alice watches all the television

anonymous asked:

I saw JessicaNJpa get asked this question and I'd like to hear your thoughts: do you think the cullens have any running jokes or little familial nuances they bring up that happened like fifty years ago?

Haha ohhh yes. I mean, most of them are more recent, and I’ll start with those cause I love them.

(this is actually something that’ll happen in TLP, but let’s be honest, we can guess this is pretty much canon). Esme,Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Bella (and Edward, because Bella is) are all watching a TV show, when a female character gets killed. She was one of Rose’s favorites, and thus she starts an annoyed rant about all the reasons the death was unnecessary and poorly executed. Edward rolls his eyes and huffs: “ Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?.” Rosalie snarls through her teeth: “ She was the only one on the show I actually loved!”, and Edward huffs some more. “ I know, but I still think you’re overreacting just a little bit.” Rose starts to argue back, but Emmett just scoffs. “Nah Ed, if she was overreacting, she’d be on her way to Volterra right now, with her shirt off.”  For a second everyone hesitates, like they do after most of Emmetts jokes, but then Bella snorts and starts laughing, Alice starts giggling and Jasper chuckles from behind the couch where he was reading, and Rosalie shoots a satisfied smirk in Edwards direction. He can’t decide who he should be more annoyed with, Emmett, or Rosalie, or maybe Bella for laughing so much. Or maybe, Esme, who reproached Emmett, but whose shoulders were shaking suspiciously.
After that, it becomes a running gag. Whenever something goes awry, Emmett pulls of his shirt, throws it on the floor and dashes towards the doors with a shouted: “NO MORE OF THIS WOE; VOLTERRA, HERE I COME!”

Back when E/B started dating (before the whole James Drama ) Edward got a call from a sleep clinic. They had received his resume and were most impressed and wanted to invite him for an interview. He politely declined like the good boy he is, saying unfortunately he had found another position already, ended the call, turned around and hollered: “EMMETT”  A burst of laughter could be heard upstairs and a called: “ I thought you were into watching people sleep now, I just wanted to be helpful. High School over soon man, you gotta find a job!”  ( And this whole watching Bella sleep think is not something he’ll live down soon. Say, for the next faour centuries or so.)

It’s not just Eddie though. Back when Esme was freshly turned and Carlisle fell for her and they weren’t together, there were certainly moments of embarrassment for both of them. Edward respects them too much to make fun of them, but he made the mistake of telling Emmett some stories, who harbours no such restraints. For example, freshly enarmoured Carlisle once asked Esme in an attempt to know her better and connect with her past, what her favorite vegetable was. Which isn’t too embarassing in itself, but the fact that he almost breathed the question and simultaneously perched his chin on his hand while asking sealed the deal. After Emmett heard of it, it was practically impossible for him to ask any question with out repeating that little performance.

Which isn’t to say that Emmett got away without his own share of mocking. His besotted “Rosalie Stare” still gets reinacted, but unfortunately, Emmett isn’t as easily embarrassed. There is a story however, that still makes him grind his teeth- from way back when he was still newborn. They were out hunting, and Emmett, very young and full of energy and without any hunting technique, lunged for a deer teeth-first. He crashed through five trees, but the sixth, a big oak, didn’t break. Instead, Emmett hung half in the air, teeth burried in the wood, Of course it was easy for him to break free, but not soon enough for Edward and Carlisle to see him and to start laughing, His expression when he spat out wood didn’t help- nor when Carlisle said: “ Emmett, I do commend your comittment to the cause, but I am afraid you misunderstood when we said we are vegetarians.” Sometimes when he annoyes Edward, Edward just buys him a beaver onesie and tells him to go build a dam.

And then of course there’s Esme’s little crush on Bon Jovi.