Major news in todays WWD!! I’m so proud to announce that not only am I now represented as a model by NOMAD MGMT but I’ve taken a management and ownership stake in the company! In my role at NOMAD I’ll help guide the agency as we adapt to the ever-changing face of fashion and technology and I’ll also be available on a personal level as a mentor for all of our models, something I’ve done unofficially for many years now. As we build our roster of talent I’ll be heavily involved in scouting new talent and thinking outside the box on who a model can be in 2016! After 14 years of modeling and having seen what does and doesn’t work I’m thrilled to come together with a group of managers that I’ve personally admired and respected for many years to establish NOMAD as the type of agency we feel the industry is missing right now. Personal attention, guidance and strategy by managers with real world experience in the global fashion markets will be our hallmark. So excited to begin… #nomadmgmt
It’s been amazing getting away from my sheltered life. Over two weeks in London was hectic because we were on a schedule, but I only had one tiny anxiety attack, I was able to eat without difficulty, and other than pre-planned activities and events, I was my own woman. Once I learned (all of a sudden and with little difficulty) how to get around using the London Underground by myself, there was no stopping me. I don’t think I’ve ever been that independent. Back in Minnesota, we live so far out, over a half hour from the city, work, university, my friends in the Twin Cities. I have no licence and if I had one I would have to borrow my parent’s SUV anyhow. As much as I’m not a city person, getting around by myself on public transport to anywhere I wanted to go was an incredible experience. I could decide where I went and what I did and what I bought and I could spend time on my own without having to answer to anyone. I didn’t have to explain myself. Part of me feels guilty for wanting that. I didn’t feel guilty at the time, I felt amazing, but now that I’m back “home” I feel hopeless again. I feel truly sad. London isn’t my home, not as Dorset is, but it brought out all my confidence and made me feel that my life meant something. I could function on my own, I could go out and get myself food or a book, or send a postcard, or go and see something special. I’ve never functioned on my own like that before and I desperately need that back. It’s not right that I have to sacrifice that. My mom said she’s hurt that I want to move out. I want to move out because of the way my parents have no control over their emotions, their unreasonable natures, the fact that I have to explain literally everything I do, as well as needing the freedom to take care of myself completely. I can’t go back to the dependency I have on them. And the main reason for that is, when I was away from them I confirmed my theory that I could take care of myself completely, with efficiency and responsibility. I’m literally not dependent on them. It’s only because they’re here that I use them for transport, and that they cook meals and want me to come to dinner. And also I can’t afford to move out. Freedom means “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.” With my parents, I hold back my opinions, my desires, my needs, because of the way they will act or question me. In London I just got dressed and put my makeup on without someone saying “are you going somewhere?” In London I could sit on the hotel bed and watch a few minutes of something on YouTube before I went to breakfast without being told “you should be doing schoolwork.” In London I could walk down the street for a tea or sandwich without being asked “what are you going to get?” In London I could get on the tube without anyone asking me “where are you going?” In London I could be responsible for myself without anyone questioning how I functioned. Since I’ve been back, I chatted to my parents about a professor thinking a previous paper of mine was good enough for a conference. Conferences are often out of state. Mom, although nicely, said something to the effect of, “you want an opportunity to get away from us.” On the one hand she says she wants me to be independent, but on the other she challenges my need for freedom. And when I say freedom I don’t mean the selfish, wild, irresponsible freedom she seems to think, I mean the freedom to function on my own. It’s not a crime for me to want freedom. Now all I have to do is get that freedom back.
There are big terrible problems in the world, that one is not terribly empowered to solve, and those suck a lot. But, there are many around one, where you can have more agency than it might seem like, it does take looking for ways of granting yourself agency.