alien paul


ok so ,,,, here’s the promised video of me and @uselessprotag ‘s adventures,,,, i had the time of my life with her and hope i can see her again soon somehow (i miss her so goddamn much you have no idea)

also big shoutout to @raythrill and @huitality bc we kind of met thanks to both of you, and we’re really grateful for that, also your friendship is Iconic

and a message from pauls to both of u

‘‘ If it wasn’t for ya goofs Id be a sad man with like -2 friends. Julia made my life so much better and it’s all thanks to both of you. If, by any chance, one of you (or both) end up in Warsaw I’ll find you and buy you a shit-ton of good candy.

Papa bless yall’’-@uselessprotag

My Turn to contribution to ‘humans are weird’

Imagine aliens landing in somewhere like Australia and Canada studying the animals and humans being like this makes sense so far also seeing our metric system being like this makes logical sense. 

Alien: so you start temperature with 0 at water freezing point and 100 at boiling point got it 

Human: yup we’re pretty smart 

Alien: is there anything else I need to know before I go to America 

Human: no I think you’re good to go. Oh wait they hav- 

Alien: *teleports to America* 

Human: they have the imperial system *sigh*

Alien: greetings human can you tell me where I am and the current temperature as well as what you would like to be called how tall you are, how much you weigh and if you’re a permanent resident of this area 

Human: are yea sure you’re in Texas and it’s currently *checks phone* 85 degrees, I’m 6 foot 2 and weigh 158 pounds and yea you can call me Paul. I live here do you want me to show u around or something- 

Alien: ok 85 degrees… Wait 85 degrees the human doctor Dave told me that I can’t light humans on fire because they cannot survive in high temperatures. Have you Americans evolved to withstand such high temperatures? 

Human: Wait no Dave’s right I think you’ve just been around Celsius in America we use Fahrenheit 

Alien: ok, and you said you were six feet two 

*Picks up human by ankle to measure foot* 

Alien: strange the human Tiffany never said you measured things in body parts 

Human: I didn’t mean literal feet they’re just called that, a foot is 12 inches Americans use the imperial system. Now can you put me down. 

Alien: can you inform me which other countries use this system 

Human: uh we’re basically the only ones 

Alien: *stops transcribing and stares at human Paul* 

Alien: *writes* note Americans are the ★▷▶♂✛✣⬜◀▶ of Earth they do not listen to reason and measure things in body parts