aliens oh no

My contribution to the humans are space orcs, it’s probably been seen before but oh well.

So, You guys know about pursuit/persistence hunting right? Where we just follow the prey without stopping until it slows down or drops dead from fear and exhaustion? 

What if when aliens first discover earth, the thoughts of these bipedal predatory omnivores are bad enough but we seem pretty obsessed with farming our food so maybe we aren’t much of a threat.

Once humans are zipping about in space, that’s when they realise that these harmless bipedal omnivorous farmers are actually hunters who just never give up.

If someone hurts their crew, they just follow it for days before killing it. These soft fleshy things are terrifying. These soft fleshy things may not be the strongest or fastest but we are some of the hardest damn things to kill because we just won’t die and if we survive we won’t stop until we get you

We farm things because we can and because it’s easy. Not because we have to in order to survive.

We farm things because we’re too busy fighting each other to hunt for everything.

We stake out areas, we mimic its noises, we stalk it, we put ourselves in danger to kill a food source for fun. 

meeting an alien

Humans: hello, we come in peace. we are from a planet we call Earth.

Alien: oh yes! the bagel planet!

Humans: … what?

Alien: you are the only planet in the known galaxy that has invented bagels. we would like to make trade agreements right away.

Humans: i… okay then.

I am a Huge Nerd for alien and human interactions that go across tumblr (space Australia and Stabby come to mind) but like for real what about the human concept of luck? Each culture has its own, too, and also superstition so like this human will go nowhere near black cats but others are just like ‘oh kitty kitty kitty’.

Try to explain to someone that doesn’t understand that breaking a mirror is more than just a glass hazard. No it’s not a mystical mirror or a religious thing. It’s just a mirror, you broke it, now you get 7 earth years of bad luck. Is to the day? Who knows. But 7 years dude.

Or like that one person who always has stuff break around them. ‘Why are they banned from the engine room?’ 'Just trust us Nyrak.’

Or what about people who things always go outrageously right for. That person where any number of the things that happen should not even be able to happen, and yet here we are.

That person that has the luck/innate skill to balance anything on their nose.

Lucky numbers. The importance of the zodiac too, while we’re at it. “The stars are not in alignment” 'have you been reading that human newspaper again Marshal?’ “No, Lydia, shut up” ,Are your species sensitive to the stars, humans?, “Nyark you know if I could explain it I would but I honestly cannot”

Good luck explaining Murphy’s Law to aliens who do not have the concept of luck or cosmic mythical interference.

Someone else on tumblr pointed out that PASSENGERS might have been a more meaningful movie if it was about just THE ONE person dealing with being alone on the ship for the rest of their life.  And if, to cope, they go through and make it a point to learn everything they can about all of the other people on the ship.

And I just keep thinking about this idea.

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@klanceweek Day 3: Scars

“The bombs are in place,” Keith says, swinging his leg over his hoverbike and starting the engines.  He speeds away into the desert, grateful that his oversized green jacket blocks most of the wind.  “I’ll let you know when I’m in the clear.”

“Got it.”  Pidge grumbles some profanities under her breath.  “Almost done hacking into the security feed, so Hunk and I should have a clear visual in under a minute.”

“Man, the Garrison sure is worked up over this.” Hunk’s anxiety is clear even through the comms. “What do you think is in there?  Do you think it’s an alien? Oh God – what if it’s an angry alien trying to kill us all.”

“Don’t need to worry about it just yet,” Keith says tersely.  “We’ll find out soon.”

Pidge makes a triumphant noise. “More like we’re gonna find out now. Bringing up the camera fe –”  She inhales sharply and Hunk gasps at almost the same time.  “Holy shit.”

“What’s wrong?”  Keith grips the handles tighter, heart hammering behind his ribs.  “What did you see?”

“It’s Lance.”

Short thing for my Champion Lance AU because the prompt was perfect.  Just redrew some screencaps this time because I didn’t want to spend too long on it ahaha, I’ve got a lot of drawing to do this weekend…

“So what is your role?”

“Oh uh. I’m trained to be a biologist, but am currently a poison merchant.”
“Ah. You humans do not manufacture any biologically, so that makes sense. Is it for defence?”
“Uhm. Not really.”
“For… pest control?”
“Haha, nah. More for <<excrement and amusement>>”
“I think there was a translator issue there. What was that?”
I take it your species doesn’t do the recreational ethanol thing, eh?”
“What?!”
Look bys, its a big thing here. Fancy meals are expected to have a poison accompaniment. We brew poisons to try winning world poison competitions. We mix poisons to try and make them taste as much as fruit as possible, or as strong as possible. There’s Expensive Poisons that have smoked ingredients to taste both toxic AND burning. A bit of an acquired taste, that one.”
“….humans are weird.”

On the humans are weird thing, what about the Hadron Collider?

Like, aliens come to earth and are kind of impressed with how fast our technology is progressing, and they’re like, touring the earth and meeting the greatest minds of our generation and eventually end up at CERN.


Alien: So what are you doing here, Human Scientist of CERN?

Scientist: Oh, well, we made this machine that smashes atoms into even smaller stuff.

Alien: Oh? And how did you achieve this?

Scientist: Well, we throw them at each other at amazing speeds until they break apart. It’s actually pretty cool.

Alien: It does sound interesting.

Scientist: Right? It sucks there’s people who are pissed about it.

Alien: Excuse me?

Scientist: Well, theoretically there’s a chance that we could create a black hole if we go through this process.

Alien:

Alien:

Alien: Why do you persist in this endeavor if this is a possibility?

Scientist: It’s fuckin’ sicc


And then the aliens realize that oh, humans are only so ahead of the times is because they’re fucking crazy and just do shit. And then they leave.

Just in case.

[shot of pidge playing overwatch. the team she’s on has just lost horrendously]

pidge: gg guys

[confession booth]

pidge: (to the camera) i always make sure to say ‘gg’ at the end of the game

cameraman: (off camera) even when it’s not a good game?

pidge: what? oh, no, i’m not saying ‘good game’, i’m saying ‘get gay.’ well, i’m also kind of saying ‘get good’, but ‘gay’ and ‘good’ pretty much mean the same thing in my book.

pidge: ‘gg’ can also mean ‘good gay’. keith and i like to say that every time we pass each other in the hallway.

(shot of pidge walking through the hallway. she passes by keith, who is holding a small alien)

keith: oh, hey pidge. gg

pidge: gg to you too my dude

Submitted by @ attentiondeficitohlookasquirre

Imagine an alien species that venerates the spoken word.

Speaking is a sacred thing to them. Why wouldn’t it be? it’s the ritual exchange of information through a complex series of structures evolved over millennia. That’s a really big deal. So they only ever speak to each other in words to relay important information, like orders or thins not already obvious. Small talk either doesn’t exist or is only exchanged with your closest friends or family members. Otherwise it’s not just impolite, but practically blasphemy.

Then humans come along. At first they seem like they’re the same way–their ambassadors are eloquent and polite, and sure maybe their wording can be a little needlessly fancy, but every species is a little different and you’ve gotta make some allowances.

That’s what the aliens think until they actually meet their human crew mates.

And they discover that humans??? Will just say???? Anything?????

One human is braiding another’s hair and comments, “you have so much hair!” as if the other human didn’t know that already??? Their alien crew member is absolutely appalled at the casual use of speech to relay such pithy information. But the other human doesn’t even care???

Another human sees something funny and says “I’m dying” and the alien runs over like “OH NO WHERE DOES IT HURT” and the human is utterly baffled and says “I didn’t actually mean it” which is outrageous because why would that human dare use the power of speech to state something blatantly untrue?

The alien thinks they’ve seen the worst of it. And then a human comes out of the latrine. And they open their mouth.

“YOOOO GUYS I JUST TOOK THE BIGGEST SHIT”

Human: *juggles*
Alien: !?
Human: Oh, yeah, it’s just a trick I picked up. Just for fun. I’m not, like, a real juggler
Alien: ‘Real’ In these contexts indicates a profession? There are people who do this for money?
Human: Oh yeah! I got a friend who’s a professional juggler *finds YouTube video*
Alien: !!
Human: Yeah, and also there’s combat juggling
Alien: This is a metaphorical combat, yes? For social dominance? You do not injure each other?
Human: Well, I mean, some injuries are gonna happen. That’s why my friend – the guy in that video – he can’t do combat juggling very much. He can’t risk injury, cuz he has to perform. it’s super fun, though. 
Alien: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??