Some thoughts on the whole Alex Holzbach thing

So I’ve told you before that I work in software, I’m in a high enough position that I frequently interview applicants. I’ll read the resume and the cover letter, we’ve got some questionnaires I’ll read over, then I google them. It’s one of the easiest ways to find out if they’re lying about anything on their resume but it’s also great to gauge the character of a person before you even meet them.

If you’ve got an open facebook and are looking for a job I recommend you close it immediately, drunken pictures, racist statuses, and pretty much anything unflattering will hurt you. 

While we on STFU do occasionally post some pretty incendiary stuff we take great care as to keep it separate from our real lives. If you googled mine or Jess’ full names you wouldn’t find anything relating to STFU, which is by choice.

If Alex Holzbach’s resume showed up on my desk I would very quickly find his blog and it is unlikely that I would even conduct a phone interview. And it’s not even because he’s a conservative, I’ve hired dozens of conservatives, I can respect an opinion that differs from mine at the professional level (obviously STFU is a different ball game). But just the fact that he is so combative, so racist, so petty, so caustic, and so fucking smug I wouldn’t give him the time of day (the wording I would use on his rejection would be “not a team player”). You can easily argue that we can be just as bad on STFU, but our website isn’t our our full

I can’t even begin to describe the shortsightedness of how he has conducted himself online. He removed his bake sale post however it’s archived on STFU, as we’ve mentioned before the internet is forever. In an interesting turn of events our commentary of his misadventures actually outranks his blog in google searchs.

And really the saddest part of all of this, is that when he doesn’t get a job because the person who got his application isn’t as much of a wingnut as he, he’ll still blame minorities.

Hey Alex You Lying Piece of Shit!

The internet is forever! THE INTERNET IS FOREVER!

In the way you’re using the word, yes, I’m marginalized. When I applied to the University of Florida, I was rejected on the basis of “racial quota.” Although my credentials were more than enough to get in, I didn’t because I was white and the law required more minority applicants.

As we’ve already posted, and as he’s already backpedaled on Florida has no “racial quotas!”



Some kid named alexholzbach does not know the rules of Tumblr and has therefore been doing stupid shit. stfuconservatives has done a damn good job responding in kind, but to clear some things up, here’s a handy video!

Also, in a more personal aside to alexholzbach: can I be on your commie-liberal list? I would love some new followers with liberal leanings!

[Picture: Background: 8 piece pie style color split with red and teal alternating. Foreground: White guy with glasses and light shadow wearing a sweat shirt over a button down and short black hair. Has a smug, arrogant facial expression and crossed arms. 

I wish I was kidding. This is from the real Alex Holzbach.

No doubt I'll be attacked for this, but:

I’d just like to know why everyone is still in support of affirmative action. I don’t have a solid opinion either way, I’d just like to hear some opinions and facts on it. I read the famous Supreme Court case about Allan Bakke, the white male who was turned down by the school of his choice that accepted a black student less qualified than him. I am not and never will be a racist individual, but this seems unfair to me. I cannot speak for those who are of a minority race, but I’d think they’d want to be accepted to school solely based on their character and credentials. Every school I’ve ever visited has prided themselves on their diversity, and I don’t think that would change if affirmative action was repealed. California eliminated it in 1997, and I don’t think anyone would call California a non-progressive or conservative state.

I admit to not knowing much about Alex Holzbach’s views beyond his actions during his bakesale, in which he admittedly acted radically, but it got me thinking about affirmative action.

Please tell me your views on this, I’d like to know.

Because being born white and male makes him more important than you will ever be.

Trigger warning for for VERY rough, very angry, left-wing vitriol and also for: “I’ve seen some racist, sexist, xenophobic assholes in my day, but this guy has gotten on my last f*cking nerve.”

Things which make Alex Holzbach eminently qualified to judge you include:

“I was born as Alexander Holzbach in Tallahassee, Florida in 1992 and I’m now 18 years old. After living in states like Wisconsin, Iowa and Georgia at a young age, I moved to South Florida at age 7 and have lived in Palm Beach County until now.

A graduate of Wellington Christian School, I was a two-time class president in the Student Government Association as well as an active 3-year member of the National Honor Society. I played Varsity Baseball in high school and also helped manage/coach the Girls Volleyball, Basketball and Softball teams, while garnering around 1,200 hours of community service. Academically, I maintained a superior GPA while scoring in the top tiers on the standardized tests.

I’m currently attending The Florida State University in Tallahassee: Go Seminoles! I’m studying to double major in Political Science and History and I’m considering attending Graduate School for Law or receiving a Masters Degree in Public Policy or Social Work. I consider myself a strong fiscal conservative with basic libertarian principles. Eventually, I would like to have a political career.

I’m also an opinion writer and a reporter for a new upstart newspaper on Florida State’s campus, The Seminole Sentinel. I focus on opinion articles (similar to The Holzbach Viewpoint). More information to come on this newspaper.

I’m an active member of the FSU College Republicans, the Republican Party of Florida, and I’m a committeeman for the Leon County Republican Executive Committee.

I am the president of the Anti-Choice Movement at FSU, a student-run, non-profit organization working to make abortion illegal. By using graphic truth, we’re working to make abortion an unspeakable act.

In 2010, I worked very closely with the John Shaw campaign, as well as continuous and supportive volunteer campaigning for Steve Southerland and Rick Scott.


You can contact me through email at:”

Okay, so let’s review:

Alex Holzbach has no valid employment history - AT ALL - nor does he possess even the most fundamental life experience other than high school sports.  He is quite frankly not even qualified to pump gas at a food mart, but please…take him seriously.  Because being born white in America makes him much more important than you will ever be.  And holy shit, he volunteered to paste fliers for Rick Scott, the governor of Florida who defrauded Medicaid and Medicare for $1.7 billion and then used that money to buy his job.

And there is no trigger warning for what follows here because I’m not saying any of this to to be melodramatic. 

Alex Holzbach is literally more important than you will ever be, because he is a white male.

And all he has to do to cash in on that whiteness is to make it through college in 8 years and fit into a suit.  He is allowed to sit on his smug 18 year-old ass, making religion-based value judgments and decrees about things which affect ACTUAL working adults, and those words carry more weight than yours because

“Awww…look at the cute little white boy.  He baked cookies and he made a racist sign..he made those lazy black students look SO stupid.  Maybe he’s on to something.”

I’m telling you guys…we can hold hands all night long and cry about how we’re hurting his feelings, and how I’m a self-hating white man…blah blah blah…hand me a barf bag.  I do hate a lot of white people, because a lot of them are dicks.

If you don’t shut people like Holzbach down now, have fun sucking his “Libertarian” dick for pennies an hour when he grows up.

I really hate to blogspam on Reddit, but seriously, if Holzbach made this comment on any other forum, the world would want to know.

Edit: In case any of you missed it, Alex Holzbach, the anti-choice activist, went out of his way to deny his privilege in PFL’s ask box. Apparently including the visually impaired and those who trigger in the conversation violates Tumblr’s rules (which it definitely does not).

"On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my day they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly."

Foster Friess, also known as “Rick Santorum’s one and only billionaire corporate donor.”


So basically, vote for Rick Santorum if you think “women ought to keep their legs closed.”

Dear Alex Holzbach and Ethan “The Gay Republican” Sabo: 

Here is a list of the most common arguments that white racists use on Tumblr, roughly in order of most  to least used.  I am borrowing them from Abagond over at Wordpress.

I’ve seen Holzbach use a few of these…sometimes he just closes his eyes really tight and yells Rick Scott  But I think you could both really ramp up the stink emanating from your blogs if you dusted off your shovels and got to work.

When caught saying something which is patently racist, try one or more of the following as a way excuse yourselves:

  1. Anything but race – Racism is over. There must be some Logical Explanation that has nothing to do with race.
  2. Blame-shifting – Blacks like to use the race card, crying racism and blaming whitey, but blacks are to blame for their own mess. Racism is so 1968.
  3. Ad hominem – question a commenter’s intelligence, character, age or motives.  See also; The Tone Argument.”
  4. Whites are individuals – so you cannot make general statements about whites. Besides, that would be racist.
  5. “Blacks are racist too” - but they do not like to admit it. Find a case where a black person did something just as bad as what they are pointing out.
  6. “You are the racist one” - turn the tables.
  7. “I am offended” – how dare they call you a racist! You do not see a person’s colour – they could be purple for all you care!
  8. Arab trader argument – whites are not as evil as black people like to think. For example, it was not just white people who traded slaves: Arabs did it too! Few blacks know that, so make sure to point that out whenever you can.
  9. “But that happened to me too!” – whatever blacks complain about, try to find a case where a white person – you, a friend, someone in the news -  experienced the same thing.
  10. Point out how “ghetto” and disagreeable black people are – because they are and it needs pointing out. No wonder no one gets along with them!
  11. Talk down to them – they are imagining things, they do not know what they are talking about. How dare blacks tell us what we are like. What do they know? Are they white?
  12. Straw man – argue against some stock position that is kind of like the post. That way you can copy your comments from another blog. Or from Ann Coulter.
  13. Blacks need to be colour-blind – if they just stopped seeing race and talking about it so much then racism would go away!
  14. Start quoting rape statistics – out of the blue, if necessary. Rates of imprisonment are good too.
  15. The white inventor argument – whites invented everything so shut up already.
  16. Demand proof – Make them prove it beyond a reasonable doubt with facts and figures. Find holes in whatever facts they present. Find counter-facts.
  17. Make it about the past - and point out that your family never owned slaves. When are they going to stop living in the past?
  18. Go back to Africa – if it is so bad here, then go back to Africa already!
  19. Bootstrap – I made it on my own without help from anyone.  Blacks expect something for nothing!
  20. Some of my best friends are black – so there is no way I am racist!
  21. Might makes right – all through history.

Many thanks to Abagond for providing this wonderful list.  Can’t wait to fight about this with some more teen conservatives.

“Then there was this. It was noted last week that Alex Holzbach, a person who has gone on record claiming himself as an anti-abortion activist, genocide definition maker-upper, and all-around misogynistic proclaimer, [is] one of the curators of Tumblr’s political hashtag system. The tagging system in Tumblr is a way to link up to similar events or writing by other bloggers, making it easier to see what is going on in similar discussions. Only, here’s the problem: Tumblr gave a platform to a man who held an anti-affirmative action bake sale, handing out cookies to black and Asian students; who believes abortion seekers should be jailed; and expresses many more status quo, by the book, sad, standard white guy hate politics the ability to filter content which he deems ‘suitable’ when browsing the hashtag. A bigot was allowed a platform to deem political content appropriate for a public space.”

Persephone Magazine, “Privilege and Platform,” June 20, 2011.


#alex holzbach     #bigots