ve gotta get off, traffic’s starting to move now.”

“I love you too.” You hang up and start to drive.


-

When you get home, Elijah is sitting on the couch. He’s not wearing his suit, instead he’s wearing sweatpants and a tee shirt. You kick off your shoes and tell him you’ll be down in a minute, you wanna get changed into something comfy. You finally get down stairs, baggy tee shirt, pj shorts and fuzzy socks, he’s still waiting.

You smile at him and lay down with him, your head on his chest. He pulls a blanket over you and flicks on the TV, displaying Harry Potter and The Sorcerers Stone. You smile and snuggle into him more.

“So what did you do today?” He runs a hand through your hair as you talk.

“I finished hiring the contractors for the work here, helped Hope with her math, and I had the water heater fixed.” You draw shapes on his covered chest dormantly as he talks.

“Oh thank god you thought of getting the heater fixed.” You say as he turns the TV down.

“Some of the bedrooms are cleared out as well, the furniture is coming tomorrow.” You smile and shuffle up to get level with him.

“I love you.” He brings his hand up to your cheek.

“I love you too.” He pulls you down to kiss him and you kiss him back, only breaking it when you smile again.