all i need is is instant validation

I Got You On My Mind [Part 4]

Jungkook Soulmate AU (Angst)

[Part One] | Previous Part | Part Four | Next Part

Summary: After your memory loss, adjusting back to normal life has been difficult. Luckily, Jungkook is always there for you. Still, something seems off about him, and you just can’t understand why.

Word count: 2k words

Originally posted by jungxook

“Oh yeah, I’m being discharged tomorrow,” you told Jungkook, who was pushing your wheelchair through the hospital. He insisted that you needed a change of scenery. “My parents are going to pick me up and drive me back to my apartment.”

“I-I guess it’s too early for the ‘meet the parents’ thing, right?” Jungkook stammered, uncharacteristically nervous. “Unless you want me to. Like, I don’t mind if–”

“Chill, Jungkook,” you laughed, cutting his off his rambling. “I think they’re more worried about my brain damage than any soulmate business.”

“The doctors said you’ll recover your memories though, right?” Jungkook asked, worry lining his words. “Your memory loss won’t be permanent or recurring?”

“They said my memories will come back slowly,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly. “But most of the time, the memories will have to be triggered by something. They also told me I might have short-term memory issues for the next little while.”

“That seriously sucks,” Jungkook said. “If you need any help with anything, just let me know. I don’t really know how I’d be useful, but don’t hesitate.”

“We’re not in the same department,” you snorted, turning to peer up at your soulmate who was both familiar and foreign in this instant. “This is gonna make school so difficult. I’ve forgotten nearly three months worth of content!”

“Maybe take the semester off?” Jungkook suggested. “Amnesia is a pretty valid reason. Have you talked at all to the university?”

“No,” you groaned, sinking into the wheelchair. “I don’t want to think about responsibilities right now. Just marvelling in the fact I’m still alive and kicking.”

A silence fell between you and Jungkook as he pushed you through a more crowded area of the hospital. You noticed a few younger visitors visibly gape at Jungkook, then glare at you jealously as you rolled by.

You agreed with them–how was Jungkook so damn good-looking? You hit the soulmate jackpot, for sure. Still, even if he looked different, you didn’t doubt that you would like him just the same.

“You know, it’s pretty crazy,” you blurted out unthinkingly. “I’ve been talking to you my entire life, and I always thought meeting you would feel like meeting an old friend. But honestly, you’re a total mystery to me right now. Maybe it’s because of the memory loss, or maybe other people feel this way, too.”

“No, I know what you mean,” Jungkook responded quietly, trying to figure out how to express his thoughts properly. “It’s just…we have an idea of who our soulmate is in our heads. When they’re not exactly that person, it’s kind of confusing.”

“And I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff we still don’t know about each other,” you agreed. “Honestly, I tried to make myself seem a lot better than I am.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jungkook laughed, though it sounded a bit off. You brushed it off as embarrassment. “Didn’t want to disappoint you.”

You turned your head and looked up into Jungkook’s eyes. “You couldn’t have disappointed me Jungkook, really. I’m just happy to finally meet you,” you replied, giving him a small smile. “And it’s kinda paradoxical, isn’t it? Disliking your own soulmate. Weren’t we, like, made to like each other?”

“I guess,” Jungkook said, staring ahead unwaveringly. He pushed you down another hallway, which led to the cafeteria. You only knew because of the wafting smell of hearty food was growing stronger by the second. “But nothing’s ever that simple.”

“Don’t I know it,” you sighed, laughing a little in spite of yourself. You turned the corner into the bustling cafeteria, the noise of the crowds deafening compared to the near-silent, depressing halls of the hospital.

“Want to grab something to eat?” Jungkook asked, the heaviness of your conversation vanishing before you could even blink. “I was going to grab something for myself, too.”

“Sure, I’ll have whatever you’re having,” you agreed. Out of habit, you reached down to pat your pockets for your wallet. “Oh shit, I don’t have any money on me. Don’t worry about it, then.”

“It’s cool, it’ll be my treat,” Jungkook said. When you turned to look at him, he was giving you a lopsided smile.

“Then, is this our first date?” you asked cheekily, delighting in the way Jungkook’s cheek burned. You never expected that a guy like Jungkook, with this terrible fuckboy persona, would be so easily flustered.

“If you want it to be, sure,” Jungkook answered, coughing into his hand awkwardly. You just laughed, and Jungkook pushed you forward wordlessly.

Life at home after getting discharged made staying in the hospital seem like an amusement park. After being sentenced to bedrest by your parents–and having Jieun enforce it with an iron fist–you spent your days bored out of your mind.

In only one week, you had binge-watched three shows, reread all of your course notes (and they didn’t help you remember anything), and read more manga that you had ever read before in your entire life.

You were positively itching to get outside and do something, but what bothered you the most was that you hadn’t talked to Jungkook since your “first date.” When you had gotten home, you jumped to charge your dead phone, which miraculously hadn’t been destroyed in the accident. But when the device finally charged, you soon realized that you had no way of contacting Jungkook.

For some reason, his phone number wasn’t saved in your contacts. Even though Jungkook had said you had met before, apparently you hadn’t exchanged numbers. That seemed very strange to you.

When you asked Jieun about it, she just shrugged the question off. She said your situation was a bit complicated, but that she’d have to leave it up to you and Jungkook. But Jieun did say that she would mention it to him when she saw him at school next.

Sighing, you reached for your phone beside you. It was still early in the morning. Time had lost all meaning to you, since you spent every moment of the day trapped in your apartment. A bit bitterly, you watched your friends’ Snapchat stories and longed to return to normal daily life.

Suddenly, your phone began buzzing. You dropped it in surprise, and it landed on your nose. The impact stung, and you cursed, reaching clumsily for the phone. You saw an unflattering picture of Jieun illuminate the screen. Eventually, you were able to answer.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, rubbing your hand against your sore nose.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking stupid!” Jieun practically screamed. Wincing, you held your phone away from your ear. “I know you shouldn’t be moving around, but I need you to come to the university right now. I’m working on a group project that’s due in two hours and a bunch of our files got corrupted. I have some stuff backed up on my laptop, which I left at home like an idiot!”

“Don’t worry, I can bring it to you,” you reassured quickly. “I won’t fall into traffic on the way there. It’s like a ten minute walk, so don’t worry.”

“Just don’t strain yourself, okay?” Jieun ordered, the panic still evident in her voice. “Don’t go to quickly and look both ways!”

“Hey, only I can make fun of myself,” you quipped, pulling yourself out from underneath the covers. “I’ll be over soon, I just need to get dressed.”

“Okay, see you soon. Thank you so much, Y/N,” Jieun said, and the both of you said your goodbyes before you disconnected the call.

You glanced down at your pyjama bottoms and at the thick cast over your right leg. Changing pants would be a battle for another day. Unsteadily, you stood up and balanced your weight on your unbroken leg. You reached for the crutches leaning against the wall beside you and tucked them underneath your arms.

As quickly as you could (which was not very quick), you had thrown on a clean shirt and a jacket. Your hair was a mess, so you shoved on a beanie to disguise the tangled frizz. With Jieun’s securely laptop in your backpack, you began the trek to school. Suddenly, the journey seemed incredibly long.

When you finally arrived on campus, you were panting lightly and sweating. You made your way into the music building, relatively unfamiliar with its layout. You detached yourself from one of your crutches and reached into your pocket for your phone. Quickly you sent Jieun a text letting you know you were here.

There were a few benches in the foyer, so once you hobbled over to them, you set your bag down lightly and placed your crutches against the benches. Flopping down, you discreetly tried to massage your sore armpits.

But you were glad to finally be out of the apartment. The fresh air made you feel infinitely better.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice called. Your head whipped around in the direction of the voice. Jungkook a few meters away from you, looking as dark and intimidating as ever. His wide-eyed expression kind of ruined the image though. “What are you doing here?”

“Jieun forgot her laptop at home,” you replied, pointing to the backpack at your feet, as Jungkook made his way toward you.

“Shouldn’t you be at home?” he questioned, stopping when he was standing in front of you. You craned your neck to at him properly. “Is it okay for you to be walking around so soon?”

“Please, don’t get started on that,” you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. “My parents and Jieun are unbearable. I’ve been lying in bed doing nothing all week.”

“You know, that honestly sounds like heaven,” Jungkook joked. “I’m so swamped right now. I haven’t slept in days.”

You inspected Jungkook more closely. His eyes were ringed by purplish dark circles, but they were hardly noticeable. How unfair–he always looked good.

“Hey, why haven’t you talked to me all week?” you asked suddenly, narrowing your eyes at Jungkook suspiciously.

“I was meaning to call or text or something, but I don’t have your number,” Jungkook answered sheepishly, scratching the nape of his neck awkwardly. “Didn’t know how to ask for it, since you haven’t been around campus lately.”

“Why’s that, though?” you continued, glancing down at your feet. “I mean–you said we met before. Why didn’t we keep in contact?”

“W-well, we did meet, but it wasn’t a proper conversation,” Jungkook explained stutteringly. “It wasn’t under the most normal circumstances, but–”

“Y/N!” Jieun’s loud voice suddenly interrupted. She burst into the foyer, looking absolutely frazzled. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were bloodshot, and you were pretty sure there were coffee stains on her shirt. “Thank god!”

Your friend ran over to you and practically dove for your backpack. She grabbed her laptop and hugged it tightly against her chest.

“Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I made you come all the way here,” Jieun cried, sounding frantic still. “Are you okay? Sore anywhere? Go home right away, okay? You need to rest. And please don’t tell your parents!”

“Oh my god, I’m fine Jieun,” you whined. “I think I can handle walking for, like, two minutes.”

“I just don’t want anything to happen!” Jieun insisted, stomping her foot childishly. “We’re speeding up the recovery process by being extra careful!”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever. Go work on your project and try not to fail.”

“I will,” Jieun replied. “I’ll bring dinner on my way home.” She turned, only spotting Jungkook for the first time. Her eyes narrowed and she frowned slightly. “Jungkook.”

“Jieun,” he replied, just as shortly.

You looked between the two of them, wondering why there was so much tension. It looked like they were having a silent conversation, and you hated not knowing what was going on. You had the suspicion they were hiding something from you–but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out what, exactly.

Eventually, Jieun just nodded and strode away, leaving Jungkook with a tight expression. Visibly, you could see Jungkook try to shake away the tension, his jaw unclenching. When he turned back to you, his features were schooled.

“Give me your phone,” Jungkook said, reaching out his hand and smiling softly. “I’ll add my number.”

- Girl in Luv

Okay, so this one was a bit filler-y. Originally I had planned to make this one angsty too, but I figured you guys could use the respite. Also, it would have been like 4k words and it’s like 2:30AM and this girl needs to sleep. Anyway, stay tuned!! Thanks as always for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed. Your replies and reblogs/tags are so cute I read them all 💛💛💛💛

I am, like, two or three scenes away from finishing my first book that I intend to publish.

That doesn’t mean it’s finished—I’m gonna have to edit it to high hell, and I KNOW I’m gonna have to rewrite a good chunk of it, probably.

And before all that, even, I have to let it SIT so I can come back to it with fresh eyes. Publishing is not for those who seek instant validation. It’s a very long and painful process.

But the moment it’s done?

The moment I can lift up and display my first published novel to the world?

That will make the entire process worth it.

anonymous asked:

I want to be a comic writer but I feel like I'm running out of time. My goals and dreams have stalled. I'm not making progress. Should I call it quits?

I know it would be nice to have a complete stranger answer important question this for you, but unfortunately only you can decide if you call it quits on a creative goal. Everyone’s threshold is different and, here’s the important part - There are no wrong answers, only decisions.

That said, here are some thoughts about creative goals that might help:

Don’t fall into the trap of assuming that if you wanted to be an astronaut when you were a kid and you’re not a full-fledged astronaut now as an adult you’ve failed at life. That’s a shallow unrealistic way of looking at goals and growth.

I’ve had all kinds of internal personal goals I haven’t met over the years and, as I’ve grown and changed, my goals and priorities have too. What I want out of life and the lengths I’m willing to go to get them adjust year by year and that’s perfectly okay.

On the other hand, there have also been times where I’ve set lofty targets for the future but didn’t look at the intermediary steps needed to even approach getting there. Yes, your end goal might be to be published by DC/Marvel/Image, but if you don’t have other smaller milestones before that, you’re not setting yourself up for success.

I don’t know your personal situation but, whatever level you’re at, there are small bite-sized steps that make the journey much easier to handle: Write short comic stories to learn the craft, find an artist to collaborate with if you’re not one already, put the work out, learn from that first story and build another and another - not because you need instant validation/success, but because these are stories you want to tell. Learn from each one and, as that work builds up in the rear view mirror, increase your ambition and quality.

Otherwise, maybe the goal you have isn’t the actual thing that will make you happy. Using myself as an example, I was convinced I had be a Disney animator, a video game concept artist, a painter, or a comic artist. It took me a long time to realize that the real thread running through all my creative goals was “storytelling” and collaborating with other people in comics fulfilled that core ideal far more than I ever imagined. Recognizing that changed the way I looked at my progress and helped settle a lot of my internal strife.

I’ve been where you’re at. I’ve felt that sense of time slipping away and goals not coming into focus fast enough. Everyone does, even people you may think are extremely successful. We’re all doing the best we can to grow and find balance.

neptuneslog  asked:

Hey Rhay, How you doing recently? I've notice that you were kinda erase from the earth. Until I notice your Q/As are still being answered. Why Have you stopped taking sneaker photos. And why did you stop posting on your ANTI FB page?

I’ve changed subtly over the past few years. One of the changes I made was that I stopped trying to impress other people. Approval seeking behavior is the reason why so many men fail, because their version of success is defined solely on how other people respond to it. I no longer look for validation in any area of my life, and as a result I’m now a stronger,smarter, and wealthier man. I no longer take pictures anymore because I have no one to please other than myself. Taking pictures of material possessions for instant validation is one of the worst approval seeking behaviors. Ask yourself this question; How much money would you spend on sneakers if you didn’t have anyone to impress? Chances are you wouldn’t spend so much of your time/energy/money investing in a culture built on insecurity. 90% of the kids still in the sneaker game are using sneakers as extensions of their insecurities. They’re trying to cover up their flaws by trying to impress other people with a “sneaker collection”.  Every purchase that they make only solidifies their egos, until the point they start to believe that what they have is who they are. If you take away the designer clothes, 2000 dollar sneakers, and fancy photos they take on a daily basis…..Many of these guys really don’t have anything else to show for themselves. 

Some men get addicted to the attention and the spotlight. Likes/re-tweets/follower counts are ways for some men to feel better about themselves because they lack self-esteem. The point is that you can’t cover your insecurities with a bunch of fancy clothes and shoes. Eventually you will have to face yourself, and when you look in the mirror you’re going to have to come to grips with the persona that you created. You can fool everyone around you, but you can never fool yourself. If your life isn’t going the way you want it to, then external validation that you receive from other people is pointless. It took a while for me to get my life together, but it all started with deleting and letting go the most precious things to me. My facebook/instagram/blog it was all preventing me from reaching my full potential as a man. I could never become who I was meant to be, if I was trying to live up to what people expected. I don’t know if that makes any sense but its a truism that I realized. We live in a “pat on the back” society.  Everyone is trying so hard to be liked and approved of. Its rare to see anyone actually doing something that genuinely makes them happy, most people only do whatever gets them the most praise.

The internet is an outlet for people to escape their problems by creating personas. The persona is a false identity that is created by the ego. Your ego will always be your worst enemy because it needs attention and validation to survive. The moment you challenge your ego for supremacy that is when the internal war in your mind begins. I’ve been waging war against myself for a long time, and now the man I want to become is now emerging from the battle. The Rhay that you knew well on facebook and instagram  no longer exists, I destroyed him. I no longer identify with my ego. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else anymore. I don’t feel the need to respond against the people who hate me anymore. More importantly I don’t feel the need to impress people with what I have anymore. I’ve reached a level where nothing affects me. There is nothing anyone can do to manipulate  me, or make me resort back to the person I used to be. I don’t care about followers *you can unfollow me if you want*…I don’t care about popularity, attention, validation, or any kind of instant gratification that comes from expressing myself in an non-genuine way. I won’t allow myself to sink back to that way of living anymore….I’m above all of it.

May God bless you.


anonymous asked:

Okay what other show let's a relationship play out like this over YEARS?! There's such a need for instant gratification with lovey stuff on tv, but the fact that we had to wait so that this could feel real and necessary made it even more amazing!

My thoughts exactly. I’m not always Scott Gimple’s biggest fan but he got this so, so right. Yesterday I read in an interview that he’d been planning to put Rick and Michonne together since season four, and I totally believe that. Not only did his statement provide some much needed validation for everything we’ve all been saying for years now, but it showed that the writers really wanted to get this relationship right. And they definitely did. 

The buildup was incredible, and the devotion that these two people have for one another was made so abundantly clear that it amazes me that there are people wondering where the relationship came from. But I’m not going to bother dwelling on the negativity. Richonne is here to stay. They love each other so much and I am so happy that I am able to witness this incredible bond. I know some of us were getting a little impatient there for a while, but I think we can all agree that it was worth the wait :)

anonymous asked:

I'm rather new to the walking dead fandom and I'm pretty scared to reblog or comment on anything because it seems anybody who says positive things about Carol gets pretty torn down by a lot of people. I'm sorry to bother you but I was just wondering if you had any advice? I'd love to be more involved, and I adore caryl but I'm so wary of getting into conflict! Outside of tumblr Carol is incredibly popular, I'm quite surprised about the reaction on here! I really adore your blog!

Hi! Welcome to the wild collective insanity of the TWD fandom on tumblr, and I genuinely hope you enjoy your stay. In order to make sure that others continue to enjoy theirs, behind the read more we go.

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