agave points

Desert Witch’s Get The Fuck Away From Me Spell: Part 3

Someone who was very close to me for many years and then hurt me very badly recently told me that I’ve been on her mind.  I absolutely do not want this, and I just felt dirty knowing that I was on the mind of someone who uses me.  So I came up with a 3 part spell to redirect her energy away from me.

Part 1
Part 2

Part 3: Thorny protection

Now that the unwanted person is distracted by the decoy and you’ve rendered yourself invisible to them, it’s time to protect yourself.  This is when the yucca spines come in.  
Take the 7 of Cups Tarot card and surround it with the yucca spines.  I also took some spines from dry agave leaves.  Soft points surround the 7 of Cups, sharp points aim outward.  I directed a bunch of them north-by-northeast where my unwanted person resides.
Cut a bit of hair, trim your nails, etc. and put that bit of you on top of the 7 of Cups.  Now, leaving that unhealthy relationship behind, you are protected.  I also took a pendant of the Virgin Mary and lay that on top of my hair clipping for additional protection.

And that’s all!  My main piece of advice is to refrain from thinking about the unwanted person as soon as you set out your decoy.  Do not draw their attention back to you, as that would only undo all this work.

anonymous asked:

You should do another recipe

Ok, you asked for it


A+ Number 1 Taco Meat

Bloom These Whole Spices:

  • ½ cinnamon stick
  • 1 tsp coriander seeds
  • ½ tsp cumin seeds
  • 1 whole dried red chile
  • 6 whole cloves
  • 3 whole allspice berries 

1. Collect whole spices in a small cast iron or heavy bottomed frying pan.

2. Slide the pan back and forth over moderate heat to keep the spices moving as you bloom until:

  • the cumin is light brown
  • the coriander seeds are brown
  • the cloves and allspice berries are fragrant 
  • the chile is soft and blotched with black sections
  • the cinnamon stick is blotched and starts to unroll
  • (These may happen at different times. The smaller spices like the cumin and cloves will bloom first. Once they are done, put them in a bowl and continue until all the spices are bloomed. This is the part of the recipe that can be endlessly refined: blooming spices is a bottomless art and the balance of flavors can be minutely adjusted if you get good at it.)

3. Grind the bloomed spices in a mortar or a rotary coffee grinder. If you use the latter it will become a spice grinder for the rest of its life. You’re looking for an even powder with no visible seeds or fibers. Both arms should be tired and cramping by the time you’re done with the pestle. 

3a. If you do it in a mortar there will be an amazing cloud of steam and smoke as you first crush the cumin. Stick your face in this. 

4. Combine these freshly ground spices in a bowl with:

These Ground Spices:

  • 1/3 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/3 tsp cayenne pepper
  • ½ tsp sweet paprika
  • ½ tsp freshly ground black pepper
  • ½ tsp freshly grated nutmeg

5. You should now have about a third of a cup of very dark and fragrant spices. Cover it with saran wrap. 

6. Mince:

  • 2 white onions
  • 6 cloves garlic

7. Over medium-high heat, melt a spoonful of lard or reserved bacon fat in a non-stick skillet. If you dislike lard, use butter or ghee.

8. When the fat is up to temperature, sauté the onions and garlic until very dark and almost completely caramelized. Add a few pinches of salt at the beginning to hasten the release of water. Reduce the heat as the sauté cooks down to avoid blackening the onions. Use the spatula to spread the darkening sauté into a thin layer (this will promote even cooking and speedy caramelization.) The sauté will take about forty minutes to caramelize properly. Towards the end of the process it must be stirred over low heat almost continuously. 

9. Set the caramelized sauté aside. You will have around a cup. 

10. In the same skillet, dirty with fond from the onions, heat another spoonful of lard or bacon fat over medium-high heat. 

11. When the fat is up to temperature add:

  • 1 lb ground turkey thigh meat (ground turkey breast doesn’t work)

12. Break up the dried-ramen looking brick of ground turkey with a spoon or spatula. Give the fond a little scrape to coat the broken-up meat. Spread the turkey out into a layer that completely covers the surface of the skillet. This will turn the meat white and unappetizing as it begins to steam. Don’t worry. Leave this pale turkey disk to cook for a minute or two. 

13. Using a large spatula, incise a diameter line in the turkey disk. Fold the turkey over on itself like an omelette. Half of the skillet should now be empty. If you fuck this part up and the disc breaks apart, just scramble the ruins and pile them to one side.

14. Tilt the skillet such that the turkey semicircle is raised off the flame and the empty half of the skillet remains in it. Angle the skillet as steeply as you can without letting the turkey slide down into the hot part of the skillet. The idea here is to drain as much juice as possible from the turkey into the empty half of the skillet. 

15. Turn up the heat and allow the collected juices to boil and reduce. The juices will initially look nasty, clear and flecked with white scum. As the juices start to boil, it will begin to foam. The foam will subside as the gelatin in the juices becomes more concentrated. The juices will become dark brown as more water evaporates and somewhat gooey as the gelatin begins to thicken it. You’re done when you have around a third of a cup of concentrated stock. It should smell intensely Thanksgivingish. The darker and thicker you can make it, the better. 

16. Once the stock is concentrated, 

  • reduce heat to medium
  • return the skillet to its conventional angle with the range
  • mix the meat with the stock. It will coat the meat and add a good deal of color. 

17. Reduce heat to low. Add the spices. Stir for a minute to coat the meat.

18. This is the moment to put as much crust on the meat as you prefer. Overcooking the meat here will turn it into hard and spicy pellets, so be careful.

19. Add the sauté to the meat. Stir for five minutes to combine. 

20. Adjust seasoning with:

  • pickling or other fine salt
  • more fresh ground black pepper
  • dark agave nectar. You will be surprised how sweet the meat can become while maintaining balance with the hot spices. Depending on your patience in caramelizing the sauté you’ll need less sweetness at this stage. If you’re a real shit you can can fake the caramelization with a lot of dark agave nectar at this point. 

21. Wrap corn or corn-flour blend tortillas in a clean dishtowel and sprinkle the cloth with more water than you’d think. Microwave this for a minute or two until the cloth starts to puff up with steam. 

21a. Alternatively, toast individual corn tortillas over a gas range burner until slightly blotched and floppy (the idea behind heating tortillas at all is to decrystallize the starch, which gives cold tortillas their disgusting texture and taste.)

22. Serve meat on one corn-flour tortilla or two corn tortillas with:

◦ Pico de gallo:

  • 1 minced and seeded jalapeño
  • 2 diced and seeded tomatoes, pref. those sold on the vine 
  • ½ white onion, chopped
  • 1 fistful of cilantro, minced
  • 1 tbsp white vinegar
  • 1 whole lime, juiced
  • salt to taste
  • ground black pepper
  • combine with a fork until mixed

◦ Avocado slices

◦ Grated queso fresco

◦ More lime juice

◦ More ground black pepper

◦ This hot sauce.

◦ Maybe some smoked salt or something

They’ll look like this: