all that shit

MonEl is going to die soon. Jack is dead because Lena saved Kara instead. Kara and Lena have a gay ass snuggle where Kara almost kisses Lena. Kara tells Lena she will always protect her. etc. etc. etc…..

If supercorp does not happen then I have never felt so queer baited in my entire life.

Not great...but not terrible.

So for context me and some friends were doing a session set in a foreign land. We were a half-elf bard (me), a tiefling fighter, a human monk, and a elven bard. Me and my fellow bard had just finished out set in the tavern earning out party’s rooms for the night and I (having been inadvertently racist at the tavern keeper) decided to retire to my room. The tiefling is talking to the homunculus who ostensibly owns the bar and eating. The monk is sticking close by the other bard. Said bard decided to ply her trade (courtesan) at the bar and struck up a conversation with a half-elf man there.

Bard: Hey you looking for some fun tonight?
Half-elf: Depends on what kind you’re offering.
Me (OOC): *whispers* Roll for seduction.
*The table promptly cracks up. Once the DM gets control again…*
DM: Ok roll for seduction if you would?
Bard: *rolls a 14*
DM: Ok well you seduce him. You take him upstairs to your room and you both get undressed. He finds you exotic and beautiful. Then he asks for something you’re not used to giving.
Me again(OOC): Ohhhhhh he wants to get freeky!
DM: *laughing* It involves rope but not the way you would expect. Lets just say he’s the one who’ll have rope burn tomorrow.
*queue table cracking up again*
DM: While this is happening the rest of you start hearing noises from her room that are unlike any you have ever heard before.
*table is dying at this point*
DM: UNFORTUNATELY you aren’t used to being the one in charge in these situations. So he’s enjoying it but not nearly as much as he could be.
Bard: I’m sorry about this I’m usually the one in your position.
Half-elf: No worries I guess. It wasn’t great but it wasn’t terrible.
Bard: Well…isn’t that flattering. *she then proceeds to grab the coin pouch on the table and walk off to hang out in the Monk’s (her bodyguard’s) room.*

Squad Quotes + Check, Please! (Pt. 3)


Holster
: *spends 10 minutes venting about a TV show*
Holster: “It’s so stupid!”
Holster: “…I’m gonna go watch another episode.”
-
Tango, 1:20am: “But what is cocoa? Like. What is it?”
-
Ransom, choosing cereal: “You know what, I’m going Cookie Crisp; it’s gonna be a long day.”
-
Bitty, 1:30pm: “I’ve been up for an hour, and I’ve already had enough.”
-
Dex, after washing dishes, cleaning up, etc.: “I’m trying to be a good Hausguest.”
Nursey: “I’m tucking granola bar wrappers under the pillow.”
-
Lardo: “There are plenty of sculptures throughout history that show people don’t know what to do with their hands.”
-
Shitty: “My relationship with Lardo has been one long act of service on her part.”
-
Ransom: *mixes pink lemonade and regular lemonade together*
Ransom: “This is basically genetic engineering.”

The Uniting Power of Love Triangles! Midlife Dance Crisis!

(So in this party, the male human rogue, the female fetchling mage, and the elf princess are slowly dancing the romantic “will they/won’t they?”. All three are charming, high charisma characters. the mage has been trying to fight years of repression to figure out what her orientation is, the rogue likes the mage but is willing to bow out and play wingman if she decides she’s not into him, the princess is a friendly lass whose natural stoicism makes her hard to read, and both the rogue and mage are wondering if they have a chance with her. This has actually solved more problems than its caused.

Example: The party decided to attend a village dance. The rogue had his dance with the mage, where they both admitted they didn’t know how to dance. Then the princess grabs the mage and hits the dance floor. While the rogue’s taking a break, an incredibly handsome man walks up to him…)

Stranger: Are those two lovely ladies free?

Rogue: …I think they’re taken with each other, if you get my meaning.

Stranger: Well, I’ve been looking for a wife, and the desire for prosperity will change that, I think.

Rogue (Squicked out): …Oh really?

Stranger (Too proud for his own good): I’m the Marquis. I can provide a dowry of 10,000 gold.

Rogue: …Who do you think I am, their dad?

(After he has his fun playing Prince Charming (and getting an admittedly impressive diplomacy check) He eventually backs off.)

Marquis: It would be a blessing to see you again. (leaves)

Mage: Well, I’m going to get a drink.

Princess: [Rogue], would you care to dance?

Rogue: I’d love to. Did you get a look at that mozzarella cheeseball?

Princess: He seemed nice.

Rogue: Yeah, less nice considering he came to me offering a dowry of 10,000 gold.

Princess: Oh you’re joking, I’m not worth that much.

Rogue: Clearly you have a poor estimate of your worth, but seriously, do I look old enough to be your dad?

Princess: Ha! You’re barely old enough to be my baby brother.

Rogue: Heh. Well, (overdramatic bow) “T'was a blessing to share this dance with thee, milady.” (kisses her hand)

Princess: You know he’s gone, right?

Rogue: Eh. *shrug*

(The mage said he looked more like a roguish gentleman than her dad. Jury’s still out on what ship will sail, if any. But all agree that the standoffish paladin dancing with the lustful halfling thief by swinging her around like nunchucks was the best 300 gold ever spent.)

anonymous asked:

Your favorite Dylann blogs?

Some aren’t dylann blogs but they do post some dylann so it counts. I’m sure i’m forgetting a shit ton of blogs I like as well im sorry

@dylaannroof @bonkroof @man-slaughter @dylannnroof @dylannivanov @dylannstrenchcoat @charlestonchurchmassacre @harrishate @handcuffs-and-jailtime @kurtc0bain @bowlcutworshipper @s-epulture @yaseewhatimsayin @twunnythree @tsarnaevbabe @lil-aryan @dylannroofe @ac1d-gh0st @aesthetic-of-truecrime @whatsyourfavouritescarymovie @forgive-any-typos @wh0reforg0re @airtreeswater @ginsengstrip1994 @ripvodka @shinybowlcut @pumpedupdylann @dylannstormroof @heartagramss @loveless-fascinationss @kippkinkel @saintdoom @dylannroofs @dylannrainroof @bowl-cunt @imperfecto-adefesio @babybowlcut

FOLLOW THEM THEY’RE ALL AMAZING BLOGS 🌹

A new one for me: someone needing to sneeze while singing. Their voice starts shaking slightly, so it sounds like they ran out of air or they’re straining to reach a note just out of their range. The notes falter, fading in and out erratically. Then their pitch wavers, before suddenly swooping upward (almost like an orgasm sound) then breaking completely and collapsing into a sneeze.

Insanity

Will someone please explain to me how “you” can think a poem or a piece of prose is ‘unequivocally’ about “you”? Have I tagged “you”? No? It’s not about “you”. Have I told “you” “you” have inspired it? No? It’s not about “you”. Have I inferred in any way that it may as well be about “you”? No? It’s not about “you”. Get your fucking head out of your ass. The world does not revolve around “you”. My writing sure as hell does not revolve around “you” unless I tell “you” it does. Are we clear? Yes? Fuck off now. “You” will not ruin my Tumblr experience with your insane insistence and unfounded accusations. “YOU” are NOT my muse. “You” have never been my muse. “You” will never be my muse. Get off your damn horse and walk the road back to your own humble beginnings.

2

i found these in my folders and i have no context other than both of them being labelled “shut up raph”

i feel that’s enough context to explain things

youtube

*coughs*