all of jurassic park is inaccurate

Me in response to palaeofails
  • Someone: Feathers make dinosaurs look stupid.
  • Me: Go run around a mockingbird's nest a couple times and tell me how stupid feathers look then.
  • Someone: *says the words "flying dinosaurs"*
  • Me: You better be talking about birds...
  • Someone: *says the words "swimming dinosaurs"*
  • Me: You better be talking about penguins.
  • Someone: Muh Jurassic Park/World!
  • Me: I love JP/W too, dude. Doesn't change the fact that it's inaccurate.
  • Someone: Raptors can have feathers, fine. I still won't accept it on T. rex/Spinosaurus/Giganotosaurus. Besides they're too big!
  • Me: Science doesn't care what you think. Also, Yutyrannus, Deinocheirus and Therizinosaurus. All massive, all feathered.
  • Someone: B-But not ALL dinosaurs had feathers!
  • Me: But most did.
  • Someone: Lol, we've never seen a real dinosaur before! We can make up whatever we want and it's still accurate!
  • Me: Lol, someone clearly doesn't know how Paleontology works!
  • Someone: Dinosaurs can't look like birds! Birds aren't scary and don't kill people!
  • Me: Ostriches can disembowel people with just one kick. Swans have been known to drown people. Geese bite people in the Achilles' tendon. Don't mess with birds.
  • Someone: *says the word "pteradon"
  • Me: That's not a real word. You mean "Pteranodon".
  • Someone: Dinosaurs just aren't cool anymore because feathers.
  • Me: *chucks a swan at them*

queen-of-the-slayers  asked:

Is Sam making an appearance in the run verse soon?

“Is that a dinosaur? Are there freaking dinosaurs?” Clint hissed and stared.

Sam, wide-eyed, tried to creep forward. Until Bucky caught him by the belt and refused to let him move.

“Oh, whoa, that’s a ceratopsid,” Sam said in an awed, hushed voice.  

“It’s only got one horn. Shouldn’t it have two more?” Clint asked. Then he rolled his eyes skyward, as though pleading to a deity, “Not that I want the really big dinosaur to have more horns.”

“There were more kinds than just a triceratops,” Sam told him and tried, once more, to inch forward. Bucky’s grip didn’t loosen. “It looks like maybe Styracosaurus. See the spiky frill?”

“I see the spikes,” Bucky grumbled and gave Sam a sharp tug back away from the enormous, foraging animal.

Clint slid back, too, as the creature came forward to nip at the bushes. “So … I can honestly say I wasn’t prepared for this. How?”

“Who cares? We need to get out of here,” Bucky said.

“Late Cretaceous. Weird,” Sam murmured and tried to shake Bucky free. It didn’t work. He turned his head and narrowed his eyes at Bucky who glared back.

“Which part is the weird part, Sam?” Clint asked with a hiss. “Because, I’m looking at a dinosaur. And I think that buries the needle on weird all by itself. This is some Jurassic Park bullshit.”

“You know, that name is so inaccurate. Because most of the animals in that movie were—”

“Everybody knows that, Sam,” Clint cut him off with an impatient huff.

The beast snuffled closer and Bucky’d reached the end of his own tolerance for the weirdness. “I don’t care. Nobody cares. We’re leaving.” He hoisted Sam up and started backing them away.

“Hey,” Sam yelped.

The dinosaur froze, then shuffle-stomped back a step and let out a loud, bellowing snort.

“Shit,” Clint whispered.

“It’s an herbivore. Just think of it like an elephant,” Sam said quickly, though he looked a little nervous, too.

“Elephants can be dangerous,” Clint shot back.

“Don’t threaten it and we’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be fine when we’re far away,” Bucky said and picked up Sam again.

“Stop,” Sam begged. “I’m not luggage. Also, we think they were herd animals, so there’s probably others around.”

“Goddamn it, Lewis,” Buck sighed and dropped the younger man.

Sam caught himself on a tree and glared at the other two. “You know what? Okay, you know what? Who here studies this for a living? Forgive me if all my dreams just came true, okay?” His eyes caught on something near the marshy lake shore, and his mouth dropped open. “I think that’s a Navajodactylus.”

“Are you just making these names up?” Clint accused.

“What? No. It’s a real thing. Late Cretaceous, too. I wonder if they’re all late Cretaceous. That’s interesting. I mean, I guess, if you’ve got to make some sort of preserve and get the environment and ecology right, you really have to pick one, because creatures from different epochs and habitats—”

“Sam, shut up,” Clint growled.

“Screw you, Barton. I’m sorry, but this is exciting for me,” he spat back with a scowl.

“Yeah, yeah, you study this for a living.” Clint paused and shot him a curious look. “Do you get paid?”

“I get a stipend. That counts.”

Bucky ground his teeth and stared around the dense, odd forest surrounding them. “Is this really the time?”

“Well…” Sam said, and glanced longingly back towards the big dinosaur.

“You’re as nuts as your sister,” Bucky muttered. “Your sister who will murder me if I let you get gutted by a goddamned dinosaur. Move it, Lewis.”

“But—” Sam started to protest.

Bucky stared at him and growled, low and cold. “Move.”

Sam’s jaw went slack and his eyes went wide again. “Jesus. Yeah, okay, Jesus.” He edged back from the soldier. “Relax. I’m moving. Holy God.”

Clint snickered. Sam glared. “Shut up, Barton.”

They walked on for a half an hour or so. Sam stopping from time to time to look at a plant or a small, leathery creature in a treetop.

“This is amazing. This is so amazing.” He turned to them and laughed. “Tony always used to give me shit for wanting to be a paleontologist. Who’s laughing now, Tony?”

Bucky, tense at being surrounded by the alienness of this world, grumped, “Would you stop talking.”

“No,” said Sam, the wonder at the miracle of dinosaurs washed away his terror of the Winter Soldier. “Look, look. I think that might be a Stegoceras,” he pointed to a creature about the size of a goat that was watching them warily. “Proto-feathers, oh my God. Check it!” He edged closer to the creature, but Bucky caught him by the shirt.

“Don’t mess with the dinosaurs,” he said, feeling wearied by this whole thing now.

Sam mostly ignored him, and was muttering to himself. “It’s from the species pachycephalosaurus, and it—”

“You are making up these names,” Clint crowed. “Look a bushasaurus,” he said, pointing to a plain green bush. “Look a rockdactyl! Hey, a birdosaur, awesome.”

“No, but look at the proto-feathers,” Sam said, not paying attention to the mockery. “They’re beautiful. Awesome, awesome. And, you know, birds are dinosaurs.”

“Everybody knows that, Sam,” Clint said with a sigh.

“What?” Bucky asked, his face creasing in confusion. “Birds?”

“Okay, so Sgt. Caveman doesn’t know that, but everybody else does,” Clint corrected.

“Are you shitting me?”

“No. Puts a whole new spin on the world, doesn’t it?”

“Guys,” Sam interrupted.

“Come on, Lewis,” Bucky sighed and turned back to him, ready to get them moving again.

“No, no, wait,” he said, his voice moving from awed to nervous. He licked his lips and peered through the foliage around them. “These are all late Cretaceous dinosaurs.”

“You’ve said. Like six times,” Clint said.

“From what I can tell, they’re mostly North American,” Sam continued, shooting a dark look at Clint. “Which, again, I guess would make sense for a preserve when you’ve got to take habitat—”

“Lewis,” Bucky growled.

“Predators,” he blurted. “There are probably predators, right?”

Clint eyed him suspiciously. “What kind of predators?”

“Um … the kind you’re thinking,” Sam said, wincing a little.

“Say it, Sam.”

“Tyrannosaurus Rex.”

Clint laughed. “For real?”

“Yeah. You know, among others. I mean, look, all these creatures lived in a time period that actually lasted millions of years, so they didn’t necessarily exist together, but some did. So, you know, if it’s not a Tyrannosaurus there’s, uh, you know, variants.”

Clint continued to laugh like he just couldn’t help himself. “Tell me you know what a T-Rex is, Barnes.”

“I know what a damned T-Rex is, Barton,” Bucky said with a glare.

“Holy shit. Awesome.” Clint wiped a hand over his face and laughed again. “Real Jurassic Park shit all up in here.”

“I saw those movies,” Bucky murmured. “What were the smaller, meaner ones?”

“Velociraptor,” Sam said. “Except, those were way wrong, too. The real ones are only about the size of like a dog. And also, mostly found in Asia.”

“Are there ones like the ones in that movie, that were maybe from North America?” Bucky pressed, biting off each word with impatience. “And that are maybe bigger than us and vicious?”

“Well, uh … I mean. Sure. Depending on what sort of eras are represented here. Could be like a Utahraptor, or Deinonychus, or maybe —”

“Can we fucking move?”

“Yes, we can,” Sam agreed, looking like the reality of the threat around them was finally hitting.

“Hey, so,” Clint said, nudging Bucky, as they continued on. “If you saw those movies, how come you didn’t know the bird thing?”

“Well, it wasn’t like I was paying that much attention.”

“Why not?” Sam asked curiously. “I’d figure that would be way cool for … uh, you know, for a guy from your day. Steve was impressed.”

“Steve would be,” Bucky said with a snort. “I was watching them with Darcy.”


Bucky smirked and glanced at Sam. “I wasn’t paying all that much attention to the movie.”

Clint laughed hard enough that he stumbled.

“Gross,” Sam growled. “That’s my sister.”

“I know,” Bucky sighed and glared at Sam. “And I’m getting you back to her in one piece, is that clear?”

Sam swallowed heavily and looked away. “Yes, sir.”

anonymous asked:

so wat would your ideal JP movie be?

Oh man okay so 

  1. Right off the bat, I’d like the dinosaurs to be more accurate. I accept they can’t be perfect. But I don’t think feathers are too much to ask for, and accurate body reconstructions - no more pronated hands, tails higher off the ground (I’m looking at you, Stegosaurus), acknowledging that the raptors are Utahraptor or Deinonychus and not Velociraptor (and if they changed the head shape that would be neato.) I accept that it won’t ever be completely accurate - I myself don’t want them to get rid of the hyper-intelligence in the raptors (the raptor squad was my favorite part of the last one, I don’t want that given up). They can explain it as they wanted to make the animals realistic in the wake of the JW tragedy; I mean yeah they had a throwaway line about the dinos not being right but at least it was there and can be utilized. 
  2. Have at least one of the children be female. Furthermore, have that female child be the dinosaur-obsessed one. It would also be awesome if she were the older kid. Dinosaurs are painted as obsessions typical for young boys and young boys alone; as a woman who had to grow up being told basically the whole time that it was inappropriate for me to like dinosaurs (by society; my parents encouraged it, don’t get me wrong here), having this sort of representation would be wonderful. Have a smart, teenage girl, who wants to be a paleontologist or something, constantly explaining things to the other people, and being annoyed when people are surprised she knows the stuff. Seriously. I mean now that I’m an adult I have Sarah Harding to identify with in TLW, but kid and teenager me would have really appreciated the representation at the time. 
  3. Bring back Barry and Owen and Claire (yes, even Claire; I don’t think her portrayal was as sexist as is being argued; no, she shouldn’t have kept the heels on, but other than that I didn’t mind her character arc so much as I minded her wandering off in the sunset with Owen at the end. I didn’t mind the kiss, even; people do that in high-stress situations. I literally just frowned loudly at the dramatic exit at the end, that was unnecessary and cheesy). Have Barry have a bigger, more important part; it’s great he was a black guy who wasn’t killed off; let’s build on that. Have Claire have changed from JW - you can’t go through something like that and not be different - but still a businesswoman; still focused on her work, but a little more compassionate towards the dinosaurs, and definitely more hands on with them. She and Owen can be together or not, I don’t care much about that; but if there are going to be a LOT more JP movies (and I get the feeling there will be, given JW’s success,) they can hold off on them having kids or getting married for at least one movie, I feel. 
  4. Maybe an LGBTQIAP+ individual? Romance has been at least a little bit present in each JP movie - Ellie and Alan were implied to be together in the first one; Sarah and Ian were together in the second; and you get the feeling that the Kirbys might kiss and make up in the third; and then the fourth was the most blatant and obvious. What would be neato would be the romance plot of the new one - hopefully subtle, I mean you don’t go to JP for romance, but whatever - to be non-heteronormative. And oh yeah, don’t kill the LGBTQIAP character. 
  5. I’m done with the carnivore-as-villain plot. Gulper and the raptors were the heroes in the new one; let’s keep with that theme. Have an herbivore get territorial and go wild (that’s more REALISTIC anyway); breed a new type of herbivorous animal that has the defensiveness and violence of things like hippos; have people not expect this herbivore to gore them to death and then people need to have the raptor squad control the situation. Something different than the usual large carnivore battle that it’s been in the last two movies. Maybe even have Gulper or the raptors escape - make it look like the carnivores are the bad guys - they get into an herbivore pen, and then the more dangerous ones get terrified and go berserk - escape, charge into the park, destroy stuff, that sort of thing. The carnivores would have gotten at least one thing to eat by then and would be calm; use the carnivores to round up the escaped herbivores. 
  6. Bring back more people from the original trilogy besides Wu. I’d love to see Sarah Harding (re: point 2) again; hear comments from Ian and Alan and Ellie on the episode in JW; see Lex and Tim and Kelly all grown up (especially Kelly, I LOVE her) and come to help oversee the reconstruction of JW, that sort of thing. Also address the question of Isla Sorna. Is it still essentially a biological preserve? How is it being handled or treated? I want that openly and deeply discussed in the new movie. 
  7. More diverse dinosaurs as well. I’m sick of seeing the usual five: Tyrannosaurus Triceratops Apatosaurus Stegosaurus and raptors (I know, there were more, but we barely saw them, apart from the Ankylosaurs). I want to see a huge herd of the most bizarre hadrosaurus imaginable. I want to see some “prosauropods” grazing and someone to comment on how horrible they are. I want to see a whole slew of fluffy, almost indistinguishable Maniraptoriformes; and I want people to comment about how they all look almost identical. And yeah, more small dinosaurs - we get it, the big ones were huge and amazing, the point’s been made; most of them were a lot smaller than that (don’t even get me started on what including birds does to the size distribution) - stuff like Yi and Troodon. Have a slew of small Ornithischians - Kulindadromeus, Dryosaurus, stuff like that - they never get enough love. More new and weird kinds of ceratopsians other than Triceratops - have Diabloceratops, for example. 
  8. Erm, stop having so many POC be eaten. I mean the first guy eaten appeared to be Latino; then the first member of the ACU team to be killed appeared to be Asian; it was a miracle that Barry lived considering he was a black sidekick. I’m not saying not have them be eaten, I guess I’m just saying stop having almost all of them be, and having them be the first to go, etc. 
  9. If they’re still going to have pterosaurs, have them be more accurate in their body shape… and don’t call where they live an Aviary, they aren’t birds, you don’t call a pen holding bats an Aviary, do you? Also, more different kinds of pterosaurs - there are so many truly weird ones, like Azhdarchids. Also, make them less territorial, I think. You could also have small ones just kind of flying around the parks, like birds do at zoos - they really wouldn’t have been that dangerous. 
  10. I want real dinosaurs to stop being called boring or uninteresting. The past few years of paleontology have been amazing for dinosaur discoveries: Nanotyrannus, Kulindadromeus, Yi, Chilesaurus, the new Spinosaurus, Dreadnaughtus, Lythronax, Wendiceratops, etc. The line that “we’ve discovered more in the past 10 years with genetics than we had for 100 years of digging up bones” was just disrespectful; on top of the inaccurate dinosaurs, it was just plain misleading. 
  11. If you’re going to have marine reptiles - which, I’m not sure you should; I’m against captivity for cetaceans and marine reptiles were definitely as big and not suited to such small water area as cetaceans are - have more of them; showcase the diversity and weirdness of them all, have some different types of plesiosaurs and icthyosaurs and everything. Show an icthyosaur giving birth to live young, even; challenge the public’s perception of “reptiles,” that’s what Jurassic Park set out to do in the beginning, after all. And make sure they’re mostly small ones… again, it really wasn’t okay to have that huge Mosasaur all pent up like that. 
  12. A return, at least in part, to animatronics. I think most fans of the series agree with me on that one. Over-use of CGI takes away some of the gritty realism that was present in the first one. There’s a reason Walking with Dinosaurs and Jurassic Park have both stood the test of time as dinosaur films - they use a delicate balance of puppetry as well as CGI to make the animals look as real as possible. And have the CGI done by people who know how to do CGI well, and not have it just be spectacular, Hollywood eye candy. I want to feel like there are real dinosaurs on the screen in front of me; that’s why I love these movies, after all. 
Some one has seen Jurassic Park a few too many times.

A volunteer came in to the reception desk at the science center I worked at in warning me that a lady was coming in with an odd donation, despite the fact that he had warned her that a) we were not a collecting institute, and b) she was wildly inaccurate about her “specimen." 

I agreed to talk to her, and a lady (who by all appearances, seemed the type who had a LOT of fun in the 1960s), came into the reception area. She was extremely excited and insisted that, while in her garden, she had uncovered the fossil of a of previously unknown TINY T-REX species.

I looked at this henceforth unknown “Tiny T-Rex” skeleton she had unearthed. 

It was a mouse skeleton.

I tried to explain this by pointing out that the bones were much too fresh to be fossils, and our part of the country had been under water during the Cretaceous period anyway…

But she wasn’t having any of it. I finally gave her a free pass so she could go show it to our Paleo Educator who hopefully would be seen as having more authority in these matters.