It was a rough day
Today I had to go to this guy’s house with my friend to make sure she was safe. Not going to publicly get in too many details other than the fact that he was 52 years old, and an alcoholic who was drunk while we were there, he kept smoking which triggered my asthma, and to top it all off every charistic about this guy reminded me of my emotionally abusive alcoholic grandfather who I grew up with and still see to this day. We were stuck at his house for an hour and a half he degraded us verbally, he was being borderline inappropriate, I had two panic attacks and then an asthma attack. We were there for a good reason but it got to the point where I felt like my safety and my mental health weren’t going to be okay so I had to leave. I came home and collapsed on the bathroom floor and just cried. I used my nebulizer and took some of my anxiety medicine. I’m finally feeling human again. What I have learned from tonight is that I need to trust my gut instinct and not get myself into a situation like that again. I did not know that my grandfather fucked me up so bad from my childhood. I did not know that I was this terrified of men.