ah well i'll take what i can get

When You Weren't Prepared For The Eclipse
  • Mom: Hey, honey. The Eclipse is gonna be in two days, isn't that exciting.
  • Distracted Kid: *leaving the house* Okay mom bye.
  • *the next day*
  • Mom: Hey, honey. The Eclipse is tomorrow. Don't forget to get your glasses, cuz if you look up at the Eclipse without them, you'll get your retinas burned out. Oh, it's horrible.
  • Distracted Kid: *leaving the house* Okay mom bye.
  • *the next day*
  • Mom: *wearing glasses* Hey, Honey. The Eclipse is today. I hope you got your glasses.
  • Distracted Kid: *leaving the house* Okay mom bye.
  • *the distracted kid walks to a secluded part of the park where she sits beneath a tree and nods her head to music on her cellular device*
  • Distracted Kid: *nodding lackadaisically*
  • *the clouds clear and massive shadow begins to spread over the earth as the moon comes into view*
  • Distracted Kid: *startled by the sudden changes* Wha... *slightly covers her eyes as she looks towards the sun*
  • Distracted Kid: Is that... an... ecccCLLIIPPPPPSEEEE AAAAARRRGGH! MY FUCKING EYES ARE BURNING WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS SOMEONE HELP ME GOD PLEASE!
  • *blacks out*
  • Distracted Kid: *awake in bed* Where am I... my fucking eyes... *sobs* Mom! Mom! *sobs*
  • Mom: Hey, honey. The Eclipse seems to have gotten ya. Now, didn't I tell you to get yourself a pair of those glasses. Hmm? Maybe I didn't... Oh, I'm so forgetful.
  • Distracted Kid: My fucking eyes, I'm fucking blind mom. I'm going to lose my job. I need to drive, mom. Drive!
  • Mom: Oh, hush honey, it's nothing permanent. We had the family doctor come over yesterday and take a look at your eyes. It's just some minor burning. In fact, you should be able to see now. We just have your eyes wrapped up.
  • Distracted Kid: *tries to move arms, but they're strapped to the bed* Huh... B-But, that means you can remove the bandages and I can see? Right?
  • Mom: I mean, yes, Honey I-
  • Distracted Kid: You're gonna fucking doing it right?
  • Mom: H-Honey-
  • Distracted Kid: Take off the fucking bandages mom I have work to tomorrow. *struggles and shakes the bed* Take off the fucking bandages mom I have work! Why did you strap me like this what the fuck is going on!? Mom I have work!
  • Mom: Honey, I'm sorry, I have to put my foot down. I cannot take off those bandages, there's procedures. Legal things so we don't get bankrupted. You'll just have to do deal with it. *slams door*
  • Distracted Kid: Mom! No! ...Mom!
  • *hours pass by*
  • Someone: *walks into the bedroom*
  • Distracted Kid: Who's there.
  • Someone: I'm Doctor Darkheart, your PCP.
  • Distracted Kid: Are you here to unwrap my eyes?
  • Someone: In a way.
  • Distracted Kid: Please I have to go to work and I just want to see again.
  • Someone: Ah, but it's not so simple, dear. There's quite a bit of work to be done, quite a few documents for you to sign. There are always procedures that one must go through, otherwise unnecessary payments may be made. Do you understand?
  • Distracted Kid: I just want to see. I need to go to work.
  • Someone: Fine, then just sign these documents I'll get them sent back up to CMS so they can reason it out with your insurance and the hospital when it would cheapest to arrange the unwrapping of your eyes.
  • Distracted Kid: What?
  • Someone: Just sign the documents.
  • Distracted Kid: But, my hands are strapped to the bed.
  • Someone: Hmm... that was a mistake on my part.
  • Distracted Kid: Please unstrap me.
  • Someone: I'll have to put in a request for your unstrapping with your insurance.
  • Distracted Kid: What?
  • Someone: Yeah, in fact, I'll have Diane do it right now.
  • Distracted Kid: Thank god.
  • Someone: It will take a few weeks.
  • Distracted Kid: Why? I want to see. I want to go to work.
  • Someone: Diane is a busy woman.
  • Distracted Kid: Please just let me out of here I just want to go to work.
  • Someone: Sorry, but, one must follow procedures. So long.
  • Distracted Kid: No!
  • *months pass*
  • Distracted Kid: ...
  • Mom: Hey, honey.
  • Distracted Kid: ...
  • Mom: I've got good news. The papers were all cleared. The doctor's here to unwrap your eyes.
  • Distracted Kid: ...
  • Someone: Awfully, quiet aren't you. Now let me undo these straps. Could you sit up for me? Ah, let me help you up then. Okay then, the unwrapping shall begin.
  • *the doctor skillfully unwraps the bandages*
  • Distracted Kid: ...
  • Mom: You can open your eyes now, honey.
  • Distracted Kid: ...
  • Someone: *checks distracted kid's pulse* She's dead.
  • Mom: Oh, goodness. When do you think that happened?
  • Someone: I don't know. I'll have to send in a request to have her body autopsied at the coroner's office. In fact, after I get you to sign a few documents, I'll have Diane put in the request immediately. It will take a few weeks.
  • Mom: Well, what are we supposed to do with the body in the mean time?
  • Someone: I don't know. I'm a doctor, not a gravekeeper.

comicjess67  asked:

I'll help out.^^ *Platonic hugs for Stretch*

Stretch can’t help but chuckle as he returns the hug.  When he glances toward Red, he finds the other skeleton looking quite sour.  

“that puts me in the lead.  heh–thanks hun.”

*Really?  Hey–I’d love that!  

“hey, what gives?  stretch takes the lead and now you ditch me, too?”

“just face the fact that i’ve won already.”

*Well, a honeymustard sandwich is still my ideal situation, but hey.  I take what I can get.  Just, ah–maybe shipped with Stretch as a human?  I never thought about what it’d be like to be with him as a skeleton, too.

“huh… now i’m picturing it.”

“I TOLD YOU BEFORE, AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN!!  IT WOULD BE LIKE BEING WITH GERSON’S CORPSE IF HE WASTED AWAY INSTEAD OF DUSTING!”