alex braden

Caps drinking game

Take a shot whenever:

  • ovi and nicky display PDA
  • locker pronounces johansson “joe hanson” or burakovsky “bear-akovsky”
  • holtby leaves the crease
  • tom wilson gets in a fight or scrum
  • joe b says that someone “rips one wide”
  • that ad that goes “jay beagle’s a sport fan, you can be one too” plays
  • tj oshie scores a shootout goal
  • ovi moves up the ranks of some NHL list
  • kuzy has an overdramatic celly
  • jay beagle gets a point of any kind
  • someone’s facial hair is mentioned
  • joe b and locker call out a reporter or analyst by name
  • joe b and locker imply that they’re going to dinner together
  • you get 50% off papa johns
  • mcgriddles are mentioned

Take two shots whenever:

  • holtby wanders near the blue line or looks like he’s aiming to get an assist
  • a defenseman scores a goal
  • pittsburgh is mentioned in a game in which they’re not playing Pittsburgh
  • there’s a goalie change
  • someone other than tom wilson gets in a fight
  • a goalie gets a shutout
  • nicklas backstrom is talked about beyond play-by-play on a national broadcast
  • Someone scores a hat trick
  • caps win in OT

Take three shots whenever:

  • brooks orpik scores a goal
washington capitals as prom dates

inspired by this video and composed with contributions from @hellokyochan and @notmissmarple

  • Braden Holtby is the world’s best prom date. You’re in your taffeta gown and you answer the door and there he is in a pinstripe suit and shades and a cowboy hat, and you know you’re going to have the best fucking time at prom
  • Nate Schmidt shows up in a bright pink suit and pink tie
  • Justin Williams is wearing the nicest suit he owns, which isn’ much, and he’s driving his mom’s beat up old car
  • Ovi, Kuzy and Orly all show up in a limo, halfway to wasted, hanging out the top
  • Tom Wilson shows up looking spiffy with a rose pinned to his lapel and takes the time to charm your parents, while Andre Burakovsky and his girlfriend shout at him from the car to hurry it up
  • Your mom pulls you aside to tell you she thinks this TJ Oshie seems like a nice boy, but he totally texted you earlier to give you the lowdown on all the booze he has stashed in the limo
  • Nicky is really awkward and fumbles at his cuffs a lot and looks down at the floor when he talks to you, but when you finally dance with him he’s the best dancer you’ve ever seen

  • Bonus: Ovi is the one who spiked the punch, but Nicky is the one who stood in front of the table so no one would see
  • Nicky totally bitched at Ovi about it, too
    • “Alex, no.” “ALEX, YES.”
    • “well FINE you SHOULDN’T but if you’re GOING TO I’m not going tto let you get in trouble”
    • “You’re gonna get caught.” // “If you stand here and don’t move, I don’t get caught” // “I hate you sometimes.” // “No, you don’t.”
10

i spent 3 hours on this

Caps True Nicknames

You’ve heard of nicknames like “Ovi,” “Nicky,” “Kuzy,” “Beags,” and “Burracuda,” but get ready for the true nicknames of the caps players:

  • Karl “Iron Man” Alzner
  • Nicklas “MVP” Backstrom
  • Jay “Lord and Savior” Beagle
  • Andre “Needs Adult Supervision” Burakovsky
  • John “Beanie” Carlson
  • Taylor “Rhinoceros Horn” Chorney
  • Brett “Steel Jaw” Connolly
  • Lars “Good Genes” Eller
  • Philipp “Pure Soul” Grubauer
  • Braden “Sock Enthusiast” Holtby
  • Marcus “Silent but Deadly” Johansson
  • Evgeny “Wizard Boy” Kuznetsov
  • Matt “Murder Face” Niskanen
  • Dmitry “Hip Check” Orlov
  • Brooks “Grandpa” Orpik
  • TJ “Baby Face” Oshie
  • Alex “hahaha )))))” Ovechkin
  • Zach “Nipple Piercing?” Sanford
  • Nate “Sunshine” Schmidt
  • Jakub “Favorite Son” Vrana
  • Justin “Ridiculously Good Looking” Williams
  • Tom “Sin Bin” Wilson
  • Daniel “Lord of the Beard” Winnik

alright a bunch of people wanted it, so here’s the family tree i made awhile back

brooks orpik is everyone’s grandpa, beags & carly & alzy & nisky are brothers to nicky, holts & oshbabe are brothers to ovi (basically they’re all brothers). Mojo is nicky’s child but also brother to andre, orly and kuzy are ovi’s kids, and the rest of them belong to both nicky and ovi. also beagle is andre’s step-dad