all of the love!

Swap FTW

A buddy and I decided to swap characters. I went from playing my bugbear barbarian at levle 11 running Tomb of Horrors, to running her Cleric with a Rogue Dip….suffering 2 levels of exhaustion,almost out of spells, and without any idea what was in her spellbook. We warned my DM….didn’t think to warn hers. I park in her spot, explain our idea, and start scanning the sheets. 

Story begins. I’m still in Barb-mode, and march through a door into a room of stuffed cats, and a statue of a man wearing a tiger mask. I elect to remove the mask. He comes to life and attacks me. Dm - “Roll initiative!”  I’m near the bottom. Other players attack. I’m frantically looking for SOMETHING useful to do.
My turn. “I am going to seduce the man.”
DM “Uh, ok, how?”
“I’m going to dip him, like in a romantic play I saw once.”

DM-“Roll!”

4! Dm- “Roll dex!” 16! *phew* You don’t fall down, and he’s un-seduced, but a little confused. 

“That would have gone sooooo much better if I had a rose to put between my teeth, like really up the romance, you know?” to the other cleric. 

Other players attack, tiger man attacks me, the other cleric… “I pull out my flute and begin to play.“ 
Dm "Do you have a magic flute or anything?” “No, it’s just a normal flute.” “Ok, roll your performance at disadvantage” 12, I think. The player begins to pointedly hum “Careless Whisper” at me.

I ask the DM if the “romantic pointed fluting” gives me advantage…he agrees, this allows me a straight roll on this second seduction attempt. 16! 

Dm- He’s not seduced, but you do pull off the dip, and now he is VERY confused. 

Another player swings a hammer at his head, bouncing it off mine and doing damage to both. Tiger man changes into a tiger. Before the DM can tell me what happens….I interject.

“My strength is SO low, a 700 # tiger would just fall to the ground and take me with its.”
Dm- “Ok, you are snuggled into the tiger’s tummy, he attacks (dice roll behind the screen, he drops his head into his hands) the tiger misses. Apparently you’re too close to attack." 

Other cleric switches tunes to "Let It Go”  (She has been humming careless whisper the WHOLE ROUND!) casts guidance on me. 

I make eye contact with the DM. “Do I have advantage over this guy due to the musical accompaniment and general ridiculousness.”

“Sure, yeah.”
“I’m going to use animal handling”
He says, ok, it’s going to be a hard check…..“  

Me "Nat20, and a 4 on the D4”. 

Dm- Well I guess combat is over, and Ancora is now cuddling and talking silly to a tiger on the floor.

A few checks later, and I got to give my friend her character back, now in possession of an immortal undead were tiger, answering to Mr. Cuddlypoof, and who will literally follow her anywhere. :) 

Other cleric - “I need to play a bard” 

Me “Yeah, that was freaking genius, and extremely funny to boot!” 

I’ve been invited to play at his table anytime. ;)