albatross on stilts

“Hello Ladies” Sentence Starters
  • ❝ well, it seems phony now! ❞
  • ❝ first reason im doing comedy is because any money i make i dont have to share with you-know-who. ❞
  • ❝ i’m looking for a wife, not a groupie. ❞
  • ❝ to be fair, the photographer did only have a couple of seconds to decide if he should include the top of my head. ❞
  • ❝ i have slept with a prostitute. she doesnt want anyone to know, though. its quite annoying, if im honest. ❞
  • ❝ she said i was tremendous, and she would know, she’s a professional. ❞
  • ❝ as a teenager, i spent a lot of the time in the distance. ❞
  • ❝ could i talk to you about god? at all? ❞
  • ❝ i dont even know what situation id be in where id need a venn diagram. ❞
  • ❝ i got this… this triangle. and i know the length of two sides but i need to know the length of the third side. ❞
  • ❝ oh, fuck off! ❞
  • ❝ mankind coped fine from the beginnings of civilization without the venn diagram. ❞
  • ❝ how cocky was john venn to name it the venn diagram? ❞
  • ❝ putting it kindly, he was rather ungainly - like a giant albatross hopping on stilts. ❞
  • ❝ in what way is that putting it kindly? ❞
  • ❝ well, his dancing wasnt great but it did take my mind off my fear of immigrants. ❞
  • ❝ i knew one woman who said she met her husband because he was her gynecologist. ❞
  • ❝ at what point do you ask her out? ❞
  • ❝ if i ever get married, i’m not paying that! ❞
  • ❝ what kind of person gets an invitation and thinks ‘they shouldnt be getting married! … i wont say anything now, though, ill wait for the special day’?  ❞
  • ❝ the groom is also shagging her and her. ❞
  • ❝ its quite complicated, i put it in this venn diagram for you. ❞
  • ❝ what if you get to the church a bit late? ❞
  • ❝ i wish youd got here earlier, i gave you a window of opportunity for that. ❞
  • ❝ youre gonna have to forever hold your peace on this one, if im honest. ❞
  • ❝ if it was a mate of yours, telling you about these events, you wouldnt be eating popcorn, would you? ❞
  • ❝ firstly, i… i should tell you im gay. ❞
  • ❝ i will… ultimately, i will pass away. ❞
  • ❝ no! lets not split the bill! ❞
  • ❝ i will… ultimately, i will pass away. ❞
  • ❝ he wasnt wanking, sorry, that wasnt clear. ❞
  • ❝ have you ever met someone so dull, that they turn away and you literally cant remember what they look like? ❞
  • ❝ i’m twenty minutes of bullshit about how hard it is to get a kid into a school. ❞
  • ❝ at least ive been on the six o clock news. the only way you are gonna get on the six o clock news is if her body is found in a bin. ❞
  • ❝ and i said ‘hes like a cunt’… i blew it with the girl, if im honest. ❞
  • ❝ i was the only person in there that ever watched porn on vhs. ❞
  • ❝ girl on girl. man on girl. girl on toaster. i dont know what you’re into. ❞
  • ❝ despite my best efforts, at 11:52, i… had to declare him dead… i will leave you with your thoughts. ❞ 
  • ❝ calm down, sweetheart, let me explain. ❞ 
  • ❝ not a problem, i dont got any money, i spent it all on you. ❞