aka bastard


i swear, one of these days i will actually draw something of real artistic value but until then 

(also, i realized too late that tater actually called holster randy (tater) but i couldn’t be arsed to change it)

Hard Eyes: Part 5

AN: While it isn’t first thing in the morning it is still fairly early. So here is part 5 of Hard Eyes. There’s only one part left after this!!!! I’ll be holding a poll on twitter to decide what series I should up date next, so make sure to follow me HERE

Prompt: Batmom that was former suicide squad?

Words: 1268

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4

You can’t help but think, that Dick was right. This life is addictive. It’s easy to fall back into. It’s easy to kill and forcefully move people out of your way, when it comes down to it. It’s old hat for you; the bullets flying, the crazy screams, the occasional bit of laughter. Your body moves on it’s own, somehow remembering everything it knew all those years ago.

    It takes everything you have to hold back. You don’t go after major arteries, you go for the tendons, and weak spots. Spots that will ground your  opponents, but not kill them. Then everything is quiet, with the exception of the ringing in your ears. It takes only a minute to snap out of it. Floyd’s hand lands on your shoulder and you’re back.

    “They’re still alive,” Harley complains.

    You look at your friend and shrug, “I’ve gone a bit soft.”

    She sighs, “I heard motherhood does that.”

    You smile before you move forward. You’ve dyed your hair, and donned a mask. There’s no chance of someone recognizing you, and that gives you a certain amount of freedom. You move forward in a group, toward the final door. The only thing standing between you and Thomas Elliott.

    You grip your knives a tighter, until your knuckles turn white, “We do this fast. We neutralize any traps or threats, we grab Elliott, and we make him talk.”

    There’s a murmur of agreement, as Ivy uses her plants to open the doors. Several small explosions go off as you enter. And then you’re met with more hired guns.You fall right back into the pattern.

    It takes no time for you to cut through the weeds, and that’s when you see him. He’s grinning, and staring at you. You have no doubt that he knows exactly who you are despite the disguise.

    You want to rush forward, but you know better. You know better than to give someone like him what he wants. So you stay with you team, right up until he runs. It had taken you all week to get this close to him, and you’re not about to let him go now.

    So ignoring every instinct you have, you chase him. You run him down like a cat after a mouse. It separates you from your team, but you don’t care, the rage is taking over now.

    He leads you through the twists and turns of the tunnels, until he stops in a main chamber. He stares at you with that twisted smile on his face. “Welcome Mrs. Wayne, though I suppose Hell Cat is much more appropriate in these circumstances.”

    You don’t bother responding, as you take a step forward, “Not so fast.” He holds up a device with several buttons, “It’d be a shame if not only your identity was released but that of your family.”

    That makes you stop. “Tell me, do they know that they’re helping get the Batman back on his feet? That they’re helping their number one enemy. Or are they so blinded by their loyalty to you, that they don’t even see that you’re betraying them?”

    The sound of footsteps fill your ears and he let’s out a laugh, “I know let’s ask them.”

    “I don’t think you’re going to like the answer.” You smile at the familiar voice, but you don’t turn to look. Jason’s familiar gloved hand reaches for yours, and a moment later your other children begin stepping out of the shadows.

    You squeeze Jason’s hand once before stepping forward, “Thomas Elliot, AKA Hush, AKA the bastard who betrayed my family. You should have thought twice about that.”

    You can see the nervousness in his eyes now. As he steps nervously to the side, only to be met by the sight of Damian. As your children begin to close in you explain. “I’m not stupid Thomas. It took me next to no time, to realize that it was you who had betrayed us, and thanks to Ed I already knew that you knew who we are. I also realized that I couldn’t rely just on my old team, I needed to rely on my new one as well.”

    “We hacked you, that controller you’re holding is now useless,” Tim states.

    “Our identities will stay secret, thank you very much,” Dick says, taking the controller.

    You can see that he’s nervous now, he’s fidgeting, and his eyes are darting all over the place, “You still need me. For the poison, or I’ll talk. That’s right I’ll tell the entire police precinct who you are!”

    You shake your head, “You don’t realize it do you, Thomas? That day my oldest son came to visit me he put a listening device and a tracker on me. He knew exactly what I was doing and where I was. It also gave him and my other kids a chance to look up exactly where you’ve been and examine your office.”

    Cass’ voice is cold,“We found the poison.”

    “Martian Manhunter has already worked up an antidote, and is removing the other shrapnel as we speak.”

    “Doesn’t mean I won’t talk!! And you all don’t kill!”

    You nod, “You’re right, we don’t. Unlucky for you Amanda Waller does, and you pissed her off by stealing her poison.”

    His eyes go wide right as the bullet takes him out. Your eyes flicker to the high ground, where your brother is lying down, rifle still in hand. You walk up to the body, “Even unluckier for you, I have an over protective brother, who’s a damn good shot.”

    Your children stare at you for a moment, and you open your arms to them. As they encircle you in a hug, you take comfort in your family, and a sense of relief takes over your body. Relief that you hopefully won’t ever have to pick up your blades again.

    You watch your kids disappear into the shadows as the squad comes into the chamber. There’s complaints about you having all the fun, but otherwise there’s no questions about the dead body or the bullet hole that created it.

    You head back to that run-down bar, and have one last drink. As you sip your whiskey you simply say, “I’m done.”

    Floyd nods, “We know.”

    Harley and Ivy both wrap an arm around your shoulders, Harley smiles and says, “Let those news guys get some pictures of you and the baby some time okay. We want to see what she looks like.”

    “That goes for all major events, any future kids, weddings, graduations, the works,” Ivy adds.

    You take a deep breath, “I’ll do my best.”

    Floyd smiles, “Thanks by the way. For setting up that scholarship for my girl, headed to the best high school in the area because of you.”

    You smile, “I’m ashamed to say that was Bruce’s idea.”

    Floyd just smiles, “You got a good guy there. Got good kids too.”

    Harley grins, “Your boys are real lookers.”

    You roll your eyes, “Stay away from my boys AND my girls Harley.”

    She just smirks, and shrugs. Pulling out a couple of large bills you place them on the counter and tell the bar keep, “Make sure their glasses stay full.”

    He just nods, and you down the rest of your whiskey. Without looking back you pick up your bag and make your way out to your car. You climb into the passenger seat, and stare at your brother, before handing over the keys, and simply say, “Don’t destroy my car. It was a birthday present.”

    He just scoffs and says, “Whatever you say Richie Rich.”

Kleiner Hurensohn, vertraut hab ich dir, Dann kommst du daher und spielst mit mir?
Elender Bastard, ich ficke dein Leben,
Diesen Fehler kannst du nicht beheben.

Zieh dich warm an, Du Blöder Kanacke.
Du wirst sehen, was ich mit dir mache.

Du wirst leiden, so wie ich gelitten habe.
Schreien und winseln wirst du um Gnade.

Wenn ich erst mal mit dir fertig bin,
Wirst du dir vorkommen wie in The Ring.

Ach, und lass mich kurz erwähnen,
Dein KLEINER brachte mich zum Gähnen.

Höhepunkte gab es nur für dich,
Weißt du überhaupt, wo der G-Punkt ist?

Meet Mycroft, aka Utter Bastard. My husband surprise-adopted him from the shelter 3 months ago. He’s loud, steals the other cats’ food, and can seek out/destroy yarn through the best locking Tupperware, but he’s ours.


On this day in music history: August 19, 1985 - “Scarecrow”, the eighth album by John (Cougar) Mellencamp is released. Produced by John Mellencamp (aka “Little Bastard”) and Don Gehman, it is recorded at the Belmont Mall in Belmont, IN from March 20 - April 29, 1985. Recorded at his newly built studio near his home in Bloomington, IN, Mellencamp takes a different approach than on previous albums. Wanting to incorporate more a 60’s rock and R&B feel into the material, he has his band learn how to play and rehearse nearly a hundred classic songs prior to recording, in order to achieve the sound and feel required for the new songs. Those influences resonate strongly through the material, with this “retro” feel even carrying over into the music video for the single “R.O.C.K. In The USA (A Salute To 60’s Rock)” (#2 Pop). In order to authentically capture the look and feel of the 1960’s, the clip is shot in black and white using a vintage kinescope camera. The album spins off five singles including “Lonely Ol’ Night” (#6 Pop), “Small Town” (#6 Pop), and “Rain On The Scarecrow (#21 Pop). The album is remastered and reissued on CD in 2005 with an acoustic version of "Small Town” as a bonus track. Going out of print on vinyl in the early 90’s, it is remastered and reissued as a 180 gram LP by Music On Vinyl in 2012. For its thirtieth anniversary in 2015, it is reissued again as a limited edition pressing on gray marble vinyl for Black Friday Record Store Day in November of 2015. A third vinyl reissue on standard black 180 gram vinyl is released in 2016. “Scarecrow” peaks at number two on the Billboard Top 200, and is certified 5x Platinum in the US by the RIAA.

A fine taste of spaghetti: Top 10 DJANGO sequels

Sergio Corbucci’s spaghetti western masterpiece Django (1966) with Franco Nero is one of the coolest films ever and it launched countless non-related sequels and rip-offs between 1966 and 1976. They just put ‘Django’ in the title because the original was so popular. But there were some really good ones, and below are my Top 10 favorite Italian Django sequels.

1. Django Kill… If You Live, Shoot!

Tomas Milian plays a badass Mexican called The Stranger (not Django!) who steals a cargo of gold from a stagecoach with his gang of outlaws. One of the bandits betrays the group and kills everybody, but Stranger survives and crawls his way out of his grave in true zombie style. Time for revenge! Django Kill… If You Live, Shoot! is a different kind of western. There are no clichés and the tone of the film is kind of dreamlike. It gets particularly psychedelic when The Stranger arrives in a mysterious city known by the local indian tribes as The Unhappy Place. I won’t reveal too much of what happens there, because I think this is a movie you should just watch without knowing too much about it. Just let it roll over you like a warm breeze. Great film and one of the most violent westerns ever. Some scenes are so brutal that the film sometimes resembles a gory video nasty.

Django Kill… If You Live, Shoot! (“Se sei vivo spara”)
Year: 1967
Country: Italy
Director: Giulio Questi
Starring: Tomas Milian

2. Viva Django (aka. Django Sees Red)

This time Django is played by Terence Hill of the Trinity films and it’s the one of the many unofficial sequels that resemble the original the most. Terence Hill even looks like Franco Nero - the original Django. Hill made many comedies with his good friend Bud Spencer, but he isn’t a comic character here at all, and this is not a comedy. This is Terence Hill at his most serious. Viva Django begins with our hero working as an executioner (he hangs people!) in a small town. Then one day his wife is murdered by his friend: a rotten politician called Lucas. So Django loads his guns and rides off to take bloody revenge. If you like pasta and Terence Hill (of course you do), this is a must-see. George Eastman is great as the villain and the intro song is quite catchy.

Viva Django (“Preparati la bara!”)
Release year: 1968
Country: Italy
Director: Ferdinando Baldi
Starring: Terence Hill, George Eastman

3. A Noose For Django (aka. No Room To Die / Hanging For Django)

Guess what? Django isn’t in this movie either. The hero’s name is Johnny and the bad guy is a slave trader. Johnny, of course, can’t stand slave traders, so he decides to kill him. Which leads to a The Good, the Bad and the Ugly climax. A Noose For Django is a well-made film with lots of action. It’s perhaps director Sergio Garrone’s best film (he is mostly known for twisted nazisploitation movies), certainly the best I’ve seen so far. Anthony Steffen is one of my favorite actors in the spaghetti western genre and he’s a great Django (or Johnny…), but it’s William Berger who steals the show. He plays Sartana. Two iconic characters in one film, how cool is that?! Berger dresses like a preacher, carries a gun with 7 barrels and does his best role since ‘Banjo’ in Sabata.

A Noose For Django (“Una lunga fila di croci”)
Release year: 1969
Country: Italy
Director: Sergio Garrone
Starring: Anthony Steffen, William Berger

4. 10,000 Dollars Blood Money

This is a rare rip-off directed by the guy who made Johnny Yuma (1966), and Gianni “Sartana” Garko stars as Django. He is a bounty hunter this time, and he’s searching for a sweaty Mexican Gian-Maria-Volente-lookalike called Manuel, who has kidnapped a girl with Stockholm syndrome. When Django finally finds Manuel, he decides to join his gang for a robbery. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Then comes the day when Manuel kills his girlfriend. And you know what that means… r e v e n g e ! 10,000 Dollars Blood Money is one of the first unofficial Django-sequels, and Gianni Garko is so new to the game here that he goes by the name Gary Hudson. But he doesn’t seem like a green newcomer at all. It’s as if he was born to play tough guy roles in spaghetti westerns like this. Another excellent film, quick zooms and a score with Ennio Morricone influence.

10,000 Dollars Blood Money (“10,000 dollari per un massacro”)
Release year: 1966
Country: Italy
Director: Romolo Guerriri
Starring: Gianni Garko

5. One Damned Day At Dawn Django Meets Sartana

One damned day at dawn I stumbled upon this film and I just had to see it. You see, I’m weak for cool titles, and the film was great. Like A Noose For Django it decided to cash in on not one but two successful names in the spaghetti western genre; Django and Sartana. Django (played by Hunt Powers) and Sartana (an unrecognizable Fabio Testi) team up to satisfy their male desires to smash and kill by gunning down a ruthless gang of criminals lead by Bud Willerin in Black City. Meanwhile, Django is out to avenge his dead wife as usual, and Sartana has (believe it or not) become a sheriff. Not a very impressive plot, but you know what? The film is terrific. It has desert style scenery, close ups, gunplay and cool music - and Hunt Powers is amazing.

One Damned Day At Dawn Django Meets Sartana (“Quel maledetto giorno d'inverno… Django e Sartana all'ultimo sangue”)
Release year: 1970
Country: Italy
Director: Demofilo Fidani
Starring: Hunt Powers, Fabio Testi

6. Some Dollars For Django

In this unfairly overlooked film, Django takes the star off a sheriff and kills bad guys with an infinite supply of bullets in the name of the law. Some Dollars For Django wasn’t made for people who are on a cinematic salad diet and prefer depressing art films about french guys who talk about fish. It’s a rough around the edges, hardass film, and the presence of spaghetti western icons Frank Wolff and Anthony Steffen give the movie an A-grade feel. Good stuff.

Some Dollars For Django (“Pochi dollari per Django”)
Release year: 1966
Country: Italy
Director: León Klimovsky, Enzo G. Castellari (uncredited)
Starring: Anthony Steffen, Frank Wolff

7. A Man Called Django (aka. Viva! Django)

Django is back and this time he’s really pissed off. He’s on the trail of the scumbags who raped and killed his wife. Revenge is sworn and he teams up with a horse thief who knows the killers. Their relationship is reminiscent of Blondie and Tuco from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and together they set off to capture the killers. In other words, Django does what he does best - shoots the living crap out of everyone in his trail. He likes to shoot people. He is the hero of the film afterall. Anthony Steffen is very good here and I really enjoyed this film. A Man Called Django is low-budget, but well-made, and it’s better than the average spaghetti western. Funny at times but mostly a gritty action movie. Good stuff and a must-see for genre fans.

A Man Called Django (“W Django”)
Year: 1971
Country: Italy
Director: Edoardo Mulargia
Starring: Anthony Steffen

8. Halleluja For Django

A gang of outlaws and a monk (!) rob a bank, but the monk turns out to be a total prick. He has his own evil plans and kills the sheriff. The sheriff’s brother, who is in prison, is told that his dear brother has been murdered. So he does what we all would have done in that situation; Breaks out of jail and sets off to kill the shit out of the villainous evildoers. Halleluja For Django is a fast moving film with a gritty atmosphere, nice landscapes and an excellent score. George Hilton is a cool hero (Billy, not Django), spaghetti western regular Hunt Powers is great as “monk” and the insanely hot euro starlet Erika Blanc plays a saloon girl. Good film.

Halleluja For Django (“La più grande rapina del west”)
Release year: 1967
Country: Italy
Director: Maurizio Lucidi
Starring: George Hilton, Hunt Powers

9. Django The Bastard (aka. The Stranger’s Gundown)

The Stranger (Anthony Steffen - again!) is shot down by soldiers and left for dead. But some years later he returns, more grumpy than ever and shows them what a badass he is. And like Clint Eastwood’s High Plains Drifter, he seems like a demon from hell. It’s actually rumoured that Django The Bastard was the inspiration for High Plains Drifter, and the two films have a bunch of similarities. It’s not as good as Clint’s epic film, but it’s entertaining enough and Anthony Steffen speaks between his teeth and even wears a poncho. But he’s not just an Eastwood lookalike. There’s something original about him - a sort of gothic aura à la Bela Lugosi. Cool guy. Speaking of cool guys, I have to mention the villain: Luciano Rossi plays one of the most twisted bad guys I’ve had the pleasure of seeing in a long time. He looks like The Joker, and the director must have said bad stuff about his mother or something, because it looks like the lunatic is about to explode of anger in every scene. He is a bit annoying though, but you’ll never forget his monkey-like behavior. Sure, the film isn’t great, but definitely worth a look. It’s directed by Sergio Garrone (A Noose For Django).

Django The Bastard (“Django il bastardo”)
Release year: 1974
Country: Italy
Director: Sergio Garrone
Starring: Anthony Steffen

10. Don’t Wait, Django… Shoot!

Number 10 is one of many cheapie spaghetti westerns by Eduardo Mulargio (El Puro). I liked it. Ivan “Deep River” Rassimov plays Django, and this time we find out that Django’s surname is Foster. The blue-eyed gunfighter returns home to find out that his father has been killed and robbed by a villain with a greasy face and bad teeth. Understandably pissed, Django sets off to take revenge with no emotion on his face whatsoever. That’s the end of the plot and more or less the start of the film. Cue several pointless characters who are searching for a pouch of money. A bit clichéd, but Don’t Wait, Django… Shoot! has it’s moments. Perhaps too many characters in the film, making it a bit difficult to follow, but I found it very enjoyable. Ivan Rassimov is always cool to watch, and his sister, Rada Rassimov, also has a supporting role.

Don’t Wait, Django… Shoot! (Non aspettare Django, spara)
Release year: 1967
Country: Italy
Director: Edoardo Mulargia
Starring: Ivan Rassimov

Me: I love Rhaegar and Lyanna’s romance so much!

A few people: Rhaegar and Lyanna didn’t love one another. He took her and raped her. She was his prisoner. Elia was the only one he loved.

GoT: Rhaegar annulled his empty loveless marriage with Elia (making his two children by her illegitimate aka bastards) and married the woman he truly loved (in Elia’s hometown Dorne), Lyanna.


Originally posted by insanitynvanity

I knew it. I fucking knew they were in love and he didn’t kidnap her. Jon is no longer a bastard! Dany will be happy to have family. I hope they go back to how the Targaryen married family to keep the blood line going. Give me some Dany x Jon please.

Ps. GRRM is by D&Ds side every step of the way.

[[Fun fact: I technically have an Ace Attorney/Gyakuten Saiban verse for Kew. There was a brief time where I considered making a game on Court Records involving lots of my devil characters, but I abandoned it since making tons of custom sprites is hard. It’s tied to a verse I never planned to bring on this blog, placed after Kew’s death where his soul gets channeled into a human host.

Who knows? If my obsession with the series gets any worse, I might have to add that verse on here. But it’s pretty unlikely.]]

Reasons why ‘Red Seas under Red Skies’ is the best damn book ever:

  1. “If we see another sail of that horizon, in any direction, we must give chase. We must bring a fight. You know why? So we can take some of their bloody cats. ”
  2. “You’re ten pints of crazy in a one-pint glass”
  3. “Can you imagine those poor bastards grappling their prey, leaping over the rails, swords in hand, screaming, "Your cats! Give us all your gods-damned cats!”
  4. “This is a poor way to start. We must have cats. A basket of cats…”