alex-satansnightout-deactivated  asked:

I don't know what I hate more. The fact you're actually a vampire or the fact there was nothing I could do to stop you or Lestat from it happening. I'm lost for words. I can't breathe, and everything hurts. He'd better fucking take really good care of you or there'll be hell to pay, Cooks. I swear it.

“… Alex? Who told you?
Lestat was trying to take care of me, alright? He’s trying and this seemed to be the fittest way to do that. Don’t fucking dare hold a grudge against him, please. It’s going to ruin you, Alex. As for hell to pay, I know. He probably knows it as well as I do if something happens to me…
I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry it had to be this way. I’m sorry you couldn’t save my life again. I’m sorry that you’re hurting…
I just— I couldn’t run, you know? I just couldn’t. And my head hurted and everything was so fucking fast! I didn’t know what the fuck was happening until it started to happen! I didn’t want it to happen, please believe that. I really didn’t want to but… It seemed as though I already accepted death the minute I saw Lestat again and I didn’t know it was going to be this soon. None of us did.
Please just try to calm down. It’s not good for you.
Larry can’t know any of this shit, okay? Not until I tell him.
God knows he’s going to go and get a machete. Shit will go down.
And Alex? Know that I love you, man. I really fucking do. Thanks for taking care of me all these years, okay?”

anonymous asked:

Dear Best Friend,

sent to: alex-satansnightout

                    Dear Main Bitch That’s Named Alex The Gazelle,

    I know you’ve been troubled these last few days and I know that it’s my fault. Perhaps you’ll fight me in saying that no, it wasn’t my fault nor Lestat’s because truly, it was a better option due to the circumstance. No, that’s what you will do. You have been telling me to not say sorry, to not do anything for you or Larry, not to do this or that…

   I understand that I will not be going anywhere soon, I am sorry to inform you. I will be limited to see you and Larry and the fans for… A while. I don’t know how I can ‘control’ this thirst if I get to be on the road all the time or how to stray safe knowing that other vampires might be wicked enough to ruin us all. I don’t want this, us, the band to end, just like I know you don’t. You may have to fill in for me for a few months, years perhaps, until I know what I can progress on and until I know that I won’t kill you or Larry.

    Heaven, Hell, even fucking Purgatory and anything else that may as well fit in the afterlife, knows that I cannot live to see you die, especially if I’m the reason for it. The universe also knows that I’m not prepared to serve this blessed curse, to live in a eternity without you or with you. I just— I don’t want you to suffer, either. I don’t want you or your brother to suffer or to separate or to do whatever the fuck may happen.


   You guys are literally the only family I know. Perhaps not as a immortal but, as a mortal and that is very fucking important to me and is the biggest gratitude that I will hold dear to me no matter who I am or where I go.

   You know how fucked up my life was before I met you? You know well enough as I do that I didn’t know how to feel or love or just be anything…

   I will miss smelling the fucking cigarettes in your fucking clothes when I fucking hugged you. No, I miss it.

   I miss seeing you smile and laugh. I miss having drunken fights with you and throwing the bottle and missing your deer-like face. I miss trying to pretend to kill you when I’m mad. I miss it when I was sad, confused, or angry that a simple pie from you did the trick. I miss the times in where Larry was our messenger when we take a break from tour and live in separate homes when we both get sick. I miss our jokes. I miss just trying to make you happy just by yelling the word ‘penis’ and being a total baby. I miss acting like a complete and total little shit around you. I miss pretending that for once that I always hated you.

    I miss it when we get drunk and we ‘accidentally’ kiss each other and pretend that the next day, it never happened.

    I miss the fact that the reason why we got sick at the same time was because when one was initially sick, the other would come to the house and watch a movie and we’d cuddle, almost as though that was going to make everything better.

    You know what I miss the most? Especially when we had our minds set a day before Death Valley that we were going to die? I miss, miss, miss the shitty fact on that shitty ass day that we choose to get high, talk about our lives, and cuddle. Totally accepting the fact that if we were to die the next day, we might as well spend our last night together, on the floor, holding each other while Larry spent his time with the groupie.

   When is that ever going to happen again?

   When is all that ever going to fucking happen again?
   That is why I just want you to know, in case I remove you from my life in certain pieces or in case I remove you for too long that you may pass away, that I will miss you. That, and that I love you. I loved you and I always did even though we never had the fucking guts to do anything about it and I hate myself for knowing that we may as well never have a beginning or an ending.

  I just really fucking love you. 

  My freaking gazelle…

  I’ll write to you later, man.