alelepants

You want Kafkaesque? I'll show you Kafkaesque.
  • (One time alelepants and I, on Facebook, spontaneously produced what I can only refer to as "bureaucratic satire". I just re-discovered it.)
  • alelepants:...i'm so sorry, I didn't realize they would require people to register. AGH. Please forgive me!
  • cosmogyros:IT'S OKAY, JUST REGISTER, DO IT, DON'T WORRY, NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN, OH AND DON'T FORGET TO ADD YOUR SSN AND BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER
  • alelepants:MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAAAAAAAME
  • cosmogyros:PLACE OF BIRTH!!! FULL CONTACT INFORMATION FOR THREE CLOSEST FRIENDS!!!
  • alelepants:RECOMMENDATION LETTERS AND ATTESTATIONS OF MORAL RECTITUDE FROM FIVE INDEPENDENT SOURCES, DOCTOR'S NOTE, AND DRUG SCREENING
  • cosmogyros:STATEMENTS OF DEEP PERSONAL INDEBTEDNESS FROM AT LEAST FOUR A-LIST CELEBRITIES
  • alelepants:NOTARIZED DOCUMENTS WRITTEN BY HAND IN CURSIVE IN GREEN INK FROM THE HEADS OF THREE INTERNATIONALLY-RECOGNIZED HEADS OF STATE. HEADS OF HEADS, I SAY.
  • cosmogyros:DON'T YOU MEAN, "WRITTEN IN THEIR OWN *BLOOD*"!??!?!???!?
  • alelepants:WITH QUILLS CARVED OF ELEPHANT TUSK. NAY, UNICORN HORN.
  • cosmogyros:STAMPED WITH THE PERSONAL SEAL OF KING GEORGE THE FIFTH AND SUBMITTED IN TRIPLICATE TO THE NECESSARY OFFICES BY THE FIRST THURSDAY OF LAST MONTH. YES, LAST MONTH. YOU MISSED THE DEADLINE. GET OVER IT.
  • alelepants:BUT YOU MUST STILL SUBMIT ALL THIS INFORMATION IN PERSON, WEARING A YELLOW FELT JACKET AND A HAT MADE OUT OF FIGS, BETWEEN 11:22:12 AND 11:22:13 OF THE NEXT TUESDAY THAT FALLS ON A SEVENTH OF THE MONTH, TO ALL THE OFFICES (LOCATED IN SVALBARD, NEW YORK, TEGUCIGALPA, AND THE LITERAL EDGE OF CAPE HORN) WITHIN THEIR OWN TIME ZONES, AS WELL AS BY EASTERN STANDARD TIME, WITH APPROPRIATE POSTAGE FOR MAILING OF THE RECEIPTS TO YOUR NATIONALLY-RECOGNIZED PLACE OF RESIDENCE.

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