all that you went through

There is a difference between saying goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is not permanent. You can meet years later as old friends and share what happened in your life. You can smile and laugh about all the nonsense that you both went through. However, letting go is being okay with never seeing this person ever again…being okay with never knowing how their life turned out…being okay with fifty or more years of silence… being okay with running into that person at a grocery store and having them not acknowledge your presence. This is the part of life that doesn’t sit well with me and never will.
—  Shannon L. Alder

honestly tho can you imagine your girlfriend bein like “oh babe where gonna spend christmas with my very old friend :)” and youre with it cuz you heard he made her a device to stay alive and you hear all the stuff that they went through and you finally get to meet him and its a talking gorilla. like what the fuck

unpopular opinion on malec 2x12.

I know you are all mad about the malec reunion being too short but it was really well done. Magnus went through a lot of pain and all of you care about it’s if Alec touched him or not. Maybe Alec was afraid to touch him because he thought Magnus was still in shock for what had happened. You can se how he sits slowly next to him to show him that he is there for him but keeping his distance to not overwhelm Magnus. And the “Magnus tell me how to fix this” scene line was SO DAMN important because he wanted to make Magnus feel better and safe but he didn’t know how.

This shows how Malec is more realistic than Climon so stop complaining for everything. Bye.

anonymous asked:

Can I ask why you ship kamisero? This is not to be mean, I just can't remember a lot of their interactions in the manga or anime and would love to be reminded of why they work well as a couple

!!!!! Ooookay this is kind of a weird question for me and I don’t really know how to properly answer because… uhm… they’re kind of always together?? Actually??? I mean they haven’t really been the protagonists in any arc so it’s mostly background stuff but when they appear they’re more often than not together - here, have some panels I’ve found skimming real fast through the parts I remembered them being there

(+Mina!!! squad moment heck yes!!)

(+Kiri!!! more squad moments!!!!!!!)

(real talk more often than not if Kami and Mineta are in the same place Sero is right there with them, I try to pretend that’s not true but alas)

(+Baku!!! Even more squad moments!!!! This one’s from an extra, I can’t find the translated version anymore - rip - but they’re trying to get Baku to play the thumb game I’m gonna cry this squad will kill me)

also on the cover of Vol 4 👌👌👌

The thing about me shipping them is that as I said I do prefer them as friends, which they are and it’s adorable, but I’m always up for entertaining the idea of good friends in romantic relationships so I’m 👍👍👍 about KamiSero too haha

You may have noticed me talking about the @mlcalendarproject before, but now it’s out and the whole thing looks amazing!! Now that it’s been released I can share my art with you guys; I had the month of January so I went with a Chinese New Year theme! ^-^

You can get the calendar for free here https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B9QYpOZk9_HpWml1Qjc0YjVPWWM?usp=sharing and honestly it’s amazing. And totally for free! I’m definitely going to be printing it off to use myself. :’)

anonymous asked:

Hello my i'm new to the bts fandom on tumblr, your blog is super nice do you have any blogs you recommend i follow?

Oh hi!! Welcome to the fandom. :3 And kasjgfask tysm ;; Ofc I have a lot of blogs to recommend and I’m sure that I’ll forget to mention some ;;

Keep reading

2

Introducing Larimar!!! She a musician for white diamond! Her harp also doubles as a weapon! Her personality is a bit like peridots only she’s not very smart at all 😂 She’s very innocent and a bit naive but her self confidence never waivers! There a specific scenario I’m thinking of where she’s trapped with the crystal gems in a dungeon room locked with a puzzle so she’d try to solve the puzzel and when she can’t she’d respond with “"oh my gosh…they created an impossible puzzel just to keep me in!! How impressive! You went through all that trouble just to thwart me!?  I must really be a great threat! Wahaha! I’m so flattered! And they would be correct!” then she’d walk over to the crystal gems and say “ well I suppose we’re friend now that we’re trapped in here together forever! 😊 

anonymous asked:

Sam doesn't eat unless he has to while Dean's a demon. When he gets Dean back, the first thing his big brother notices is how skinny and weak he is. Dean goes into ultra protective mode and is so gentle and loving to Sam. He makes him food and when they have sex, Dean is gentle and he makes Sam feel so safe and secure again. Dean goes on and on about how his Sammy needs to be good and healthy, and how well he's doing as he keeps gaining weight. Dean supports him through all of jt.

he’s not purposely starving himself, you know? it’s just… he’s worried about other things, about more important matters, about his brother. trying to find dean, trying to find a cure, trying to figure out a way to make sure that he can actually get his brother back, it all seems more important than eating. now he isn’t stupid. he knows that he can’t continue living without eating something it’s just when he does eat, it’s just enough to take the edge off his hunger that isn’t really there.

he just knows that he’s this far from finding a cure and if he pushes through this then dean will be alright and he’ll be back to his old self and sam can stop worrying about that. he just has to push a little harder for just a little longer.

demon!dean makes a comment about it, how sam looks as skinny as he did when he was a gangly teen and they were doing things that no brother should do in the backseat of the impala. demon!dean would smile as he said “don’t you remember how i would just split you open on my cock, sammy? how you would beg for it. how much of a slut you were for it. begging me to stuff you full and tear you in half. i’m sure that if you released me now, i could still split you open, still make you beg for it. hell, i probably wouldn’t even fit. your body is too tiny now to take me all the way.”

it wasn’t like the other jabs that demon!dean sent his way, saying that dean had cared his ass for all his life, always looking after him and how he never wanted that. and it wasn’t like the jab that he sent towards sam saying that dean never really wanted sam in that way, he just couldn’t stand making the kid sad. but regardless it hurt to hear because sam was certain that dean was right. he probably wouldn’t be able to fit dean inside of him anymore. it’s been too long and he’s lost so much weight and yet sam would still probably beg for it. he would beg and cry until dean broke him in half and still want more.

but then sam cured dean, purified that demon blood or whatever and then sam had his brother back and he felt weak and small. his body sagged on his bed (dean didn’t want to be around him anymore. he ran off to his room the moment that sam released him and he took the hint. dean didn’t want to have anything else with him.) and he felt like he would just sink through. he was hungry, more than hungry. he was starving and yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk into the kitchen and get something to eat. it seemed like it was too much effort.

curing dean, it was supposed to fix everything. everything was supposed to go back to how it was before he was a demon and everything was supposed to be alright.

there’s a tentative knock at his door and he’s expecting cas, telling him that dean has finally gotten to sleep and that he should eat something or something like that but he’s surprised when the door pushes open and it’s dean standing there, holding a tray of food in his hand, standing in the door like he’s not welcome which was weird to see because dean was always welcomed in his room.

yet there dean was, standing in the doorway like he was a stranger, waiting for sam’s permission to come in.

you don’t have to ask, dean.” sam finally said when it was clear that dean wasn’t going to walk in on his own. “you’re always welcomed in my room. always.” he’s not sure why he’s trying to make that point but he is. he wants dean to know that anything of sam’s is something of his.

oh… uhh… okay.” dean said, pushing the door open wider and he’s almost blushing, like he was embarrassed to think that he wasn’t welcomed or maybe he was embarrassed to think that sam still wanted him. after everything he did. everything he said. “i… uhh… i made you some food. you just… you look…

dean trailed off. how were you supposed to nicely say that you’ve lost so much weight that you look unhealthy.

but sam sat up straighter on his bed, leaning against the head board and his heart hurts in his chest because it looks like dean actually tried to make him something that he would like. the salad looked fresh. the chicken still looked hot. the apple that dean had sliced open looked good and it was nothing like what dean normally ate and yet he still tried. he was trying to make it up to sam.

sam barely ate three of the apples slices and picked at the salad before he pushed the tray away, claiming that he was full and dean didn’t doubt it for a second but he still urged sam to eat just another apple slice.

sam looked at the apple and then looked up at dean, his jaw locked in that childlike defiance and dean ran a hand through his hair.

listen, sammy, i know that i’m in no position to ask you to do anything. in fact, i’m the last person that should ask you to do anything but you’ve gotta eat a little more, man. please. just a couple bites of chicken. we’ve gotta… you’ve gotta get healthy. you’re skin and bones and it’s all because…because of me. even though dean didn’t say that, sam knew what he meant to say. and he wanted to deny it. it wasn’t because of dean, sam had every opportunity to eat, he just didn’t.

instead it ate a full slice of chicken and a couple more pieces of apple and he looked up at dean, his stomach stuffed and he didn’t miss the fond little smile that was on dean’s face. except dean was sitting at the edge of the bed, so far away and sam wanted him so much closer. needed him closer.

good job, sammy.” dean praised, picking up the tray and backing out of the room. “you did such a good job.” he paused at the door, looking as if he wanted to say more before he walked out. “i’ll see you in the morning.”

for breakfast dean makes oatmeal and the hot meal feels good going down his stomach and it tastes so good that he can’t help but eat it all. it was so much food and a few minutes later, it comes back up and sam knew he shouldn’t have eaten it all. his stomach couldn’t handle that much food after not eating for so long. he needed to take it slower but dean was there, rubbing light fingers up and down his back, saying that it was okay. they’ll try something else and he pressed a cool washcloth to the back of his face and when sam gained the color back to his skin, dean backed away from sam, ceasing all contact and sam missed that the most.

dean helped sam gain weight back. every meal that sam had was a home cooked meal and it was something different and dean would ask how sam liked it and sam would reply truthfully. there was one night that sam stumbled upon dean fast asleep with his head resting in some book in the library. and upon further inspection, sam saw that it was a cookbook with post-it notes sticking out all over the place. sam gently pulled the book from out underneath dean’s head and on it post-it note was dean’s handwriting, writing down notes, whether or not sam liked whatever was on that page and sam’s heart swelled at the sight.

it took a while. that’s a lie actually. it took forever for dean to actually touch sam like they used to. dean had folded back into himself, refused himself to touch sam longer than he absolutely had to and whenever sam would try to initiate any kind of contact, dean would cut it off, make up some excuse why he had to leave and do something else.

however, slowly sam started touching dean longer and dean allowed himself to stay there while sam touched. a couple of fingers to the back of the hand. elbows and knees pressed together while they’re sitting next to each other at the table. it’s small but it feels like some much to sam.

there’s one night where dean doesn’t seem as shielded as he normally is and they’re in sam’s room watching some movie and sam managed to crawl up under dean’s arm and dean wrapped it around sam’s shoulder for the whole movie. now in the morning, dean seemed even more distant that he had before and anytime there was even the smallest point of contact, dean flinched like he was burned.

sam had long gained back the weight that he had lost when they first had sex. dean was in his room, leaning up against the headboard, staring off into nothing when sam let himself in and crawled onto dean’s bed and all but begged dean to touch him. that he needed it and it was low because sam knew that dean would do anything that sam asked but it wasn’t a lie. he missed dean. he missed him tremendously and having dean just within reach and yet having dean seem like he was miles away hurt more than any kind of pain could feel.

it started out with sam touching dean. slowly undressing him, kissing him, whispering praise and forgiveness for everything that dean ever said to him in his skin and soon dean was trembling underneath sam’s touch and it was everything that sam wanted.

he was fully content with riding dean, taking whatever he was willing to get but sam sunk his teeth into the flesh the spot where dean’s heart was, sucked a deep, purple spot there and it seemed to flip some kind of switch inside of dean.

dean flipped them and then it was sam’s turn to be worshipped with fingers and lips and the entire time dean couldn’t stop himself for apologizing, saying that he wanted sam, that he needed him, that he didn’t mean any of what he said when he was a demon. it was all a ploy to try to get sam to let him go and sam ran a hand through dean’s hair and told him that it’s okay. that he knows.

as much as dean hates to admit it and he probably won’t ever admit it, he buried his head in the crook of sam’s shoulder as he pushed inside of him and cried.

sam felt like crying too because it was all too much. the way that dean was treating him, like he was this fragile thing that dean didn’t even deserve touching, treating him with so much care, being so gentle that sam wasn’t sure that this was still his dean because dean hadn’t been this gentle with him since the first time they did this. or when dean sold his soul for him to bring him back from the dead.

so it’s kind of a give and take, ya know. dean nurses sam back to health. holds his hair back when sam throws back up his meal because he just can’t keep it down and sam shows dean that he is worthy of forgiveness.

hello!! you probably know my blog if you’re tagged and you probably also have no idea what my name is or what i’m about so here: i’m bee, i’m a brown muslim girl who grew up in dubai but my parents are indian, also i’m pretty gay

so i’ve been on tumbler.org for about four or five years, and left, but i came back in early summer 2016 after i read throam. i didn’t really do anything with it besides make shitposts and ramble about my life which is why i was so surprised when i found out im getting closer to 1k, and i decided to do this thing (that literally no one asked for now that im at one thousand followers wtf??)

anyway here’s a little thank you to every single mutual that has tried and failed to be proper friends with me and still stuck around even though i couldn’t really be friends with any of them bc my offline social handicap decided to follow me here as well, and to every mutual who’s been so incredibly nice to me, and every mutual who i see in my notifs and every other blog that doesn’t follow me back but has inspired me to keep this up (keep what up lmao) alright im gonna stop rambling

fav blogs are bolded <3 (i’m sorry for annoying your notifs lmao this is probably a one time thing don’t worry)(also think of this like a blog rec since i maybe only really talk to four or five of these but all of these blogs are 10/10)(also there’s A LOT of blogs because i follow like 4000 people wtf how did that happen lmao this is gonna look messy idk how to tunmgler)

Keep reading

OFF THE CUFF HOMESTUCK THOUGHTS #3: THE SELF PILE DOESN’T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER OR: THE PROBLEM OF DEAD MARIOS

DISCLAIMER

IMPORTANT THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

[CHECK THE TAG FOR MORE THOUGHTS]

So, a long-ass time ago, Rose and Dave had a conversation like this:

TT: After you go, what do you think will happen to me?
TT: Will I just cease to exist?
TG: i dont know
TG: i mean your whole timeline will
TG: maybe
TT: Maybe?
TT: Is there a chance it’ll continue to exist, and I’ll just be here alone forever?
TT: I’m not sure which outcome is more unsettling.
TG: the thing with time travel is
TG: you cant overthink it
TG: just roll with it and see what happens
TG: and above all try not to do anything retarded
TT: What do you think I should do?
TG: try going to sleep
TG: our dream selves kind of operate outside the normal time continuum i think
TG: so if part of you from this timelines going to persist thats probably the way to make it happen
TT: Ok.
TG: and hey you might even be able to help your past dream self wake up sooner without all that fuss you went through
TT: I think the true purpose of this game is to see how many qualifiers we can get to precede the word “self” and still understand what we’re talking about.

This is the most important sentence in Homestuck.

I am dead serious.

Well, OK, I mean, it’s pretty important for understanding some major Homestuck themes and shit or something like that.

Also, I totally should have said: Pre-Retcon Doomed Timeline Non-Dreamself Rose but ultimately about to become Dreamself Rose who semi-merged with Pre-Retcon Alpha Timeline Rose and Doomed Timeline Dave aka Davesprite AKA future Davepetasprite^2 or as we all call them around the office, Davepeta, had that conversation.

Maybe you begin to see what I’m going to talk about here.

One of the major frustrations a lot of people had with the retcon was that the characters we ended up with at the end weren’t the ones we’d come to love and know throughout the story. Was it even worth it, to lose the characters we loved to the tyranny of Game Over? The victorious kids, with the exception of John and Roxy, were other people, with other histories, other goals, and other choices.

Allow me to submit that that may be the whole point.

SBURB is cruel. We’ve known that for a long time. It’s cruel not as Caliborn is cruel, but as the cosmos is cruel, as a supernova is cruel. It wants what it wants, and doesn’t care about how that intersects with the needs of humanity. It wants to make universes through a complex game-playing method, and drags hapless, vulnerable adolescents along for the ride. And most of the time it doesn’t even succeed, leaving its champions to rot in a doomed timeline or similar! Skaia’s victory is an amoral creation myth where individual human beings are just the carved pieces on the chessboard. (I mean, the other ones. Not the carapacians.)

Again, let’s consider the theme of VIDEO GAMES vs. REAL LIFE.

Homestuck, let’s be real, is basically some postmodern horror timey-wimey Jumanji. For a generation way more familiar with pixels than cute little tokens It’s easy for teenagers and in fact, basically everyone, to fantasize about escaping their life and slipping into some game world forever, where they get to do awesome things and be a heroic person.

Homestuck makes that literal. Congratulations, everything you ever knew is dead. You will never see it again, except your internet friends, who turn out also to be your family and other important people. I mean, from a distance, SBURB sounds like an awesome game, right? You figure out who you are and get to wear a cool costume displaying that identity. You get to make anything you want and enjoy this hyperflexible mythology tailored to YOUR CHOICES. HS fans talk all the time about how cool it would be to play a real version of SBURB. That’s a big part of the appeal of SBURB fan adventures. They put you and your friends in the story. Or your favorite characters! It sounds like a fantasy come true.

The thing is, as fantastical as it is, it’s also really fucked up, and ultimately you and your friends are being used. By a giant frog to let it have its babies. By the universe. By a smug blue cloud thing that doesn’t care about you at all.

SBURB does not care about you at all.

The funny thing, SBURB features a mythology with so many layers and nuances and seemingly human motifs about growth and self that you might search for some grand ultimate meaning behind it, but it’s not even human enough to have a personality, to be something you can argue with or fight. It just is. It’s all the cruelty and power of a god without any of the dazzling personality. It’s empty. It just wants to make universes all day long, or fail trying. It is a great, weird tadpole-making machine that eats children.

One of the big ways it doesn’t care about you is its attitude toward the self. Humans and trolls and whatnot prefer not to be relentlessly duplicated. SBURB says, oh yeah, let’s make tons of copies of the player characters and use them for a lot of different purposes.

There’s the dreamself, an essential bifurcation of identity (you are now and were always the dream moon princex) that sometimes gets merged into god tier but sometimes doesn’t. There’s doomed timeline selves, who exist ultimately to augment an Alpha timeline whose Alphaness is decided very arbitrarily and frequently by Lord English. There’s the you who exists before a scratched session and the you who exists afterward, who are two different people but started as one baby in an act of ectobaby meteor duplication, your player self and your guardian self. Dead timeline yous fill up the dreambubbles made by the horrorterrors and get endlessly confused with each other. Any one of these could be the you experience being at any given moment, and which one it is entirely arbitrary. Don’t like being Dead Nepeta #47? Tough hoofbeast leavings, kiddo.

To top it all off, in Terezi: Remember, we learn that every single time we thought someone changed from one self to another, was resurrected or something like that, it was another act of duplication. For every time someone’s died, there’s another version of them waiting in the Dream Bubbles, surprised that they’re not the main character anymore. And we have no way of knowing which is which. Even John, good old everyman John, may or may not be the person who died three or four times. It’s really impossible to say whether we’ve been following the same person throughout our story, or just the illusion of the same person, like a horrifying cosmic flipbook.

The retcon is a return to this same theme. Ultimately, there’s very little new in the changes John makes to reality except that they drive the point home.

John’s friends all died. John and his friends won the game. These things are both true at the same time, except those things may not have happened to the same people. There was a happy ending. Hooray! For, um, some folks who may or may not be the ones we care about. In fact, it’s very confusing, because from Rose’s perspective, Roxy is dead but came back to life, and from Roxy’s perspective Rose is dead but came back to life, except also she came back to life as a weird tentacle catgirl of pure id and self –indulgence. So there’s that. Um. Which Rose are we rooting for again?

Or wait: is it none of them, because the first Rose died in a doomed timeline, hundreds of panels and a number of years ago?

There’s a tension here which one experiences between saying it’s okay because it’s still the same people, and saying it’s not okay, because it’s not the same people at all. This tension is exactly what we’re meant to wrestle with. To put it another way, Homestuck asks if identity can work in aggregate. Are all Johns John, all Roses Rose, and do they all share in what they accomplish? Or are the final victors only accidents created by the whims and needs of the frog baby machine?

What I’m saying, basically, is that the retcon, in the sense that it pointed out our confused relationship with these characters, was already here.

In interviews and questions put to him over the years, Hussie constantly compares HS and SBURB to other video games, particularly Mario, which he frequently returns to as a baseline of comparison that most of his readers will know. One answer, from a recent Hiveswap interview, is particularly revelatory. To the question of “Why do you kill off all your characters?” Hussie replies:

[…]HS is supposedly a story that is also a game. In games, the characters die all the time. How many times did you let Mario fall in the pit before he saved the princess? Who weeps for these Marios. In games your characters die, but you keep trying and trying and rebooting and resetting until finally they make it. When you play a game this process is all very impersonal. Once you finally win, when all is said and done those deaths didn’t “count”, only the linear path of the final victorious version of the character is considered “real”. Mario never actually died, did he? Except the omniscient player knows better. HS seems to combine all the meaningless deaths of a trial-and-error game journey with the way death is treated dramatically in other media, where unlike our oblivious Mario, the characters are aware and afraid of the many deaths they must experience before finally winning the game.

The big man hass the answer.

Homestuck is the story of those dead Marios.

Other works, like Undertale, have engaged with this topic as well. But one of the major differences between Undertale and Homestuck is that in Undertale, between “lives,” one’s consciousness is preserved. In Homestuck, it’s discontinuous, and the value of the overall trial-error process is called into question by the fact that you, the player, may not even get to experience the victory. What meaning does victory hold if that is the case?

So, to put it in a nice thesis format:

One of the central themes of Homestuck is the challenge of reconciling an arbitrary and destructive pattern of growth and victory with the death and suffering you experienced along the way. Homestuck asks: is victory worthwhile if you’re not you anymore? And would you be able to know?

What even is the self? Is there such a thing?

If you were left feeling somewhat disconcerted by our heroes’ tidy victory and departure to their cosmic prize, or by how which Rose gets the spotlight is so deeply, deeply arbitrary, there’s a good reason for that. You’re supposed to be.

The philosophical problem of Wacky Cat Rose is insignificant next to the bullshit of SBURB.

And don’t forget—John and Roxy’s denizens helped them achieve the retcon. Ultimately, the victory they achieved was mediated by the same amoral system of SBURB, and was a victory over an enemy, Caliborn, whose power was created, perpetuated, and ended by that same system.

Okay, so here’s where it gets contentious. There’s an argument to be made, which I’m not sure how I feel about, that some of the character development that could have been in post-retcon Act 6 was left out precisely to push this feeling and play up this tension. Note that this is not the same thing as saying that they were deliberately badly written, but that they’re deliberately written to make us uneasy.That Hussie deliberately played with the balance between making these retconned characters feel familiar and making them feel eerily different to leave us feeling uneasy with the result.

I’m not sure I like that idea. It smacks a little too much of that “everything is perfect” thinking that comes sometimes from the far Metastuck camp. Some of the differences may also be the result of flawed writing. (See: Jane and Jake’s character arcs, which I might talk about later.) And I want to be able to critique those flaws. Ultimately, I think we still needed more time and development to figure out who these new people were—even if our goal was ultimately to compare them to their earlier selves. And again, more conscious acknowledgement of the problem from our heroes—especially John, the linchpin in this last and biggest act of duplication—might have helped drive this theme home.

Still, I think the Problem of Dead Marios is one of the most fundamental questions of Homestuck, maybe THE biggest question. It’s essential to understand it to understand what Hussie’s doing—or attempting to do— in the retcon and the ending.

I don’t know that Homestuck offers us a clear answer to that question. There are some confusions around the issue, too. Where do merged selves fit in, exactly? Clearly they’re a big part of the discussion, because Hussie spends some time in Act 6, especially near the end bringing the identity-merging powers of the Sprites to the forefront. (See also: the identity-merged nightmare that is Lord English.)  Can we even come up with a clear answer to what it means when a dead Mario returns to life grotesquely fused with Toad? How does he beat the game? Does he tell himself that the princess is in another castle? Or what if he merges with Peach? Are they their own princess? How do they know if they’re in the right castle?

Um. Anyway—

Interestingly, it’s not all grotesque—spritesplosions suggest that personalities that are too different don’t stay together long, so a fusion might rely on some inherent compatibility between the two players. Erisol’s self-loathing, sure, but also Fefeta’s cheerfulness. Davepeta seems to be a way of bringing out the best in their players, a way of getting Davesprite past his angst and Nepeta past her fear. Honestly, I know a lot of people don’t like Davepeta as the ending of these two characters’ arcs, but I can’t help but love it. They’re the ultimate coolkid. Cool enough to know they don’t have to be cool. Regular Dave got there, too, of course. But was his retcon assist from John ultimately any different?

Then, of course, we come to Davepeta’s speech to Jade in one of the last few updates before Collide. Davepeta suggests that there is such a thing as an ultimate self beyond the many different selves one piles up throughout the cosmos. A set of principles that describes who you are that’s larger than any individual instance of you. Your inherent Mariohood. (Maybe this is comparable to your Classpect identity, which attempts to describe who you are?) Davepeta even tells Jade, strikingly, that one might learn to see beyond the barriers between selves. Be the ur-self, in practice, rather than theory. This would be incredible news for Jade, who wrestles with the issue of different selves perhaps more than any other character. (There’s a lot to say about Jade.)

Honestly, I wish this ur-self idea had been developed more, and I honestly expected it to be. It doesn’t fully come to fruition, I feel. (Same goes for Davepeta’s character. Ohhhh, ZING!) I’m not sure it entirely makes philosophical sense, especially with fusion—I mean, doesn’t Davepeta themself disprove it? Or at least complicate it? Like, are they part of the ur-Dave or the ur-Nepeta? They seem to imply they’re BOTH? Does that even work? Does that mean that Marieach is all the Peaches and Marios at once?

(In fact, Bowser/Peach/Mario are but the three manifestations of one eternal principle. Also, Bowser/Peach are the true power couple. Read my fanfiction plz.)

And what, say, of Dirk, who ultimately ends up rejecting aspects of his other selves? It feels like there’s a lot more you could say here, and I wonder if Hussie would have said more, if he’d had time. What’s weird is, none of our victorious kids never reach an ur-self (though to their descendants, they become archetypal to some degree), which one might have expected. They’re just individual selves who happened to get lucky. Does that make them representative of the whole? It feels like something’s missing here, or like something got dropped at the last minute.

Same goes for the idea of the Ultimate Riddle. You’d be forgiven for missing it, but there’s been this riddle in the background lore of SBURB that seems to have something to do with personal agency in this overwhelming, overarching system. Karkat called it predestination, saying something like “ANY HOPE YOU HAD OF DOING THINGS OTHERWISE WAS JUST A RUSE.” But others have interpreted it more positively. My favorite interpretation, from bladekindeyewear: the answer to the Riddle is that YOU shape the timeline through your existence, personality, and choices, even when it looks like it’s all predestination. Ultimately it’s your predestination, your set of events, based deeply on your nature, that you are creating. Someone like Caliborn can use his innate personality to achieve power; someone like John might be able to use it to achieve freedom.

I definitely expected something like that to be expressed more explicitly. Like, a big ah-ha moment that helps John or Jade or whoever understand how to escape Caliborn’s system. Something like that would have been very helpful for a lot of our heroes, actually, who’ve been pushed around by Skaia and SBURB together, in finding a cathartic ending.  Once again, I wonder if something was dropped or rushed because there wasn’t time to put it all in. There’s places where you can see hints of that Answer being implied, maybe? But it’s kind of ambiguous.

You can see how the Answer to the Ultimate Riddle ties into some of Davepeta’s ideas. If your personality, the rules of your behavior are a fundamental archetype that goes beyond each individual self, then the answer to whether it matters if one self of yours makes it through to victory is an emphatic YES. You are all of those people, and by winning one round with Skaia, you’ve won the whole game, despite all the arbitrary challenges and deaths it heaps upon you along the way.

This may strike some as too positive for Skaia’s brutality, or again, some way of excusing flaws in many characters’ arcs, or unfair things that happen to them. To be fair, I don’t know that Davepeta’s necessarily meant to be taken as authoritative or the voice of Hussie. They may simply be offering a purrspective.

Hussie not choosing to come right out and engage with the Ultimate Riddle leaves the question of Dead Marios and what they mean for the victorious versions of our cast very open. I like that in some ways—let the reader decide—but I can’t help but wish we had more to work with in making that decision. Plus, it might have brought the thematic messages of Homestuck all the way home to tie them more closely to our characters and their experiences—character development being one of the things most people found most lacking in the ending.

NEXT TIME: All that wacky gnostic stuff probably