alien dudes

  • alien: hello i come in peace
  • me: bro wtf an alien
  • alien: yeah totally
  • me: dude that is awesome how can i totally be of assistance
  • alien: take me to your lizards
  • me:
  • me: bro did u mean leader
  • alien: *hands me a satellite image of a t rex* nah bro take me to your lizards
  • me: bro...... you just.... im sorry bro....you just missed um man........ u just barely missed them

i hate when scientists on tv are like ‘this planet cant have aliens on it because there’s no water! the atmosphere is wrong! theres not enough heat to sustain life!’ because dude theyre aliens, nobodys saying they need any of those things to exist

Hunk: Hey, quick question? 

Lance: Shoot.

Hunk: Are we even sure that the mice are mice?

Lance: Well… I mean… when we got here they looked like mice so I guess we all just kind of assumed that they were mice? Which, when you think about it, is honestly kind of weird. ‘Cause the mice are 10,000 year old aliens dude… which kind of implies that mice are universal?? Like, Altea had them, and Earth has them. What are the odds of that? We’re a gazillion miles from home, but we still have mice. What could that mean? … Dude. Are the mice actually mice?

Hunk:

Hunk: Gonna be honest with you, I meant for this conversation to go a completely different way, but what you’re saying is really cool and now I’m interested in discussing this as a group.

Lance: Aw, thanks buddy! But what were you gonna say?

Hunk: I was gonna say that, are we sure the mice are actually mice? Because it feels like every time we tell them something, they……… rat us out!

Lance: 

Lance: You’re awful.

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

Some Nerd: You see, we humans communicate with each other not only through verbal sounds, but also using signals with our body, especially our hands. For example, when I raise my arm like this and wave it back and forth…

Alien: Dude, we’ve been observing your planet for decades. We know about fucking waving, you asshole.

Some Nerd: Oh. I’m sorry, I thought…

Alien: Can you tell us why some humans live in excessive luxury while others live in poverty despite you all sharing the same planet, and have had the technology to transport goods across oceans for over a century?

Some Nerd: Eh….

Alien: Didn’t think so, numbnuts.

4

Blank bottle meme!!!
Hell yeaaaaahh!!!! I love to drawing this!!!♥♥
Is Sooo fun!!!!!!♥♥♥>w<

“My boyfriend’s really into aliens,” Gigi Hadid tells me in a conference room at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center in Florida—a hairstylist, a manicurist, and a makeup artist tending to her like blue jays fluttering around a cartoon princess. It’s barely 7 a.m., and she’s running on four hours’ sleep, having flown in from Paris the night before. She’s wearing leather pants and a neon-orange long-sleeved tee emblazoned with lyrics from the latest single by said boyfriend, former One Direction member Zayn Malik.
— 

via Harper’s Bazaar (June/July Issue)