all this hard work is worth it

Studying, Why Med School is Hard, and Sexism and Racism in Medicine

How do u study in premed and medical school? What studying methods worked for u? - anon

Here’s a post I wrote about that a while back. 

What makes medical school hard? Also what makes it all worth it? -anon

I think the speed and volume at which the material is thrown at you is what makes med school really hard. Plus there’s dealing with the emotions of being exhausted, feeling stupid, seeing difficult social situations, seeing people suffer and die, and healing people that makes it sort of a roller coaster. Everyone has to find their own thing that makes it “worth it” for them, though. Every doctor’s answer will be different. 

Do you feel that racism and sexism is a problem in the medical field today? - anon

Yes and yes. I think they’re a problem on both the patient and the doctor side. Of course there’s numerous examples in history of unethical medical experimentation on minorities. Back in the day blacks were used disproportionately more frequently than whites for sketchy medical experimentation, and some doctors pushed forward so-called “medical” theories about white racial purity and superiority. Hello, eugenics didn’t start in Nazi Germany - it started here in America. We have a long history of racism in medicine. It still happens today. It’s well documented that doctors tend to underestimate pain in women and people of color (particularly black people). Even many medical trials now are performed on white men and the results are wrongly generalized and applied to women and non-white races. As for our patients, I’ve seen tons of them who missed out on being treated by excellent doctors because they refused to be seen by a “lady doctor” or “one-a them foreigners”. I could go on and on about this. Yes, it’s still a problem. And as for sexism, don’t even get me started. Just click on that second “yes” above and read that super long post with 2,000+ notes and check out the comments and reblogs from dozens of women about their experiences of sexism in medicine. 

THE WAY THAT TERU HAS DEVELOPED IS THAT HE’S STARTED LIKING HIMSELF FOR THINGS THAT ARE GENUINELY WORTH LIKING HIMSELF FOR. he sees things much more objectively and sees his own skills as things that hes worked hard on and hey he shouldnt have to hide that at all! he flaunts his improvement around too like a trophy and hes actually worked hard and u know what??? i may joke around but i have to admire that i mean he’s come a long way he should be happy he’s got a right to brag his talents like fuck!!

Back on Wagon Planning

April 7th I’m having dinner with my parents. 12 days away.

April 9th We might be going to a festival Ben’s ex’ll be at which is great motivation for me to feel good about myself and the body I’m in. (sorry, but motivation like this motivates me. i’m a monster.) 14 days away. ( @zerocarb please come with me!!)

April 11th is the 100th day of my 2017 challenge! Originally when I was going to be ‘done’ but I am not feeling that plan anymore. 16 days away.

1. I am letting all of my frenemy bullshit go because she is not worth it and I’ve been working too hard to let it all drop now, of all times. 

2. I am going to be drink-free for the next 4 nights, with one allowance this weekend. Then sober for the first week of April. For real.

3. I am going to log+weigh everything, again. 1100 calorie net cap-off, spend the first week of April really trying for an intake of 1400-1600 and an output of 500-600. 

4. See how I do with keto for the first week, but allow myself late night carbier snacks if money becomes an issue which it will. (we have a popcorn machine in our house and popcorn costs nothing so it’s more realistic than bacon at times.)

5. Continue with 100 pushups a day, 100 squats a day.

6. Run 110 miles in the month of April! (But first finish 100 for the month of March, which I will.)

7. As much as it sucks, start/continue weighing myself every day to see what works. Still hoping for 124 by the end of the month, 123 by April 7th. Time to really be honest with myself.

I don’t know why this was in list form, but this is how I want to get back into it. I love the start of a new month. I had such high hopes for March because I thought I was going to be sober for half of it, and I botched that up bad. I learned a lot though, and am taking things a little slower in that direction. Not going to waste my last week feeling sorry for myself. I feel like a lot of people dropped their intentions this weekend, myself fully included, and it’s really motivating to see everybody so gung-ho again today! It would be really easy to just quit now and wait for summer to just happen to me, but no!!!!

You can eat all the veggies you want and work out as hard as you ever have, but if your mind isn’t healthy then you’ll never feel right. 

Okay, so I didn’t want to post this yet, but I really really REALLY wanna show you guys what I’ve been working on for months. AND since it’s Aaliyah’s birthday… might as well post it lol. So SURPRISE!!! I’ve been working on an animation of Aaliyah! This was supposed to be for the 20th anniversary of her album ‘One In A Million’ in August, but let me tell you something… animating is hard, and it takes a lot of hard work. Even with my hand cramping right now, it’s all worth it. And that’s what Aaliyah taught me. My passion is art, and even though the work is painful, or it makes me bone-tired, it’s all worth it because just seeing something that I created come to life, it’s the best feeling in the world honestly. So, yeah it’s not fully finished yet, but I am planning to finish it by the end of this month or next month. Just wanted to show you guys what I was working on, and that none of this would be possible if it wasn’t for Babygirl and her music. I’ve been listening to her music for over 20 years, since I was little (and her music video, ‘One In A Million’ was the first video I’ve seen of hers on MTV lol), and she was the only artist I really admired, and her music helped me find what I truly love doing, and I thought an animation would be a perfect tribute for me to pay my respects and thank her for inspiring me and millions of other fans out there. 

Happy Birthday, Miss Aaliyah!! Love you and miss you always!!!! 😘💕

Quote by Hillary Clinton.


cozy sweater, faded distressed jeans, old art sculpture textbooks, pens, and this week’s bullet journal spread // Well, I survived finals week. Had two weeks of pure hell in preparation, studying my ass off every night… but the sleep you have after all the chaos is SO worth it. I haven’t worked this hard in a really long time, so despite what the output of my finals are on my grades, I have to say I’m really proud of myself!

Now Playing: Running If You Call My Name- HAIM

 Day 1 of 30 days of encouragement!

There are times we bound to meet problems and troubles, and there are times we ask or tell ourselves: “Is it worth it?”, “This is not working.” , “Why am I so hopeless?” , “Maybe I should just give up,”

But honestly, we might just be that close to our goals before we decide to give up for once and for all. Hard work never lies or cheat you, and they will definitely pay off.

The only way to reach your goal is to stop telling yourself that you can’t do it. Only you have the control to do what you want and tell yourself what you want to hear.

Like the post said, your only limit is you.

Jackson in Washington DC: All we ever wanted, is IGOT7 to be respected by other people. That’s all we want. That’s why we work hard everyday. That’s why even though we’re tired, even though we can’t sleep, we don’t eat like 3 meals a day, it’s worth it. It’s worth it, we want you guys to be respected you know, we want you guys to be not embarrassed by other people, we want you guys to go anywhere this world and be like ‘I’m IGOT7!’


I am so excited!!! This little book (well, 264 pages) has been about 9 months in the making, and it’s finally done. Good grief.

Basically, many of my friends at my undergrad university did Creative Writing with me, and for our final project we had to write a 6k word short story and 2k critical commentary - which, by the way, as someone who has done a Master’s since and written a 20k thesis, was just as hard as writing a standard dissertation. As a surprise to everyone, I sneakily got copies of everyone’s short stories by pretending I just wanted to read them and compare them to mine, and I made them all into an anthology, which I gave to everyone at graduation. It was a really fun project to work on, even though it took ages to proof read the entire thing and design the cover and cry over Word formatting. We called ourselves the Come Along Collective because ‘come along’ was kind of a catchphrase of ours and ‘collective’ sounded professional and artistic. Sue us, we had degrees in this shit.

In June last year, about 3 years after we graduated, we met up (a pretty big deal, seeing as one of us now lives in the US!) and decided to do another anthology. Without the immediate option of including our conveniently timed university dissertation equivalents, we agreed that it would be really fun if we all wrote a short story of between 4-15k words - this is actually why I wrote Here, the World Entire, which appears in this anthology in a slightly shorter form! Since I made that first anthology back in 2013 our friendship group has changed a little, and so one contributor to the first anthology isn’t in this one and we have a new contributor, but that’s OK; it kind of charts the progression of everyone’s experiences since university.

So, over the past 9 months or so, we all wrote a story each, and everyone put their all into their stories, despite being 23-25 now and not having the luxury of time that we used to have, and honestly, the stories are amazing. There’s not a single one in there that I wouldn’t read in a literary magazine. One person didn’t do Creative Writing and was really worried about their story not matching up to the others, but it absolutely does. I did a little cry when I read it because it was so good and the writer didn’t think it was (I think they are now aware that they are actually super talented and should definitely write more). That was one of the reasons I’m so happy to have this physical copy as proof that it’s done, and people who thought they couldn’t do it did do it, and they did it fabulously, because every single person wrote something phenomenal.

There was one person in the group who wasn’t able to write anything because they had a lot going on in their life, and so the rest of us prepared a SUPER SECRET SURPRISE, complete with a secret Facebook group chat (which was literally titled THE ONE THAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP SECRET) in which we collaborated and wrote a story for her instead so that she would still have a story in the anthology. One person wrote a section, then handed it to the next person, and so on. It turned out to be an absolutely hilarious story involving Emily Blunt as an evil sorceress, Jez and Mark from Peep Show as couriers, and our old landlord as an arch villain. It’s pretty rad, not going to lie. That person still gets their name on the cover because the story wouldn’t have been written without them; we basically tried our best to put that person’s personality into a narrative, and that’s why it’s so weird. They are weird, is what I’m saying.

This whole thing was a massive labour of love for all of us. I was literally proof reading it on lunch breaks, and taking graphic design assignments at work so that I could practice for when I made the cover (which I think looks snazzy, if endearingly off-kilter). Everyone was hugely supportive of one another, giving each other prompts and feedback whenever anyone got stuck, and it was such a fantastic experience to make it from start to finish. I’m so, so proud of the end product, and I’m excited to see what our next one will look like!

I have also prepared a super secret special surprise of my own for everyone within this anthology, which I won’t disclose here just in case any of them happen upon this post. It’s rad, though. I’m excited for everyone to see it.

This isn’t available for commercial purchase or anything like that, but it’s a personal project that’s been taking up a lot of my time lately (in a good way!) and it’ll be kind of sad not to have this to work towards. Still, onto the next thing!

i know it’s long but i promise it’s worth the read <3

“someone once told me, your poem doesn’t start until you start telling the truth. so i call this my first poem”.

let me tell you what i learnt about people.  no, not people in general, but the hard ones.  i don’t mean complicated or troubled, but hard as in tough, in all the wrong places.

when they flash you with a smile like the sun that creeps through your window when you just wake up, you know you should look away because it hurts your eyes, but you look anyways.  it shines, in all the rooms in your body that are lacking light.

so when they see you smiling back, they will string a constellation of pretty words along your spine, making you feel like they are the reason you are standing so bright,

and when you put a welcome sign in front of your heart,

that’s when they jaywalk through your chest

even though they have no intentions of staying

yet they will stay long enough for you to hand over your heart, like a piece of gold you’ve been treasuring your whole life,

and carelessly they take it because you are the type of gold they need to experience having-

so even though they know they will hurt you, they place you between their dirty fingers and

tell you something along the lines: “I’ve never felt so rich, like i have everything right here”.

and you want to say

“baby, you have everything, everything i am, right there, in that palm, please be careful”

but instead you kiss them and they kiss you back

and their hands start wandering the map of your body and all you could think of is

travelling never felt so cheap

but you let them,

And their mouth starts eating you up like you are every craving needed to satisfy their taste buds

and you let them,

because this is how you make a man happy. this is how you make a man love you.

and that’s when everything changes.

when they feel every edge that you handed over, when they touch every inch you offered humbly, when they get a good look at everything, your skin and bones and pulse and dust, when they realize how much this is,

how much of an earthquake and storm and tragedy you are,

it shakes them with the realization that the sun sets, and the shine isn’t permanent;

that’s when everything changes.  

that is when the pretty words start unraveling like the peal of a tangerine and the void of what they have to offer you back

hits your spine so hard you become one with the pavement and you wonder if you could ever get back up.

and when you realize they have no strength to help you back on your feet, when the fight and courage you thought they had isn’t there, they will leave you after saying something like “i can’t make you happy” and “you will find better than me”.

you will lie there, naked and cold and empty, and cry so hard your eyesight will be so blurry like your windshields don’t work and it’s raining so much but you keep going,

hoping the storm in your eyes would convince them to

come back. come back because if not, i don’t want this storm to ever end, i don’t want to see if you aren’t there to be seen.

you will ask why they did it. why did they come back, begging your love when they had no intention of loving you back.  no intention of keeping your gold heart safe,


after using it up, they throw it out like an old pair of jeans, although once a favourite,

and they will say,

“it just didn’t fit anymore”

like that makes all the sense in the world

and they won’t even look you in the eyes,

instead they will get angry that you are hurting.

they will try to settle the aches by telling you how much you meant to them, and how they had to give it another try just because

"it’s you. and it’s you and me”.

they will tell you something along the lines that

it’s not your fault, they just can’t love you, like their heart isn’t capable

and you just want to scream because you can’t understand

how a person can be so selfish that they had to manipulate you into loving them, only so they can experience a person with a heart likes yours, loving them.  how they admired your gold so much, they risked shattering it by taking it out of the safest place it can be placed in, knowing their body is a war zone. How their curiosity was more important than your togetherness. You wonder how selfish and hard a person must be to drink you from a shot glass they know they can’t handle, and when they throw you up the day after, how they just walk away without cleaning up the mess,

you wonder how a single moment like this can make you question the significance of your existence.

and that’s when everything changes.

they warn you

“i never lose”

and you realize it was always a game to them.  

how they watched you sacrifice and sacrifice and

give and give. how they just watched.

one minute they are holding you in their arms, as the beauty of the moon and the wishes of the stars melt onto their chest, and they are promising you mountains and oceans,

and the next they have you bowing to their toes, as they make you into nothing but the dirt that dirties their bare feet.

that’s when they walk away by walking over you like you are nothing but a spec of their past, something not worthy to be moved forward with.  one moment, they want to spend the rest of their life with you, but then, the moment they feel a little bit of fear and insecurity tingling in their throat, they pretend you are choking them and run away. without even having the decency or respect to let you go with kindness. gentleness. dignity.

and this is what i learnt when i learned about people like this:

after all this. after all the pulling and pushing. the grabbing and letting go.  the playing and carelessness.  The apathy. the taking and taking and taking .

This is what I learnt:

you are not a man because you claim to be one.


when you do not know or recognize the value of a human heart, you should not be going around collecting them, to make up for the lack of yours.

they are not prized possessions.

when you cannot take responsibility for the scars you left on the body you undressed, played with, and then abandoned,

when you constantly look for fault in others to keep your ego untouched,

when your pretty words are nothing but pretty words, keep them.  stop spreading them around, making hearts believe you mean them, when the coward in you won’t make actions out of them.

this is what you taught me:

it is easier to spread my legs open with your bare hands, than to spread my skin open with your bare heart.  

strength is defined by pride and how many calls you can ignore and how many messages you can dismiss,

instead of picking up that phone, being the first call, the first message to say


i’m sorry.

to the love that comes back after it was once lost-

this time, her pieces aren’t being picked up. they aren’t being put back together into human form so you can return back to again when it’s convenient for you.

this time, she’s letting her pieces spread like dandelion seeds from wishes she now knows won’t come true but it’s okay-

this time,

she’s flying.

and this, is how you lose her.

GOT7 has truly outdone themselves and broke all their own records… 2 days worth of Arrival sales has already bypassed a week of sales for Turbulence. Arrival is also #3 on Worldwide iTunes Album Chart! and the music video reached 1 million views in 5 hours! congrats ahgases for all your hard work! it’s paid off!!! Let’s continue giving our love and support to GOT7 💘💘💘


Live with me forever now,

pull the blackout curtains down. 

We could be immortals.

-Immortals - Fall Out Boy

(Click pics to enlarge)

Encounter.. Cross meets the Wild..?

 I had a vision and I absolutely had to animate this. 

Welp took me a whole day for… 11 seconds. Yup. Animation is hard people. But it was all worth it! Aaaand I didn’t even use flash.. all done in clip studio paint~ Even though there’s no v-cam, I can work my way without one :’D But the fact the gif ruined the blizzard effect.. oh well..XD

Anywho, I hope ya enjoy the rough and raw meat seconds of this short animation <3  

Also what the text says if you can’t read it:   Wild: You seem lost… 

Art, Wild!sans /c/ @metalphoenixx 

Cross!Sans /c/ @jakei95 @underversesans


 For the past 3 years we had a lot of schedules. Honestly we were tired  , and couldn’t have  enough sleep , Even we need start  to work without having meals.  Honestly it was really hard / difficult. But when we ask ourselves, whether we are happy?  Yes we are .Are we happy to be working as singers? Yes we are, And asking ourselves is this all worth it? Yes its all worth it. Its because all of you IGOT7 , for you guys its worth it, work hard with our lifes because of you guys.

Jackson ending speach . Macau 15.01.2017

Happy 3 years together  ♡.

cr.trans @daisyyfields/@tiffany

When I started this blog, I didn’t know how to study. I was a straight A student in high school, without any effort, but when I got to university I was failing, failing, failing. So I joined the studyblr community to learn how to study, how to achieve again. My lack of success caused my self-esteem to plummet, and I ended up anxious and depressed. All my life, I’d been told I was “smart”, “intelligent”, “clever” and “gifted”. It never occurred to me that success was something I had to earn, rather than something which would be handed to me by fate.

I never really talked about, how poisonous it is when you’re in that somewhat arrogant frame of mind. How you become jealous of others, who are successful and intelligent through their hard work, how it feels as if they’re taking what was owed to you. That toxicity brews and grows, dissolving your self-worth, because if you’re not smart then you are worth nothing. 

My anxiety and depression, my failures, have (thankfully) now taught me otherwise. Although I feel behind, because while my peers were working and studying hard I was stewing in my misery and entitlement, I feel more capable and in control. I know that my intelligence and mental ability are not some once-off, limited quantity, pre-determined stamp on my self, but are flexible and able to grow and change. I am limited to complete success (somewhat) by my mental and physical health, my lack of gender and racial privilege, but I am in control of the work I put in, my attitude towards others, my time and my happiness. I am in control of my self-worth.

So yes, I do want to achieve. I want to get a Ph.D and work for NASA (if it survives the Trump disaster), I want to travel and have a successful writing and scientific career. I want to blog and have a bit of glamour in my life. But, I no longer feel like the world owes me those things just because - by some arbitrary definition of being able to do well at tests at high school - I’m “smart”. 

I want to work for my success.

Today, I tried.
That’s enough.