ahs!glee

As I turned over the last page, after many nights, a wave of sorrow enveloped me. Where had they all gone, these people who had seemed so real? To distract myself, I walked out into the night; instinctively, I lit a cigarette. In the dark, the cigarette glowed, like a fire lit by a survivor. But who would see this light, this small dot among the infinite stars? I stood a while in the dark, the cigarette glowing and growing small, each breath patiently destroying me. How small it was, how brief. Brief, brief, but inside me now, which the stars could never be.
—  Louise Glück, from A Work Of Fiction

[inside Blaine’s brain] did he just say? I can’t believe. The world is closing in. The sky is falling. My love has moved on without me. My love? But I’m still with Dave, I can’t possibly. Crap, I can. I do. I love him. I never stopped and I never will. He’s everything I’ve dreamt about since he came back home. Everything I’ve always dreamt about. But he caused me pain. He broke my heart without warning, without a chance for me to change his mind. I dropped out of school and he said nothing. I moved back to Ohio and he didn’t care. He was gone. It hasn’t stopped raining since that day. But he came back for me, right? Did I misinterpret that? I couldn’t let him back into my life  so easily and crush Dave. I grew up, I matured, I got over Kurt, I thought. I went through therapy! I stopped playing music without his voice to sing the lyrics. I clawed my way out of a dark hole tooth and nail all by myself and I was proud of myself. I came back to Dalton, became a teacher, found music again, felt happy. Dave helped me out of my depression, but he was still Kurt’s high school tormentor. The pain in his eyes when I broke the news. I thought I would feel triumphant but he killed me to see him on the verge of breaking down, and it took everything in me not to run back into his arms. I should have taken him back instantly, the moment he changed his mind again. I should have broken it off with Dave in the bar right then and there. Because now Kurt moved on. He forgot. He has a boyfriend now, who I hate, whoever he is. He forgot about us. He forgot about Baby It’s Cold outside. He doesn’t love me anymore. I missed my chance.  I love him and, I thought that kiss… Good God that kiss… I should have forgotten about the competition and punish him with my lips right then and there. We should have talked about what happened, but I was waiting for him to apologize but then there was the creature in the elevator… I screwed up again. I had a chance. This is the nail in the coffin… What am I going to  [end of the longest second of his life] “I’m kidding!” oh. That’s good. Good thing I didn’t freak out.

interrupting your daily dash routine with a dose of sleepy gta jack:

  • jack in a holey tank top and baggy pyjama bottoms and mismatched socks
  • jack hitting the snooze button for the third time and burrowing inexorably deeper underneath the covers because fuck mondays, for real
  • jack curling her hands around a cup of coffee. attempting to become one with the coffee. debating the logistics and practicality of just hooking herself up to a rolling iv of caffeine because fuck mondays, for real
  • jack burrito’d in a thick down comforter on the couch, eyes half-masted and slowly losing focus on the flat screen
  • jack yawning midway through explaining heist plans and then gently beating ryan with whatever happens to be on hand when he fails to hide a fond smile
  • jack rolling over in a motel bed with messy hair and a sleepy smile, eyes still shut as she curls herself around ryan on instinct and by feel alone, murmuring “morning, baby,” in a voice languid with sleep as she feels the warm bulk of ryan stir
  • SLEEPY GTA JACK