alive book

And most of all, books. They were, in and of themselves, reasons to stay alive. Every book written is the product of a human mind in a particular state. Add all the books together and you get the end sum of humanity. Every time I read a great book I felt I was reading a kind of map, a treasure map, and the treasure I was being directed to was in actual fact myself.
—  Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive
you have to fall in love with the things around you because when its 3am and you’re up crying alone, giving up all hope. sometimes the only thing that’s gonna keep you here is the stars. and that is enough.
—  you don’t always need a grand reason to stay, let the small things be enough.
My friend texted me late one night and was wondering 10 reasons to keep living. This is what I told her.
— 
  • sometimes nights will feel cold and empty when there’s no reason for it. live for these nights. embrace them. dance in them. do what you need to feel complete again, make tea, watch movies, write poetry and wear your prettiest pajamas. and when they are over, rejoice because you made yourself feel whole again. you did that. live for the nights in which you heal yourself.
  • words have more power than you think. they can save you. you need to live to see these beautiful words that will come, and sometimes they’ll come to you in the form of songs or poetry or texts or even the words that come out of your own mouth. live for these words.
  • there’s no such thing as a stupid reason to stay alive. think of these reasons and hold onto them. you want to see the finale of your favorite show? you want to wait for that clothes order to arrive? you want to play your entire volleyball season? and when those little things to look forward to run out, find more. live for the tiny things that make you happy.
  • being “something” is easier than you think. passions come across when you’re not even expecting them. you love morning tea? live for those morning cups of tea. buy a teapot, get yourself a ton of flavors of tea. try every flavor of tea known to humankind. make your own tea. open a tea shop. make a tea kettle. live for your passions.
  • boredom is a dangerous thing. I know sometimes you want to lay in bed and do nothing, and sometimes that helps but more often it doesn’t. a lot of the time staying busy will be the only thing that will help. find those little distractions and live for them. they may seem like chores or busywork but you’ll grow to love them, I promise. paint your nails, try a ton of hairstyles, go through all your drawers and throw out old stuff, do 100 sit ups, spend an hour looking through all your music and create a master playlist of your favorite stuff, research things you’ve always wondered like ‘why do cats have whiskers’, look up motivational videos, watch interviews of your favorite band. you’ll feel productive. do anything to keep your hands and mind busy. live for being busy.
  • self-love is hard to achieve and it’s a lot of work but it’s so wonderful. learn to love yourself. stop rejecting compliments, accept them and maybe you’ll finally come to see them as true. self-love isn’t thinking that you’re perfect, it’s knowing that you’re human and beautiful and you have more prettiness in you than flaws. it’s also knowing that yes, you are beautiful on the outside in your own unique way, but you are more beautiful on the inside than anything. make it your mission to finally recognize that you are a good soccer player, that you have really pretty colored hair, that you are your own worst critic and you are full of stardust and fairy kisses and you can conquer the entire world. live for loving yourself.
  • people are not as fragile as you think. you keep watering yourself down and you’re receiving watered down love. it won’t hurt them if you show your entire self in all it’s glory. it won’t hurt them to tell them what you really think. you are full of comets, stars, galaxies that they should be dying to see. show who you truly are. and if people are too fragile to handle it? leave them. if they can’t handle the complete version of you, the you that makes you happiest, the you you’re not ashamed of, then they don’t deserve you. live for being yourself.
  • we are a flawed, broken people. life doesn’t have a meaning. the universe will end someday. people get sad and hurt every day. these are all things that are true, sad, but true. sometimes we just need to acknowledge that things are true, let ourselves feel what we feel, and move on. live for acknowledgement. but also…
  • we are a flawed, broken people but that makes us all the more beautiful. life doesn’t have a meaning but you can make one for yourself. the universe will end someday so we should make it as beautiful as we can before it leaves. people get sad and hurt every day but they get better. live for positivity, live for knowing that you’ll be okay.
  • once in a while it will seem like nothing is going right. it may seem that way right now. but remember that you always, always have someone, in good times and in bad. even if everyone else abandons you, I’ll be here. I will stand by you in your brightest days and your darkest days, in my stormy skies and in my sunshiny afternoons. I will be a shoulder for you to lean on, I will do my best to make you happy when I can and help you when you’re sad. live for the people that love you and make you happy. live for me, and the countless other people that want you to keep walking this beautiful earth. live because there is so much left to see, live because there is too much left to do. live because one day, you’ll be sitting at your kitchen table with sunlight streaming through the window at just the right angle with a cup of coffee and a gentle smile on your face, and you’ll have a wonderful job and a beautiful family and friends that love you with their entire hearts, and you’ll be so, so glad that you stayed alive to witness that very moment.
10

You acted like the bad guy in front of her, but I know you’re hurt inside. I was aiming for that.

There are books so alive that you’re always afraid that while you weren’t reading, the book has gone and changed, has shifted like a river; while you went on living, it went on living too, and like a river moved on and moved away. No one has stepped twice into the same river. But did anyone ever step twice into the same book?
—  Marina Tsvetaeva

breathe.

even though you feel as though the trembling won’t ever stop and you can’t see through the tunnels that are caving in on your sight

breathe.

even though you’re quaking with the thought of impending doom and you can’t shake it from your mind

breathe.

even though you lay in bed alone wondering why you’re alive and how it would be so much easier for everyone around you if you weren’t

breathe.

because your nose and lungs and throat and chest are working together to keep you alive. and if you don’t commit to breathing, you’ll fail them.

breathe.

breathe and remember that your body is
trained to keep you alive - you just have to train your mind to do the same.

—  for whoever may need it / 3.22.17

The rain was pouring down fast as I slipped through my bedroom window. Sitting on my window sill, letting the rain soak my dirty blonde hair, I must have looked crazy to anyone looking.

But I didn’t care. My hands were shaking. My heart was racing. I felt so alive.

I felt alive. And it felt so good to feel again.

So I didn’t care how I looked.

—  N.C. // it felt great to feel anything other than emptiness.