alex warren

Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
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27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/ PART THREE /

REMINDER THAT ALL OF THE X-MEN (GUYS AND GIRLS) WOULD LOVE YOU AND WORSHIP YOUR BODY.

it doesn’t matter if you have:

• chub (chub is good!)
• scars? Beautiful!
• stretch marks? Wonderful!
• acne? it’s 100% okay!
• small boobs? Great!
• big boobs? Great!
• thick thighs? Amazing!
• thin thighs? Amazing!
• a round butt? nice!
• a flat butt? nice!
• teeth aren’t 100% white? Cute!
• crooked teeth? Adorable!
• teeth gaps? Graceful!
• long legs? Wow!
• short legs? Wow!
• small hands? Magnificent!
• big hands? Magnificent!
• a bone-y face? Gorgeous!
• a round/plump face? Gorgeous!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, AND THE X-MEN WOULD BE TOTALLY BLESSED TO BE WITH YOU! DON’T DOUBT IT 💖.

  • Me: * sees really smart cute guy
  • Me: Please be Peter Parker. Please be Peter Parker. PLEASE BE PETER PARKER

P E T E R  M A X I M O F F

Originally posted by maryjosez

“I love you, idiot,” Y/N confessed, an anxious feeling wrenching at her gut. The boy’s face illuminated in happiness as the words left her mouth. Peter’s eyes lit up as he leaned in and feverishly kissed her, smiling against her lips. 

“I love you too, dork,” He asserted, skimming his thumb across her jaw as he gazed into her E/C hues dreamily.

W A R R E N  W O R T H I N G T O N

Originally posted by gryffinddor

“Y-You what?” Warren repeated for the third time as his eyes shot open at the final realization at what she said. He shot forward, tackling the girl onto the floor as he placed small, yet hungry kisses upon her face, and then one on her lips.

“I love you too,” He said, getting off of her, and carrying her bridal-style back to his dorm in confidence.

A L E X  S U M M E R S

Originally posted by lucasdaily

Alex nearly choked on his beer as those words left Y/N’s mouth, Jubilee’s jaw dropped, Jean passed Scott a twenty dollar bill with a shit-eating grin, and Peter wolf whistled as loud as he possibly could. His Azure-Blue gaze shifted to your serious expression, and without thought, his lips crashed onto hers. The kiss was full of hunger and need, and for a split second, he forgot he wasn’t alone with her. He let go of her, and her fingers were at her lips, tracing where his were in shock.

“I knew that,” He asserted with a smirk. “But do you know what’s cool?” Alex’s smirk disappeared, and a smile found it’s way onto his lips. “I love you too,”

“I told you, sucker,” Jean smirked, as Scott’s face was dumbstruck.

C H A R L E S  X A V I E R

Originally posted by holy-cherik

“That’s quite a stupid thing to say,” Charles stated with confusion placed all over his usual calm expression. “But I can say that I love you too,” He admitted, adverting his Icy-Blue hues away from her E/C ones. The woman’s petite hands found their way to the collar of the button-down he was wearing, and she’d crashed her lips onto his. His arms snaked around her waist, and he smiled against her lips as they kissed.

S C O T T  S U M M E R S

Originally posted by 08s

Scott dropped the Pop can he held in his hand, Jubilee squealed like the little girl she was, Peter said something disgustingly funny, and Alex said something completely vulgar and amazing as the words finally escaped your lips. “R-Really?” Scott choked out, his jaw basically touching the floor at this point. 

“Of course, goofball,” She confirmed, a chuckle and a small ‘idiot’ coming from Alex, his lovely older brother. Scott was beaming in joy, as he snaked his arms around Y/N’s waist, picked her up, and proceeded to spin her around as he kissed her. 

“I love you too, Y/N,” He agreed, a smile plastered on his face.

Cops who can’t count

When that cop comes to Caputo and is like, “we’re missing ten…” my brain was like:

Twelve, bro. You’re missing twelve. Eleven if you want to get technical and say they threw Von Barlow in that count. But still…

1- Frieda, 2- Cindy, 3- Suzanne, 4- Taystee, 5- Red, 6- Piper, 7- Alex, 8- Gloria, 9- Flores, 10- Nicky. 11- Chang. 12- Pennsatucky.