aha i thought it'd look better

Happy Endings Sentence Starters
  • "You're sweating on my bruschetta."
  • "I just thought it'd be better to have an actual professional, not somebody who wears a turtleneck he found on the ground."
  • "Aha! This is a mock turtleneck and I found it in the garbage."
  • "I bartered for this outfit using only illegal Mexican candy, I think I got this."
  • "I look like a quaalude dealer."
  • "He messed with your V necks? That's like messing with a straight guy's crew necks."
  • "Damn you're one hot skinny little witch."
  • "It's called Hollywood, not Hollyfriends."
  • "I picked up my knitting again and you better believe I don't stick to conventional stitches."
  • "Egg nog is delish! Dairy and liquor are really one of those underrated combinations."
  • "Even I think that's gay and I had sex with a dude last night."
  • "Give me that knife and like me more!"
  • "TV really is nature's babysitter."
  • "What's wrong? Did you push the Qtip in too far again?"
  • "Only you would spend hundreds of dollars to get a free 99 cent food item."
  • "My smoothie budget is out of control. Daddy don't do domestic papaya!"
  • "Seriously I got stuck with the check again? What's the point of having white friends?"
  • "Between you and me, I don't think he should be Santa. He has many drawers...sinful drawers."
  • "I wouldn't turn my nose up to dating a mugger, they're entrepreneurs."
  • "I'd rather be surprised by a disappointment than happy with what I expected. It's why I never ask if a pool is heated."
  • "You make a sexy sandwich."
  • "You've been cooped up here way too long. You're starting to "Rear Window" and make stuff up."
  • "What was so important that you had to call us over here, I was right in the middle of doing nothing."
  • "You look like Carol Brady right before she got arrested for molesting Bobby."
  • "You guys are addicted to these addiction shows."
  • "Don't change for a guy, meet a guy and change him."
  • "Every choice you make in your life about everything is monumentally wrong."
  • "This is not the time for jokes guys. Especially when this is the fattest I've ever been. How could you let me out of the house looking this fat?"
  • "C'mon guys, you always leave me hanging with the dirty sound effects."