alaric is me


 Stefan Salvatore seeing his wife for the first time on their wedding day.

   [We’ve all made terrible mistakes in our lives. Done things that no apology can heal. But you just have to keep going. Try to find some new happiness. No matter how much you’ve lost.]

How To Fuck Hell In Its Economic Ass: A D&D Story

So I was playing D&D, good ol’ 3.5 which, is a fun system but so convoluted, math heavy, and unbalanced when you look at it for more than five minutes so when you’re making an epic level campaign you know you’re in for some bullshit. Party ends up with some stacked players where you recognize it’s nearly impossible for them to fail certain checks because they specialized so much. All worked up to be the biggest group of badasses you could find.

Then comes Alaric Vertigans, unassuming party rogue. While everyone spent vast sums of money on magic items, I made only one major magic purchase- a personal demiplane stocked with a small ecosystem, a little cottage, and a confectionery kitchen.

Now, I knew I wanted to make my character have a love of baking, the contrast of fighting gods then coming home and making cakes was too much. What I hadn’t anticipated was a system that seemed so utterly unprepared for people to be cooking. Buying ingredients and seeing what I can make… most essentials were trade goods. Almonds for 3 silver a pound, flour for three copper a pound, milk for 5 silver a pound, sugar for 5 gold a pound, eggs for some copper a dozen. Alright

Well what you can make from these things? Well looking through I saw y'know… cake, marzipan… marzipan looked easy enough so I threw myself into having my character perfect it. 2 parts almond paste, 1 part sugar, add egg white. 6 silver, 5 gold, and a couple copper got me about 3 lbs of marzipan which looking at the sheet I could sell for about 3 gold each. Taking it at a loss until I realized that 3 gold per ounce.

Ingredients by the pound. Product by the ounce. 5 gold, 3 silver, 2 copper in ingredients that sells for 144 gold a batch.

So I immediately ser to work every rest we had, making marzipan like a madman, perfecting it until I could well enough claim having masterwork marzipan which I’m told I could sell then for 5 gold an ounce (240 gold a batch). Sweets like a religious epiphany. First town we come to I am determined to unload.

First town we come to is the Iron City of Dis, which is complicated in of itself. But I start talking up this marzipan, free samples, generating hype and then I go to confectioners, small shops and I unload everything I can like it’s an import of fidget spinners. We had entered hell, generated a new craze and then when they all realized that everyone and their mother already had bought marzipan from me the market bubble burst.

Devils and monsters bought marzipan on credit, they owed me, Alaric Vertigans the great marzipan baron of hell. We would run into demons trying to get people to make deals and offering marzipan to persuade people. The wicked throngs would curse my name as their city bore the weight of their debt which they had incurred with their mad rush on marzipan.

After that point I was told that nobody ever wanted more marzipan, the market was flooded. I played all my cards but damnit I think I won.

In short, make lots and lots of marzipan. Devils love marzipan.

Vampire diaries series final was last night. Who knew I would have so many feels. It wasn’t the best show but dammit it hit the feel after been invested so much in this show. for what’s it worth, I will miss the characters I’ve grown to love. 

get ready for the low down of episode 14 of vampire diaries.

Let’s start off with mother fucking malachai parker semi-living/waking on the face of the earth with no taste buds. He apps just got out of hell like the day Matt rung the bell.

So he goes to Dalaric, proposing an idea to get Elena back which caused a slight conflict between Damon and Alaric. Alaric tells Damon that he doesn’t want Kai near anyone he cares but Damon pleads that he needs him to get Elena back.

So the whole episode we have Kai and Damon on a road trip with eventual calls to Bonnie, hypothetically asking for her help but let’s not forget that our lil witch has psychic powers now (dw we’ll explore that later) and she felt Kai next to Damon so we got a lil argument with the bamon team.

Bonnie on the other hand - with her unknown powers and all - sought help from the devil, who she meets at a coffee shop aw how millennial. He tells her that the betrayal and grief she felt was the same things he felt when he was burnt at the stake. Which awakened her new abilities. He shows her the ropes because she wants to see Enzo, he helps her concentrate.

She sees Enzo but not in hell. He tells her not to trust Cade and that made her jump the Lets-hate-Cade bandwagon. She leaves the coffee shop only to see him in front of her car. He tells her that he is unaware of Enzo’s whereabouts and that her talent was rare. She was able to create a holding place for Enzo, much like he did to hell. (Not sure if that part came in before or after he sifted through her mind because he then) Found out that our lil mass murderer-Parker is on the loose. He tells her that they belong in hell.

We got daddy Alaric here, bringing his kids into the armoury. That’s not where things get weird, he phones Caroline and tells him that he urgently needs to bring his kids to her, well not urgently but lowkey and the camera pans to a bunch of crayons floating - weird shit to happen to what? 5? 6? 7 year olds?

Maroline??? Mattoline??? Cart?? Anyways, Caroline and Matt recently found out that when Stefan became human, everyone he compelled (and shit man, I fucking mean everyone) remembered the horrendous acts he did - tying him to numerous murders and supposed “animal attacks”. So the two of them ironically compel those victims to forget.

Remember my last episode update? Stefan being kidnapped by someone in a hoodie? Well guess what? It was Dorian Williams, which was luckily given a back story by Julie Plec out of the blue. Dorian tells Stefan that he remembers our former vampire, killing his family and compelling Dorian to forget. So now he sought out for revenge. Shooting Stefan’s stomach (right side I think???) and immediately freaking out bc ya know, ur a good kid WHO HAS NEVER SHOT ANYONE OR ANYTHING and u just shot a NOW HUMAN BEING like lmao ur bound to have a panic attack.

So he regrets shooting Stefan, tries to help him - calls Matt while our blonde vampiress hears about in the background. She runs quickly to them. Cade approaches Stefan as they are in the middle of the real world and hell. Cade tells him that it would be easier for Caroline to let Stefan go, he told him that Stefan was a hindrance to Caroline’s planned out future and that he would just burden Caroline with him getting old.

Stefan comes back and is taken to the hospital. He gave Dorian a choice on whether Stefan should go to jail or to move on from his sins (iM not really religious but it seemed fitting lmao). Caroline takes a look at Stefan, but got mad at Stefan’s choice to leave MF alone. She tells him that she’s been with him through it all.

With her new powers, bonnie tries to see Enzo once again - she does but only a physical embodiment of him but he still is - dead.

Alaric brings the Twitches™ to Caroline’s. She’s happy to see them all. She sets down a set of cups and Lizzie wanted the pink one. Mad, Lizzie accidentally syphon’s Caroline. Josie gets mad at her sister for hurting their mom, so she speaks the words “incendi–” but both Alaric and Caroline tells her that it was dangerous. Alaric tells Caroline that they’ve been like that for the past 3 days and he doesn’t know how to control it.

Now we are closed by Kaimon in the tomb where Elena’s coffinned body lays. Kai syphon’s some (a shit ton) of magic from Damon, leaving him veiny and grey. He disappears with Elena’s coffin, telling Damon that there is no such thing as redemption but only tricks for people like them.

*** In the promo for the next episode, we see:
- Stefan wanting to kill Cade
- Bonnie in an estranged 3 way battle with Cade bc Damon was in the way so, Cade + Bonnie + Damon = 3 that’s right bitches, I’m educated - Kai is still there
- Caroline’s head being twist buT OK


I could literally, write a much better plot than this crummy, rushed story line (some) people call magical. ANYONE could write a much better plot. We’d literally do it for free if it means, saving the essence of a show that supposed to be good but was ruined by Julie Plec.

Ya’ll keep pushing Delena and Bonenzo down everyone’s throat when half of those ships are either dead or unconscious. That’s not poetic in my book nor Shakespeare’s book and he’s a mother fucking playwright.

Someone fix this show.

Overly Drunk

Kai Parker X Reader

Word Count: 600

Requested: Anon

Request: Hello! Hope you’re well! If you have time, can I request a reader x Kai where they both get drunk and Kai admits he likes her / they sleep together.? But then the reader sneaks away during the night/afterwards because she also likes him but thinks it was because he was drunk and she is just a one-night stand to him. Maybe he tracks her down after? Thanks so much Love x

Originally posted by vanessaiivves

You never had a one night stand before and you didn’t plan on having another one, you didn’t like the feeling or maybe it was because it was Kai OR maybe it was because he said that he liked you, either way, you were nursing a bad headache and acknowledging some bad life choices. “Hey, short stuff.” Damon greeted as he sat in the booth opposite you.

“Hi.” You waved lazily as he glanced at the sunglasses on the table next to you.
“So were you really drunk last night?” Damon asked.
“You guys give me a supernatural problem and I’ll go get a supernatural hangover.” You grumbled.
“Well, can I ask you about this?” He asked showing you a selfie of you and Kai at a club,
“I don’t remember that.” You mumbled.
“Really?” Damon asked, “What about this one?” He asked showing you a picture of Kai giving you a piggy back but you didn’t have a shirt on. “Seems like something I missing… Oh, I know your shirt!”
“First of all my shirt is not missing it’s in my hand.” You said pointing to the shirt in your hand before continuing “second still don’t remember that. Where are you even finding these?”
“Twitter,” Damon answered.
“I didn’t even know you had a twitter account.” You mumbled.
“I don’t Alaric sent me the link,” Damon answered.
“Why does he still follow Kai?” You asked and Damon shrugged before looking at you.
“Did it go… Further?” He asked and you just looked at him.
“I mean do you want me to lie or…” You asked taking a sip of the water that was on the table.
“Ugh.” Damon groaned and you rolled your eyes. “He’s the enemy.”
“So were you at one point.” You argued.
“Well looks like your problem just showed up,” Damon smirked.
“Don’t you dare!” You glared at him as you heard Kai somewhere in the grill.
“Bye.” Damon gave you a waved before walking out.

It took him a couple of minutes to realise that you were there but when he did a bright smile slid across his face and he wondered over, he noticed your glass of water and sunglasses and let out a childish giggle. “You hungover?” He asked as he slid into the booth in front of you.
“Mmhm.” You hummed.
“I could have helped you with that if you hadn’t left before I got up.” He smirked reaching over and brushing your hair out of your face.
“I…Um.” You were lost for words as you looked around. “We were both drunk, I just thought you wouldn’t want me here if you woke up.”
“Why wouldn’t I want you there when I woke up?” Kai asked. You shrugged in response.
“I was available, but maybe not who you wanted.” You shrugged.
“Not who I..? Oh.” Kai smiled leaning forward his face close to yours. “You thought it meant nothing.”
“I was a one night stand right?” You asked.
“I hope it isn’t.” Kai smiled leaning closer still.
“What?” You asked.
“I told you last night, or don’t you remember?” He asked.
“No I remember but you were drunk.” You shrugged.
“Well then let me repeat it now I’m sober. I like you, probably more than I should.” Kai smirked, “and I really want to kiss you.”
“Maybe you should.” You whispered.
“Maybe I will,” Kai said leaning forward.
“Alright break it up!” Damon walked in clapping to draw your attention but instead of listening Kai turned you round to face him before pressing his lips to yours smirking as he did.

Requests and general question!


Alaric: NO. 

Kai: Oh, well. I am still going to call you like that. Is Y/N ready? *peeks through Alaric’s shoulder*

Alaric: If I will find out that you are trying to use her for one of your little dirty schemes I will kill you. *smiles widely*

Y/N: What are you boys talking about? *you smile as you enter the room*

Kai: Ric was saying to me…

Alaric: Nothing important. Have a good time. *he winks at you and for a moment looks at Kai*

Kai: I think it’s time for us to leave. *smiles as hugs your waist and winks to Alaric* It was really nice to see you - Ric. 


Gif source:  Both

Imagine Elijah coming to visit you at Whitmore college, and he finds you with your favorite professor, Alaric Saltzman, and he thinks something is going on between you and Alaric and gets jealous.

——— Request for anon ———

“(Y/N) tells me you’re her favorite professor,” Elijah comments calmly as he leans in the doorway to the recently emptied classroom, studying Alaric as he looks up from the papers on his lecture. “How you manage to help her enjoy the time she spends here at college.”

Alaric raises a brow at the Original as he makes his way to leave, thus having to come towards the doorway Elijah was leaning on in the process, and he couldn’t help but smirk as he recognized the jealousy behind Elijah’s polite facade, “Don’t worry, Elijah. I don’t really pursue younger women.” Elijah’s head tilts as he recognizes the words he’d once spoken being repeated to him, only for Alaric to pass by him.

Elijah calls over his shoulder, “I’ve heard that joke before.”


*Requested*  Imagine convincing Alaric, who you don’t know, to pretend to be your boyfriend when this guy won’t stop looking at you strangely. The guy leaves and you thank Alaric, you leaving a few minutes later, but the guy, who is a vampire, is waiting for you and attacks you and Alaric comes out and defends you. When the vamp is gone he asks you out and you say yes, kissing his cheek and thanking him again.

(Finally another one for all the Alaric girls and guys out there. I hope you enjoy! Happy reading my lovelies)

Characters: Alaric x Reader, random vampire

Story Title: “History and Bourbon”

Word count: 1226

Your name: submit What is this?

A pair of eyes stare into your backside, not looking away once. You are currently at the Grill and this creepy stranger, who looks like he has camped out in the Woods for quite some time, keeps staring at you. You don’t know if he’s a vampire eying his prey -which wouldn’t be surprising in your hometown Mystic Falls- or just a creeper who loves to make people uncomfortable. Either way, it does not look like he is leaving anytime soon, so you have to think of something because it is getting pretty late and you would be an easy target if the guy follows you outside.

You look around the Grill in desperate need of finding something or someone to help you get out of here safely. Then suddenly, the ringing sound of the doorbell catches your attention. In walks a guy with dirty blonde hair carrying a fairly big bag. It looks like he is walking towards your direction.  Maybe he could help you get out of here? He certainly looks strong enough to kick the creepers ass.  

On second thought maybe not. This is Mystic Falls after all.  There are vampires lurking around everywhere. Maybe it is best to play on the safe side and verbally ask the new guy to help you. But how could you ask him? This is not something you ever asked someone, at least not in this setting. And what would you say anyway?

Well, there’s no more time to contemplate anymore because the guy almost reached the bar.  Here it goes…

Keep reading

shadowhunters as that 70s show quotes
  • jace: I'm what's known as man-pretty
  • clary: Everybody wants their first make-out to be special. Someplace romantic like Ireland, or Disneyworld.
  • alec: Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you
  • magnus: The beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create
  • isabelle: the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be.
  • simon: if I were a bird, I'd fly into a ceiling fan
  • luke: Government pawns and missing limbs. That's amore.
  • jocelyn: All families are embarrassing. If they aren't embarrassing they're dead
  • maia: you are about to read a book my foot wrote.. It's called on the road to in your ass
  • raphael: When I die, I want to be buried face down, so that way, whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass
  • alaric: You should suspend me. I need a vacation.
  • raj: kiss my brown ass!
  • meliorn: Where Zen ends, ass kicking begins
  • sebastian: if you dont get caught, everything's legal
  • lydia: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
  • maryse: Everyone is happy and nobody went to jail. What a waste of time.
  • robert: You know I love my family. But sometimes, I just want to get in my car and run them all over.
  • max: if this is about maturity i want nothing to do with it
  • valentine: I've been working since I was sixteen. I fought in two wars. Hell, I've killed people. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it...
Damon Salvatore - Our Long, Happy Life Together

Originally posted by fall-inlove3

Damon tells you a story. Your story. The story of your lives together, from your very first meeting up to your last moments together.

Damon x Reader

Other characters: Alaric Saltzman, Stefan Salvatore, and Katherine Pierce (mentioned)

A/N: I realized when writing this that it’s kind of like The Notebook. So, Damon is basically telling the reader this while they lay on their death bed.

Keep reading