all the scotties

could you imagine The Enterprise having like a yearly inspection and Kirk bugs out every time because the best running ship in the fleet certainly doesn’t become so because they follow the rules. He has to remind the crew a week in advance to actually call him Captain and use formal titles. Bones and Scotty’s shared bathroom which is one hundred percent a liquor cabinet/distillery cannot be a thing. Sulu has to collect all of his plants out of everywhere that’s not the Botany Labs and hide the illegal ones he picked up during their journey in his quarters. Scotty has to remove all of his Scotty-Approved-Modifications from Engineering. Spock can’t work four shifts in a row and break the ensigns that challenge him in the gym to sparring matches. Bones can’t medically offer alcohol to anybody. Uhura needs to not curse every ten minutes, in any language. Chekov needs to focus more on his console and less on every pair of legs walking by his station. 

6

ACTUAL LONG-SUFFERING SINGLE DAD CHRISTOPHER PIKE

Acting Captain’s log, Stardate 4523.3. 

I dinnae know why the captain returned with a ripped shirt while the rest of the away team look perfectly fine. They landed on Tribble Planet. There’s nothin’ but Tribbles there. Doctor McCoy looks mighty peeved and Mr. Spock hasn’t spoken since their return. The Captain looks pleased with himself. Why am I still on this ship. Help.

But I mean, from Scott’s point of view, he’s listened to his best friend talk non-stop for the past 10 years about how much he loves this girl that doesn’t even notice him. And now he’s watching them finally together.
Like if course he’s fucking proud and happy for them, its Scott McCall!

4

i wanted a bby bones but then the crew happened. (aos pls cast a bby bones)

10

“I gotta tell you, this is…I think this is the best one of the three that we’ve won. You know, our team just played—I thought we played so well. Everybody played so well. We got stronger with each round, we got better. I thought winning once was great but…I don’t know why this one’s the best. This one is so good.” (x)

SpockFact #66

Spock’s hearing, like all Vulcans’, is extremely acute. He is able to hear a whisper from across the room with no trouble and can identify how many people are walking in the halls in the level above him with only minor effort. Knowing this, whenever the Vulcan is being especially irritating, Bones makes sure to ask Scotty for a demonstration on his bagpipes.

leafs fans: our rookies aren’t rookies anymore :((
me: *still calling olli maatta (who’s played 4 years in the league and won a cup) a rookie* oh

Word Count: 3122
Author’s Note: I had two Scotty requests come in nearly back to back. One was for ‘Scotty lovin’, and the other, from @hesgonnalovethis requested a fic where the reader was younger than Scotty, and had to convince him the age difference wasn’t a terrible thing. I hope I’ve met both these requests in this fic. Enjoy!
P.S. Ensign Stabby is not my original idea. I saw one of the many ‘humans are the scariest aliens’ posts a while ago that referenced Ensign Stabby, and thought it was exactly the kind of shenanigans they would get up to in Engineering. So please know that I totally borrowed that, and credit belongs elsewhere!!!


The Enterprise was the most coveted assignment in the entire fleet, and you’d managed to pull an assignment on the ship as your very first out of the Academy. You couldn’t have been more thrilled. Or at least, you thought you couldn’t be more thrilled. Then you met your supervisor, and you were even more excited. Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott was a rising star in Starfleet, and was approaching living legend status, just as most of the other senior crew were.

You reported to Engineering and were astonished to discover the man himself waiting to welcome you.

“Ensign Y/L/N?” He asked, as you walked into Engineering. You nodded. “Welcome to the Enterprise. I expect you’ll want to settle into your quarters? Follow me.”

He led you to your room, firing off random information about the ship as the fixtures in the halls prompted him. He keyed in the authorization to open your quarters, and showed you in.

“These are your quarters. Keenser’s are on your left and Kevin’s are on your right. You’ll learn to not mind Kevin, he has a thing against pants. Your replicator has standard programming, but I’m sure you figured out how to rig them in your first year at the Academy. If you’re having problems with getting it set for your preferences, I can give you a hand,” he rambled. He almost seemed nervous. “Laundry and housekeeping bots come through on odd days. Keep an eye out for Ensign Stabby.”

“Ensign Stabby?” You echoed.

“It’s a floor cleaning robot, and a group of junior engineers thought it would be amusing to equip it with a blade,” Scotty explained, lifting the cuff of his pants slightly. There was a sharp tear in the leather of his boot.

“And you call it Ensign Stabby?” You wrinkled your brow.

“He’s a right ornery wee bastard, too,” Scotty nodded. You shook your head and sighed. It seemed the Enterprise wasn’t that much different that the Engineering dorms at the Academy.

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