alexander and co

hamilton characters as club penguin bans
  • Washington: Stop screaming children it will be over soon
  • Jefferson to Lafayette: I could kill you right now, no one would hear you scream, I could go back and pretend to be you, they wouldn't even realize you were missing
  • Hercules: Fashion police, you're definitely under arrest
  • Aaron: You're tearing this family apart, god damn why can't you do it right
  • Alexander: 911 what is your emergency, what do you mean you're being murdered, people can't do that.
  • Jefferson: Put it on the menu
  • Alexander: You should jump cos no one likes you lol
  • Angelica: When I see stars I think of you, because you're only beautiful from a distance
  • Peggy: I heard you like the bad penguins, I don't want to brag but, I didn't sign up with my parents permission
  • Alexander: Help I can't swim
  • Angelica: Your point
  • Alexander: I'm drowning
  • Angelica: And I'm reading
  • Hercules: I live a hard life and work a dangerous job, i work as an officer for the fashion police
  • Angelica: That's not a good thing
  • Seabury: Thank you all for coming *no one is there*
  • King George: Have you ever heard of stranger danger
  • Aaron: Girl r u trash bc I want to take you out
  • Alex: I poisoned one of our glasses but I forgot which one
  • John: The way this dinner is going I hope it's mine
  • Madison to Jefferson: What the fuck purple
  • Eliza: Magic mirror, will I ever find love
  • Mirror: Ask again later
  • Alex: I like you
  • Ang: Me?
  • Eliza: No he meant me
  • Hercules: Dora your never going to get there with boots
  • Maria: I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch
  • Hamilton: Can I pay you in swag
  • Eliza: What the flipper
  • Peggy: Why would you swear like that
  • Maria: Was abandoned, is alone and sad
  • Washington: Locked up because my eyebrow game was to strong
  • Jefferson/Aaron: Smooth as butter
- A ty jak się masz? - spytał Puchatek.
- Nie bardzo się mam - odpowiedział Kłapouchy. -Już nie pamiętam czasów, żebym jakoś się miał.
—  Alan Alexander Milne – Kubuś Puchatek

Celebrating the Avant-Garde at the Met Gala with @silasveta

To see more their work, follow @silasveta on Instagram. Video by @gvsgvs

Multimedia design and production company Sila Sveta (@silasveta) makes light and sound installations that transport you to otherworldly spaces — particularly so when they’re inspired by Rei Kawakubo, the conceptual fashion designer and the subject of this year’s retrospective at the Met Gala. Held each spring by Vogue magazine (@voguemagazine) and the Metropolitan Museum of Arts’ (@metmuseum) Costume Institute in New York City, the Met Gala draws the biggest names in fashion, music, art and film — like co-host Katy Perry (@katyperry), here in Sila Sveta’s installation at the Met Gala. “With the technology we have, art and fashion can come to life,” say Alexander Us and Alexey Rozov, co-founders of Sila Sveta. “We wanted to celebrate colors, textures and the avant-garde.”

Surprises - Alexander Skarsgard  x Reader

Title: Surprises

Pairing: Alexander Skarsgard x Pregnant!Reader

Warnings: None

Prompts: Can I please make a request?YN and Alex met on set of True Blood,where she played his sister,and have been together ever since.I just want him happy and ridiculously in love :)

but can you imagine dad stellan playing matchmaker to his son Alexander amd YN who’s his co star? I know Alex is super sure of himself guy, but I’d love to him stuttering and being super adorkable when he meets her because it’s love at first sight for him

Alex and his gf YN(who’s also an actress) are giving an interview and she surprises him by speaking in perfect swedish ,and he can’t stop the cute/adorable awe look he give her

“Welcome, welcome Alexander! It’s so great to have you here!” Conan said with a smile and the man nodded his head with a smile of his own.

“It’s actually amazing to be here as well with you Conan, my wife is a great fan of yours! She always watches the show when she’s not working or is very busy.” Alexander said with a smirk.

“And you don’t?” he asked seriously and fake offended.

“Well I’m- I’m pretty busy…?”

“Are you asking me?” Conan didn’t miss the chance to tease him and Alexander along with the audience laughed.

“No, no.” Alexander laughed, shaking his head “But- but I am the one that has to find everything she’s craving for all the time and it’s not easy to usually obtain it!” Alexander chuckled.

“Baby Skarsgard is really keeping you fit then?” Conan laughed and he nodded his head with the smile.

“Absolutely, it cares about daddy’s fitness I am sure!” he shrugged with a smile “But, sharing a fun fact, most of the time when my wife is watching the show the baby actually kicks!”

“He’s a fan too? Why, I am very flattered! So you- you’re the unfaithful one? I’ll remember it!” he narrowed his eyes at the actor before actually laughing “Also, thank you to your wife! I’m a great fan of her movies and shows as well!”

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The Artist’s Wife (Susan Gillis) (c.1910). Stewart Carmichael (Scottish,1867-1950). Oil on canvas. Dundee Art Galleries and Museums.

Carmichael began his training as an architect in Dundee, whilst attending evening art classes at the studio of Peter D. Lauder. Aged nineteen he moved to London where he worked for the publishing firm Alexander Strachan & Co. Between 1888 and 1891 Carmichael travelled and studied in Antwerp, Brussels, Paris and Siena before returning to Dundee.

Renault’s Books

I made a proper post out of this because it got too long for the ask (I needed to be able to save what I wrote). And I actually re-read both Fire From Heaven and the Persian Boy in order to be able to answer this well. @uponthewaters I hope that this format is more easily accessible/readable and I also hope that I have answered your question in the way that you wanted. 

I will preface this by saying that I always feel a bit bad critiquing Renault. Please remember that I have nothing against Renault. I respect her and I am flattered that she loved my life so much. If what I am about to say sounds cruel or harsh, then just remember that I am only speaking about the content of Renault’s books, not anything about her personally. But I won’t lie and say that I like her books when I do not. Brace yourselves, I wrote a lot (and added a drinking game to spice things up!).

I will start with Fire From HeavenPut simply: In Fire from Heaven I am boring.

Fire From Heaven

Aside from the aforementioned boringness, most of the major issues I had with Fire From Heaven have to do with the portrayal of Hephaistion:

“At the stair-foot Hephaistion was waiting. He happened to be there, as he happened to have a ball handy if Alexander wanted a game, or water if he was thirsty; not by calculation, but in a constant awareness by which no smallest trifle was missed.” (163)

^ Let it be known that Alexander the Great always cites his goddamn sources. Alright, Hephaistion was not only there for me; I was also there for him. He had his own life and his own thoughts and troubles. We comforted each other, he was not just a shoulder for me to cry on. Our friendship was not one-sided. He was not my slave and did not act like my mother or my nurse. In this book it is unclear why I loved Hephaistion, our relationship was merely predicated on the fact that Hephaistion was enamored with me and I appreciated his loyalty and servitude. 

“Hephaistion thought of the coming war without fear, erasing from his mind, or smothering in its depths, even the fear that Alexander would be killed. Only so was life possible at his side. Hephaistion would avoid dying if he could, because he was needed.” (221)

Um only because I needed him? Not because Hephaistion didn’t want to fucking die himself? Come on. Hephaistion had his own thoughts and fears that didn’t always have to do with me. Even I’m not too self-absorbed to recognize that. 

“Hephaistion called to mind the tale of Semele, beloved of Zeus… she had burned to ashes. He [Hephaistion] would need to prepare himself for the touch of fire.” (157)

God, this made me laugh. Well, if Hephaistion wants this ass then he better get some oven mitts. And that lube that heats up is definitely a no-go. I just don’t even know what to think of this. I mean I know I have a hot ass but really… On a more serious note, Hephaistion was the only one who didn’t think of me as divine but still loved me and my imperfections. So no to this quote.

“Hephaistion, who was not very quick at shaping his thoughts into words, usually found that someone else got in before him. He preferred this to making a fool of himself.” (173)

OH FUCK NO. Hephaistion loved to argue and was certainly not shy about voicing his opinions. And Hephaistion was brilliant, Aristotle thought so, too, and corresponded with Hephaistion later on. Hephaistion’s intelligence is the reason why I trusted him with both solo military commands and also administrative/ diplomatic functions. And just common sense: I would never have an idiot who couldn’t even debate as my second-in-command. Hephaistion only made a fool out of himself if he was drunk or if he was fighting with someone over something stupid (and the same goes for me).

Think of Achilles, how his mother dipped him in the Styx. Think how black and terrible, like dying, like being turned to stone. But then he was invulnerable.” (211) 

This really took me out of the story. If Hephaistion had said that to me then I would have laughed at him and told him that Achilles isn’t invulnerable in the Iliad. Achilles bleeds right before he fights the river Skamandros when Asteropaios hits Achilles with a spear, “but the other [spear] grazed Achilles’ strong right arm and dark blood gushed as the spear shot past his [Achilles’] back…” (Iliad 21.166-167 for you modern readers). The Renault version of Hephaistion certainly is dull and unintelligent if he can’t even remember the Iliad. And the Styx story with Thetis and Achilles was not around in our day, either. It was actually first written down hundreds of years after our deaths (95ish CE) by Statius in his Achilleid. So this entire piece of dialogue is anachronistic. I’m the biggest Achilles fanboy of all time, I know my shit.

Some other thoughts:

  • I DO like the part where Kassander gets beaten up by a woman. That was hilarious.
  • Ptolemy was not my half-brother. And I don’t like how the book treats the character of my real sister Kleopatra (who I loved very much in real life). Or my mother. It seems that modern representations of my life are not very kind to the women in my life. Not cool.
  • Dear god, that part with the courtesan. That story was completely false and only made up to slander me, but at least in the ancient story I sent her away. I would never suffer the indignity of my parents hiring a hetaira for me and then actually have sex with her. That’s adding insult to injury! And I had sex with both men and women, my parents weren’t worried about me (although of course I was not as uh “prolific” as good ol’ dad).
  • OLYMPIAS WAS NOT PRESENT AT PHILIP’S ASSASSINATION. She was in Epiros. If you are going to write a book based largely on historical events then please get the details correct.
  • Speaking of details, when my father was assassinated my father’s cloak was white, not purple (see Diodorus 16.93.1). A small nitpick, but still. 
  • That 2004 movie Alexander ripped off a lot of material from this book. I feel bad for Renault about that. Not cool, Oliver Stone.

Renault also gets the timing of the death of Hephaistion and my own death wrong in her historical author’s note:

“Alexander survived his friend by about three months, for two of which he was travelling with the body from Ecbatana to Babylon…” (409-410)

This is incorrect. Hephaistion died in October. I died in June. If you are writing a historical note please get the facts right.

One of my main issues is that Renault tries to describe the historical context/detail so much that she loses sight of the essence of the story. I didn’t really understand what she was trying to say in this book, it just read like a more boring and expanded version of Plutarch. So yes, Fire From Heaven was boring (as was my character in Fire From Heaven). And I’m someone who actually likes the catalogue of ships in the Iliad.

The Persian Boy

Where to start with this one… This is probably the complete wrong reaction to have, but I laughed my way through most of The Persian Boy. At least the prose was more interesting than Fire From Heaven. But the pacing was off, it takes Bagoas more than 100 pages to meet me.

One of the central problems was with the narrator. Bagoas is forcefully inserted into the larger events of my life and it simply makes no sense for him to be there. Some problems I had:

  • Bagoas was supposedly with me the night after the torture of Philotas? Oh god, that is so ludicrous. Common sense: after an assassination attempt a eunuch would never be left alone with me. Hephaistion probably would have murdered him; Hephaistion wasn’t feeling particularly happy then. And we were in a camp with tents, not a building as Renault states (see Arrian, Plutarch, and Curtius for confirmation of that). It’s a small detail, but I wanted to point that out.
  • I did not trust Bagoas. It may seem cruel, but Bagoas was nothing to me. If Bagoas had died then I would not have to be dragged off of his corpse. He was simply someone that I had sex with a few times. Hephaistion was everything to me. He was the sole person that I completely trusted. I also trusted my own generals and friends. I did not trust a random eunuch. And Renault says I cried over Bagoas’ birthday? Birthdays weren’t even really celebrated in my day…
  • AND RENAULT TELLS THE DYSENTERY STORY. WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DOES EVERYONE LOVE THAT STORY?! Oh yes, it is so funny that Alexander shit himself, that story is absolutely essential to understanding his life. No, no it fucking isn’t. It’s embarrassing. 
  • And dear god, Bagoas was not with me at the Mallian siege. That makes absolutely no sense at all. Even the majority of the army was not there, most of the land forces were stationed with Hephaistion down river (see Arrian 6.13).
  • I liked that Renault showed Hephaistion’s kindness. That was much appreciated. I wish he was in more of the book, but he would most likely be mischaracterized (although at least I could blame the unreliable narrator in this case). 
  • What the hell was the wedding with Roxanne about? She tried to poison Bagoas and then I beat her? WHAT THE FUCK? I can’t believe that Renault would actually write that. I don’t know why she hates all of the women in my life so much. I don’t know why she would think my wife would poison a random eunuch. I don’t know how she could think I would beat my own wife. I mean we were obviously not the pinnacle of feminism, but we weren’t animals. I was angry when noble women were just forced to dance (see Curtius 6.2.6-7 for this one), I don’t know how anyone would think I would harm my own wife. Everything about this is disgusting. I’m fucking appalled.

I found the book mostly amusing and I didn’t get very annoyed (except of course for the wedding/poison episode) until Hephaistion’s death.

He [Alexander] was standing with a dagger in his hand, hacking off his hair. […] So I found the trimming knife, and said, “Let me do it. I’ll do it just as you want.” “No,” he [Alexander] said, hacking away […] But he grew impatient with the back, and let me finish it, so that he could be off. (370)

I would have killed anyone who tried to cut my hair for me when I cut my hair over Hephaistion’s body. And unlike in Renault’s account, I actually cut my hair over the corpse (Arrian 7.14.4 backs me up). I would have stabbed Bagoas or anyone else who tried to help with my own dagger (I was not in a great mental place then). And as if I couldn’t cut my own hair? I’m a warrior, I know how to use a goddamn blade. This also makes it sounds like cutting my hair was something that I thought I had to do so that I “could be off.” No, it was very significant and personal and painful for me in my grief and doesn’t deserve to be treated as something I had to get done quickly. Also, Bagoas was not the one who had the idea that Hephaistion be made a god (Renault 373). Reading that was a test of my very poor anger management skills. 

And on my deathbed I did not say Krateros or kratistos or anything like that. Ugh. I couldn’t even speak at all, I was too sick. And Bagoas was not there when I died.

I made a drinking game to make reading this book more fun:

  • Take a shot whenever Cyrus (aka Kyros) is mentioned! 
  • Take a shot when you can’t tell if Bagoas and I are having sex or not! 
  • Take a shot every time my ~golden~ hair is mentioned! 
  • Take a shot whenever Bagoas is jealous!
  • Chug through the entirety of the dysentery scene (so that no one will remember it happened…)

This game may give you alcohol poisoning if you’re not a Macedonian, be warned.

All in all, I really do appreciate what Renault was trying to do. I am so happy that people read these books and got more interested in my life and in Hephaistion’s life. I am also happy that these books helped people dealing with issues relating to their own sexuality (and I appreciate the fact that Renault was a lesbian writing about same-sex relationships AND that she described me as bisexual in her author’s note- good job Renault!). So I think that the good that Renault’s work has done outweighs my issues with it. 

I hope that this very lengthy response answered your question well.

anonymous asked:

Can I have Deets™ on the Racist Vegan AU?

you SURE MAY my dude. hop on and strap in for the ride

SO the Slightly Racist Militant Vegan Alexander the Great AU follows as thus, thus far:

setting

  • I was going to originally have alexander as a rural vet, but I’ve since come to the conclusion that it would be better if he’s running a wildlife park
  • the wildlife park is in western sydney as they tend to be
  • idk if non-australian places have wildlife parks but they’re kind of like interactive spaces with native animals. they’re not quite zoos, but they have a big focus on conservation
  • western sydney is completely weird-ass and liminal, nothing like the inner city which is perfect for Weird Shit like Slightly Racist Militant Vegan alexander to manifest
  • also western sydney has a good multicultural mix so that serves this au’s purpose anyway
  • the wildlife park is initially called pella but then alex renames it to “alexandria” after philip dies and he expands its territories
  • namely, he annexes the rather nice persian garden complex next door, run by a bloke named darius
  • he does this on the pretext that the café in darius’ garden isn’t vegan
  • ANYWAY, let’s move on to the people

alexander

  • won’t stop culturally appropriating things
  • keeps wearing harem pants and lumping every south asian culture together
  • kind of a weeb for the middle-east in general
  • “I’m macedonian so I’m poc” “alex just because someone called your dad a wog in year six doesn’t mean you’re oppressed”
  • loves animals a LOT and is a vegan
  • the militant sort who reposts graphic memes on facebook every 3 hours
  • btw not trying to say that vegans are militant/slightly racist, but the militant veganism links alexander the military leader and his love of animals
  • highkey a Horse Girl
  • would make people wait for him to take photos of their lunch before eating

hephaistion

  • alexander’s super-hot and tall civil engineer boyfriend
  • constructs wildlife park facilities on annexed garden land after the Takeover
  • embodiment of gay or european
  • speaks greek at home
  • often gets asked ‘you know your bf’s lowkey racist??’ and he’s like ‘yeh we tried telling him once but he threatened us with tofu drumsticks’
  • is super-hot. did I mention?
  • people won’t stop staring
  • he’s also tall
  • just so you know
  • eats veggies for alexander but isn’t militant
  • dies after he eats a chicken when alex isn’t watching and chokes bc it’s just too good and it’s been too long

olympias

  • alexander’s mum, a reptile specialist at the park
  • also a vegan
  • “I love both my children equally. alexander and *looks at smudged writing on back of hand* kleptomania”

philip

  • an omnivore
  • alexander and olympias hate him because of this
  • a cassowary pecked him in the eye and he can’t see out of it any more
  • keeps perving on the staff
  • I’m considering having him die after getting stabbed by a stingray called pausanias he neglects but not sure how many steve irwin parallels we want here

kleopatra

  • the only person in the family not obsessed with animals
  • studies commerce
  • everyone in the family is like, ‘how do you expect to find a job with that degree huh?’
  • but then she co-founds an accounting firm, “epiros”, which goes swimmingly

ptolemy

  • family friend, but works at the park
  • keeps pretending he’s philip’s bastard son
  • he’s not
  • delusions of grandeur
  • had a mummy phase as a kid

krateros

  • a bit of an alexander bum-kisser
  • hates hephaistion
  • the feeling is mutual, because only hephaistion’s mouth gets to be anywhere near alexander’s bum

philotas

  • works at the wildlife park
  • except they discover that he dissed alexander in an article on the park in the local paper
  • i.e. he gets interviewed anonymously but some of his quotes make it v obvious that it was him
  • needless to say he gets fired
  • they also stop speaking to his dad
  • hephaistion gets REALLY ANGRY about this affront to his boyfriend and runs an extensive smear campaign against philotas on social media in the form of incendiary memes that damn his credibility

darius

  • the guy next door with the really nice persian gardens
  • sadly, that macedonian kid with the bloody farm doesn’t appreciate Culture and keeps trespassing (i.e. building shit on his land and daring him to call the council)
  • darius doesn’t dare
  • instead he fucks off to where no one can get him (tasmania) and people will enjoy flowers more (tasmania)

roxana

  • used to work as a landscaper for darius, but alexander co-opts her into working for the wildlife park to make it look like he’s not just forcefully taking over (he is)
  • at least the animals have really nice grounds to wander now?
  • her family is from tajikistan
  • alexander won’t stop asking if it’s a real country
  • OR appropriating her culture
  • but she’s actually really fun to be around when you’re not being slightly racist to her 98% of the time
  • good friends with perdikkas

stateira

  • darius’ eldest daughter
  • a classical history nerd
  • to her father’s consternation, studying ancient greek
  • “how can you betray me like this! the language of our enemies” “dad wtf even GREEKS NOW can’t speak ancient greek, much less that macedonian kid”
  • doesn’t stop darius sending her over to try and negotiate in ancient greek
  • everyone is confused as fuck because she just starts conjugating verbs at them
  • also her sister drypetis is gay and chummy with hephaistion

sisygambis

  • the matriarch of darius’ family
  • doesn’t speak english but practically adopts alexander because she sees his culturally-appropriating ways as genuine cultural appreciation
  • also thinks hephaistion is hot
  • keeps winking at him and pinching his bum when he walks past
  • also, last but not least

bucephalas

  • a horse

I’d like to thank @dirtydeetaurasi for the inspiration

Transylvania (Alexander Hamilton x Reader)

Title: Transylvania

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton x Reader

Word Count: 2076

Summary: Alex loses a bet, and the punishment isn’t really a punishment once it’s all said and done. (Also, ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!!!!!)

Request: #3 I may be an idiot but im not stupid with Alex please?

A/N: I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE Rocky Horror!!! Nothing else can be said at this point except if you don’t know what Dr. Frank-N-Furter looks like, LOOK HIM UP BECAUSE THAT ADDS THE BEAUTY TO THE STORY (Little self-promo, I have another piece combining Hamilton with another popular musical, & the story is called Land of Thomas, in case anyone likes Kinky Boots)

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