alexander the great's horse

“If it were not my purpose to combine barbarian things with things Hellenic, to traverse and civilize every continent, to search out the uttermost parts of land and sea, to push the bounds of Macedonia to the farthest Ocean, and to disseminate and shower the blessings of the Hellenic justice and peace over every nation, I should not be content to sit quietly in the luxury of idle power, but I should emulate the frugality of Diogenes. But as things are, forgive me Diogenes, that I imitate Herakles, and emulate Perseus, and follow in the footsteps of Dionysos, the divine author and progenitor of my family, and desire that victorious Hellenes should dance again in India and revive the memory of the Bacchic revels among the savage mountain tribes beyond the Kaukasos…” 

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Alexander the Great

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Graphic - Alexandre-Georges-Henri Regnault

Imagine Xenophon or Alexander the Great or really any ancient horse person learning about modern horse drawn carriages. I don’t mean pleasure carriages like

I mean like Marathon Carriages like

Now a days most people hate modern carriages because they think their ugly. They want “beautiful” antique carriages made out of wood and wicker. But I think ancient horse people would love them. They would lose their minds to see a modern carriage! 

Hinged closed loop shafts! Your carriage is now an ATV! GO ANYWHERE! NO ROADS NEEDED! GO PONY! GO!

BRAKES! YOU CAN GO DOWN STEEPER HILLS FASTER BECAUSE YOU CAN STOP YOUR CARRIAGE FROM RUNNING YOUR PONY OVER!!! 

Shocks- you can literally take your carriage down small drops and not be thrown out of the carriage! Also see that whole NO ROADS thing above. OR JUST RUN OVER YOUR DEAD ENEMIES WITHOUT FEAR! 

THE FRONT AXLE CAN TURN INDEPENDENT OF THE REAR AXLE! So much less fishtailing, such tighter turns! GO TEARING AROUND A CORNER IN 5 m INSTEAD OF 10! GET THAT LAST ASSHOLE SOLDIER THAT YOU MISSED ON THE FIRST PASS

Not to even mention the addition of Navigators! OMG they would love navigators! A navigator is basically a human acting as a counterweight that allows you to go EVEN FASTER through our already insane tight turns without flipping the carriage over!

KICKING STRAPS! Bucking ponies can’t get a leg over the shaft and break it!

They would fucking love CDE marathons. 

Like it’s not obvious from that picture but those people are going 35 mph based on how hard that navigator is leaning out. Like 10, 20 meter turns around hard wooden barriers at 20-35 mph! Because it’s a race. But it isn’t any horse race, it’s a horse race with a course like this

And I can’t imagine how excited ancient horse people would be to see this, to see modern carriages and all the amazing things they can do. 


I spent a lot of time thinking about this today.

Caltrops, nails or spikes twisted so that one side is always sticking up while the other three form a stable base. Still used today, they have a surprisingly ancient history. Referred to as “crow’s-feet” by the Macedonian author Polyaenus, caltrops were deployed by the Persian leader King Darius III during the Battle of Gaugamela in 331 BCE. The Macedonian army of Alexander the Great was renowned for their horses and chariots, and the caltrops were really really bad for them. Of course Alexander the Great won anyway. He even used caltrops himself in later battles.