To keep track of Damian, Bruce embedded 4 tiny tracking chips into his Robin uniform. Of course, Damian promptly found and removed them all within a month. He then preceded to surgically plant them within Alfred T. Cat, Titus, Batcow, and Jerry T. Turkey. But what Damian doesn’t know is that Bruce actually planted a 5th chip underneath Damians skin, during the first time that Alfred had to sew a knife wound closed. Like Father, Like Son.
- Two words: family dinners. Every night the dining room suffers at least two knives thrown at the wall and no fewer than three plates tossed onto the floor
- There is an ongoing prank competition between Dick, Jason, and Cass. Every day is a challenge with booby-trapped doors and the possibility of shaving cream being on any given surface. There are no winners; only survivors.
- Damian once made the mistake of bringing all of his pets into the manor at once. That included Titus, Alfred, Batcow, Jerry, and Goliath. Alfred had never seen a bigger disaster in his entire life and Tim stills faints when he sees catnip.
- It took them four years to find all of Barbara’s hidden cameras, and there’s still one they haven’t yet discovered.
- At this point everyone not only has a birthday party each year, but they also each have a death day party from when they’d died or fake-died.
- Jason has a hidden candy stash that everyone secretly steals from. Dick still has the bullet hole scar on his arm from when Jay caught him sneaking a Snickers bar.
- Stephanie decided to have a Halloween party at the manor, and some kid somehow managed to find the Batcave. He still has a concussion and can’t remember up to a week before that night.
- The Outlaws are no longer allowed within two miles of the house.
- Or the Titans.
- Or the Birds of Prey.
- Or Miley Cyrus (Not after last time).
- It has been only 9 days since the last fire.
- There are still 14 Easter eggs that Bruce hid that have not been recovered yet.
- There are at least two broken arms per week, most of which have been caused by sibling-on-sibling violence.
- Dick once managed to break into Bruce’s liquor cabinet, and he still hasn’t found that missing shoe or his mattress.
- Cass steals everyone’s clothing, so now locking one’s closet has become a thing in the manor.
- Jason once left a note on the fridge by shooting it repetitively to spell out “WENT CLUBBING, L8TER”
- Roy lived in their house for a week when they went on vacation.
- Nerf gun wars every Sunday, hosted by Alfred.
- TIM. Just Tim in general. This kid is a mess. He makes them all seem like a bunch of filthy hobos what with his cluelessness regarding fashion and the days he stumbles around in a coffee-induced haze.
- Freeze tag tournaments on rooftops during patrol.
- Alfred knows more about cleaning up blood than a Civil War trauma surgeon in the middle of a battlefield.
- Certain Disney movies are not allowed because they trigger bad memories for some of them like The Lion King (Dick), Dumbo (Damian), Finding Nemo (Bruce), Frozen (Jason), and Big Hero 6 (Tim), just to name a few.
- Stephanie sometimes will steal little rich-people things from the manor and sell them on Ebay.
- Bruce once made the mistake of hiring a clown for Dami’s birthday and every single one of his kids beat that poor guy into a bloody pulp.
Feeling a little panicked rn so here’s what makes the batboys calm down.
Flowers calm Jason down. One sniff and he’s in another world, one without annoying brothers and bothersome fathers. He likes the ones with a strong scent, but the looks aren’t bad either, he’ll write what he sees and smells, make poems and masterpieces. Although they never get to be noticed, it’s nice to get back to his old activities.
Bruce likes pink. It’s a nice color and it takes him away from the darkness in his life, especially the light pinks. Kate got him a blanket that he keeps in his closet so that his kids don’t embarrass him, he sits in there and stares at the color, the pink glow in a dark space, and focuses on the light, fluffy feeling. He’s never as calm as he is with that blanket.
Duke likes to eat. Peanut butter? Heck yes! He sits outside with a jar and some of Alfred’s scones, or on really pressing days Alfred gives him a table FULL of food. The way he decorates them or makes them look SOOOO good, it’s very nice to sit there and feel the breeze with some food, nothing to worry about, even if just for a little bit.
Damian has a lot of things to calm him down. Titus, Alfred the cat, Batcow, Jerry, Painting, Training. Y'know… the usual. What you don’t know? When it gets really bad, he hides out in his closet like his dad. Instead of a pink blanket? He has a stuffed little bat. He hugs it and talks to it, sometimes he pretends it’s his dad. It calms him down just to be near it, sometimes Titus will join them when he notices that Damian is missing but Titus isn’t like the stuffed bat, Bruce got Damian that bat, he won it for him when they went with Talia and Dick to the carnival. It was the best day of his life, nothing else could compare.
Tim likes to yell randomly. Believe it or not, this is the best medicine for feeling sleepy and/or panicked. The reactions to it isn’t so bad either.
Cass is never scared when Tim screams, but she knows what it means so she cuddles with him. She’s the only one except for Alfred who knows about the other Bat’s habits because she’s so observant. She cuddles when she’s upset, the grip is deadly, do not break it.
It’s officially the first snowfall of the year where I live!
Look at it. Behold that beautiful white stuff. Reason #1 for why I love New York.
Aaaaaanyways… even though I already got a wonderful ask last night for some winter Batfamily headcanons, I STILL HAVE SO MANY MORE. And of course I had to post them all, so yeah.
- Alfred makes the world’s best hot chocolate. Nobody is really sure how he does it, but this amazing British man has achieved chocolate perfection and he makes it by the gallon for his family in the winter.
- At first Damian had no idea how to make a snow angel when he first came to the manor, so the first time it snowed Dick dedicated an entire day to teaching him how to make perfect snow angels.
- Everyone in the family finds it adorable to watch Cass playing in the snow. She spends the whole time catching tiny snowflakes on the tip of her tongue and for some reason her brothers and father are in awe of the cuteness. Most of the time either Dick or Bruce will just run over and give her a huge hug and she has no idea why.
- Tim is the only one who hates the snow. It’s not even for any good reason, really, he’d just never gotten the chance to play in it like a normal kid when he was younger, so he never understood its appeal. That doesn’t stop Jason from pelting him with snowballs whenever he steps foot outside.
- For some reason Jason can never not slip on a patch of ice. Even if he hasn’t seen any ice for a mile, it will find him and he will end up falling on his butt and cursing up a storm.
- Of Damian’s pets, Titus, Goliath, and Batcow all adore the snow. They love running in it and stuffing their faces into the cold white stuff. Alfred the Cat and Jerry the Turkey, however, won’t even leave Damian’s room when there’s so much as a tiny flurry outside.
- The Batfamily takes snowball fights waaaaaay too seriously. The majority of the time an innocent snowball fight will end with Jason suffocating in a snow pile, Cass pelting Damian with snowballs until he’s unconscious, Dick tackling Steph off a building and into a giant snowbank, and Tim crying when Barbara won’t help him dig himself out of a pile of snow he’s stuck in. Alfred always keeps a first aid kit handy, just in case.
- Barbara and Dick sing Christmas carols incessantly the second they see a snowflake. Let It Snow, Winter Wonderland, Sleigh Ride, and especially Baby It’s Cold Outside, in which they perform a perfect duet that puts the one from Elf to shame.
- Speaking of which, Stephanie never ceases with her insane amount of Christmas movie references during the winter. It drives the rest of the Batfam nuts.
- Bruce’s kids once stole one of his cowls and put it on their snowman, calling it a Snowbat and proudly displaying it in the front yard.
- Jason mentions his death 10x more during the winter and he finds it hilarious. “Man, it’s so cold outside.” “You know what else was cold? My body after I died.” “I hope I get a puppy for Christmas.” “You know what I want? To not die again and miss Christmas this year.” “God dammit Jason."
- Steph and Cass sometimes take down criminals with snowballs instead of normal weapons after it snows, and everyone else finds it hilarious.
- Damian is a shorty, so sometimes he needs Bruce to carry him around so he won’t sink into the deep piles of snow.
- Tim is always freezing during the winter. He could be wearing three layers of clothing, a heated blanket, fuzzy socks, and be sitting in front of the fireplace, but for some reason he is always cold. Most of the time Dick, Cass, or Steph will notice and go cuddle with him to make him warmer.
- Barbara makes lots of snow puns. It drives the rest of the family insane when they’re taking down a villain and over the comms they hear "I guess Two-Face didn’t real-ICE that there’s SNOWMAN who could rob a bank without Batman getting him. Maybe he should try robbing a SNOWBANK next time.” And then Dick goes “ICY what you did there” while Bruce just facepalms.
- Every person in the family has at least three Batman-themed items of winter clothing. Jason always teases Bruce with his Batman hat, and Cass loves her Batgirl mittens.
Just wanted to share these Father’s Day related panels from the hilarious and endearing L'il Gotham #6 (2013) written by Derek Fridolfs with artwork by @dustinnguyen (Dustin also co-writes). Anyways, hope this brightens everyone’s day and junk. I’m spending more time away from the Internet tomorrow so I can hang out with my own father.
Pairing: Jason Todd x reader, Platonic! Damian + Reader.
Side note: The other stories are not finished in time for tonight, my apologies. I would blame the cat who refused to move and let me write, but he’s kinda cute and personal responsibility.. Ahh. Also is it just me or has the web version changed the way it holds the format? Because thats screwing me too.
“I’m sorry i got you sick. “ the boy hung his head and glared at the floor missing the sympathetic smile you offered him before you sneezed.
“It’s okay.” You said as you lay on the couch “Don’t be.”
As a natural consequence, you had caught what he had while he recovered. You felt like death and could only imagine what he was going through and to both yours and Jason’s surprise, he was a better caretaker than he was a patient. This however came more of a shock to Jason.
“Move.” Jason muttered to Damian as he walked over with the breakfast tray, and Damian glared as he watched Jason kiss you on the forehead
“Leave her alone Todd she needs to rest.”
Damian growled, earning a weird look from Jason. “And don’t even think about bringing your ‘friends’ over.”
“Damian not to be rude.” Jason started by pinching his nose “but this is my house, and you do not tell me what I do.”
“Not that I care for your ego Todd, I care for Y/N’s recovery and your friends are too loud.”
“They’re no louder than Dick.” Jason rolled his eyes
“Who is also not allowed near the vicinity.”
You whined as the couch moved underneath Jason’s movement, and moved your head further into the pillow as another wave of nausea hit you. Following your movements, you felt Jason’s hand slowly rub up and down your back.
“Damian, go play outside for a bit or something.” Jason sighed
“No it’s fine, i’m up.” You mumbled weakly from the pillows that were propping your head up
“Alright. I’ll be back with the medicine okay - i’ll be less than a minute. Damian, be quiet and just chill okay?” Jason said before giving you a final kiss and walking out of the house.
The second Damian heard the door click his brain went into motion.
Snatching up the remote he turned on the television and operated the device with remote as he filled a glass with water.
“So what do you like to watch?”
“Then blood and gore then.” the boy smirked and chuckled as you scrunched up your nose “i was joking.”
“Lilo and Stitch.” You said after he finished his water and he nodded, putting it on.
“What are you doing?” You asked as he sat at the end of the couch. He could’ve chosen any other seat that was available and he chose to sit on the couch.
“Sitting down.” He said dryly before sorting through the DVD’s, putting the movie in and returning to his spot.
“So you and Todd want to have a child.” He spoke up as the title sequence started
“We’ve been thinking about it.” You admitted
“Don’t you think our family is big enough?” He asked keeping his eyes transfixed on the screen as the alien was deemed too dangerous to be allowed to live freely.
“Our family?” You responded with a weird look
“Yes.” He coughed awkwardly before continuing “Like myself, father, Grayson, Gordon.”
“Brown, Alfred, Jerry, Todd, You,”
“Damian.” You tried calling over to him again but he was lost in his own ramble.
“I guess even that oversized Toddler.”
“Damian.” You groaned “Are you worried we’re not going to have time for you?”
“No!” He refuted quickly “I just don’t think it’s necessary and i am not babysitting.”
“We’ll have other babysitters Damian.” You chuckled as you pushed yourself up.
“I’m not worried.” He huffed and refocused his attention to the movie. “But Harper might blow its bear up. And I just. If you ever need anything -”
“Damian, you’ll still be welcome to come over for anything.” You attempted to reassure him
“Look it’s not that - i just.”
“Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind.” You said as you poked his cheek and you heard the door open.
“I leave for two minutes.” Jason shook his head holding the bag of medication in his hands “and you’re supposed to be resting.”
You poked your tongue out at him as he approached
“The medicine will send me to sleep anyway.” You replied as he kissed your forehead and opened the bottle to give you some.
“Why are you so accepting of it?” Damian asked you with a raised eyebrow “It tastes horrible.”
“Because i enjoy sleep and i’m sick of being sick.” You laughed dryly and took the medicine.
“And when you have a baby you’ll be sick all the time and will never sleep again.” He said quietly but loud enough for you and Jason to hear.
“What if you were allowed to teach the baby one thing?” Jason said carefully attempting to bargain with his brother to finally shut up about it, as he sat down and leant you on his chest.
“That would be acceptable.” Damian accepted “Now would you prefer sword mastery or how to properly care for all animals?”
“Don’t make me regret this.” Jason sighed as Damian continued
“You’ll have find better accommodation for BatCow. Especially if my little brother wants to take on my mantle.” Damian muttered quietly to himself