A Thing that Bugs me in the historical discourse is when people try to make Burr out as an abusive father. Especially when they do it while completely disregarding context. It’s true that Burr was a bit insane as a parent, but here’s the thing: abuse comes from a place of wanting control, and of /not/ wanting one’s victim to be able to make it independently. Burr was crazy, but his end goal wasn’t to make sure Theo would have to cater to his every whim for the rest of their days, it was (in his mind) to prepare her for every possible aspect of life and make sure her education was The Absolute Best. His way of going about this was questionable, but it was never about control.
Secondly, the context I mentioned earlier is important. Burr grew up in a toxic, abusive, and seriously crowded household, and entered the world of law and politics and society still largely naive from never being allowed to understand such things and not asking his uncle and aunt about it for many reasons—worse, his idealism led to literal decades of abuse and being taken advantage of. It’s likely he didn’t want Theo to meet the same fate; he wanted her to be able to enter the political and social world with prior knowledge and ability, so she could kick the ass of anyone who tried to hurt her.
I’m not saying helicopter parenting is a good thing, or that Burr couldn’t have been a better father, but he wasn’t abusive. He wanted Theo to be happy and successful.
…also, nobody ever seems to mention how Theodosia Sr. was the same way…but a lot of the same can be said for her, like, she wasn’t awful and abusive either, just misguided.