Person A: “Aliens are real dude.”
Person B: “Then how come we don’t know any of them?”
Person A: “Dude, humans suck. Why would they want to present themselves to us?”
Person B: “You are right, we do suck.”
i hate when scientists on tv are like ‘this planet cant have aliens on it because there’s no water! the atmosphere is wrong! theres not enough heat to sustain life!’ because dude theyre aliens, nobodys saying they need any of those things to exist
Lance: Well… I mean… when we got here they looked like mice so I guess we all just kind of assumed that they were mice? Which, when you think about it, is honestly kind of weird. ‘Cause the mice are 10,000 year old aliens dude… which kind of implies that mice are universal?? Like, Altea had them, and Earth has them. What are the odds of that? We’re a gazillion miles from home, but we still have mice. What could that mean? … Dude. Are the mice actually mice?
Hunk: Gonna be honest with you, I meant for this conversation to go a completely different way, but what you’re saying is really cool and now I’m interested in discussing this as a group.
Lance: Aw, thanks buddy! But what were you gonna say?
Hunk: I was gonna say that, are we sure the mice are actually mice? Because it feels like every time we tell them something, they……… rat us out!
Some Nerd: You see, we humans communicate with each other not only through verbal sounds, but also using signals with our body, especially our hands. For example, when I raise my arm like this and wave it back and forth…
Alien: Dude, we’ve been observing your planet for decades. We know about fucking waving, you asshole.
Some Nerd: Oh. I’m sorry, I thought…
Alien: Can you tell us why some humans live in excessive luxury while others live in poverty despite you all sharing the same planet, and have had the technology to transport goods across oceans for over a century?
“My boyfriend’s really into aliens,” Gigi Hadid tells me in a conference room at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center in Florida—a hairstylist, a manicurist, and a makeup artist tending to her like blue jays fluttering around a cartoon princess. It’s barely 7 a.m., and she’s running on four hours’ sleep, having flown in from Paris the night before. She’s wearing leather pants and a neon-orange long-sleeved tee emblazoned with lyrics from the latest single by said boyfriend, former One Direction member Zayn Malik.