aliens like this photo

Aliens are so used to humans wanting to pet the most deadliest creatures they find because PUPPER that they have prepared on every ship with a human crewmate. They have human sitting duties and at least 2 chaperones when going planet-side, just in case they get any ideas.

Then a crew gets a human for the first time and it’s everything like what the Human Care Manual says. The human is loud, but pleasant, always joke around with the crew and was tremendous during that Flokkut Raid on Sector 6. The human even brought a camera with it to take pictures on the ship (it’s bigger than most, downright obnoxious in shape to some of the crew, but the human is happy with it, and a happy human is a bonded human)

So then they go down to a planet, letting the human explore with his chaperones. After walking for a while the group stumbles on a herd of Dwetts, elks with fish eyes and flippers. The aliens sigh cause it was bound to see creatures sooner or later, and turn to give Acceptable Reason #6 from the manual, when the human disappeared! They freak out because how did the human leave??? Does it have invisibility??? That wasn’t part of the manual!! But they hear their human saying “guys, stop moving! You’re going to upset them!”

They look down to see the human lying on his stomach looking through his camera, taking pictures. They were shocked, but did as they were told and sat down. For hours they watched the human taking photos, being as quiet as still as possible. This couldn’t be the same human??

When the human was done, it got up, stretched, and headed back for the ship. The chaperones followed suit. When they got back the captain was surprised that they returned without a creature (even with 2 chaperones, he suspected that the human would win anyway) but was astonished to hear what had happened.

“You didn’t want to take one as these ‘pets’ for the ship??”

“No???? Why would I? They aren’t domesticated, they need space to live which the ship wouldn’t supply.”

“But aren’t they cute in human terms?”

“I mean, I would say more interesting than cute. But seriously, how would we take care of it? How to feed it, groom it, keep away from all the sensitive equipment? It would be dangerous for us and it if we take one from the wild. You really want one that badly?”

“Wha- No! It’s just…you seemed to like them?”

“I mean yeah, it’s a new animal species, and I did take pictures, but not as long as I hoped for. Honestly you have to look at the ecosystem here before getting any animals on board.”

The captain immediately notified the Human Care Committee that their section on animal bonding does not apply to human subclass professional wildlife photographer

narwhalsarefalling  asked:

what if aliens just dont understand the concept of taking non professional photos like selfies and sharing them on the internet? like "John-human, you see me all the time. I do not wish to take another 'selfie' with you."

John-human was not of the sub category photographer, though they didn’t seem to be aware of that themself. No matter where they went, they brought their little ‘smartphone’ with them, seemingly for the sole purpose of photography. It was beyond irrational, especially considering that John-human was well aware that they were of the sub category physicist.

“John-human, you see me all the time. I do not wish to take another ‘selfie’ with you.” Cg’jlas said when the human suggested another photograph being taken of the two. “I have important work to do, and clearly you have a plethora of photographs of us together. What could you possibly need another one for?” It was getting to the point of being irksome, if xe were to be honest. None of the other humans seemed to consider the behaviour odd though, so xe would have to tread carefully in case xe was approaching cultural territory.

“It’s for my blog. I’ve got people asking to see another picture of us together, and I thought this’d be a good place to take one. It looks cool in here.” John-human said as if it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy. To them it probably was.

“John-human, I am unfamiliar with some of these terms.” Xe said, contracting xir twarikial tentacle in an obvious show of confusion. “What is this ‘blog’, and why have other humans requested to see your photographs? Is it not most common to enjoy photographs of humans who are well known in general, or known to the human watching?”

“Oh, well, yeah? I guess, but we also like looking at pretty people or cool people, or just pretty pictures, and it’s really you all the fuss is about. They like seeing us together.” They said, elevating their shoulders briefly. “A blog is like a content sharing site on the internet – you remember when I told you about the internet, right?”

“Yes, it was quite… interesting. So you are not confused about which sub category in which you belong?” Xe asked, hoping xe didn’t come across as rude.

“You mean my job? No, I’m a physicist, why’d I be confused about that?” They asked, doing what Cg’jlas had learned was referred to as a ‘frown’.

“Because you seemed to be under the impression that you are of the sub category photographer. I am relieved that there is no confusion, John-human.” Xe said sincerely, making sure to have xir expression and posture show it.

“What? No, they’re just selfies. Everyone takes them, it’s a thing.” They said before proceeding to call one of their fellow humans over for one of these ‘selfies’. They then moved on to show Cg’jlas how they ‘posted’ the photograph, and some they had already posted. It made very little sense, but the fellow human seemed to be treat it as something normal, walking back to their work station after agreeing that John-human could post their photograph. They had asked to be ‘tagged’ in it, which xe had absolutely no idea what meant, but xe didn’t particularly want to find out either. It would just have to be another part of humans xe didn’t quite understand. It didn’t seem like an important part after all, if a bit irksome at times when xe was trying to work or focus.

I’ve been avoiding alien: covenant spoilers aggressively for weeks because i haven’t gotten the chance to see it yet but i just stumbled on a photoset of robot micheal fassbander kissing a clone of himself and I’m not even mad because I’m pretty sure if I had to watch that scene unprepared it might trigger my fight or flight response 


THE PLANTS IN Craig Burrows’ photos look like something plucked from an alien planet, sprouting wild shades of violet, pink and green. But the plants, and the colors are real.

It’s the result of a cool trick of nature. All plants reflect light. Leaves reflect green, and flowers reflect red, or yellow, or whatever. But plants also fluoresce, which means when they absorb ultraviolet light, they emit longer wavelengths visible to the human eye. It’s the same thing that happens with a black-light poster.

15 years since Rainie and Sunnie debuted as 4 In Love