(gif : Peace Sawyer)

“As I roam through the wasteland, you’re the one thing I need. I see you off in the distance, you’re my oasis.” - Oasis, A Great Big World

The sun shines and illuminate the whole room as i stare at the window. The serene sky caught my attention and i had that sort of impulse to get my phone and take a picture of the pinkish sky. I stood up and get off of my bed to do so. I took my phone and unlocked it, then i walk over to my window to capture the beauty of the universe.

My phone battery was very low so i made my way to my bathroom, grabbed my charger and plugged it in. I ran a hot bath and fill the water with a new package of green tea bath gel that my mom got me for my 18th birthday last year. I just hope it isn’t expired, ‘cause right now i won’t give a fuck if it already was.

As soon as the surface reached the top, i undressed myself and hurried in. I sat myself down on the tub and drown myself beneath the foam, then sat up to grab my phone to edit my new pictures on VSCO. It was the only way to help myself to get my mind off of the traumatic event last night.

I stare at my phone, holding in so much emotions. The tears in my eyes won’t stop falling, as i try my best not to let out a sigh that would make it even worse. My mind keeps on running, thinking of all the things that I’ve been through from day one. Everyone would bluntly tell me that i have the best and the most perfect life. You know, divorced foster parents (ha!), i was once a baby that was left unnamed in front of a hospital, and being sexually abused for 8 years by a middle-aged guy in the lame foster care back in 2007. My brain won’t stop repeating the all the incidents i had back then and i gotta admit that the damage has became more severe now.

My nervous system and tolerance for stress is a little different from everyone else. I’m not saying that i have an acute PTSD, even though that my therapist said i do have several symptoms which indicates a post-traumatic stress disorder, i feel like the guilt, shame, and the feelings of mistrust and betrayal doesn’t really affect my nervous system. It’s just my heart that is so overwhelmed at the moment. I realized that i have turned into a cold person and losing the light that was actually never there.

My phone vibrates and the notifications appear to let me know that the guy that was commenting on my last picture post on Instagram is back to the business today. I let out a little sigh of relief and realized that a moment ago i was smiling at my phone just because i thought that it was so sweet of him to put another comment on my pictures.

harrystyles commented on your photo : Good karate shot.
peacesawyer replied : thank you, but it was actually NOT like what you see! #poselikeacoolkid

I giggled at that.

A brief moment after i hit that send button, i received another notification on Instagram. It was not just another comment, it was a DM notification.

thanks for the follow

i didn’t even realize that I’ve been following you after all this time???

He’s so entertaining.

shame on you :)

such a great guy you are! lol
have we ever met before?

i’m a PE teacher in FHHS Xx.

how come I’ve never seen you before?
how long have you been teaching there??

i’m Harry, a fresh graduate teacher, 24.
just a couple of months.
what about you?

what about me?
well, i’m Peace or you can call me P?
i’m 19 / f (OBV DUDE)/ AZ
i suck at making convos, sorry.
never tried to talk to strangers on social media before

me too Xx.

well, nice to talk :)

need to get going

okay :)

from Instagram. i’m not gaining followers.

I laughed so hard and i almost dropped my phone to the water. Did he just go crazy over Instagram just because he’s not gaining followers?

*laughing emojis*

how do you get so many followers?

idk…just try to keep the feeds classy

oh you ain’t seen nothing yet Xx

you can begin with upgrading your blurry profile picture

we were obviously too drunk to make it look classy
can i have your number? so i can still talk to you?
in case if need to delete my account.

uh, i’m not giving away my number to strangers so easily

you don’t have to if you don’t want to :)

That’s when i realized that i need to at least give this guy a chance. He seems like a good guy anyway, i might need his help someday, despite on the fact that he lives in New York. I typed in my numbers as i bit my lip and sent it to him immediately. Even though I doubt that he will spread my contact without my permission, the idea of texting with a PE teacher still haunts me in a good and weirdly way.

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