aka best movie

voltron shrek au

alright. alright alright alright alright.

  • KEITH is quite obviously SHREK. loner. off-putting personality. intimidating at first. probably smells weird. odd concept of what constitutes hygiene. good heart. not the best socially. puts in effort that often goes unnoticed thanks to preconceived notions. could benefit from a lot of hugs. impulsive. also: keith lives out in the desert, shrek lives out in the swamp. 
  • GET OUT OF MY SHACK (BASS DROPS) SHACKSHACKSHACKSHACKshaaaaaCK
  • now this may throw some of you for a loop, but HUNK is DONKEY. anxious. tendency to ramble. appreciative of what’s important. vocal about it when annoyed or upset. supportive and loving, but ultimately aware of your bullshit and will call you on it if necessary. scares easily. aware of his own mortality. gets stuck in threatening situations because of his friends. tries to have a positive outlook. a good friend to have on your side. hilarious. genuine. would make u waffles.
  • LANCE is FIONA. critically underestimated. demands the #best out of life. a little spoiled + loves to be pampered. petty as hell. easy to toss over your shoulder. sarcasm as a pseudo-coping mechanism. actually very accepting. big heart. not afraid of Emotions. hard fucking worker. lowkey leadership skills. damsel in distress but accompanied by the trope of being Surprisingly Competent. grody jokes. certified nastie. genuinely supportive pal. will fuck u up… but at what cost… at what cost….

and did somebody say PLOT??????

  • haha too bad, i don’t have one
  • ok that’s a lie i have half of one
  • keith is the human child of a galra commander who was killed in battle. he basically raised himself on this alien planet away from everyone else because he wasn’t accepted and treated as an outsider/monstrosity
  • lance, a prophesied paladin of voltron, is kidnapped from earth and locked away in space with the discovered lion, left there to rot as bait for the other eventual paladins/lions
  • it’s surprisingly effective as a means of weeding out the rebels against galra rule
  • that is until zarkon starts taking captives instead of killing them all, because he still is no closer to obtaining the black, yellow, or green lions
  • shortly after this is when shiro manages to escape and crash land on earth, found by hunk and pidge, who are desperate in their search to recover their lost friend lance, whose disappearance (*pidge voice* ABDUCTION) was covered up by The Garrison, same as the disappearance of pidge’s family
  • (yes, this makes SHIRO the GINGERBREAD MAN)
  • hunk and pidge rescue shiro, repair his crashed ship with their beautiful genius brains, and head towards the Castle of Lions with swiped secret info + coordinates from The Garrison—- who, they find, knew exactly what happened to lance, pidge’s family, and why
  • the galra start dumping the captives for keeping on keith’s land, so that they can have them on hand for gladiatorial training, slavery, or other uses. keith is livid, but mostly because he has to deal with Change and People and Things Were Fine The Way They Were, Like, They Sucked, But He Wasn’t Dwelling On It Okay and Still, This Is Worse
  • once hunk, pidge, and shiro have teamed up with ALLURA (ARTHUR) and CORAN (MERLIN), hunk goes alone to retrieve the yellow lion, but ends up getting captured by the galra en route
  • this is how hunk and keith meet
  • hunk figures out what’s happening based on keith’s angry ranting, and when sendak promises keith that if he can find a way to use the blue paladin to lure out the rest of voltron, he can have his lonely little asteroid planet back
  • hunk uses this as an opportunity to go save lance!!!!! and good thing he does because keith needs him to help save the day on balmera thanks to his beautiful new She’s-Not-My-Girlfriend, SHAY.
  • keith doesn’t know what he’s going to do once they get there and meet this stupid, trouble-making blue paladin
  • defect against the galra? double-cross the paladins to get his home back?? was it even really a home to begin with??
  • he CERTAINLY doesn’t plan… to fall in Love…………………..

just,,, LISten ,,

  • keith: it’s no wonder u don’t have any friends? hunk: wow, only a True friend would be that Truly Honest?
  • (keith driving over a cliff) 🎶 I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY BAD REPUTATION 🎶
  • hunk: (looks between keith and lance in disbelief) he’s as nasty as you are?
  • lance: (singing) bird: (explodes)
  • when a galra in the bush grabs a paladin by the tush that’s bad that’s bad that’s really really bad
  • keith: what am i? pidge: uh… really tall?
  • keith getting shot in the butt and lance having to pull it out
  • is that a euphemism
  • i don’t know
  • mullets are like onions
  • hunk: blue flower red thorns blue flower red thorns blue flower red thorns THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I WASN’T COLORBLIND
  • blue flower 😎 red thorns 😎 #investigate

and that’s just the first movie,,

The Signs as Mean Girls quotes
  • Aries: "We should totally just STAB CAESAR!"
  • Taurus: “She doesn’t even go here!”
  • Gemini: “I don’t hate you ‘cause your fat. You’re fat ‘cause I hate you!”
  • Cancer: “I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.”
  • Leo: “It’s not my fault you’re, like, in love with me or something!”
  • Virgo: “I can’t go to Taco Bell. I’m on an all-carb diet. God, Karen, you are so stupid!”
  • Libra: “But you’re, like, really pretty… So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?”
  • Scorpio: “’Cause she’s a life ruiner. She ruins people’s lives.”
  • Sagittarius: "I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I’m sorry for telling everyone about it. And I’m sorry for repeating it now.”
  • Capricorn: “I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”
  • Aquarius: “It’s like I have ESPN or something.”
  • Pisces: “And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.”
3

This is no man’s land, Diana! It means no man can cross it, alright? This battalion has been here for nearly a year and they’ve barely gained an inch. All right? Because on the other side there are a bunch of Germans pointing machine guns at every square inch of this place. This is not something you can cross. It’s not possible. 

this super bowl is honestly boring as fuck and he commercials aren’t even good but at least i got to see a tv spot for logan (aka the future best superhero movie of all time)

No homo but i want all the homo

So this idea is brought to you by a bunch of people on the Ereri discord posting fanart and saying Eren and Levi were just being good ‘bros’


If you were to ask me how I met my boyfriend the answer would be simple: we met in high school and became good friends. If you were to ask me how we actually became boyfriends however, I would tell you a complicated story consisting of many awkward stares, silences, and even boners…

~~~

“So you’re serious about sleeping on the couch?” Eren, my best friend at the time, asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve got nowhere else.” The couch seemed like the most obvious answer to my problem. I’m sure it isn’t that uncomfortable?

“Bro, last time I napped on that couch you had to give me a back massage afterwards because of how lumpy it was.” Now I thought about it, I did remember something along the lines of that happening.

“That’s true but it’s literally the only other place I can sleep in the flat that isn’t my bed.” I didn’t see what other options I had.

“No homo, but I do have a double bed…it’s a lot better for your back than that piece of crap.” Eren gestured to the couch I was sitting on.

“So you’re suggesting I sleep with you?” Not that I was opposed to the idea, but I was opposed to the fact that Eren and I were currently stuck in the ‘brozone’. A type of friendship where one, or possibly both, of the friends has gay feelings for the other but is concerned they may ruin the friendship and therefore starts almost every sentence with ‘bro’ or ‘no homo’. This is also a method of protecting masculinity.

“Yes, we’ll stay on our own sides of course.” What if I didn’t want to? What if I wanted to get as close to you as possible and be held in your arms, tucked up safe and surrounded in your scent? Okay Levi that got a bit too specific. Tone it down a notch.

“Sure…bro.” I had just doomed myself to a restless night in hell…or heaven…it might be both.

One hour later and I was watching Eren sleep. Wait…rewind. That sounded creepy as fuck. What I meant is that I was laying in bed unable to sleep whilst Eren was already deep in dreamland. I had tried to sleep but I was just too worked up. How would you feel if you were platonically sharing a bed with your crush? I was transfixed on watching the way his chest lifted up and down, taking in and expelling breaths through the slight opening of his mouth. When exactly did you fall this far Levi? Fuck if I knew. The only thing I knew is that I didn’t want ‘no homo’ anymore I wanted all the homo goddamnit.

The other thing keeping me from sleeping is the worry that I would move in my sleep and Eren would wake up to me clutching him like a teddy bear. Who knew what that would cause. I knew that if Eren turned on the light now I would be bright red due to all the thoughts running through my head. Would Eren ever feel the same way as I felt right now? Was I getting my hopes up for nothing or did he also just want to get out of this fucking bromance already? After about another hour of nerve wracking thoughts, I felt my eyes slip closed and sleep take over my senses.

I was lucky I woke up before Eren…

When I woke up it was 5am and I was definitely not on my “side” of the bed. I could tell due to the fact I was undoubtedly staring at Eren’s chest about 2 centimetres in front of my face. Immediately I recoiled and almost fell off the bed. Saving my ass from injury on the cold linoleum floor by about 5mm.

My mind was reeling, if Eren had actually woken before me it would have been so fucking awkward. He would have stared at me with those amazing emerald green orbs and told me to get the fuck off him and out of the house along with his life. If I was lucky my parents wouldn’t disown me but that was unlikely.

I fell off the bed….

I woke up…

While my awake self was aware that Eren was a person, my asleep self was convinced that he was actually a teddy bear. Because when I opened my eyes, guess who was staring back at me?

“Are you cold Levi?” Eren asked immediately getting out of bed to grab blankets out of the cupboard. It was 4am. The silence in the room felt thick with sexual tension.

I ran to the bathroom and stayed there for a good ten minutes.

When I finally mustered up the courage to show my face again Eren was back in bed with more blankets and basically asleep. I spent the next 4 hours keeping myself awake in fear of the past repeating itself.

~~~

Three days later and my bed was fixed. I vowed to never mention the last few nights again…

Seeing as it was Saturday and Eren and I had a day off Eren decided it would be fun to have a movie night. I saw no way this could go wrong, maybe some awkward blanket sharing but for the rest it should all be fine.

Or that’s what I told myself because it wasn’t all fine.

Halfway through Mulan, aka the best movie ever, I apparently dropped some popcorn down my trousers.

“Hey, Bro, you…dropped some popcorn there..lemme get it for you.” Eren has no shame.

My mind blanked and before I knew it Eren had his hand down my trousers and was trying to find a piece of popcorn. Now I pride myself in my self control, but when someone you find attractive literally has a hand down your pants there’s going to be a boner. No sooner did Eren finally find the piece of popcorn than I ran to my room spouting the excuse that I had to get changed.

The rest of the night was spent in a heavy silence watching disney films and sharing a blanket…

The next day I had new resolve. Today I was going to ask Eren Jaeger out and not be a fucking wimp about it. The whole day was spent pacing and running countless scenarios through my head. Maybe he would decline? Chuck me out? Never talk to me again? None of the scenarios were good but that did not deter me.

I sat next to Eren on our lumpy ass couch and watched him as intently as he was watching the tv.

“You seem nervous Levi, what’s up?” Eren always knew how to see right through me.

“I’m er..going on a date.” Fuck. You haven’t even asked him yet Levi, back it up.

“So what’s there to be nervous about. You have gone out with people before right?” Oh god.

“No?” Why did I say it like a fucking question Jesus Levi man the fuck up.

“Kissed someone?”

“No…” The thought of Eren’s lips on mine made me turn bright red.

“Well that’s no good, I can’t have my bro going on a date unprepared.” I did not like the direction this was going… “Look I’ll show you how.”

Fuck.

All of a sudden our lips interlocked and I was melting into Eren’s touch. If this was what heaven felt like, sign me the fuck up. Because I was fucking free falling off the tallest building in the world and was about to hit the ground.

Eventually Eren pulled back and I felt a tingle on my lips where his used to be. My pupils were almost definitely dilated and I was panting heavily. Eren on the other hand seemed mostly unaffected his breathing only slightly heavier than before. The thought that Eren had kissed someone before made my heart twinge uncomfortably.

“You’re not bad.” Eren said after a while.

“Thanks?” I was still slightly dazed.

“So when are you leaving?” Oh man this was it. Rest in peace Levi Ackerman.

“Well actually I still need to ask them out.” I let a shy smile trace my lips.

“You’d better do that then…”

I quickly grabbed my phone and pulled up Eren’s contact details. Asking him out by text would be a lot less awkward. After a long internal struggle I pressed send…

Levi to Eren

6:34 pm

I want to be more than just friends, go out with me?

It was cringey but it was the best I could do. When I heard Eren’s phone buzz I didn’t dare to look up. The next ten seconds felt like ten hours but eventually I felt a soft hand touch my shoulder.

“Levi-”

“I know what you’re gonna say Eren. ‘You’re my best bro’ ‘ I don’t feel that way towards you’. I’m…if you’re going to decline me..please…don’t do it harshly.” Tears were threatening to escape my eyes and I stared down at my lap clutching onto the fabric of my jumper like a lifeline.

Instead of removing his hand, Eren brought it down to my chin and carefully lifted my head up so I was looking him in the eyes. He was smiling. Why would he be smiling?

“I was going to say that I’d love to. Levi.” As Eren said those words a mix between a sob and a laugh escaped my mouth. I was setting myself up for the worst like the negative person I am. But Eren was always there to be positive for me.