all that glitters is not golden!

you only exist at 3 am
when its dead silent, and
thats why you live in the city. its
never silent in a city. always
moving. always keeping you up,
awake,

eyes open, mouth open,
eyes glittering, mouth glittering,

all shining.

glitter and gold.

you only exist when you dont,
and thats fine enough with you.

you buried your heart
like they bury a horse-
real far down,
in the middle of the ring-

buried with an excavator and
no aplomb.

buried it at 3 am when it was real
still.

there was a gun in attendance
and a bottle of whiskey. you
were there.

you manned the machinery and
also stood by the edge
of the grave. it was okay.
you shoveled dirt in until the
sun rose, and then gave up.
youre not given to giving up,
but you did.

your fake self is a snarler
and a charmer.
he knows how to live.
he painted an anatomically
correct heart on his sleeve
in gold paint and blood
and he can fire a gun,
use a knife,
bruise his knuckles.

your fake self thrives on
noise. hes alive at all hours,
awake at all hours,
bared teeth at all hours-

your fake self survives
on rotten meat and metal
and he never gets the taste
of rust and salt off his tongue.

its fine.

you havent been real for years.

its fine.

— 

“REAL” // ADRIAN BOUVIER

( @kingsofchaos )

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.