ages ago but i thought i'd make it into a post as well

Submitted by @ lord-of-the-dark-realms 


So, I had this thought after reading several stories about humans giving birth and not having eggs.  What if aliens do not have ‘family units’ the same way humans do, but instead raise children in more of a group setting.


Captain H'roll'ah was excited to have hired on not just 1 but 3 humans, all of whom were extremely qualified for space travel.  Even better, they were all from the same clan and so there would be no rivalry or refusal to work together because of old scores to settle.

“Captain! Three humans just came in a have taken over the dining area! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!?” Ensign Khralhen was out of breath and panicked, but his species was notoriously afraid of humans after it became public knowledge how dangerous they were.  Not that his own was much better, but H'roll'ah knew that these humans should be here and it was probably near a meal time for them.  How could such an evolutionary advanced and apated species not figure out a way to avoid needing 3 or meals a day was beyond H'roll'ah.

“It is fine, Ensign Khralhen.  These are likely the Humans that I just signed on to the crew.  They are from the same clan, so they should work at peak efficiency,” the Captain answered, trying to put as much calm and soothing into his voice as possible, “Let us go introduce ourselves and welcome them so that the ‘pack-bonding’ can begin.”


“Greetings, I am Captain H'roll'ah and this is Ensign Khralhen, our cook.”

“Nice ta meetcha! Cook, huh? Guess we best buddy up to you right quick then!” said the male.  He was average height for a human and perhaps a little on the heavy side, but H'roll'ah knew that it was likely muscle not fat.  After all, this human and one of his female companions were security personnel.

“Always thinking with you stomach, Thomas.  How about you buddy up to the Captain, so that we do not get kicked off this boat? Hmm?” said the smaller female, later identified as Samantha or “Sam” for ease.  "Small" being used only in comparison because she did not have the bulk of her clanmates.  She must be the medical officer.  H'roll'ah was worried that she would be distant from her clanmates but her body language suggested extreme comfort and trust, above what H'roll'ah felt for his own clanmates of different castes.  The third human, Laura if the captain remembered correctly, remained silent but was constantly looking around, as if expecting an attack at any moment, not that strange considering all that H'roll'ah had hear about Earth.

“Well then, please tell me what times that the three of you eat, and I will prepare food for you then.  Also, please tell me any dietary restrictions you have so that you do not have any medical incidents,” Khralhen said, realizing that the humans could be bribed with food as easily as a Con'valix could be bribed with fruits.


(3 Months Later)

Captain H'roll'ah was surprised at how well the humans worked together.  He thought that they might exceed standard human operating efficiency by 10%, but regularly they were 20-25% better than the reported average.  They barely needed to vocalize to communicate, and they were able to remember each other’s needs and the needs of the crew extremely well.  Captain H'roll'ah decided to ask them how they did it, and if it was a clan trait, where he could hire more humans of clan “Walker.”

“Thomas clan Walker, do you have a few minutes to talk about personal matters?” The captain asked, assuming that Thomas would, since he was off shift and relaxing in the lounge.

“Sure thing, hoss.  What can I do for you?  And I hope this isn’t about my or Laura’s tattoo’s, because we had to settle a bet on that a few days ago,” Thomas answered easily.  He was a bit flippant for the captain’s taste, but his results were impeccable and the other humans followed his lead, which spoke volumes for the man.  

“I was hoping that you could explain how you and your clanmates have achieved such a high efficiency rate.  You perform well above average, even for clanmates who grew up together.”

“Clanmates? Oh, that’s right! Sam mentioned that your species, and most species on this ship raise their young in a group setting and the kids hatch from eggs, right?”

“That is correct, and please do not remind me that human females carry their young in their bodies like a parasite.  The last time Sam explained that, it was enough to make all of us wonder how humans have managed to reproduce at all.” H'roll'ah still shuddered when he thought of it, and Khralhen wasn’t able to cook for 3 days after Sam had explained human reproduction.

“Fair enough, I think we reproduce more by accident that anything else, but yeah.  Me, Laura, and Sam are not clanmates like you think,” Thomas chuckled and shook his head, “We are siblings.”

“I do not know this word,” H'roll'ah answered uneasily.  In his experience, an unknown term from a human meant that something painful, gross, horrifying, or all 3 was about to be revealed.

“Sam could explain it better, and having Laura here only seems fair…” Thomas trailed off as he reached for his comm.  "Hey, brats (again with the casual disrespect), can you both get up to the lounge? Captain wants to know about siblings.“ H'roll'ah was always surprised that Thomas clan Walker could be disrespectful when asking for others to do something.

“Sure, be right up,” Sam responded.  She was likely a floor up in the medical facilities and wanted to take a break.

“Grrhhrhhgg.” Laura clan Walker had been sleeping, then, and did not want to come.

“Thanks, ladies, you can both explain family better than me.”  Now the captain was worried again because there was a second new word being bandied around.


“So, captain, a family unit for humans is very small compared to yours of Ensign Khralhen’s,” Sam explained, “A family is usually made up of the mother and/or father or a surrogate who has assumed that role and the children.  It usually numbers no more than 4-7 individuals.”

“But…But…how do you grow or develop? And to place all that burden on only one or two adults, how do they do anything else?” spluttered K'roll'ah.  He was shocked to find out that humans in the region called ‘America’ did not have an open community.

“Well, children who share 1 or both parents are called “siblings”, and they develop together.  The adults are called “parents”, and yeah, there is a definite loss of freedom involved.“

“So then, you three are…siblings?” H'roll'ah asked.

“Yes, Thomas is the oldest, and Laura is the youngest, with me in the middle,” answered Sam, “and our father bailed on us after Laura was 3 years old, so Tom became the ‘man of the house’ at 7 years old.”

THAT explained Thomas clan Walker’s attitude! Captain H'roll'ah realized that Thomas clan Walker had been in a command position and not had a commander from a young age!

“So that is why you both follow him? He is the new leader”

“Kind of, he is just the best at leading.  He knows what to do and does it well.” Laura answered, which was rare; she was the most quiet of the three.

“And the reason for your peak efficiency?” Captain H'roll'ah asked, determined to get an answer to his question.

“Well, we have known each other all our lives and spent most of those lives in close proximity to each other.  We just understand each other from the long familiarity and exposure.”

“Ah, the same way a pilot becomes better from being on the same ship, just with a person instead.”

“Exactly! And if you are interested in hiring others we are familiar with, we have some cousins, children of our parents’ siblings, who we know very well and want to get into space.”

“Then I will look them up, thank you for answering my questions." 

Humans were a strange species.  Instead of focusing on a large community, they developed close bonds with only a few people who share familial ties with them.  Captain H'roll'ah did hire the 'cousins’ and they worked out very well.  The human guidebook was updated to notify captains that humans sharing close blood ties have the potential to perform at higher than normal efficiency.  


Now somebody write a story about a captain hiring siblings who hate/cannot stand each other!


The one thing that I didn’t actually include as a part of my project (and may yet) is something of a timeline of pre-Sundering events. You can find bits and pieces of my thoughts on a timeline throughout my posts, but here’s a rough one for your convenience:

15,000 years BDP: The dark trolls settle along the Well of Eternity’s shores and, over generations, eventually evolve into night elves. 

14,000 years BDP: This was supposedly the date of earliest ‘official’ worship of Elune, which means the elven capital, Elun’dris (later to be renamed Zin-Azshari) may not have even been built until this point. However, primitive worship of Elune combined with loa worship had existed starting from when the elves discovered the Well of Eternity.  

13,000 - 12,000 years BDP: My estimate for when Azshara became queen. The reason there’s not much lore from when before she was queen (or knowledge of other queens) is because the elven empire didn’t really “start” until after she ascended to the throne. Azshara’s reign (which I guess is 2000-3000 years), although incredibly long by human standards, saw the inception and evolution of magical studies, scientific studies, the expansion of the empire across Kalimdor, and so many other things and advancements. The reason I give this date is because Eldre’thalas (a city built primarily to store her secret tomes) was built at her behest approximately 12,000 years ago. Another item, the Highborne Astrolabe, similarly dates back to 12,000 years ago and indicates the existence of scientific studies (which in part answers your question, since the Highborne Astrolabe comes from Suramar, so Suramar is at least 12,000+ years old). 

Unknown BDP: At some point pre-Sundering, there was a conflict between the night elves and the earthen. Not much is known about it except that the power of Black Rook Hold and the Ravencrests turned the war in favor of the night elves, leading the Ravencrest clan (and thus Kur’talos) to be favored of the royalty. Although it never specifies, I’ve conjectured that this happened before Azshara’s reign, or at least early into it. I say that just because post-Azshara, once the Highborne were capable of wielding magic, hardly any sizable conflicts occurred between the night elves and other races until the War of the Ancients. The best example I can give of this is the skirmishes between the Gurubashi trolls and the night elves. Essentially, the trolls were easily overcome by the elves and Azshara could have conquered them if she wanted to, but it wasn’t really worth her time. 

I have some other guesses for why the conflict may be pre-Azshara, but they’re harder to offer as actual evidence. It just has to do with how that event is worded (which is in one of the WotA novels), because nothing is ever said about Azshara or Kur’talos explicitly. Instead, the passage only identifies the “Ravencrests” and “royalty” and, I think, implies that they had some intimate relations. That, however, is not to say Kur’talos and Azshara never had intimate relations themselves, especially since she considered him one of her more favored subjects. 

10,000 years BDP: War of the Ancients! 

To put this all in a little context…

Unfortunately, the age of Tyrande/Illidan/Malfurion is a little vague due to retcons and it wasn’t something I studied for my project so I’m going off of wowpedia sources. The source that I’m pretty sure is outdated states Tyrande is 13,836 years old and the twins about 15,032 (people think it’s outdated because the age gap is ridiculous and other sources since then have said that they grew up together). But to be fair, putting that in the context of this timeline means that Illidan and Malfurion Stormrage would’ve been dark trolls if they were born over 15,000 years ago. Thanks to new Legion lore, however, we can see that’s very obviously not true. In fact, they had priestesses presiding over their birth, which suggests it couldn’t have been any time after14,000 years ago since that’s the date official worship started. 

Apparently the WotA novels state that the trio were only a few decades old by the War of the Ancients, which makes a bit more sense, but the Encyclopedia dis-similarly states that they were some millennia old by the time the War of the Ancients happened. 

Another thing to help out the passage of time: there are three known High Priestesses of Elune up until the War of the Ancients. This includes Haidene, the first High Priestess, Kalo’thera, and Dejahna who died during the war. Kalo’thera was only high priestess “centuries before” the War of the Ancients, however she was considered something of a demigoddess. Since earlier High Priestesses were regarded as living incarnations of Elune, this may suggest that Kalo’thera was on the earlier side of the line of High Priestesses, but that’s hard to really say. 

So going off of that, you could maybe assume that there were over two queens before Azshara came to rule (since I assume queens ruled for about as long as High Priestesses, both being high ranking positions and all). Night elf lifespan is much longer than troll lifespan, but the existence of early troll-elf queens/kings depends on whether or not dark trolls practiced that kind of hierarchy. 

I’m going to edit this post in a bit later to include links to Highborne posts I’ve done in the past, which have more evidence for some of my claims here. However, this is a link to the master post for Highborne cities which also provides a link to Suramar if you want to learn more about its history!

@ everyone: feel free to always aks questions this is the greatest

"i don't say no to this" aka an anon asked for a follow-up to the penis-headcanon masterlist so i give you the "how long they last during sex" masterlist forgive me lord for i have sinned
  • gendry: he's sixteen and def hasn't banged anyone yet so my guess is he lasts about ten seconds. he might be able to get that number up with practice, but he's too busy polishing helmets so it might be a little while before that shit happens.
  • baelish, petyr: he like can't cum if he's focusing on who he's banging, but the second he thinks of himself on the iron throne he cums in like 4 seconds tops.
  • baratheon, renly: he's got stamina, man. he's got stamina.
  • baratheon, robert: depends /entirely/ on how drank he is. which these days is always so not too long. in his glory days, the days of ned thinkin' 'bout how hot his bod is, he lasted longer.
  • baratheon, stannis: he gets it over with as quickly as possible, which, naturally, means he's thinkin' bout the wrong shit so he ends up taking longer than like everyone else on earth combined.
  • bolton, ramsay: it's hit or miss how long he'll take, but it's never when he wants to.
  • bolton, roose: likes to play mind games while he fucks so you literally can't tell. unlike ramsay, and rather like a wizard, he cums exactly when he intends to.
  • clegane, gregor: ew no.
  • clegane, sandor: honestly everyone's so distracted by the fact that he cries during sex every time that they don't notice how long it takes.
  • dayne, arthur: as long as you're not reminding him that his epithet is LITERALLY ONE THAT CONNOTES BONERS he lasts a good long time and'll do you good. if you remind him of that fact he can't get it up and is v embarrassed.
  • dayne, gerold: look, hun, i know we like to make fun of him being darkstar of the night but 1) he's of the night and 2) do you think arianne martell would have banged him if he was no good i think not.
  • khal drogo: "Three quick strokes and it was done."
  • frey, walder: probz like 5-6 minutes or so? HA NOW YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT WALDER FREY HAVING SEX.
  • greyjoy, euron: he probably has the most stamina in asoiaf lbr here. it all comes from that eyepatch.
  • greyjoy, victarion: lasts 10 seconds tops
  • h'ghar, jaqen: depends on which face he's wearing. how long he lasts depends on his persona, and he's very good at staying in character.
  • lannister, jaime: i think after a dry spell he lasts not so long, but he's got a lot of practice with this so i think he can control it. i don't think he thinks of it that way tho.
  • lannister, tyrion: well, tyrion uses sex as an escape for a lot of the horrible shit in his life, so i think it really depends how successful the escapism is at any given moment.
  • lannister, tywin: he doesn't give a shit how long he lasts because the only person he tried to impress with stamina died years ago and he's not exactly a giving lover to the prostitutes he sees.
  • martell, oberyn: i lied. euron greyjoy doesn't have the most stamina. oberyn martell does. but i think he worked it up with ellaria and before then he didn't quite last that long.
  • mormont, jorah: he's super insecure about it so he doesn't think he's lasting very long, but he's not doing too badly.
  • naharis, daario: i'm just sayin', if he lasted through his and dany's night of passion "takin her in every way a man can take a woman" or w/e, i think that speaks for itself.
  • pycelle: i already said he was flaccid in the first list i just thought i'd remind you.
  • qyburn: depends how much experimenting he got done that day.
  • snow, jon: for a 16yo he handles his shit quite well
  • stark, robb: he was having sex so frequently by the end that he lasted longer than some men twice his age i'd say.
  • stark, ned: i'm just remembering that catelyn chapter where it starts with them banging do you guys remember that?
  • targaryen, rhaegar: didn't last long and was a selfish lover bc he's kinda selfish prick period.
  • tarly, samwell: considering he's only had sex once he lasted longer than might be expected.
  • tully, brynden: he probably doesn't need viagra lbr here.
  • tully, edmure: poor lad has performance anxiety.

anonymous asked:

i'd love to see a post on amy pond full-fleshed out if that's something you'd be willing to write? because i think karen was so talented but so much about amy was just told to us and not shown. there's so much still we don't know/understand about her.

Not exactly what you’re asking for, but here’s some Amy. I wrote this out ages ago, but over a series of several random rambly posts, so I thought I’d compile/edit/give them to you here. This about Amy, a bit about Rory and the Doctor, and a lot about River Song.

Someone tell me a bedtime story, someone sing me a lullaby about Amy Pond burning the universe down, searching for her stolen child.

Amy is allowed to be fierce and violent and furious in every timeline but the true one: she is the hardened military officer putting the eyepatch calmly back on Madam Kovarian and leaving her to die in pain; the wearied Girl Who Waited, trapped and furious and refusing to lay down and die.

She is established as a woman with potential for such violence and power in every other world; but in this one, in the timeline that stays, that matters, Amy lets the Doctor drop her and Rory off to play house while he goes and searches for Melody alone.


No. Let Amy rage. Let her conquer, a loyal centurion at her side. She would be glorious.

Let’s tell the story of season six and seven under the assumption that Amy and Rory Pond aren’t the sort who sit at home while someone else searches for their stolen child. Let’s tell it like River is an actual subplot and an actual person, not a flash-bang grenade.

So what happens, if Amy and Rory demand to follow the Doctor into chaos and war after their child? He drops them, just as before, at the house with the nice car, the door painted TARDIS blue.

But this time there’s screaming, not tearful farewells. “I will not get you killed, too!” “This is my child!” cries Amy, “You have no right!” And Rory: “I’ve died before. At least this time it’ll mean something.”

But he leaves them, leaves them anyway, leaves them no choice. This is the Doctor. This is what he does when he loves people, and he loves Amelia Pond.

We can still have the corn maze that shouts DOCTOR to the skies, his rapid landing to make sure they’re not in trouble. We still get young Mels and her reckless gun, charging through the cornfield with Rory and Amy, and commandeering the TARDIS. But this time it’s with Amy raging at her friend’s shoulder, desperate to be part of this fight. This is her child, her search, and she will find Melody Pond or she will burn the universe trying.

(Or even have the TARDIS drag him back to Earth without his consent here. She knows Melody Pond. The TARDIS is going to teach her how to fly one day. I’d love to see the TARDIS thinking of her as family).

“We are finding my baby. Either you’re with us, or we’ll see how well a centurion can fly a TARDIS.”

The Doctor surrenders. He lapses proud and terrified for his Ponds, suspicious of their friend who refuses to back off. He makes her leave the gun, but he can’t manage to get Mels to leave her friends to fight this one alone.

Having a desperate, driving main plot, this furious breathless search, wouldn’t stop us from having DW’s classic one-shot episodes. They land accidentally in that house with the faith monster, spend the same episode trying to escape—just more lives are on the line than just theirs this time. They have someone they need to go save. (I love that one, by the way: Amy’s faith in the Doctor as the literal thing that’s killing her).

Or they’re following up a lead at that fancy spa planet, tracking down some rich benefactor of the Eyepatch Lady. But Amy gets separated, gets stuck in the wrong time stream, and we get The Girl Who Waited.

Or they land on some planet, get the info they need to keep tracking Eyepatch Lady, but something seems wrong. The Doctor wants to investigate, against Amy’s impatient protests. “My baby is alone and scared. We are not going to let her go so you can satisfy your curiosity!”

“Amy, I want to save your child. You know that. But there are children here, too. Remember? You told me once that I was old, and sad, and I’d never let a child cry alone. We will find your Melody. But help me save these children first.”

Except, during all these stories, we have Mels, too, now, this brash, beautiful girl. She’s maybe a bit too violent, maybe has a bit of a bright-eyed death wish. She’s spittingly combative with the Doctor, deeply loyal to Amy, regards Rory with a vast and amused affection.

When the Doctor takes Amy aside, asks her softly to help save these children, too, Mels is staring, staring, glaring. Because she needs to hate this man whose blood she is destined to have on her hands. He’s making it difficult.

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maybe you remember that post i made a few weeks ago where i was very very scared and anxious of going back to school and to a “normal life style”……so now i’ve had my first week of school and i survived it and it actually went pretty well if anyone wanted to know, which you probably didn’t bc you all forgot or don’t care

leupagus  asked:

Trope request! Bilbo/Thorin, snowed-in. Bonus points for girl!Bilbo but I'd be happy with anything.

(Okay, now that I’ve written all this, I feel I have to say: I SWEAR THEY DO GET SNOWED IN SOMEWHERE EVENTUALLY. HANG IN THERE.)

Post-quest, everyone lives but not all is forgiven — it’s not exactly that Bilbo is still angry that Thorin nearly killed her, it’s obvious that he wasn’t in his right mind and that he regrets it, but what she’s really still angry about is that he won’t fucking apologize or ask to be forgiven, he just sort of… takes it as read that he’s forgiven. So she takes her leave of Erebor in a bit of a huff, and tromps off back to the Shire, and gets Bag End back from her relatives (who, incidentally, were looking after it by arrangement, because girl!Bilbo and Lobelia are friends, nobody try and argue with me they just are), and settles in to a happy, peaceful life of having nothing to do with goddamn dwarves.

… Except that they keep getting letters to her. [Ravens? Caravans headed for Ered Luin? I don’t know.] And, well, most of them she does still consider friends; Thorin may be a vain, arrogant pillock, but that doesn’t mean she can’t carry on a correspondence with, say, Ori. (Think of his little face if she returned his letters unopened, after all.) … And Bofur. And Balin. And maybe Kili. And, okay, if she’s perfectly honest, more or less everybody except Thorin. And pretty much every letter she gets from them includes at least a few sentences about how they know Thorin would very much like to hear from her, which she steadfastly ignores for several years, then gets fed up and writes back to Balin that Thorin will hear from her just as soon as he properly apologizes or hell freezes over and she is pretty certain which of those two will happen first so can they please drop the subject — and then Thorin actually writes to her with an apology. It’s not a perfect apology, but it’s an effort, at least. And it seems more or less sincere. And it does actually appear to be his own handwriting (she checks, because frankly she wouldn’t put it past Kili to try and forge something like this). And from that point, she does carry on a correspondence with him as well — their letters are a bit more formal and cautiously-worded than her letters to the rest of the Company, but they do gradually warm up and lose their undercurrent of prickly tension, and at least they’re staying in touch.

And eventually, late one fall, there’s some need for Thorin, with a party of other Erebor nobility (which mainly means “whichever members of the Company he feels like bringing”), to travel to Ered Luin, and since they’re still in touch with Bilbo of course it makes sense for them to stop at Bag End for a little while — Lobelia comes and stays as well, to chaperone — during which time Bilbo, for whatever reason, has to briefly go and visit her Aunt Mirabella in Buckland and leave the dwarves unsupervised in her home. So she goes off, leaving lots of notes all over the place about what to eat, where various useful household items are, whom to talk to if they run short of anything or need to do any shopping, and so forth, and most importantly how far away she’ll be and when to expect her back.

Only, the day before she’s supposed to be back, the weather suddenly turns nasty – wind, ice, and snow, to a degree unheard of in the Shire since the Fell Winter. And there’s a bit of moping among the dwarves – “Aw, she’ll be snowed in in where-d'you-call-it, we won’t have the pleasure of her company for ages” – but no one is particularly worried about it, until Thorin actually looks at the map and it occurs to him that it would take at least two days to cover that distance on foot, and that the weather was nice enough two days ago that an unsuspecting hobbit might have confidently set out for a long walk, and he becomes absolutely convinced that Bilbo is at this very moment buried in a snowbank somewhere along the road to Buckland, freezing to death.

So he immediately sets off – by himself, of course, because [reasons I haven’t thought of yet. The rest of the dwarves were out of the house at the moment he had this realization, maybe? And obviously this CANNOT WAIT] – and follows the road she should have taken, searching the entire way for any sign of her, and three days later fetches up in Buckland to discover Bilbo safely ensconced in Brandy Hall, absolutely baffled that Thorin would have thought she’d risk the roads when there was obviously a storm coming. (“But… you… it was sunny and nice and–” “Thorin, for heaven’s sake, hobbits are farmers. How do you think we’d have managed all this time without having some sense for the weather?” “But I didn’t know it was going to snow!” “Yes, well, those of us who don’t live underground have rather more experience in this area.”)

At which point it occurs to Thorin that now he and Bilbo are snowed in at Brandy Hall, and also that, between the cold and the wet and the strenuous pace he set himself and the three days of sustained panic, he’s not feeling very well. Which is how the two of them end up spending nearly the entire winter in Buckland, while Thorin recovers from a nasty chill and Bilbo looks after him and frets a lot, and also how Bilbo ends up accepting a proposal of marriage not in her own cozy hobbit-hole, and not in her beloved’s beautiful golden city, but in a rather cramped guest-bedroom in a distant relative’s home with a half-dozen of her cousins spying at the keyhole.