To my first love,
I don’t think you will even recognize that these words are for you. I knew you didn’t think you were beautiful, or even relatively attractive, but I would have loved to spend the rest of my life convincing you of your perfection. Your flaws were what defined you. Your strength in the face of all your adversities, all the abuse you endured, inspired me. Your beauty was unconventional and every day I have gone without it, without you, tore my soul apart. Years have passed and we’re both adults now. The façade of childhood has left me. I no longer believe in the things I once fought for. I no longer recognize who I was with you. I doubt I ever cross your mind. Truth be told, you rarely cross mine. But, you still do. You continue to have this hold over me, a hold that forces me to compare all my lovers—past, present, and future—to you. Why? Our love was imperfect, abusive, tarnished. We held each other’s hearts in our hands and repeatedly poked and prodded and exploited the weaknesses we found until one of us cried for mercy. We reduced the other to tears on more occasions than I care to revisit. I wished you nothing but happiness when you left me. You wished for me to feel every suffering this world had to offer. You wished for me to feel as dirty, broken, alone, betrayed, as you felt when our truths were revealed. I was fucked up, you’re right, but you were as well. You are not without blame here. We were both too damaged to ever be good for each other. Your wish came true and for years, I have lived with a searing pit in my stomach. As I sit here and write these words to you, I realize that you are the reason I am like this. You are the reason I am the way I am. You are to blame for my cold, unfeeling ways. I may have loaded the gun, I may have pressed it into your hands, and I may have aimed it at my heart, but you are the one who pulled the trigger. I wrote this to put you out of my mind forever. I wrote this for the closure you never granted me; the closure I used to repeatedly seek through apologies and professions of guilt while you turned your back on me, admonishing me with threats if I did not disappear from your life. I wrote this because it’s been over four years since we met and two since you left and I still cannot get my thoughts off you. You ruined me, we ruined each other, but you recovered quicker. I am leaving you on this page. I am leaving the memories, the sleepless nights, the love, and the abuse here, in hopes of finally being free.
the-hasslehaas, It’s been a year since I wrote this and the freedom has come.
Greatest/sweetest ranking of BL movies/series that you don't wanna miss!!
UPDATED: As of November 3, 2017 !!!!! Hi guys!!! been addicted by Bl movies/series/webisodes/ and even short movies and these are my rankings of it from best to worst xD
Takumi-kun series movies - especially series 2,3 and 5. A big DaiMao fan here xD ***Together with me the series (Bad Romance 2) - shocks! this one is hot! characters packing abs, ultra shrewd beyotches and amazing plot! Yihwa is my ultimate goddess! Love Sick Series 1&2 - PerWin, PhunNoh, and OmMick are my ships HIStory webseries: Obsessed - the title says it all! if you loved Gloomy Salad Days and loves a whole lot of kiss scenes then you will definitely love this! very nice chemistry next to my beloved DaiMao <3 ***2 moons the series - Wayo has the longest hair uke I’ve ever known! hahaha. i’m dying to have two hot guys clamming over me too hahaha. ForthBeam is my otp!!! although their story hasn’t progress yet these season. ***Me Chong Chang Dau (My Monster in Law) - woohoo my very first vietnamese BL! I was a bit reluctant at first but I really love them! very funny and family orientated. They are also sooo sweet! SKAM - oh shocks whoever told me to watch this is an angel! love love love love it to the max! who knew norwegian Bl can be this good? Like love Series 1-2 -I love the uncut scenes the most. And the story gets better xD Uncontrolled Love 2 - the directors are very mean. i really thought this was a sad ending…but it was not! love the possessiveness the kiss and the after credits <3
***Advance Bravely (Shi bu ke dang) - oh my goodness! another chinese series aiming to break out hearts for another banning! grr. But angelic people have been posting uncut english subs on youtube weeeeee~ this one’s packing with hot bishies with abs tooooo! must watch!
Make it Right the Series - Very Funny and Sweet!! Kyaa! TeeFuse and BookFrame are my OTPs very much like Lovesick! ***Love love you (Love’s Coming 2) - Finally! I have watched this! yatta~ but I got mixed feelings for this one. Because at the time that I watched it, I am already rooting for OffGun pair (Honey Puppy). I wished that they have more kissing scenes than the bestfriend urgghhh. ooops spoiler *wink* *** Make it right the series 2 - There were missing scenes, I don’t know it just seems that the story is rushed and some questions are left unanswered. I would like to post questions about it later :) Junjou Pure Heart - sweeeeteeest ever! really, those awwww moments xD Fanatic Love - Game themed BL coming through! I loved the side characters especially the sister <3 Must watch! Waterboyy the movie - a must watch especially to those fans who have been missing love sick series xD Ngern-oppa is sooo hot here. Uncontrolled Love- Finally, Master x Servant BL!!! the uke is soo cute and seme is sooo possessive can’t wait for the second part! My bromance:the reunion - this is the series remake of the movie my bromance. and thank goodness that in the first season nobody dies! a different conflict altogether but still the same plot. Counter Attack Web series - QingYu for the win xDD. they are sooooo married. I also recommend their photoshoot sessions, more kissing scenes than the series xD loving the doctor’s cow licked hair, kawaiiii xD Addicted/Heroin Web Series - Sweetest punk I ever watched really. I wish for uncut scenes! and I demand a continuation! Ame to kisu - Love this movie! it made me read the manga and you will love how cute the uke is and how the story was very well portrayed in the movie The right man - there are only a few BL movies/series who would portray the love of a parent and their worries. i loved this film because other than the love story unfolding, the relationship between the mother and the son progresses too <3 Yandaixie No.10- honestly, the story has a lot of promise! it was very good but I didn’t like how the first season ended being them still in bad terms…then hearing that there won’t be a second season!!!! or so i heard. SOTUS - hazers! hihihi. if you’re ooking for a cute-tsundere uke then this is what you’re looking for! it has the all goody kissing scenes and a very good college plot. very recommended Love’s Coming - Nai x Gump xDDD Love Place 2(Shiawase no Katachi)- A continuation of Love Place 1. Finally an English sub that I’ve been waiting! Typical BL story, most of the time you can read in a manga but you can feel the characters feeling very deeply! Grey Rainbow - Has every thing I want in a BL,marriage, sweet moments and even a kid! and it also has something I didn’t like…death! why!?! Doushitemo Furetakunai - the story is great and is really based on the manga. Loved the characters. this is my first BL ever just forgot to post teehee :P !!! HIStory webseries: My Hero - so this is one of the ghost themed BL. Comedic. but I do not like that the ghost girl experienced all the sweet moments using the boy’s body. oops spoiler. BTW the seme is sooo hot *wink* To you for me–chocolates - I laughed at this BL so much. It really portrayed the case of miracles to two people that should be in love. wonder when it will end? Paternity Leave - you’ll love it, Mpreg xDD eCupid - movie about the greatest app for semes who take advantage of their uke’s love xD Just Friends? - hottest and sweetest forbidden love I have ever watched!! sadly it was tooooo short for a very good plot movie xD *** Honey Puppy 1&2 - the reason why I cringe when Love Love you the movie came out! hahahaha. The first season may not have that much bl romance but it is necessary so that you will get the story on the season 2. The hetero couple there, is so sweet too that you wouldn’t mind if it is not a full BL series. Udagawachou de mattete yo - sooo cute! as in supeer!!! one of the best live action next to Doushitemo Furetakunai <3 <3 HIStory Webseries: Stay away from me - brother’s theme! yehey! though I wished for more sweetness. the eyes of the uke seem to catch my attention a lot in a not so okay way. but I STILL LOVED IT. Two Weddings and a funeral - I loved the comedy aspect of it. It mainly focused on the life of gays and how the ‘two weddings” conquered it with love. but why Tina !?!?! why ?!?!?! My Bromance - I love the on-relationship scenes but I just hope the ending was not when one dies. I bawled for this one,it’s like rising you up,then pulling you dooown,why!?!?!?waaah! But the story was really good! Happy together - loved the couple sooo much! being 6 years together, those fights and make-ups seems like a typical married life Oppressive Love - half-horror and half BL and they actually became a couple! to bad the older brother had to possess him…ooops spoiler ;-P Ai no kotodama 2 Bad romance the series - another side story BL but because they started the series already together and the ending was so sweet so it is okay. I’m here our twelve years is a reincarnation legend - short shounen ai chinese BL. if you’re on to watching just the sweet, innocent stuff, then this is good for you :) Takuya and Joon jae “the lover” - you may be a bit disappointed because it is missing some smexy moments like kissing and “you-know” but the story is great with lots of laughs and sweetness. hoping for season 2 Love Complex - this is a thai series but the BL part is a side story and doesn’t develop much though it is still on the first two episodes. some of you may not like it because it is on a side story but promise, the main story is very funny. Docchi mo Docchi - may be low budget, but that romcom theme was perfectly executed xD sooo funny xD Itsuka no kimi e - loved the story so much. It was like reading Junjou Pure Heart again xD soooo cute! Wishing for more kiss scenes though. Ai no kotodama 1 Seven Days Monday-Thursday, Friday-Sunday - perfectly executed as of those of the manga Hollyoaks (Ste and Harry) - lots of problems; closet gay, HIV, parents are against, even teachers then there are also cocaine involvement. wut?! haha but the story and how they still get back together is what makes it great. Diary of Tootsies - Very very funny!! as in very funny! but they left Gus and Top’s story hanging, which is what I’ve been waiting…sigh Fujimi orchestra live action - it’s like the BL version of Nodame Cantabile. the movie needs a sequel. it’s not that they did not end up together but the movie ended with the seme still pursuing the uke xD Go go go G boys - very funny, packed with hot bishies. Last part after credits is a must seen Farewell my ghost boyfriend - short movie. I’m not on vote on the new ship. i still wish there was some kind of miracle for the ghost. huhu Love Place - I preferred the part two (2) than the first one, more Bl action, though it is still not translated Boku no Kareshi wo Shoukai Shimasu - was hoping for more kiss scenes xD Gloomy Salad days - ep13-14 only. Hidoku Shinaide story, bully and the bullied. You’ll be hoping for more. Love of Siam - honestly, a good plot, really. It just needs some tweaks on that bad ending,urgh. Hoping for season 2 to change it. I’m yours - a one-sided love of a robot to a human and he’s quest to help the guy to achieve love. it was badly cut, I don’t know. it was missing some parts when I watched it so I am still heavily confused. Love next door 2 - Watched XD but still looking for subs. but very promising especially in terms of comedy and hotness. Mr x and I - First Season: First and Second story only, the other two has horrible ending, I advise this to those who do not wish to see a sad ending. Second Season: Loved the ending, hated the hetero guy, urggghh Princess Princess D - actually, this is a live action adapted from a shoujo manga. full of fanservice and crossdressers and will leave you laughing at the clichès and corniness. Love next door - the story escalated quickly and the ‘love’ (sweetness) I was searching for was too short in the plot. A Pair of Love - so-so xD Time line - Watch the first couple only, and/or the last one. never ever the second one, it still gives me goose bumps till now Me my familiar people - uhhh…actually I didnt quite get the story. it was soo confusing. its like he has s*x to another then I don’t know maybe his bestfriend too? Teacher and student - because I was expecting that light, romantic theme I was deeply disappointed by that twist as it turns out to be too psychological. One of my least favorites next to Kindan no Koi. Kindan no koi - simple……i hated it. the plot twist at the end was just tooo much, really, too much. Still a good movie though, but definitely my least favorite.
This is an edited list XD those with *** are newly posted as of Nov 3, 2017. Will update for more lateerrr! Ask me for links if ever you are interested xDDD hehehe
Characters - Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester
Warning - Swearing, angst, character death
“Y/n! SHOOT NOW” I heard my father voice yell at me so I took my aim at the werewolf heart and tried to fire but I then realised that my gun was jammed! “oh no” I whispered
I saw the werewolf advance towards my elder brother and it threw him across , I watched in shock when his body slammed into the tree, the werewolf turned towards me but my gun was still jammed, I tried to shoot him but it wasn’t working just when then I heard a loud bang from behind me and I saw the werewolf fall to the ground, I turned around and saw my other elder brother Sam.
My father suddenly appeared in my view and ran towards Dean, me and Sam followed him, we dropped on our knees around where Dean lay unconscious. I tried to caress his forehead to inspect the damage when my father shoved my hand away.
“Don’t you dare touch him! ”,he snarled.
He then looked at Dean and tried to find if he had any serious injury on him. I looked at Sam but he was too focused on Dean. I then felt my cheek burn severely and loud resounding slap could be heard across the forest. I realised then that my father had hit me and he had me so hard that I was lying on the ground. I definitely had a bruise now.
“Dad, what the hell was that!? ” I heard Sam shout but my dad just glared at him and then at me, he shook his head in anger dropped down so he could swing dean’s arm around his shoulder.
Sam who was staring at his father in shock and anger immediately pushed his feelings aside and grabbed the other arm. They carried Dean this to the impala with me trailing behind him.
“y/n/n, go sit in the backseat and then we will lay him down” I nodded slowly and did as Sam said, the entire time I could feel my dad’s eye on me.
The ride to the isolated cabin was extremely quiet, I kept caressing Dean’s forehead and his hair and I kept on whispering “ I am sorry, I am so sorry ” and the tears trailed down my face.
I heard my little sister sniffling in the backseat and comforting my elder brother while saying sorry. It literally broke my heart to see her so upset. All I wanted to do was hug her tightly and tell her everything was going to be okay but if I say something now I know my father will be even more furious, I still cannot believe that he had hit her.
We reach the cabin and take Dean inside, we inspect him and wonder if any serious injury has taken place but he was just knocked out , I look over at my little sister and see that she was standing at door with an expression of fear plastered over her face. I smile at her but she doesn’t smile back.
After tending to Dean my father walks out of the room but not before he take Y/n’s arm in vicious grip, I spare my brother one look and walk out of the door.
“what the hell were you doing?!
“You could have gotten your brother killed you irresponsible idiot, why can’t you do anything properly?! ”
“Dad just listen to her”
“You stay out of this Sam, it does not concern you, we could have lost Dean because of her, you are the reason that your brother is in there….. Hurt”
“But dad.. ”
“JUST SHUT UP! I can’t even bare to look at you, my son is hurt because of you, you are an ungrateful, irresponsible and disgusting sister and I can’t even call you my daughter ”
That was it. This sentence did it for me, I was in pain ,not the physical kind the other one the one where your heart feels heavy and it hurts, I looked at my father with tears in my eyes but I would not let them drop.
“what the hell is wrong with you dad, why can’t you just listen to her, who says that to their own child?!”
My dad didn’t answer my brother he just walked out the door, Sam then removed his attention from John and then kneeled down so he could be of my height, he kept both his hands on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye.
“hey, listen to me sweetie don’t you dare even for a moment think that you are not a good sister, you are the most amazing, beautiful kind girl in the whole world and me and Dean love you so so so so much! ”
I looked him in the eye but I did not have the strength to reply so I just went back to the room where Dean was sleeping.
I watched my little sister walk back in the room, I was so shocked to hear my father say such horrible things to a 13 year old girl.
I went in the room and saw that she was covering Dean up with a blanket she then sat at the edge of the pushed his hair back and kissed him on the forehead.
My heart melted right there, how could my father say such horrible things to someone as sweet as her, I just couldn’t resist so I walked up behind her and put my arms around,she turn around and put her arms around my waist and her face towards me, I hugged her for a while but then I felt her shoulders shake I looked down and saw that she was sobbing her little heart out so I kneeled down again so I could be of her level and then hugged her tightly.
“I am sorry, I am so sorry”, she said this while hiccuping in between her sobs.
“I can’t lose you or Dean, I love you too much, I am sorry ” I knew I couldn’t say anything to comfort her so I picked her up and carried to my bed, we are used to sharing beds so I lay her down and I lay down beside her I put my arm around her and gently stroke her back soon she is fast asleep.
I wake up the next morning to see that my Sam was sleeping beside me softly snoring , I looked on the other side and saw that Dean was also sleeping, so I got up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I came back I saw that Dean was starting to wake up.
“Hey Dean, can you wake up? ”, he groaned but slowly opened his eyes
“hey, how are you feeling? ”
“Ummm…. Extremely sore”
“well you were thrown into a tree so that is to be expected I guess”
“Wait, what the hell happened? Are you okay? ”
“Yea bro, Everyone is good, you were the only one who was hurt”
I grabbed his medicine from the side table and then got him a glass of water.
“Here you go”
“Thanks sweetheart, you know you always take such good care of us”
My smile wavered a bit as I remembered last night’s events but I didn’t let the sadness or the immense guilt I was feeling come to my face. I then took both his hands pulled him in a sitting position.
“you can use the shower and have a good long bath”
“Thanks sweetie ” he said looking at me but then his smile turned into a frown and his hand went to touch my cheek.
“Did the werewolf get you or something? ”
“No why? ”
“You have bruise on your face”
I immediately felt extremely tense but then I just brushed it off and then walked to the living room. I saw John sitting over there with a pen and newspaper he looked towards me and said
“We are going on a hunt tonight.”
“What? What about Dean”
“Your will brother will not go obviously ”
“Dean is not going to agree to that ”
“Just be ready, there were not ONE but TWO werewolf but because of you we could not kill it last night so I suggest do as I ask”.
Later that night.
Dean had thrown a bitch fit and was here saying he was fine and will not be left at home. I had persuaded Sam to not tell Dean anything now, but we could do it after the hunt. I had rechecked my guns atleast 10 times to make sure it wasn’t jammed.
We walked through the jungle looking for the wolf, but it had seemed like hours had passes but we still had no clue where it was.
I still don’t know how I saw but I did, the werewolf was standing behind Dean, it had raised its claw to strike at my brother but I pushed my brother put of the way and felt it claws go deep in my stomach.
I saw in astonishment as my little sister pushed me out of the way and the werewolf impaled her in stomach. I raised my gun and shot him straight in the heart, the werewolf fell down with a thud.
I looked down at my little sister who was bleeding from the stomach profusely, I picked her up and put her head in my lap, I then felt Sam and Dad running towards us.
“De it hurts a lot ” she cried
“Shhhh sweetheart, don’t worry everything is going to be okay you are going to live and we are going to talk about cutting Sammy’s hair in sleep and well pranking people and making them annoyed”
My sister shook her head and coughed and I saw the blood trickle out of her mouth so I wiped it away with my thumb
“ I am not going to make it, I know it” she croaked
“No y/n/n don’t you dare say that ”, Sam said in a crying voice “ you our baby sister we need to here, I love you so much”
“You heard Sam sweetheart, you can’t go we need you here:
But she ignored us and then asked in a croaked voice
“Was I a good sister? ”
And then both me and Sam just broke, both of us had tears running down our check so we each grabbed her hand I said
“oh yes sweetie, you are amazing sister and I love you so so so much” I then looked at my dad who was standing with an emotionless expression. Y/n looked at all of us “ I love you. ALL OF you I am going to miss you and I am glad I saved you dean”
Saying this my baby sister took her last breaths and then her head just fell sideways, he beautiful eyes were now not looking at anything.
So I put an arm around Sam and pulled him close and cradled my baby sister in my other arm. Oh god I will never see her smile, never kiss her while she was sleeping, never see her taking care of us, never take care of her she is just gone.
My father then came next to us and said “I am sorry baby girl please come back”
And at that time all we wanted was our little baby sister to come back but I knew she wouldn’t listen because she can’t, thinking about this we cried and screamed at the sky above us.
okay. okay i can’t just start this and not talk about my expectations from tv!lyra i usually try not to have expectations of any kind (see my approach to doctor who) but it’s impossible when it comes to my all time favorite female character so, @bbc -
give me a lyra who’s wild
give me a lyra who’s got torn, worn hand me down clothes and dirty knees and bruises and scratches all over
give me a lyra with twigs in her hair and stars in her eyes
give me a rude lyra, a lyra who yells, a lyra who doesn’t (and frankly, can’t) hide her emotions
give me a leader lyra, give me a decisive and arrogant lyra
give me a lyra who lies without hesitation, who lies like she’s been doing it all her life because she has, give me a deceiving and cunning 11 year old child
give me a lyra who’s still CHILDISH as hell, who looks up to the adults she admires like they’re magic, who bluntly acts like she can blend into societies she admires with varying degrees of success (mrs. coulter’s lifestyle, the gyptians, bolvanger - depends on how hard she’s trying to lie and whether she’s just trying to have fun or actually lying for her life)
give me lyra’s and pan relationship - something deeper than anything else
yet give me a lyra who seems so different from her daemon - from responsible, planner, voice of reason pan who always has to look out for her
YET give me lyra and pan who are children and play together and laugh together and act as the one whole being that they are
give me the lyra who drove jordan scholars mad
give me lyra who lad gangs of street urchins into wars
give me lyra who earned the respect and admiration of iorek byrnison, lee scoresby and serafina pekkala (two of which are monarchs)
1. MY FUCKING SON THEO I FUCKING SWEAR PROTECT THE SHIT OUTTA HIM
2. MY POOR BABY IS HOMELESS LIVING IN HIS TRUCK IM SOBBING
3. lmao theo the next spider-man??
4. DEATONS OFFICE
5. YES SHIRT IS OFF ALREADY WITHIN THE FIRST SCENE IM NOT DISAPPOINTED
6. cody christian is gorgeous & theo is just a fucking sweetheart
7. FIRST SEASON PARALLELS!!!
8. TYLER’S DAD IN THIS EPISODE YES
9. BRETT!! “incredibly hot brett with the eight-pack abs” -mason
10. mason is such a cutie omg pls protec
11. lydia and parrish giving me those !! vibes again and idk how to feel
12. *malia trying to guess a password* “gun… lots of guns…”
13. badass *flashing my hellhound eyes at you* parrish i’m living for it
14. IM NOT OKAY pt. 2
15. BRETT BRETT BRETT!!!
16. brett as a brunette !!
17. BRETT MENTIONING LIAM’S IED HOW DARE HE & NOW HE MAKING HIM MAD WHY
18. CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS
19. “i had a guy on the inside, you’re standing on him.” -chris talking to scott & malia about backup
20. fuck steP THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BABY PARRISH HE DONT DESERVE THIS
21. MONROE DONT YOU FUCKING LAY A HAND ON MY SON BRETT
22. FUCKING MONROE
23. LOL YES MY BABY BRETT IS STRONG U GOT A BIG STORM COMING FOR U SWEETHEART :)))
24. put that fucking gun down and aim it at my heart instead nOT PARRISH
25. SO MANY FUCKING PARALLELS
26. lydia is being triggered so harshly
27. malia & scott pls relationship together
28. A NEW FUCKINF HUNTER WHOOP DEE FUCKING DOO
29. fucking hell
30. who the fresh hell asked for Gerard to be back
He is definitely a dangerous man. Being the leader of Seoul’s most known gang named BTS, he is always the hot topic in the news. He is fearless, mysterious, powerful and most importantly; handsome. In most people’s eyes, he is a bad guy, murdering without thinking, dealing without knowing, a bad influence for the world. In your eyes, however, he is the most precious and beautiful man you’ve ever met in your life. He protects you, loves you and cherishes you with his whole life, making you the most happiest woman on the planet. He is the definition of perfect and his name is Jeon Jungkook.
“Do you like it?“
Turning your head away from the breathtaking view of Seoul, you connected your eyes with Jungkook’s, the smile on your lips getting wider the moment you see his peaceful one.
“It looks beautiful, I love it.“
Of course you loved it. This was Jungkook, he knew everything about you, your likes, your dislikes, everything. Sitting on the rooftop of one of the most fancy restaurants in Seoul, this was everything a girl would dream of or wish for in her life. It would have been nice even if it wasn’t the most fanciest restaurant. For you, everything was beautiful as long as Jungkook was there with you.
Smiling at your own thoughts, you turned your attention back to your plate, savoring the most recommended and delicious food of the restaurant. “Is there a reason why you brought me here?“
You watched how Jungkook stiffened after hearing your question, his eyes wandering to observe the night sky of Seoul. “I just wanted to take you out and spend some time with you. I’ve been busy lately and I feel like I’m neglecting you even though thats not my intention.“
Narrowing your eyes, you slightly tilted your head, getting suspicious. “We saw each other two days ago, Jungkook.“
Clearing his throat, he reached for his wine. “That’s a long time, baby. I missed you.“
Observing his movements, you realized that something was wrong. “Jungkook, I know you. You’re nervous right now. And the Jungkook I know never get’s nervous as long as he can control something. Did something happen? Are the guys okay? Is someone injured? Jungkook, please tell me what’s wrong-“
Before you could end your sentence, Jungkook grabbed your hand with his right hand and and started stroking your cheek with his other one. “Shh, everything is okay, beautiful. The guys are okay, too. There is nothing you need to worry about.“
Closing your eyes, you exhaled a deep breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. “Then why do you look so worried and nervous?“
Taking a deep breath, Jungkook started speaking. “Okay, I have been preparing for months to talk about this. Look, Y/N. We’ve been together for the past two years and believe me, you turned my life upside down the day I met you. You taught me how to love and made me the most happiest man in the world even though my life is engulfed by darkness. You accepted me for the person I am and-“
“Are you breaking up with me right now, Jungkook?“ You said as your breath hitched, your heart dropping down to your stomach as your eyes started to get watery.
Hearing those words coming out of your mouth, Jungkook’s face got alarmed, his eyes growing wide. “W-What? No! No! Never!“
Running his hands through his hair, he huffed and mumbled to himself. “This is not working.“
Without waiting any longer, Jungkook fiddled behind his back, took out his gun and placed it on top of the table. Shocked, you looked up at him, and hissed. “Jungkook! What are you doing?! Here are people-“
“Shh! Wait a minute, Y/N!“
Fiddling with in his jacket again, he took a red, little velvety box and placed it beside the gun. Confused, you looked up at him with questioning eyes.
Blinking a few time, he spoke. “Now you take that box and put that ring on your finger, this is an option. Or you take that gun and aim it on my heart and shoot me with it, this is your second option. You will decide now, Y/N..“
When realization hit you hard, you relaxed immediately. Trying not to laugh in front of him, you cleared your throat. “Could it be that you’re asking me to marry you, Jungkook?“
Averting his eyes, he scratched his neck. “I think so, yeah.. So, what is your answer?“
Snickering at his cuteness, you intervened your own fingers under and rested your chin on top of them. “Can I think about it for a little bit?“
Jungkook’s face fell immediately, his eyebrows now furrowed as he tried to maintain his calmness. Ah, you loved to tease him!
He clicked his tongue and answered with a disappointed and slightly angry voice. “No, you can’t.“
Leaning forward, he asked desperately. “Y/N, say something. Do you want me to get a heart attack in front of your eyes?“
Smirking, you asked. “Why, are you nervous?“
“Of course I am! I’ve never done this before!“ He scoffed.
Raising your eyebrow, you guided your hand towards the velvety box as you watched Jungkook. He was observing every movement you were doing, his eyes filling with hope the moment he saw what you were reaching forward to. Just as you were taking the box, you changed your mind and grabbed the gun, aiming it at his chest.
Jungkook looked at you as if his whole world crashed in front of his eyes, his eyes looking at you as if he was pleading for you to change your mind.
“There are bullets in the gun, Y/N.“ He said as if he wasn’t affected by your choice.
You looked deadly into his eyes. “I know. That’s why I want you to put it away.“
“Y/N, can’t you think about it again? I mean I know I’m not the most perfect man on the planet but- Wait, what?!“
Seeing his reaction, you smiled widely at him and showed your finger with the ring on it. “You were rumbling so fast that you didn’t even realize that I put the ring on my finger, you idiot.“
Without saying anything, Jungkook jumped up from his chair and run to your side of the table, lifting you up and spinning you around as he showered you with kisses. “I love you, Y/N! Thank you so much!“
“I love you too, Jungkook.“
“Hey, Y/N, do you want me to tell you something?“
“Even if you had said no, I wouldn’t have let you go.“
“Hey, Jungkook, do you want me to tell you something?“
Warning: Sensitive Content (mentions of abuse; read at own risk)
Dad went to work early this morning and so did mum, I was left alone in the house and I was actually glad to be by myself - with no one else around me. Now, I wouldn’t mind if it were dad keeping me company, but his schedules were always so full that it was rare for me to be home with him and only him. Usually, it’d be mum and I here - she’d finish work at your regular five o’clock and be home by six. That’s the time I dreaded the most, nothing’s worse than being home with her, alone. Dad never gets back until late, if he even bothers returning at all for the night. Sometime’s he’d practice until ungodly hours and just end up staying with his members at the dorm because he didn’t want to come back at four in the morning and wake us all up. I’d see him less during comeback times because he’d be so busy, not that he’s not busy near enough all year round but I could end up going days without seeing him because he just couldn’t find the time to stay at home. For that, I missed him a lot and that was also the reason why he would never believe me when I say that mum hates me.
Sometimes it’d get really lonely, I’m homeschooled because my mother decided it was best for me to stay and learn from home so that I wouldn’t attract unnecessary attention that could damage dad’s reputation, but really she only started keeping me away from the outside world when she started beating me, the real reason why she doesn’t want me out there was because of the injuries I would have, which would of course attract attention. My mother was awful, but I can’t deny that she’s smart. She’d only hit me if she knew dad wasn’t coming up that night, so she doesn’t end up risking being caught.
The dreaded time of day was inching closer and closer by the second, mum was going to be home any minute now and it’d be the first time I was alone with her since running away yesterday. I remembered her words, or more so ‘threats’ so clearly, the amount of venom I felt from her voice surprised me because I didn’t die then and there after she had whispered in my ear. She beats me so badly, sometimes I wonder why she doesn’t just kill me altogether. Why she doesn’t just take out a knife from the kitchen drawer and aim it directly at my heart. I assume that the pain the knife would bring, would be easier to handle than the constant punches, the kicks, the hair pulling and the scratches. Because the aftermath of her beatings are mentally traumatising, but if she killed me with a knife, I’d be dead and wouldn’t even have to think about anything else after. If you can’t tell already, I’m obviously an optimistic person - please note my sarcasm. I used to be a bright child, people always thought I was a smaller version of my dad because of how much of a ‘sunshine’ I was, knowing that my father was part of the sunshine line of BTS. But when the day came where my mother told me she no longer loved me, I knew I had changed.
I was currently in the kitchen, cutting up some onions for tonight’s dinner as I heard my mum walk through the front door, with a few clicks of her heels as she took her shoes off to heavy footsteps coming my way. I held my breath as I heard her come closer, tears already brimming my eyes because I was so petrified of her.
“I’m home, bitch.” I turned slowly and faced her, but not once could I look her in the eyes, I was simply too afraid to do so. “I get back and you don’t even know how to greet me, did I not teach you your manners? Is this how it is after you’ve called me a bitch in front of your dad?” She taunted me, she knew very well where my breaking points were - because she’s my mother of course she’d know, and that’s what always gives her the upper hand.
“Welcome home mum.” I say as I placed the knife down on the side of the cutting board, walking over to her to greet her properly. I didn’t need her to tell dad that I was now being rude to her, she probably would anyway, but I didn’t want to risk the little chance I had of him even believing me.
I felt my cheek sting, she slapped me across my face and as I looked up at her - she showed no remorse. Instead, the devilish smile she wore tainted my life. It was an image that’d cause me to wake up because it haunted me in my nightmares, something that was so mentally scarring and no matter what it is I tried to do, or how hard I tried to remove that image, I couldn’t.
“Does it hurt, my child? I hope it does. I told you you’d be punished for what you’ve done, and here’s your punishment right now. You told your dad everything didn’t you? That I abuse you, that I don’t love you? It’s just too bad he’ll never believe you, isn’t it?” She hit my head after every single question she asked, her force stronger with every hit but I couldn’t retaliate. She kicked the back of my legs, causing me to tumble forwards. My knees hit the ground as I yelped.
“Don’t think for a second that you’re going to get away with this. Don’t bother screaming either, because no one will help you. Not even your own dad believes in your words and he’s not going to come home any time soon, so it’s just going to be me and you. Like the good old times, where I get to take my anger out on you because you’ve been a terrible daughter, and you can enjoy it.”
Her words didn’t quite end there, as she would beat me she would yell nasty names at me. Call me a useless child that she wish she would have aborted years ago. A child she shouldn’t have had, that dad doesn’t love me, that he’s only doing this because the fans would question him if anything would have ever happened to me. I didn’t want to believe in her words, but it made sense. Everything made sense. When she got tired, she left me there as she continued to finish off the cooking I had left. Was she mentally sane? I doubted her sanity, but then again - I was doubting my own. Knowing that she was done with me, I struggled my way into my room locking the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw all the cuts and bruises forming as I cried at my ugly self. Her beatings no longer hurt, like people would say - if something happens so much and so often, it becomes a regular routine that your body just gets use to and for me, the abuse was the regular routine that my body was accommodated to. The closer I looked at the injuries, the more I’m convinced that my mother was smart. All the areas that were hurt, they looked like injuries I would get from falling. She knew exactly what she was doing, and that was something I was afraid of. Because it’ll always be her word against mine, and nobody would listen to a child. A child who has a wild imagination like me.
LETS ALL AGREE THAT EVERY SHOW NOMINATED, (AND EVEN SOME SHOWS THAT WEREN’T) ARE BEAUTIFUL IN THEIR OWN WAY!!!! I have seen so much hate aimed toward specific musicals/plays recently on tumblr and it is breaking my heart! Broadway is about appreciating each divine work of art! A huge controversy right now is DEH being nominated for best show! I know many people want other shows to win, but I think we should all acknowledge the beauty that each show has encased, before deliberately rioting against the nomination/winning of another.
Thank you, and goodnight!!!
Anon request: Request for batsis getting into a big angst fight with the batfam and her leaving and they try to find her since she goes off the radar ??? Thanks!
They didn’t expect you to leave.
This happened all because of a stupid argument. A argument that went against Bruce’s no killing rule. It wasn’t like you wanted to kill the man, but you hadn’t mean to.
Maybe they took their anger out on you. Bruce had a long term case involving a string of murders by the Joker and Tim was also helping, spending unhealthy hours in the batcave. Dick was currently hands full on protecting Gotham and not to mention had a straining relationship which left him terse and bitter. Even Jason was having a bad week, nothing was seeming to go his way. And well Damian, he just got more angsty when others were mad.
So when a mission went awry everyone and I mean everyone took their angers out on you.
-“Y/N what were you thinking!” Batman snarled as he hopped off the batmobile.
-“I-I didn’t mean to.” You began to ramble.
-“You killed a man, a man who could’ve ended twenty people getting killed everyday by the Joker!”
-“I thought my aim wasn’t going to hit his heart.”
-“Well it did. We have no leads anymore thanks to you.” Damian spat.
Defeated you looked to Jason for help. He killed multiple, but always had your back when Bruce went too far. But today he didn’t, his head was turned down and gave a disappointed sigh.
-“What the fuck guys! It was an accident I didn’t mean to… I.. you guys.“ You felt tears began to fall down your cheek and your voice became garbled.
Tim rolled his eyes as he typed on the computer, not even bothering to look at you.
-“We don’t want you here if you’re going to cry.” Dick said plainly.
So you left.
Storming up to the manor you quickly packed your things and left without any regret. These boys didn’t understand. You knew you didn’t hit the man’s heart, but all of them treated you as if you’re the killer.
They didn’t notice your absence until the Joker was caught and restrained.
-“We finally caught you.” Jason said, voice full of triumph.
-“You only exchanged one thing for another! Did you really win?” The Joker cackled looking at the boys with a hint of victory in his eyes.
The boys looked at each other briefly, but Damian dragged the Joker up. He was insane there was no need to listen to this madman right?
After putting the Joker into the Asylum they sat in the batcave lazily. Dick knocked on your door. He hasn’t seen you in a while, but the Joker was caught and everyone seemed in a particularly good mood.
-“Y/N we caught the Joker!” Dick hummed. After no response he slightly opened your door. Walking into the room he noticed that it was completely empty.
You were gone.
-“She left!” Dick shouted.
The three boys turned their heads as Dick ran down the stairs. He pushed Tim out the computer seat and furiously began to type into it.
-“Y/N left?” Jason questioned.
-“I bet she went somewhere to take a break.” Damian said casually.
-“No, she’s been gone for a while. At least a week.”
A week they tried to find you. Nothing seemed to work. You hide your traces very well. And the boys realized what the Joker meant.
Turns out the man wasn’t killed by your aim, but the poison inside of him that the Joker set off when you were fighting him. The Joker, although caught, got what he truly wanted. He separated the family and nothing seemed to be capable of finding you.
They all made a mistake and there was no chance of finding you.
1) “I did everything right.” That was the worst part - if I had done wrong, if I could pinpoint some flaw, some rotten thing, I could have understood. But I’d really tried my best this time. It seemed even that wasn’t enough.
2) You didn’t do it to be cruel. I could have hardened myself against cruelty, cruelty requires some sort of intention, some acknowledgement. I’m not sure you even knew I existed for longer than the three seconds it took to politely brush me aside. Like nothing. That was it - nothing. Inconsequential. I wish you would have been cruel.
3) “I would have done anything to save you.” They managed a watery smile, and touched the other’s cheek. “You did.” “Stay with me - please.”
4) “You broke my heart.” “Pity, I was aiming for your spine. Clearly I need another shot if you’re still fighting me.”