It’s become your daily morning ritual. Wake up. Open Twitter. And here come’s your fix. It’s something like, “Trump Surrogate Says Jews in the Holocaust Didn’t Have it So Bad!” and you’re off to the races. How could he!? Do they know how insensitive that is!? And so on, and so forth until tomorrow, when it’s something else. It’s the rage machine and it exists on both sides.
For every “Trump Eats Steak Well Done With Ketchup,” you see on on the left, folks on the right will see something like “Communist Sympathizer Lena Dunham Thinks Pedophiles Should Teach Kindergarten.” And the big secret is: both sides are getting played. The nonstop outrage engine is a contrivance, a counterfeit system made by people trying to profit off notoriety, and fueled by humanity’s physiological addiction to anger. We hate it. And we love it. And we can’t fucking stop.
THIS WEEK: Jack O'Brien is joined by Cracked editors Jason Pargin (aka David Wong), Katie Goldin and Alex Schmidt to break-down how the non-stop rage machine works, who’s profiting from it, and why this snake eating its tail is so addictive to the human psyche.
Hi. I know it’s inconvenient to listen to sad music when you’re sad and you should listen to happy music, but fuck that logic. If I wanna cry cause I miss him then I’ll do just that and if I’ll listen to sad music because I’m heartbroken then I’ll do just that. Hmph.
So here it is: 15 sad songs to listen to during whatever circumstance or feelings:
1. White Night (Thrupence Remix) - Hayden Calnin
2. Please, Please, Please Let Me Have What I Want - The Smiths
3. Claire De Lune - Debussy (instrumental/piano)
4. Oceans - Seafret
5. Stuck On The Puzzle - Alex Turner
6. Glass In The Park - Alex Turner
7. Dawn - Dario Marianelli (pride & prejudice film ost • my personal bias)
8. Umpqua Rushing - Blind Pilot (my personal bias)
9. 3 Rounds A Sound - Blind Pilot
10. Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head - B.J. Thomas
11. If You Love Me, Come Clean - Flatsound
12. Complicated - Olivia O'Brien
13. I Found - Amber Run
14. You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are - Keaton Henson
Believe it or not, Matthew McConaughey’s thesis (from behind a bookshelf inside a black hole) that love is the most powerful force in the universe isn’t the most scientifically accurate thing Hollywood has offered us lately. It should come as no surprise that movies take a lot of liberties with astrophysics and what is possible or impossible in the realm of outer space. Like, sending up a crew of men less qualified than Donald Trump (too soon?) to blow up an asteroid? That’s probably not in NASA’s Plans A through “we ran out of letters” of how to stop a meteor on a collision course with Earth.
Even in more fantastical movies like the Star Wars or Star Trek films, you just get very inadequate image in your head of how space works. Take asteroid belts, for example. It’s a belt! Made of asteroids! Asteroids as far as the eye can see! You can’t safely pilot your ship through them because there are just so many damn asteroids! I’ve had it with these motherf**king asteroids on this motherf**king belt!
We’re sorry to say that’s now how the asteroid belt works at all. The average distance between bodies in the asteroid belt is 600,000 miles, which is more than double the distance between the Earth and the Moon. So traveling through the asteroid belt is less dodging asteroids like Han Solo and more, “we passed through the asteroid belt?”
THIS WEEK: To dispel some more myths about how space works, Jack O'Brien and Alex Schmidt are joined by Dr. Farah Alibay, a real life scientist at JPL who gets to play with styrofoam models of planets all day and is currently working on a mission that’s trying to scoop a 2o-ton boulder off an asteroid, which is as cool as it sounds.
“Gosh! Civil War was awesome! Thanks for the tickets, Emmy!” You pulled your roommate into a side hug, squeezing her tight against you while opening the doors that led into the crowded entrance hall of your dormitory.
“It was my pleasure, honey. Happy Birthday!” Emmy was not only your roomate in college, but luckily also a just as big of a nerd as yourself. The both of you had bonded right from the start and she quickly became one of your best friends. Just one of the reasons why you tried to be as happy as possible today - on your Birthday. Your roommate had tried so hard to make your Birthday special, even more so since you had told her almost everything about your pack and the fact that you missed them like crazy. You even had shown her some pictures and she had tried to cheer you up, but not even Captain America was able to compete with your very own Batman - Stiles Stilinski. After College the two of you had decided to try the long-distance relationship thing and while it was working, it was still hard. Only seeing each other every few months while being back in Beacon Hills over school breaks and between those meet ups, only skyping, talking or writing via your electronic devices. “Hey, you okay?” With her words, Emmy made you snap out of your daydreaming. As you turned to your right, you could see the empathy in her eyes. “You miss them a lot, don’t you?” You simply noded at that and tried to find a way through the crowd of students, but your Roommate held you back. “(y/n)… you have to take a look at that.” She rose her arm and pointed with her finger to your left. “What is it?” Narrowing your eyes in confusion, you did as she said but what you saw only caused your eyes to widen. “Stiles…” Your Boyfriend’s hazel eyes were fixated on you. He made his way through the mass of students and stopped two feet in front of you. Only now were you realizing that he was trying to hide a bouquet of your favourite flowers behind his back. “What the hell are you doing here?!” “Well, I was able to get the day off tomorrow and I though it would be a good idea to visit my girlfriend on her special day, but if you want me to leave, I bet Scott would love some flowers for his dorm room…” “Oh shut up and come over here!” You took the short distance to get to Stiles, and pulled him down for a kiss. His lips felt sweet on yours and his touch alone was able to make your inner tingle with exitement It felt like yesterday since he had last kissed you, but you still couldn’t get enough of each other. Stiles arms found their way around your back, while you were busy with burrying your hands in his soft, black hair. “Guys, keep it PG, would you?” Stiles had to break the kiss at Emmy’s words. The sound of his soft laughter made you smile even harder. “God, I missed you so much!” With closed eyes you pulled him back into another kiss but you soon had to break apart for a second time, both of you panting for air. “I missed you too. Happy Birthday, sweetheart!”