albert einstiene

You’re Cute When You’re Jealous (Star Lord Reader Insert)

Anon Request: May i please have a star-lord x reader smut where you make him mad/jealous/whatever and he takes it upon himself to teach you a lesson so he’s REALLY rough with you and spanks you and just lets his primal urges take over. Pretty please? If you wrote this id explode

Warnings: smut, language, orgasm denial, slight bondage, general roughness lmao

Words: 2806

so i totally fixed my computer on my own cause i’m like a straight up genius like albert einstien who? so i got to post this a day earlier… anyways here you go my loves


Harmless flirting, simple as that. Innocently toying with each other, and the teasing itself gradually getting more and more frequent as time went on. It consisted of lingering touches, the ever-so-often eyeing one another indecently, the salacious insinuations, and even the occasionally abrupt pinches to your ass. Your relationship with Peter Quill, that is.

All around the ship and even on missions, you were known to play around with each other. You’d sway to the beat of his music, pressing your bodies close and letting his hands travel dangerously low on you back like two horny teenagers at the prom. The long nights spent co-piloting together didn’t go unnoticed by the other Guardians.

It was strange because even with all this faux romance, you never actually did anything. Never kissed or been intimate with each other. Not that you didn’t needily fantasize about it, but timing didn’t ever seem precise. Right when something was about to happen there would always be some alarm going off or that damn raccoon would stroll in and ruin the whole moment. So eventually, you just gave up trying. But you didn’t stop flirting, for it was just all in good fun.

However, you couldn’t help feeling a somewhat possessive of Quill whenever he fooled around with other girls. He’d stopped bringing girls back home as often as he used to, but still eyed others obscenely.

Like today for example: Peter and yourself were sent out together to get some supplies for the ship. The store contained almost everything you required from the list Gamora had organized: food, water, toiletries, etc. After gathering together all the items, you took them to the checkout to pay.

Moving away for one second to get one thing you’d mistakenly forgotten, you came back to find Peter flirting with the bubbly little blonde cashier posted at the register. He had his elbow propped up against the counter slyly and was leaning in close to the girl, his eyes darting between her eyes and her overly exposed breasts. You couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying, but it must’ve been very funny judging by her obnoxious giggles. Rolling your eyes, you slapped down the pack of batteries causing the dumb cashier to jump back in surprise. A scowl formed over her lips and a fake smile on yours. After she rang everything up, obviously irritated by the large amount of stuff you’d put on the table but not irritated when she saw Peter lift a hefty water gallon, she directed her toothy smile to him.

“That’ll be 74 units,” she said in a voice that you guessed was supposed to be sexy. When it was you who pulled out the money (because Gamora understandably didn’t trust Peter with 100 units) the cashier’s glare returned. Once the whole transaction was complete, you grabbed your change and a few bags off the table. You turned to the exit but realized Peter wasn’t following. He was, in fact, still talking up the blonde.

“For the love of God,” you muttered to yourself. You stormed up behind him and, since your hands were full, kicked him right in the ass. He jumped forward at the surprising contact, loudly banging his knees against the tall counter and even caused the cashier to jump again.

“Hey, what the hell?” he griped.

“Let’s go, asshole,” you ordered. His eyebrows were knit together in irritation but then something flickered in his eyes, and his expression was replaced with a smirk. He turned back around and took the rest of the bags in his arms.

“See ya later, Star Lord!” the cashier called desperately. He winked at her and she literally looked like she was going to pass out. You scoffed and rolled your eyes for the second time in 10 minutes.

Once out of the store, Peter was still strutting around with that cocky smirk painted on his face.

“What?” you questioned, annoyed with his smugness.

“Nothing. It’s just that you’re cute when you’re jealous,” he laughed. Controlling the heat that was desperate to rise to your cheeks, you laughed off his irritatingly accurate comment.

“Oh please, don’t flatter yourself.”

“Admit it, you were totally jealous.”

“Sure, Star Lord,” you mimicked the cashier, “you wish.” It was more than true, however. You were utterly envious, but you’d rather die than confess. And just thinking about him with that girl only fueled your rage. So while you were getting angrier, his smile just grew wider.

On the way back to the ship, you were still fuming. You knew that you and Peter weren’t together, but it still bothered you whenever stuff like this happened. Yet at the end of the day, he had every right to mess around with anyone he wanted. And guess what? So did you.

Later that same evening, you were getting ready to go out to a local dive. Getting especially dolled up, you put on your favourite dress and dabbed on a little extra makeup. You were determined to get laid tonight no matter what. You needed to prove a point; that you could be with whoever you wanted and you didn’t have to limit yourself to the like of Peter Quill. Hearing him say he was going to stay behind came as a relief to you, for he would only be a distraction.

You strolled through the cabin whilst slipping your heels on, the clicking of them echoing throughout the ship. Peter looked up from the holographic screen in front of him when he heard the abrupt sounds. His eyes followed you from head to toe, taking in every inch of your body.

“We ready to go?” you called to the others. Murmurs of agreement came from the group and you were sure to blow a kiss to Quill before heading towards the door just to mess with him.

“Change my mind, I think I’ll come along instead,” he announced a little too loudly, grabbing his infamous leather jacket before following you out the door.

“Fantastic,” you mumbled to yourself sarcastically.

It was a short walk to the place and you felt Peter’s eyes boring into you the whole time. Usually, butterflies would be swarming around in your stomach, but the feeling never arrived. So you let him get in his prolonged glances before entering the rundown joint.

Heading straight for the bar, you ordered the usual beer. Personally, you weren’t really into the bright, fruity drinks that the other women in here seemed to enjoy. But before you could hand the bartender the required amount of units, a stranger gave over the cash. A handsome stranger, that is. Not as hot as Peter but-, you stopped yourself. You weren’t going to let yourself think about him at all. So you pushed the thought of leather jackets and blue eyes to the back of your mind.

“Let me take care of that,” he said, winking at you. While it was a kind gesture, it’d take a lot more than a free drink and a smile to get you to fall for him. However, you were intrigued by the newcomer’s ways.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. A beautiful lady like yourself deserves a lot more than a free drink,” he declared.

“Ooh, that was very smooth,” you joked, fighting the urge to groan. It was almost too cheesy to bear and you’d heard that line a million times or at least some variation of it. He chuckled and you introduced yourself. He did the same, naturally forgetting his name in an instant. It sounded horrible but, when it came to one night stands, you didn’t care about titles. Only what they had to offer.

You talked some more with what’s-his-face and brought your charm to a ten, batting your lashes and laughing at his stupid, unfunny jokes. Yet, no matter how hard you tried to pay attention to what’s-his-face’s dull conversation, something was poking at the back of your mind.

It was strange because, instead of tailing other intoxicated females like he usually did, Peter seemed to be somewhat following you around. He always managed to stay a solid 5ft away from you at all times and you’d noticed his eyes were narrowed menacingly at your partner. If you didn’t know any better you’d think he was, dare you say, jealous.

Oh, this was too good to be true.

Deciding to test the waters a little, you inclined a little closer to your man. Temptingly tracing little circles in the his shirt, Quill was watching your every move intently. His shoulders stiffened and his jaw clenched as if he were holding himself back. You really weren’t paying attention to what the guy in front of you was babbling on about because the most wonderful idea popped into your head. Not only would it shut the guy up, but it’d make Peter even more covetous as well. So you expertly grabbed whatever-his-name-was’ face and delivered the same brash smirk to Quill that he always wore just before pressing your lips against the strangers.

The man, quickly recovering from your random actions, rested his hands on your bottom. The feeling was a bit foreign, for you were used to the sensation of Peter’s large, warm hands rather than this stranger’s oddly cold ones. His lips moved with yours, but only for a minute or so until you were forcibly being tugged away by your upper arm by none other than the great Star Lord himself.

You let him guide you away as whatever-his-name-was protested loudly. When the two of you had made it through the sea of inebriated grinding to the quieter side, he finally stopped and turned around. His jaw was rather tight under his scruffy facial hair and his eyes were icy hot. He was obviously trying to stay calm, for he was not one to usually get riled up. But you couldn’t deny he looked sexy when he did.

“What the hell was that?” he gritted through his teeth and crossed his arms under his puffed out chest.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit. You don’t even know that guy and you just kissed him and let him touch you like that?!” he raised his voice a little louder.

“I was just having a little fun, maybe you should try it.” Playing innocent was clearly only infuriating him more. Abruptly, he grabbed your shoulders and pulled you close, staring deep into your eyes.

“Listen to me; don’t ever do that again.” Was he honestly doing this right now?

“Aww, you’re cute when you’re jealous,” you laughed, throwing his words from earlier right back in his face.

“Watch it, (Y/N).”

“Or what, hmm? You gonna punish me?” The alcohol had now kicked in and made you slightly tipsy, but already destroyed your filter. “Maybe I’ll let Mr. Stranger over there take me home and let him fuck me all night long.

In reality, the only place you’d go with that guy is to a muzzle factory, but and angry Quill was so deliciously enticing that you couldn’t resist. The way his muscles tensed up at your words, the way fire blazed in his eyes. This was a whole new level and you were playing dangerously.

“I’d be a little more careful if I were you. You’ll regret it,” he warned while completely closing the space between you. His tone was harsh, but deep within his eyes you saw lust.

“Make me.” That was it for him, for you’d officially pushed him over the edge. You were rapidly being pulled away once more. Past the bar exit, past the streets lined with people, past the ship’s door and your bunk, all the way to his.

Being slammed against the back of his door was a shot to your adrenaline. His lips were on yours in a matter of no time, a bruising kiss administered. Your fists balled in his shirt, almost ripping the flimsy fabric. His hands trailed up your back and into your hair, suddenly pulling your hair back and exposing your neck for him to ravage. You gasped loudly as he sucked on the skin above your pulse, leaving a dark purple mark there. Peter trailed kissed up to your earlobe, stopping for a moment.

“You’ve been very bad tonight, (Y/N), and bad girls don’t go unpunished. Bad girls learn their lessons,” he whispered sultrily. Heat pooled between your legs at his erotic choice of words. He hooked his hand behind your knee and pulled your leg around his waist, pressing his pant-clad groin right up against your core. You groaned at the sensation and he nipped at your lobe. Rolling your hips against him greedily, he growled primally and gripped your waist, holding you in place.

“Take off your clothes and get on the bed on your hands and knees,” Peter ordered. You shimmied out of your dress as directed and snapped open your bra, but left on your panties. His eyes were glued to your body and you couldn’t help growing wetter at the look in his eyes, one you’d never seen before. Like he was going to devour you whole.

Once you were positioned properly on his bed, he walked behind you so he was completely out of your vision. Your anticipation grew with every heavy stomp of his rocket boots. His hand was then on your back, forcing your down further so that your face was pressing against his mattress and your bottom was high in the air.

A few moments later, a heavy slap echoed not only through the room, but through your body as well. It stung only for a second or so, for Peter was quick to gently caress your sore cheek. But the sweetness didn’t last long either, for another slap was brought down. Even though it hurt, your body craved more.

“See this ass?” he asked, squeezing your butt for emphasis. “This is mine. You are mine and only mine.” Right after he finished speaking, three consecutive smacks made your bottom raw. “And when other people take what’s mine, like that douchebag at the bar for example, I don’t get too happy.” Another smack, rougher than all the ones before and you couldn’t help groaning at the pain. “Such a nice little ass,” he murmured to himself.

Before you knew it, you were roughly being pulled back by your hips. Peter’s shirt was off and being tied around your wrists.

“Put your hands behind your head and lie back,” he directed. You did so and he used his hands to spread your legs apart. His fingers dug deep in your thighs, enough to know you find bruises. When his head was positioned between your legs, he sunk his teeth into the smoothness of your inner thighs. Then littered your skin with more hickeys, marking you as his own.

Your underwear was off in the blink of an eye and Peter’s fingers curled inside you, pumping at a killer pace.

Fuck, Peter,” you moaned sensually. Your hands strained against your restraints and you cried out again when his tongue teased your clit. “Oh God, I’m gonna cum!” You barely had time to tighten around his fingers before he removed them.

“Come on now, you didn’t think it was gonna be that easy did you?” he smirked at you. You whined but he kissed you softly to silence you. His pants and boxers joined you dress in a pile on the floor and he pounced on you, lining himself up at your entrance. You felt yourself dripping on the sheets below you, desperate for his cock.

“Please,” you whimpered, for you’d surely explode if he didn’t do something. You laid your bound wrists around his neck and urged him to move.

“Who do you belong to?”



“Only you.”

“That’s right,” he chuckled evilly before thrusting into you aggressively. His cock filled you nicely, hitting your g-spot almost instantly. A rhythm had started and a bonfire in your lower stomach had kindled. Already close, it didn’t take long for you to be screaming his name once more. When released his warmth inside you, he buried his face in your neck and growled ‘mine’, driving you over the edge once more. His hands squeezed your hips so tightly his knuckles were white.

He slumped down next to you, a pleased smile on his face. Propping himself up on his elbows, he untied your wrists and brought you into a kiss. It was sweet, just what you needed after a night like that. Peter encased you in both of his arms, holding you close as if you were going to run off somewhere. And as you drifted off to sleep, he repeated the word that made your heart expand and your chest almost collapse on itself.



The idea of other dimensions often gets overlooked and seen as fiction.  We’ve heard about the possibility of it through many movies, including the recent, interstellar.  We have also heard about other dimensions from those who have had near death experiences, or have successfully astral projected.  We have also heard about it from those who take psychedelics used for spiritual exploration.  Those who have a spiritual awakening often talk about becoming the universe and losing touch with physicality briefly while they have a paradigm shifting self realization they they are more than their physical bodies and minds. That they are actually one with creation, and that separation is an illusion.  An illusion that enables us to have a subjective experience of life.

Despite all of these people, including Indian tribes and people connected to nature in ways most of us can’t imagine, many of us will still deny the existence that there might be something beyond the physical dimension.  Even when quantum physics talks about discoveries such as the god particle, or quantum entanglement, where time and space seem to be irrelevant on an energetic scale.  The field of cymatics shows us how sound can manipulate matter to take geometric form, based upon the frequency it is receiving.   Massaru Emoto and his life work with putting thought and music into water, and flash freezing it to examine the molecular structure is another example, that the physical world is being animated and manifested from what appears to be another dimension.

Then we have energy healing modalities where we work with the energetic body rather than the biological body, and see the massive effect a change in energy, can have biologically.  We see this in the form of reiki, or in the form of meditation.  Or even simply in the form of changing our thoughts, our self talk in our own heads.  How a small change in self talk, from hating yourself to accepting yourself exactly as you are, can change your entire state of being.  Yoga and qi gong and so many other energy modalities exist for us to use.  All of them give us access to the energy of life, before it becomes manifested in the physical.  What we are doing, is consciously accessing the dimension of reality that exists from which physical reality is manifested, the pure energetic state of reality.  

The deeper we go into this energetic state the more we realize that energy is information, and so great wisdom arises from it, as it contains all the information that has ever existed, and as we bring more energy to us, we automatically come to self realizations and deeper insights into the nature of reality.  To the point where we discover that we are not bound to the body, which is why astral projection, near death experiences, and spiritual awakenings are so profound.  The idea that we can, as an energetic being, explore energetic realms, is thrilling and exhilarating, and the fear of death is lessened as death is not this great big unknown question mark anymore.  The discovery that there is something beyond physicality, is a liberating experience, as you realize that life doesn’t have to be taken as seriously as you once thought.  You realize you are bigger than what happens in your physical life.   You also realize that the universe is much bigger and more complicated, than we can possibly imagine.  Especially when you discover that there are higher beings, many of them are referred to as the ascended masters, or spirit guides or angels and demons, or as modern day people would call them, extra-terrestrials, or as ancient people would call them, gods.

That’s when we realize that earth is part of a much larger picture.   That’s when we see the conditioning of humanity, and when we see that our history is kept shrouded in mystery.  We come to this greater understanding of the suffering of the human condition.  It is not because humans are naturally destructive.  It is because humans are only working with a very limited version of who they think they are.  That humans are deliberately kept in ignorance of their own multi-dimensional abilities.

Many movies have hinted at this, as well as many people.   Movies such as, Contact, Fight Club,The Matrix Triology,Men In Black,Interstellar,Jupiter Acending,The Fifth Element,Stargate, and so many more.  Yet because people see it in a movie, they don’t believe that it could possibly be true.  Yet there are many people that have dedicated their lives to helping humanity awaken.  Bashar, Edgar Cayce, Abraham (esther) Hicks,Barbara Marciniak, David Icke,Neal Donald Walsch, Eckhart Tolle,Jim Carrey, Russell Brand, Joe Rogan,Gregg Braden, Bill Hicks, George Carlin,Osho,Ramana Marharshi,Drunvalo Melchizedek,Alan Watts,James Redfield, Mantak Chia, Eric Pearl, Albert Einstien, Nikola Tesla, Rumi, Mark Twain,Zecharia Sitchin,Martin Luther King, Marianne Williamson, and countless others.  There are so many currently still living, more so than ever before in history.  We are witnessing a global awakening.

As third dimensional beings, we cannot logically grasp the idea of other directions.  We see up down, left right, above and below.  This makes up our world and because we can see it, we believe it.  Well there is another direction that we can go, which takes us beyond this dimension.  We can go within.  It’s what all the spiritual masters including the likes of Buddha and Christ told us.  Go within.  Within your own heart, is the kingdom of god.  Because it takes you to another dimension of reality, the one in which we can bring back the state of being that represents heaven to experience heaven on earth. One of the greatest realizations we can have, is that we are multi-dimensional beings, because it breaks the chains that have kept us in ignorance.

Epilogue: A King and his Son

Confused? Look here: Parts 1-5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

Contains: Fluff! Shitty writing from me trying to crate a Segway for a four-year old to understand that Spencer is actually his father. SHittttttttttttttt

Warnings: Some swearing from me.

((HOLY ALBERT EINSTIEN IT’S THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF “FIGURE IT OUT” this story is the first major mutli-chapter fic I’ve had the pleasure to work on. I think I might add a few drabbles from time to time because Walter is just too cute to give up. OC’s are that way. XD Thank you all for sticking around long noough to reach the end with me! Without further ado, here you go.))

It had been 2 weeks since the incident when Walter was in the hospital. He was feeling much better, and after you had told your mother basically to fuck off she wouldn’t be reaching out to you anytime soon. The three of you left that night, and returned to your home in Quantico.

You sighed, shutting your eyes and wincing before opening the door to Walter’s bedroom. Spencer was working, and you didn’t really know when he would come home. It was now or never. You had to tell Walter who his father was. He may not understand it, only being 4 years old, but what were you supposed to do? You weren’t an expert on children, no one is after all. If you chickened out then what other time would you tell him?

“Hey buddy.” You greeted your son, who was playing on his bed. His gaze stayed focused on his toys, chubby hands holding on to the plastic figures as he moved them round playfully. “It’s almost bedtime you know.” You had already gotten him ready for bed, but permitted him to stay up a few more minutes so you could talk yourself into doing this for real.

“Will you tell me a story? He asked and you nodded, sitting on the edge of his bed, picking up the toys and placing them in the bin that had been left untouched on the floor. "About the prince?” You sighed once more, wincing slightly. Taking a deep breath, you began.

“Once upon a time there was a prince, who came riding into town on very important business. A young common girl, y/n, caught his eye, and they soon fell in love. Well, after two weeks, the prince had to go back to his kingdom. He didn’t want to leave the young girl, but he had his throne to attend to. They wrote each other letters and told each other how much they missed each other, until one day, the letters stopped. It happened that y/n was with a child, a beautiful boy, and she wrote to the prince eagerly telling him the exciting news, but he never answered back. He had become a king now, and was very busy. He thought of the young woman every day, but was prevented in getting to her due to his duties. He promised himself that one day he would come back to y/n and his son, doing everything in his power to return.” You saw him opening his mouth and you held up your hand.

“Hold on. I’m not done yet.” Your hands slightly shook, really hoping that this would work. “Anyways, one day, y/n and her son were working at a local tavern, when a man entered. Once the man was seated, and y/n turned, she noticed that he was familiar. She came a bit closer and saw that it wasn’t just anybody, it was the prince. She was afraid that after all that time, and now being a King, he wouldn’t want her anymore, so she fled before he had the chance to talk to her.

‘Eventually, the King found her, and  begged her to come away to his castle, but she was still in doubt. Many years of being separated from your true love can do that to a person. But an unfortunate accident happened. Y/n and her son’s carriage crashed into another, and she realized that she would be better off in the palace then in her hometown, and so would her son. So they went to the kingdom of Quantico, and not long after that, the King and y/n fell in love.” You held your breath, cursing at yourself for not knowing how in the hell to break it to your 4 year old son in any other way then to alter the story he had come to practically memorize.

“And they lived happily ever after.” Walter finished. Spencer knocked on the doorframe, and Walter jumped off the bed, hugging the tall man’s shins. “Daddy!” He mumbled, and Spencer picked him up, cradling his son to his chest, tears in his eyes.


It wasn’t until Walter was a little older that he fully understood that Spencer was his birth parent, but he did admit to you that it didn’t matter, because he looked up to Spencer to fill the hole of the father figure that hadn’t been present for the first few years of his life.

You and Spencer fallen completely in love and never looked back at  the time you two had so painfully been separated. Walter had been the love of your lives, as well as each other, and couldn’t wait for the part f your life’s to begin with another little small fry on her way, who Walter was very excited to meet.

It wasn’t a perfect story. It was filled with tragedy and sadness, but there was also love and romance, and it was the story of how a family had formed, and grew, and thrived. And it was all yours. It wasn’t ending anytime either, for it was only just beginning.


“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones you accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.” - Anonymous.

Walt Disney and his Silent Fight

There is no secret that I seriously admire Walt Disney. He someone I put up on my list right next to George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Albert Einstien etc. And let’s face it, he was really was a genius, innovator and changed the way we watch movies and tell stories. But lately, I have been reading some posts about my hero and role model being sexist and racist. Whether he was racist is a discussion for another time. It is important to lay down but also the sexist part is important so we’ll start with that and move on.

The most common reason people think he was Sexist was due to a few rejection letter he gave to women. But something has to be kept in mind. Walt Disney lived in a time where it was difficult for women…and difficult for himself. He was bankrupt, working on movies that took years to animate without any of the modern conveniences we had. He had to remain unfortunately perfect in the public eye.

Let’s not get over the fact that he was also a perfectionist. If it wasn’t perfect it wouldn’t happen. And yet, a perfectionist and a sexist made three movies about princess’s following their dreams and becoming what they wanted it most in the world. Rising about their SOCIAL class and role modeling strength, belief and beauty.

It wasn’t that he wouldn’t hire women, he simply couldn’t.

He fought a sexist battle for women so subtle that not even his male animators knew. Or at least that’s what I see. Discounting Snow White who was only 14 anyway and really was too innocent and young to realize her mother’s tricks. Walt Disney created two Disney Princess movies that proved he was not sexist but truly believed women could be as good as men.

Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty…

Let’s look at Cinderella, the movie that saved the studio.

Cinderella’s cast was made of mostly women. As far as men go, you have the prince, the king, and the Duke. Yeah…That’s it. They don’t even have names! But we know that Cinderella had two steps sisters named Anastasia and Drezzela, her step mother’s name is Lady Tremain and you have her fairy godmother. These five main, female characters have very unique identities. Yet we don’t know the names of either the duke, king or prince. And who saves Cinderella? The fairy godmother! A bloody woman!

A goofy, full of character, sarcastic woman. We all loved her, let’s admit it.

Next let’s look at Sleeping Beauty, a cast made of mostly women. And Aurora wasn’t even really the main character, neither was the prince. Oh no! Who were the main characters?

These three bad a** women!

They spent sixteen years without magic, by themselves raising a child.

They snuck into a demon infested castle and rescued a prince

and while some people would like you to believe they didn’t, these three freaking fairies! Killed the freaking Dragon!

Say what you want about Maleficent but I would much rather have had a movie about these three fairies. They rocked.

And we can’t underestimate the power of Mary Poppins. 

A movie where this beautiful woman outsmarted the man and Mrs. Banks was a woman activist.

And here is the peace to the residence.

“If a woman can do the work as well, she is worth as much as a man. The girl artists have the right to expect the same chances for advancement as men, and I honestly believe they may eventually contribute something to this business that men never would or could.”Walt Disney 1941

Walt Disney wasn’t sexist. He was simply a man trying to find a balance between what was socially acceptable and what was right. After all, if he didn’t have this company he couldn’t do a thing about women’s rights. He subtly fought a battle that inspired the dreamers in all of us.

Here’s to my hero and role model. Thanks, Walt Disney for encouraging/helping me to follow my dreams! @disneyanimation

Twenty funniest and most adorable John Green quotes

1. The best way to know when your asparagus is done is when you’re bored and don’t want to wait to eat it.

2. Breast cancer is a made of suck disease that attacks one of my very favourite organs of ladies. 

3. Albert Einstien was a Physicist. Not a quotation generation machine.

4. Dora, you’re weird. You’re a toddler, you should be inside. 

5. Doctor pepper ten. It’s not for women. It’s for apparently, misogynists.

6. Hank, if you could be an athlete, who would you be? This would challenge Hank’s ability to name an athlete.

7. The venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and boys you don’t wanna date is a circle.

8. There are going to be some people in your life who do not wanna kiss you.

9. When I was a kid, I believed that the definition of “Rich” was that you had stairs in your house. 

10. Oh my god, I am a banana.

11. Whenever I would bring a girlfriend home, mom would show her my baby pictures and say, “Look at that tiny penis! When he came out of my body, I was like are you sure that’s a boy?” and I would call up Mad Eye Moody and be like, “I’m gonna need a disillusionment charm. ASAP.”

12. I don’t wanna film the yeti because I think her cute will break the camera.

13. I am very bad at video games, but I’m very passionate about them. 

14. If you’re not the person giving birth, it’s time for you to say “You’re doing awesome!” and then faint.

15. Hank, I’ve been thinking about this. What is keeping you from being the next Justin Beiber.

16. Whenever you’re furious with your parents, just remember that you vomited on them, and they kept you.

17. Next you’ll tell me that six to the fifth power is not four.

18. Fishing boat proceeds are the unicorn of my tax returns!

19. I’m very lazy, not that I don’t work hard, but I don’t move much.

20. Even though my baby is gonna have a doofus for a dad, he’s gonna have an awesome mom. And an awesome Uncle Hank and Aunt Katherine. 

Happy birthday Michael Faraday

Today is the birthday of the revered scientist Michael Faraday, who would have turned 224.

Probably albumen carte-de-visite by John Watkins [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

- Faraday was born in 1791 on the then outskirts of London, Newington Butts, to a working class family. His thirst for knowledge was quenched through work as a bookbinder, where he educated himself by reading the texts available to him at the shop.

- He became the Chemical Assistant at the Royal Institution in London and toured Europe with another influential Victorian scientist – Humphry Davy.

- He was a famous orator, and instigated the Royal Institution Christmas Lecture, which continues to this day.

- Faraday made significant discoveries in electromagnetism and electrolysis. He coined many of the words associated with electronics today, such as electrode, cathode and ion.  The Farad, the unit of capacitance, is named after Faraday.

- All his discoveries came desipite his relatively limited understanding of mathematics.

- Albert Einstien had a picture of Faraday on the wall of his office.

‘Although we know nothing of what an atom is, yet we cannot resist forming some idea of a small particle, which represents it to the mind … there is an immensity of facts which justify us in believing that the atoms of matter are in some way endowed or associated with electrical powers, to which they owe their most striking qualities, and amongst them their mutual chemical affinity.’ - Faraday

  • God: welcome to heaven do you wish to confess ur sins before entering?
  • Me: pi over 2 equals 1/2 hahaha
  • God: ...
  • *Later down in hell*
  • Albert Einstien: yea i tried that shit too