Alien: You’re telling me that in times of great distress humans have been known to suddenly gain the strength necessary to lift objects more than a dozen times their own weight?!

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Alien: Fuck you and your entire species of tiny juggernauts.

4

Thinking of doing some patches or pins for my LGBTQIA cryptid and paranormal lovers! Whaddyathink?

Also send me suggestions for more, they’re in development!


EDIT: Prints available now on Etsy at www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedpine

Alien: What are you doing?

Human, petting a cat: She’s sweet and sleepy, so I’m petting her.

Alien: But why is this other carnivore inside your home? Is it competing for territory?

Human: Lots of people have cats, they’re pets. But I mean, I’ve kind of accepted that she basically owns the place by now.

Alien: Does she serve any function for housekeeping? She seems too small the guard your home.

Human: Nah, she just naps all day mostly. She has been known to shred the furniture, though.

Alien: She provides no service and destroys your property and yet you allow her in your home anyway?! Why would y-

Cat: *starts purring and kneading paws*

Alien: *soft gasp*

Consider: Aliens find humans goddamn adorable.

“Look at them! They dance with others of their species they’ve never met before just for their shared love of certain sound patterns! That is so sweet!”

“The humans have told me that this process is called ‘hugging’, and it involves simply holding each other to release endorphins. Isn’t that precious? Look how happy they are!”

“Humans have a physical response called 'laughter’ to indicate high positive emotions and humor. It seems to be infectious, as one laughing human can easily cause laughter and endorphin responses in other humans!”

“They pack bond so easily, even with inanimate objects. A human companion of mine recently purchased a small 'cactus’ plant simply because it was not shaped as perfectly as the rest and she wished to give it a home. She has named it Bartholomew.”

“Yes, my own human friend has displayed this tendency as well. When I questioned her, she expressed that she has pack-bonded with me. I felt I must perform a 'hug’ in order to express how adorable she is.”

“My human companion has adopted another, smaller Earth predator into his home. I frequently find him carrying it around or napping with it simply to share companionship and feel the vibrations the creature produces. He very often expresses how adorable and precious the feline is, though he does not seem to realize that he is similarly so.”

“The humans record themselves playing pretend and telling stories so other humans can watch them. I have samples of these 'movies’ to share with the rest of the observation party. For research purposes.”