aka teeth

There are mouse traps in the Fake AH Crew’s penthouse. Old school, spring loaded mousetraps right out of a cartoon. It takes everyone a while to see them, and even then no one really takes much notice; there’s nothing particularly abnormal about mousetraps after all. Except that the penthouse has never had mice. Except that for all they are bloodthirsty criminals no one in the crew really has the stomach to crush a rodent to death; the Lads short lived plan to keep a pet snake to terrify Geoff ended not because the man in question caught them but instead because none were willing to handle feeding the bloody thing.

So the traps are weird then. The traps no one uses. The traps no one claims. The traps that seem to be multiplying. Not quickly, slow enough to slide under the radar, but month by month the boxes grow until suddenly one of the spare rooms is completely filled.

Which, understandably, is noticed. Geoff calls a meeting and the crew wastes an afternoon squabbling over who and how and why but nothing is resolved. Everyone knows it must be a trap of some sort, someone setting up for a prank or a hilarious stunt, and no one wants to be the target. The culprit does not identify themselves, and there’s more than enough secondhand glee and trepidation going around to muddy the waters and keep the guilty party unknown.

No one is prepared to brave removing the mousetraps themselves, unsure if some trap will be sprung simply by entering the room, so the boxes remain. It’s an uneasy sort of acceptance, no member of the crew wanting to complain and single themselves out, so the threat lays dormant long enough that everyone has to move on, has to stop actively wondering. Even subconsciously they still pass the room gingerly, cautious, but as the months go by and the bedroom remains closed the fact that the boxes continue to multiply is pushed out of mind.

And then Dan flies over to pay Gavin a visit. As usual he’s greeted with a celebration, drink in hand before he’s through the front door; the first of many as the night predictably devolves into something raucous and messy and seamlessly fond. It’s late by the time the teasing and story telling dies down, by the time Dan finally trudges up the hall with his bag, so it takes the crew a moment too long to remember that Dan’s usual room was already occupied. They thunder down the hall just in time to see - nothing. The boxes are gone, the room is immaculate, like nothing strange has been growing there for almost a year, like the crew’s fears were entirely unfounded.

Or so they think, until dawn breaks with Dan screaming the house down, waking everyone up way too early as they scramble to arm themselves and drag their hungover bodies towards the apparent fight taking place in the living room. The fight between Dan and what turns out to be literally thousands of mousetraps, laid out in concentric circles around the main room ready to catch Dan on his usual jetlag-early, half-awake stumble to kitchen.

The culprit would be obvious even without Gavin’s distinctive squeaking giggles ratting him out, perched on the kitchen counter and filming the whole scene on his phone, the areas around him lined with its own little wall of still-loaded mouse traps. Unfortunately, regardless of whatever protection Gavin thought they would buy him, Dan charges right through to tackle him screeching to the ground anyway.

The video winds up on youtube, because of course it does; Gavin is an asshole and sees no reason why the whole world shouldn’t enjoy his endless efforts to torture Dan. By the time Gavin gets the video together, including a time lapse of the set up, various angles from a handful of go pros placed strategically around the room, a slow mo replay of the dawning horror on Dan’s face as the traps go off and the angry bodyslam to close it out, it has all the elements of an excellent video. So of course it goes viral; passed around the internet at lightning speed, shown on various news programs, racking up millions of views before the day is over.

It doesn’t take long for the internet to point out the handful of infamous criminal lookalikes edging into frame at the end, obviously too soft and rumpled and hopelessly entertained to be the real deal, but still a funny comparison all the same. Even more amusing when the blurry footage almost makes them look armed, so-called guns a startling juxtaposition against the silly prank and cutesy patterned pyjamas everyone seems to be wearing. Combined with the obvious opulence of the room, and the kind of cash it must take to buy so many mousetraps just for a stunt, there is no shortage of people joking about the video being a candid episode of MTV Cribs featuring the Fake AH Crew.  

Those floor to ceiling windows Geoff has in his office are great and all, very prestigious, perfect for gazing out at his kingdom, but they have to have come back to bite him at some point.

Surely there has been a moment when he’s staring out, halfway through updating Burnie on how things are going when in quick succession he spots one of his cars screaming down the road with a barrage of police in hot pursuit, in turn chased by what bizarrely appears to be motorcycle-drawn chariots, a series of parachutes popping in the distance as a distinctly familiar jet starts to plummet from the sky, and panicked civilians scattering every which way in the face of a lone tank rumbling down the plaza.

There must have been a moment when Geoff’s pressed his forehead to the cool glass, closed his eyes as Burnie chattered away unaware in his ear, and wondered when the fuck he lost control of his life. Also, how soon it would be possible to install blinds.

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: They killed Captain Flowers for comedic relief in the series but then he turned out to be AgeNT FLORIDA AND THAT ISN'T FAIR. I LAUGHED WHEN HE DIED OH GOD I WAS SO AWFUL. AND THEY BROUGHT HIM BACK WITH O'MALLEY INHABITING HIS BODY AND I TRUSTED THAT. why did i trUST THESE PEOPLE WITH MY SOUL??????

anonymous asked:

Hey, would you happen to have any tips on telling adult skulls from juvenile skulls? Sometimes I'll find a skull from a species I've never found before, but they just seem so impossibly small...! It's super hard to find photo refs that show the size... Are there any general features that can show age? Huge eye sockets, tricks with teeth, etc...?

Hi there!

There are a few things to look for when trying to tell what age an animal was by its skull.

Skulls are made up of many different bones and the lines where those different bone plates connect are called sutures. As an animal ages those sutures begin to fuse together and in some cases in very old animals they will completely disappear. In young animals though those plates are very noticeable. 

Here are a few comparisons between juvenile and adult skulls of some common species.

Opossums are unlike many other mammals and the sutures of their skulls never completely fuse together.

Here are four Carolina Dogs ranging from approximately six months old to around ten years old.

Note how the suture lines begin to fuse together as the animals mature. In the Senior dog on the bottom right they have practically disappeared.

Domestic Cats: Kitten, Adult, & Senior

Goats: Juvenile, Young Adult, and Senior. Note the completely fused sutures in the senior goat skull on the far right.

Like humans, all baby mammals have deciduous aka milk aka baby teeth that are shed as the adult teeth begin to erupt. In some cases you can even see the adult teeth erupting from under the milk teeth. This baby bobcat has both baby and adult canine teeth present, giving it the appearance of double fangs.

Those baby teeth are usually hollow/have undeveloped roots. Adult teeth are hollow too until the animal matures and the root of the tooth fills in and becomes solid.

Here are adult vs. juvenile teeth in Red Foxes:

and Raccoons:

The rearmost molars are usually the last teeth to finish erupting. Here’s a young standard size horse foal’s teeth (left) compared to a 17 year old mini horse’s teeth (right). Note the foal’s rearmost molars still encased in bone. An older animal’s teeth will also show signs of wear. Enamel loss and discoloration, points worn down smooth, and decay are all signs of age.

Teeth yet to erupt in a young feral hog’s skull.

So the main things to look for when trying to age a skull are suture lines and teeth. Size is helpful too but some animals like raccoons have skulls that come in an incredible variety of shapes and sizes so sutures and teeth are really your best tell when gaging age. Bones and skulls from juvenile animals are also typically very lightweight, fragile, and porous. Sometimes the bone of the skull of a juvenile animal will be paper-thin. Often when they are being processed and cleaned juvenile animal skulls will completely fall apart at the suture lines and have to be rebuilt.

Hope that helps, Anon! Happy collecting!