Could you possibly expound on "Apollo: Ladies would rather die than sleep with him. It’s a problem both ways. Had it out for the Dream Team (Achilles and Patroklus)", please? I'm terribly curious~ <3
APOLLO AND HIS LADY PROBLEMS
Hold on to ur fuckin tea and shit, cause thissun’s gonna be LONG AND I MEAN LONG. Apollo had a lot of lady problems and a couple of man problems to boot.
So let’s start with Daphne. Which kinda means starting with Eros. So Apollo, being the god of archery, went up to Eros and was like “Wassup kiddo, why are you using a man’s weapon? You don’t know how to use that, go play with your toys.” Feeling slightly pissed off, Eros shot Daphne through the heart with a lead arrow (or the Arrow of Hatred) and shot Apollo with a golden arrow (the Lurve Arrow). So Apollo fell desperately in love with the nymph and she hated him like fuck. He chased her for a long time, until she became so done with it that she cried out to her father, a river god, for help and was transformed into a bay Laurel tree. And, fun fact, this is why Laurel leaves were sacred to Apollo and were used in Olympics ceremonies etc.
Cue the next tragic lady love, Leucothea. She was a pretty-ass ho, but had a father (Orchamus) who really liked his rules. Introduce Apollo, who spied that beautiful dame and she spied his pretty ass, so it was all going well. Then Apollo disguised himself as her mother (because he couldn’t just appear outta thin air or beam down as sunlight or whatever, noooo) to enter her chambers. However, her jelly sister, who wanted the affections of Apollo, saw him and told Orchamus that his rules had been broken, so he buried Leucothea alive. Such is Ancient Greek life. Apollo, being mad as a cut snake, turned the sister (Clytia) into either a heliotrope or a sunflower, explaining why they follow the sun (Apollo) during the day.
Marpessa was the next in line to knock Apollo’s confidence. She was kidnapped by a bro called Idas (kidnapping was often viewed as a romantic gesture in those days - in some states (probably Sparta tbh) you couldn’t marry a girl unless you kidnapped her). However, Apollo liked her too. Zeus got tired of Apollo’s whining and made her choose between Idas and Apollo. She was like, “Dat godly ho is immortal so he’ll get bored of me. I’ll go with my mortal man, thanks.” And so Apollo probably cried, but moved on.
Castalia was another brief kick to the ol’ ego. She was a nymph who Apollo chased, but jumped into a fuckin spring at Delphi. He didn’t follow her because either he was the sun god and might evaporate if he dove in after her, or perhaps out of pure fuck you, she may have drowned herself. But he never got to be with her and the spring became sacred Oracle water.
CASSANDRA, THE FAMOUS PROPHETESS OF TROY comes into this too. He was like “yo guuurl, if I give you visions of the future will you sleep with me?” In my opinion, Cassandra should have either said full no or said full yes, but she thought she could outsmart a god. Not clever. Not wise. Nope. To be honest, with the gift of prophecy, Apollo should have seen this coming. But what fun would that have been? So she said yes, but when he gave her the Gift she was like “oh no honey, you aint sleepin’ with me”. MISTAKE. He cursed her so that no-one would ever believe her prophecies, and for trying to trick a god, died a tragic death in slavery. Don’t fuckin try trick a god, it never works. Lesson.
But if you didn’t learn that lesson well enough, maybe the Cumaen Sibyl can help. She lived for thousands of years because she thought she could pull a fast one on Apollo. Stupid. Very stupid. Apollo was like, “hey guuuuuuuuuurl, if I grant you a wish, can I plz sleep with you?” She was like “oh yeah, sure thing y not, it’s cool w me” and picked up a handful of sand. She said “yo Apollo my homie, make me live as many years as there are grains of sand.” THIS COULD HAVE BEEN GREAT. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN HOMIES FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS. BUT NO. The Sibyl then refused to sleep with Apollo so he cursed her with having her body age and wither as she grew older. Do not fuckin try and trick a god. Not good plan.
The list goes on, but hey, it ain’t all about the ladies. Apollo’s love life with men was pretty tragic too.
Meet Hyacinth, the prettiest pretty-boy since Ganymede. He was athletic, a prince, Spartan and naked most of the time. BUT HE WAS TOO PRETTY. Zephyr, the god of the west wind liked him too and was a jealous fuck. So when Apollo and Hyacinth were out playing some homo-erotic, oiled up Greek discus, Zephyr blew the discus astray into Hyacinth’s head and killed him. Carrying on his funerary tradition, Apollo turned Hyacinth’s pretty ass into a plant, the Hyacinth.
Cyparissus (I WONDER WHAT HE’S GUNNA GET TURNED INTO) was another lover of Apollo. Apollo, being really grateful that someone actually wanted to be his lover, gave him a tame deer to be his pet. Cyparissus accidentally killed it with a javelin and was so sorry that he asked Apollo to ‘let his tears fall forever’. Apollo, interpreting this as ‘turn me into a fuckin tree’ turned him into a Cypress, which looks like it’s always crying. Either Cyparissus loved that deer more than Apollo or didn’t think the god would turn him into a fuckin tree. Either way, it was a problem.
Achilles and Patroklus is a much shorter story. Basically, Apollo didn’t like the Greeks, so he thought he’d take out their best heroes. With Patroklus, he loosened that bro’s armour and made everything dark for him; this meant that Euphorbus could spear him and Hector could steal the kill. With Achilles, Apollo either guided Paris’ arrow\told him where to shoot, or in some accounts it is actually just Apollo who shoots him. I haven’t finished the Iliad, so I’ll edit this post when I do c:
If you have finished this GARGANTUAN of a post, I commend you, and I hope your curiousity about Apollo’s Love Problems and his deal with the Dream Team has been sated. Until next time, Anonymous friend! :)
I dont give 2 shits what this says. I aint sleepin over no gators n shit fuck that.
“Aw im having a nice nap”
well that trout you caught and threw back earlier just caught you back, scare you so bad you poo a little. Up shit creek without a paddle uh uh
Talk about a wet fuckin dream, more like a wet fuckin nightmare
BITCH 👏🏽 YES 👏🏽 TOKIO 👏🏽 HOTEL👏🏽 ARE 👏🏽 STILL 👏🏽 A 👏🏽 THING. 📢
THEY STILL ACTIVE 🔇🔊, THEY STILL MAKIN’ HELLA 🌋🔥 FIRE 🔥🌋 ASS MUSIC 🎶. BILL (BLESS THAT FINE MF👼✨) STILL LOOKIN BETTER THAN US 💁🏽✨ AND I AINT EVEN MAD 😊😊. YA’LL SLEEPIN 💤😴 ON MY BOYS NOW. STAY WOKE 👀😳 AND GET YA WHACK ASSES FROM UP☝🏽🙌🏽 UNDER THAT ROCK🗿. TF 🌚😒
Than i go to my audio files and open all her song. And what i found? Two songs that took all my attention.
Follow Your Arrow and It Is What It Is
Here they both lyrics:
Follow Your Arrow
If you save yourself for marriage, you’re a bore. You don’t save yourself for marriage, you’re a horrible person. If you won’t have a drink, then you’re a prude. But they’ll call you a drunk as soon you down the first one.
If you can’t lose the weight, then you’re just fat. But if you lose too much, then you’re on crack. You’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t, So you might as well just do whatever you want.
Chorus: So, make lots of noise, kiss lots of boys, Or kiss lots of girls, if that’s something you’re into. When the straightened arrow gets a little too straight, Roll up a joint, or don’t. Just follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah. Follow your arrow wherever it points.
If you don’t go to church, you’ll go to hell. If you’re the first one on the front row, you’re a self-righteous son-of-a– Can’t win for losing, you’ll just disappoint ‘em, Just cause you can’t beat 'em, don’t mean you should join 'em.
Say what you think. Love who you love. Cause you just get so many trips round the sun. Yeah, you only, only live once.
So, make lots of noise, kiss lots of boys, Or kiss lots of girls, if that’s what you’re into. When the straightened arrow gets a little too straight, Roll up a joint, I would. And follow your arrow wherever it points, yeah. Follow your arrow wherever it points.
It Is What It Is
I think were thinking to hard, To put on your shoes and get in your car, Put it in drive and point it this way, We don’t have to talk, You don’t have to stay,
But I aint got no one sleepin with me, And you aint got no where that you need to be, Maybe I love you, Maybe I’m just kind of bored, It is what it is Till it aint, Anymore We’ve tried being apart, But the truth is, We are who we are, Were so much alike, It aint a good thing, Too dumb to give up, Too stubborn to change
But I aint got no one sleepin with me, And you aint got no where that you need to be, Maybe I love you, Maybe I’m just kind of bored, It is what it is Till it aint, Anymore
Till something better comes along, Till what ever we have is gone
But I aint got no one sleepin with me, And you aint got no where that you need to be, Maybe I love you, Maybe I’m just kind of bored, It is what it is Till it aint, Anymore Yea it is what it is, Till it aint, Anymore
Than i remember of 3 Larry tattoos. Louis’s arrow, “might as well’ and "It Is What It Is”
So than i noticed that Harry cover his tattoo “might as well” with new one. Fern.
For what? 1st his “i cant change” than “things i cant” and before all that he deleted “wont stop till we surrender” and now that! What are you want to say, Harry?
These two songs i think are clearly associated with Larry. Idk how, but if you read the text of songs you can understand which meanings they bring to us.
If you have question or you wanna say smth to me here u are my ask: http://ask.fm/thisisvaleri
Thanks dan bc now it's midnight and im a crying mess
i thought iw as going to be able to sleep after watching the video like i got in bed ready to watch it and now i’m just sat up with my laptop on my lap and shaking WIDE AWAKE i aint sleepin any time soon sonny jim