all i've ever wanted in life to be honest

senidakayy  asked:

Hey Lauren, first I want you say thank you for allowing us all into your life and all you do, love your videos. I love how honest you've been with your struggles with anxiety and make it ok to talk about. I've had anxiety for quit some time and have learned to cope with them because it's a struggle that doesn't ever go away, you kind of just adjust it into your life. At what point do you/ did you seek out 'help' ? I am struggling with 'needing' a stimulant (medication). PS* totally team #Laurex

hey babe! thanks for the feedback :) about 4 years ago it was affecting my life to the point where I couldn’t leave my room without having an anxiety attack and after failing at the more traditional types of solutions (therapy etc.) I reached out to my doctor. About 5 months ago I decided to come off the medication because I felt fully functional without my anxiety (it’s incredible what the smallest dose of medication does - it literally cleared anxiety from my brain and lets you think clearly again for the most part), but I’ve been under an insane amount of stress recently and I guess my body just kind of relapsed into it. I had symptoms that I’ve never had and even put myself in the ER a few days ago to make sure it wasn’t anything serious. I’m back on medication and it’s different for everyone but I would definitely talk to your doctor about your options if you feel like it’s severely affecting your life! Good luck babe, with you all the way. XO 

New interview [full transcription]
  • Jesse: Hellooo.
  • Amy: Hi, Jesse!
  • Jesse: How are you?
  • Amy: I'm good, how you doing?
  • Jesse: I am so excited to talk to you! Did you hear that the fans in Dallas have gone [mental] [if someone knows what the exact word is, please let us know!]
  • Amy: Oh [laughs] that's awesome!
  • Jesse: And a major shoutout to your biggest fan in Dallas, Tyler Bennet who alerted me to the announcement.
  • Amy: Aaww thanks for telling me that. I mean, we really do have incredible fans, it's been like one of the things that makes it so fun, you know? I mean, it's fun to get up on stage and perform but having people all over the world that, like, really care and, like, get it and you know it's just music, we're not changing the world but it feels really good, it feels like we're doing something that means something to people and, man, it just means that much more to you, you know?
  • Jesse: Well, the last time we saw Evanescence in DFW was for Edge Fest 2012, I interviewed you backstage in a bunny suit?
  • Amy: [laughs] Yeah, I remember.
  • Jesse: It seems like after that show you all kind of... just went quietly away. Talk a little bit about what you've been through this past few years.
  • Amy: Oh my lord, it's flown by! Err - Well, the biggest thing in my life, to be totally honest, at the moment is my SON, which I had in the meantime. He's turning one tomorrow. So... [chuckles]
  • Jesse: OH MY GOSH, baby Jack! He is the cutest thing I've ever - I just want to eat him up!
  • Amy: Oh my lord, he is sooo cute! Okay but he has four little teeth now and they're razor sharp and every time I pick him up he gives me this big hug and just chomps on my shoulder [laughs] and it huurts so bad. He's awesome, he's doing well, he's just started to walk and say all kind of crazy words in I don't know what language. But he's really cute and we're really excited about him, it's been a really great experience I can't really describe, it's been an amazing experience from day one since [chuckles]. Just a lot of love, a lot of new inspiration and feelings, you know? There's a whole transformation that takes place that's just your mind and your body and your heart, everything just feels like "WOW I didn't know I was capable of all this stuff", you know? I didn't know I was capable of feeling so many feelings and that my body was capable of doing so many things [chuckles] And now, it's cool because I guess I thought, to a certain degree, "okay one day, I'm gonna grow up and have kids and stop all this crazy rock'n roll business and I'm gonna just focus on being a mom and - I do! I wanna be a mom, like I wanna be great at that, I wanna be the best I can possibly be, but I feel [??], and inspired and empowered and excited about life. Like, I don't want to retire, like I guess maybe as a kid I thought that's how I would feel. I feel really cool, it's funny 'cause I'm doing more, like, in a day that I have done in a long time. Like everyday it's BOOM you're up, you're going first thing, you know? [chuckles]. And I'm taking care of him but also, it's a gym, I lost 21 pounds! Genuinely, it's really, really hard [laughs]
  • Jesse: Do you feel like Superwoman? 'Cause my best friend had a baby and...
  • Amy: ARGH!
  • Jesse: Once it sank in and once she found her groove she just... I'm like "Who are you and can I have some of this?"
  • Amy: I'm going - I'm not kidding, it's like "I'm READY TO GO"
  • Jesse: [laughs]
  • Amy: You definitely feel like you're - err - operating like at highest capacity a lot of time. Which is like, actually makes you feel really good. Like - I don't know, sometimes, when I'm not doing anything, nothing productive, I start to feel pressed, like "Man I need to work but I don't wanna work", I just feel like lame. But now, you know, it's him, working for him, that's a motivator and you sort of wanna be awesome for the sake of that person you love so much. And I'm working on myself and getting excited and getting ready for the end of the year and the shows and knowing that we have, you know, these fans who care and are excited about it, just - It's awesome! Like, I wanna be a mom and a rock star and all those things all at once, it's incredible! If you can, absolutely [laughs]
  • Jesse: I'm glad that you brought that up because it's kind of an interesting prompting, this interview at this juncture of your life and your career, because it kind of mirrors that of your dad, in a small way, doesn't it? Wasn't he in a band when you were born?
  • Amy: Oh, yeah err - yes. My dad, you know, ran away to California with my mom to, you know, be a rock star and get a record deal and - my dad's a great musician, he plays a lot of instruments and has a beautiful voice - But you know, due to the all L.A, you know playing gigs and bar things and early eighties, I mean late seventies-early eighties... Well, then he found out my mom was pregnant with me and I guess when I was born and stuff he was like "Man, this is not the life that I want for my kid, we're gonna go back to Florida, I'm gonna get a radio-station job and like, do that." He's, you know, made a career, a wonderful career at the radio and voice work.
  • Jesse: Has he offered you any words of wisdom, any guidance on how to kind of navigate this new path you're on?
  • Amy: Ouh, I don't... I need to talk to him more... He just called me before I called you. I mean, he said "Hey I got the best of both worlds 'cause I don't have to really do it. I just came home and had my family and then you grew up to be a rock star so I can just live my career through you" [chuckles]
  • Jesse: Back in April you guys announced that you'd be performing for the first time in three years at Ozzfest, in Japan, where's there a catalyst for this particular decision?
  • Amy: You know, I - everyone still out there, we're gonna do something really cool, not super often, this is a special thing but I was just at a point, like when I heard about it, I was like "November? I think I will be back by then", like I feel like I can get my body back and like he will be seventeen months older or something, and gosh if I really wanna do this, like I'm feeling like in my head, like be everything at once, and I don't know, like I rather just do it. Take him with me, and just start now, not wait, you know and it's just a cool thing to have people go "hey come to Japan" you know, and rock out. I mean, it's more complicated than that but then again, it's not, like we'll do all the work to have things taken care of and just fun stuff but like... We get to go to Japan, like I mean, just in general, it's an opportunity to go to Japan. Like so many people are just like "it's a lot of money and it's a big - like why would you go, where would you go, I don't even know", like, we'll go do that, I want that for him, so... We're taking the family [laughs] I'm gonna have my baby on a really, really, really long flight and I apologize in advance to everyone on the plane, I am gonna do everything I can to try to get him to shut up and go to sleep. I can't... No guarantees [laughs].
  • Jesse: The shows now, this week you announced the shows that - three stage sideshows - I think you're kicking it off in Nashville and then you're coming to Dallas...
  • Amy: Yup!
  • Jesse: ... And Los Angeles. By the way, on behalf of all the Dallas fans, thank yoouuu. Where's there a particular reason what we got so lucky?
  • Amy: Oh, yeah. I wanted to head that direction because it's the shorter flight, again about like the baby on plane [laughs].
  • Jesse: Baby high five for Jack! Awesome!
  • Amy: It's like, I mean we could have done New-York but I was like "yeah I need to go the other way, just make it eleven as opposed to fourteen hours" I tried to be in between rock and baby but that's really hard. So, yeah we rehearse in Nashville, it's like a hook for the band. We live all over the country and it's like a central location where we have been rehearsing for the past years. So, we'll get to get there and practice and make sense of the show right there. And Nashville's great for that, anything you need, anything that goes wrong, they've got it covered.
  • Jesse: And is it the same lineup, you, Terry, Tim, Will and Troy?
  • Amy: Yup, it's gonna be rad, the guys are really excited err - just talking to them a lot this week, we're just starting to put together like ideas about set lists and maybe who's gonna open. We don't know that stuff yet.
  • Jesse: On behalf of all the Dallas fans, HOT DAMN GIRL, that's fantastic!
  • Amy: [laughs]
  • Jesse: That's fantastic, I'm so thrilled.
  • Amy: Hopefully this is the beginning of more, more shows to come in the future.
  • Jesse: You just answered my question [laughs].
  • Amy: Yeah, I thought I might! You know, once we do like a set and I feel like "We got this" then it's a lot easier to go "cool" and like accept opportunities and like it's always a good time for this, there's stuff going on that we'll be looking for next summer, for potential ideas.
  • Jesse: Now the biggest question that I've got from fans on Twitter when I found out that I was going to interview you and it was the tweet that you recently posted about going through old files, older recordings, new dreams and I think, you starting the fire again. What is the potential for a new Evanescence album?
  • Amy: Actually, err - I haven't been working on new material for Evanescence. I've been working on new material on my own. Err - so right now, I just went through like a lot of studio - well, I have a studio in my house, I did like that record last year that was like old school music and I do little things there but now that I'm getting there again... I wanted for a long time to flex some different muscles and make music that's - I don't know, I always wanted to make music that's completely true to myself and I love Evanescence I'm stoked to go back on tour and play music with Evanescence. But honestly, lot of musics I listen to these days are very different from that and I collected, it's a big mix. It's fun for me to be something else a little bit, so actually like the first thing is I have been - just for fun - going out there and playing with weird cover songs (chuckles)
  • Jesse: What are you covering?
  • Amy: And I - I don't wanna tell you yet!
  • Jesse: Teaaase!
  • Amy: I'm gonna record them, I'm gonna finish them out and then I'm gonna release them online pretty soon, just like kind of one at a time.
  • Jesse: I love the work that you did on War Story, I think one of the songs from Aftermath just got an Independent Spirit Award but could you talk a little bit about the other project you've been working on, called Indigo Grey. That looks really amazing!
  • Amy: Yeah, I hope it is! I - I think it really is, those guys are so talented. They're, here in New-York, these guys that came out of like Riverdance, where they grew up and just wanna do something creative and unique and edgy and different. So that's like Irish step mixed with like hip-hop and they do a lot of stuff with cool live music. It's kinda hard to explain, because they're just artists, kind of all over the place. They wear like gas masks and do weird dances, it's really cool. So they're putting together like a kickstarter and they're doing like a live experience thing that I'm - I'm still trying to understand, it's like drones and it's interactive somehow, like the audience takes part on what happens, sounds crazy but it's awesome. I don't know exactly when that is gonna be but also, in the meantime, they're doing like these little short films and the first one that they've done is really cool, you know, and we sort of scored it, Dave Edgar and I. So we did the music, a all bunch of it, and then there's actually a cool song-song like by me that I did in my studio. It's not like a song with a bunch of vocals, it's definitely more like rhymes and music but err - that's me making my music so...
  • Jesse: Yeah, yeah, the video in the kickstarter thing was really amazing so I, I really wanted to make a point to ask about that. I can't wait to see how that progresses. The last time they updated it was like June 16, so I keep waiting for more updates.
  • Amy: I know, they're just still, we're just talking about "okay, which day are we gonna release it" I'm keeping on touch but I'm not really sure.
  • Jesse: Amy, thank you so much for taking the time to call in. I know, the pre-sell for the Evanescence shows started yesterday but general public sale are gonna be on Saturday, I predict an immediate sell-out. Happy early birthday to Jack and congratulations to you and your family.
  • Amy: I'm so grateful for that, thank you!
  • Jesse: See you November 15!
  • Amy: Alright, we'll see you soon, it's gonna rock!

anonymous asked:

I've wanted to ask you this: why is Sunny your bias? Of all the members, how and why did you choose her?

I’m going to be honest, the moment I saw her in suju h’s cooking? cooking! mv back in mid-2008 (jfc I’ve been here a while) I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. but after being a fan of sunny’s for this long…… hm.

I like her because she’s so kind; kind to her members, her family, her fellow label mates, but most of all, SONES. she always puts her 200% into everything she does, be it variety shows, interviews, photoshoots, radio dj-ing, performances, etc etc etc. I’ve never seen her not working hard (except maybe on roommate, LOL.) what I admire most is her stubbornness and her willingness to do everything in her power to protect those that are dear to her. she puts sones and soshi before everything else, even her family. i can’t even express how many times she’s showered her fans with love and adoration. i think a while back on mbc fm4u’s date, sunny talked about her dating life & how some people think she can’t date. she had clarified that it wasn’t that she couldn’t date, because wouldn’t that be an indication that she had a bad personality? she went on to say that she won’t confirm or deny whether she dates or not (lbr though, it’d be weird if she wasn’t dating) and said that she wanted to protect the dreams of her fans. it still boggles my mind how much sunny thinks about her fans and tries her best to please them all.

there’s a reason why sunny is absolutely beloved by not only sones, and that lies with the older generation. why would she be hailed as korea’s national granddaughter then, hm?

i’d like to clarify what my take on being a sunshiner is, and it’s pretty simple. i admire sunny not as just an idol, but also lee soonkyu the person. they’re one and the same, but each showcase a different side of her. she’s not someone I wish I was, but she’s someone I aspire to be like; I want to be able to be considerate towards others like her, to put those in my life before myself, and to be able to have the same values as her. she makes me want to be a better person, and isn’t that the goal for every idol? to not only make their fans happy, but to inspire and motivate them to be the very best that they can be.