Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.
“They had you wrapped up like a present yesterday. Like you were his reward.”
Remember Feyre’s response? “So?”
Remember how angry Rhys was at the response? I can agree with him.
Because Feyre was so sick that she honestly didn’t care that Tamlin practically owned her. She didn’t care that she was his goddamn REWARD, as if he had done some heroic thing. As if he hadn’t sat and watched while Feyre faced trials and was dying in the dungeons. She hated herself so much and was so reliant on Tamlin and Ianthe that Tamlin could’ve hit her and raped her and done whatever else to her, and she probably would have fought back the first few times, but would stop fighting after a while.
So some people say there’s nothing wrong with her response. I say that EVERYTHING was wrong with her response.
And you know what? Here’s another reason I love Rhysand: he brought back that fight in her. Even the first time she came to the Night Court, she fought him because she loathed him. She gained her power back slowly because he helped her realize she never lost it in the first place. And when she grew to like him, that fight didn’t fade. In fact, it thrived. She healed because Rhys helped her understand she was sick. And when she wasn’t sick anymore, and was able to see that she’d been wrong, he stayed with her. Bonded with her. Loved her. Tamlin hated the fight in Feyre and wanted to stop it; Rhys embraced that flame and fanned it to make it grow.
And you know what? If Feyre looked back now and remembered saying “So?” in response to Rhys’ observation, I’m sure she’d be horrified about it.
Her strength is the most imspiring thing in the whole ACOTAR series to me. Yes, the whole “Court of Dreams” thing is wonderful, and having friends as amazing as the Inner Circle is cool, too, but nothing is as awesome (and I mean “awesome” in the old way, not the new) as seeing Feyre overcome her demons, love herself, and become such a strong figure. I aspire to be like her one day. So thank you, Sarah J. Maas, because you did more for me through your stories than most ever would’ve bothered to in real life.
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” - Alice Walker