in SU something i really want to just. see more of is how OTHER PEOPLE are mourning rose.
we see it with pearl. every single time. over and over. sometimes we see it with greg but even then it became more about how pearl was mourning. im not saying she isnt allowed to mourn, im just. look im tired of watchign everyone else’s emotions be pushed aside by the narrative so pearl can mourn more and more (and yes, this being said by a very mentally ill person– i get what mourning is like and having no control over your emotions. but pearl isnt a person shes a character in a story. the writers make all these decisions)
i wanna see more of garnet being forced to be the leader. how unsteady she was. how she felt as the future she always saw quickly became replaced by a future where rose didn’t exist anymore. how amethyst reacted to hearing rose, someone she always knew, one of the only constants shes always had, wouldn’t be around anymore–ever again. did garnet feel guilty? if she drove greg away this wouldnt happen, but also rose wouldn’t be happy. was amethyst not enough? amethyst could try being a baby if thats really what rose wanted and greg and her could just raise her instead of rose going away forever. garnet heard that some humans cant have a child on their own so they could get a human baby no one wants anymore right?
and i wanna see all this without pearl being or turning into the main focus. she can be there. she can cry. she can rest her hands on their shoulders. she can say “i understand. im sorry i haven’t–i haven’t let you grieve have i? i am so used to feeling like rose’s everything i forgot how much she meant to you and i’m sorry. i want to hear you out, i want to hear about how you feel”
i would legit rather watch this than see that cursed fucking barn again okay
i’m at that point where i try to study but i physically can’t bring myself to so i get really stressed and i dont know if i care too much or i dont care at all but it makes me overwhelmed and all i want to do is sleep
me this morning when i saw i had 1k followers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (WHAT)
ty guys so much im IN TEARS im honestly just a humble farmer tending to my crops making an HONEST living in my little cottage and u guys LIKE MY POSTS and it makes me feel so happy!!!!!!!!!!!! tysm to everyone that replies to my posts and interacts with me!!!!!!!! (& even if u dont ty for choosing to follow me thats such a cute thing 2 do) ur all cuties and i appreciate u all so much!! thank u ;_; i CANT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!! im crying
I hate masculine culture. I hate that as boys, we’re raised to be without emotions. I hate how we’re supposed to be “strong” and “fearless” and not give a fuck. I hate it because i feel guilty when I’m emotional. I feel like a pussy when i cry because i cant handle the intensity of my emotions, when i shouldn’t feel like that at all. I hate people who push us men to be ignorant towards our feelings. I hate that crying is shown as a sign of weakness when its not. Crying is the strongest thing you can do because in that moment, you’re feeling everything, and you’re accepting it. Im not soft. Im a fucking human just like everyone else who cant handle things that well thats all, and i shouldn’t be looked down on for doing so.
CAN I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT JOHN’S LITTLE SPEECH?
I’ll say it anyway.
He is asking Sherlock for a miracle and he underlines the fact that Sherlock should do it for him. You just have to read it. He said “For me” and then he repeats it saying “Just for me”. And I think he said that first of all cause he cant live without Sherlock, he just cant live without the only person he is in love like never before and also becaUSE HE THINKS HE IS A GOOD REASON FOR SHERLOCK TO BE ALIVE AND DO A MIRACLE. I mean, John said “just for me” and im absolutely sure he means “just for me, Sherlock. If you cant find a reason to come back do it for me cause im here and i want you back. For me. Cause i need you and i love you. Do it for me. Let me be the reason why you want to live again. Cause you are the reason why im alive. I want to be yours.”
Now I’m crying.
(If someone else just pointed it out before god bless you. I’m just seeing it now and I share it. Cause of the feels. And the heartbreak. And the pain.)
“As i lay in my bed i cant seem to stop the tears rolling down my face,
Im crying like the mess i am for a number of reasons but they’re all to do with you,
I miss you so much it pains me,
I miss your smell,
I miss the sound of your voice,
I miss the way your hand perfectly fits into mine,
I miss the way you made me feel safe,
I miss the way you just stared at me in the morning and hugged me so tight as if i was going to run away,
I miss the way you held me when i needed it the most,
I miss the way you would stare at me as if i was the most beautiful being alive,
I miss the way you’d play with my hair,
I miss the way i use to give you infinite little kisses,
I miss the way i use to make you laugh and smile,
I miss the way i use to pass out next to you,
I miss the fact you’d go to sleep just because i was tired,
I miss waking up to you,
I miss having you,
I miss being yours,
I miss being your baby,
I miss being your everything.
But mostly i miss my self,
I miss the person i am when i’m with you,
Because when i have you i am my self more then ever.
You have no idea what you mean to me.” - FV
crowley and cas are died.
dean cried and cant believe it.
mary and lucifer is trapped in an AU where the winchesters never born and apocalypse did happened.
and jack was born.
i can't deal with my feelings rn with cas and crowley gone iN THE SAME GODDAMN FINAL EPISODE AND ALL THAT SACRIFICES WAS FUCKING USELESS
[1/5 4:30 AM] i keep expecting some ghost to be staring at me
[1/5 4:30 AM] when i open my eyes again, some ghost of me maybe
[1/5 4:30 AM] i think im just really exhausted. feel like the world is nestled under my collarbones.
[1/5 4:31 AM] im just overthinking it all
[1/5/ 4:31 AM] i dont know. my mouth feels numb as always
[1/5 4:31 AM] did u know i didnt learn how to cry properly until 2015. as in cry on a healthy basis. before that i used to be unable to feel anything ever
[1/5 4:32 AM] i really want to cry right now too. cry so much that i can avert the predicted water shortages in pakistan
[1/5 4:33 AM] i feel like i cant. same blockade as all the ones i put up before. if i cry now the pain may become real
[1/5 4:34 AM] i guess it doesnt matter tho. idk why i messaged you to tell u that.
[1/5 4:35 AM] i know u arent listening. its ok. u don’t have to respond out of guilt.
[1/5 4:35 AM] i should go to bed before the birds get louder. gnite.
Inspired by real events that happened to me and something a friend told me a few nights ago.
He hits the back of his head on your bedroom door as you hear him slide down until he touches ground.
“Please, talk to me.” He ask in a raspy voice, it felt genuine and sincere, but your thoughts paint it as pity and annoying, “We can think of something.”
“Go away Newt,” you call out for the 6th time tonight.
He had just come back from his trip to America and expected to find you with open arms for his welcome home hug. Instead, you feel as if you disappointed him by running to your room with tear stained eyes. By putting an enchantment lock that you practiced for what seems to be a 1000 times, and he tried to open a 1000 times before.
You hoped to be better by the time he came back. You didn’t expect him to come back a week early or that stop by your flat first on his way back to his parent’s manor. He didn’t expect the faint smell of blood or the sudden rushing to hide evidence to a self hate crime he felt determined to solve. That’s the thing of it, it always seems unexpected.
“Let me heal it at least,” he offers as he tries to slide his fingers under the door frame only to be shocked for the 1000th time, “Let me help.”
“There’s nothing to heal and there’s nothing you can do to help! Go home Newt! I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone!”
The words taste sour as it was rotten lie that hurt both him and you. It felt like daggers to him as he remembers the laughs once shared and the long talks of “what if” and “no one cares if”. He cared though, he always cared for you even when you couldn’t feel it.
“Don’t say such things, you know that’s a dirty lie and we don’t lie or hide from each other.” His words are half choked and half strained as if he was crying behind that door. “You are very important to me and my creatures and my parents and my brother. You are not alone, you are never alone! Do you hear me?!”
You remember his family, the shared dinners, watch him and his brother wrestle until you joined in. The feeling of belonging to a bunch of misfits seemed to fit in just the right way. Jokes of who would most likely take your hand would end when you’d prefer their price winning hippogriff, Joey, over any of the brothers. It felt like a sibling bond between the three, until those darks days came.
“Talk to me, I’m begging here, I love you… don’t push me away too.” He sniffled- he is crying for sure not and you feel the same daggers you stabbed into him reflect onto yours.
“Im sorry Newt, but i just cant let you see me like this. I cant let anyone see me like this. I promised to all of you-”
“I dont care how you look, i care about how you are. Dont think so low of me, show me that i can protect you still. That you’re still you.”
You lean your back against the door and cry to yourself. Loud enough for him to hear every drop fall onto the floor, but quiet enough the world doesn’t seem to stop and care. You repeat sorries and forgiveness, but he says there’s nothing to forgive.
“You’re just a little hurt- a little broken- nothing to be sorry about, i promise you that. Open the door please, I’ll tell you about my trip.” He paused for a moment to hear your response, “It involves two witches, a muggle, and a few escaped creatures.”
You choke up a laugh as you think of his amazing case and how it sounds like a start up to a joke.
“Did they all go to a pub or something?” You respond, you feel his smile as he softly laughs a ‘yes, actually, they did.’
You open the door slowly to see him look at you with teary eyes, a crooked smile, and worried look. You find yourseld wrapping your arms around him as he hold to tightly in his coat. It felt like safety the moment he got it and like home from the warmth that radiated off of him.
“I’m sorry if i stain your clothes, Newt.”
“I’m sorry if i was gone too long.”
A moment passed before you show him the damage on your arms. He cups them gently with a sigh as he then takes out his wand to heal them properly. He has practiced this spell over and over on himself for several occasions- practiced it prehaps too well.
“So tell me about your trip,” you say to break the ice, but your voice gives way to another wave of feeling like a disappointment and tears threaten to escape, “who are these people and which creature got out this time?”
Newt smiles as he pulls up your arms to his lips to place a gentle kiss on what was broken skin. Then kisses your forehead as he hugs you again, leaving you to cry what is left over. He knows when you’re hurting, when you’re trying to cover up, and he knows he can’t fix it, but that does not mean he won’t try everytime.
All i’m picturing after it cut to a new scene after the fitzsimmons one is Jemma sitting there while Fitz cries, and she’s crying with him, holding him tightly, just whispering “I love you.” over and over again, just so he knows.
So he knows that their relationship isn’t dead, and nothing in the world could kill it: not almost drowning due to betrayal from someone they considered a friend and then having to recuperate from lack of oxygen resulting in brain damage, and loss of a lot of skills; not being swept away to a planet in another universe with another man, with very little hope of getting back home; and certainly not the manipulation from a crazy robot wanting to be a human, and controlling everyone to get her way, pitting Fitz against Simmons, and having him nearly kill her.
There’s only room for Jemma in Fitz’s heart, and vice versa.
And all I can picture is them in that quiet room, and Jemma reassuring him that nothing has changed between them, that she loves him, and even though they have a lot of healing to do, they’ve got each other to help with the process.