i am in hell, the way john’s face changes when he realizes sherlock doesn’t even think he is john’s best friend, like holy shit, he goes from utter shock to disbelief to pain and dread, he’s like “what the FUCK, this beautiful, fantastic, perfect man lives and breathes and he doesn’t even let himself think he is worthy of being my best friend” and next he feels the overwhelming tenderness, he wants to let sherlock know, he wants to make him see